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Snow Burning
白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 22:14:07    Post subject: Snow Burning Reply with quote

Snow Burning

“Snow burning, snow burning”
wind whispers.
but I could not find,
where are the fire?

“Snow burning, snow burning”
wind blows.
I close my eyes,
but could not feel,
the smoke and the warmth.

“Snow burning, snow burning”
the wind cries.
I look around,
ashes cover ashes,
lay down on the land,
and I hearing that
a bird singing on a tree:

“Snow burning,
the snow burning.”
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kino
秀才


Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection
PostPosted: 2008-02-23 23:35:42    Post subject: Reply with quote

Snow Burning
雪在燃烧

“Snow burning, snow burning”
wind whispers.
but I could not find,
where are the fire?
“雪在燃烧,雪在燃烧”
风轻轻地说
但是我却看不到
火在哪里?

“Snow burning, snow burning”
wind blows.
I close my eyes,
but could not feel,
the smoke and the warmth.
“雪在燃烧,雪在燃烧”
风掠过
我闭上眼睛
却不能感觉
那烟和温暖

“Snow burning, snow burning”
the wind cries.
I look around,
ashes cover ashes,
lay down on the land,
and I hearing that
a bird singing on a tree:
“雪在燃烧,雪在燃烧”
风呼号着
我环顾四周
灰烬成堆
躺在这片大地上
我听到
鸟儿在枝头吟唱


“Snow burning,
the snow burning.”
“雪儿在燃烧,
那雪在燃烧”。

Very Happy 边读边译~~~
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-24 03:34:43    Post subject: Reply with quote

谢谢你, 我懒了一下, 没译成中文. Very Happy
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kino
秀才


Joined: 23 Dec 2006
Posts: 411
Location: beijing
kinoCollection
PostPosted: 2008-02-25 05:35:54    Post subject: Reply with quote

白水 Moonlight wrote:
谢谢你, 我懒了一下, 没译成中文. Very Happy

翻的不好,莫怪~~
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Lake
举人


Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection
PostPosted: 2008-02-25 13:13:11    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kino 快手快脚。

改语法错误比改诗容易。像这两句:

Quote:
but I could not find,
where are the fire?


but I could not find
where the fire is.

or simply,

but I could not find
the fire.

Quote:
and I hearing that
a bird singing on a tree:


and I hear
a bird singing on a tree

当然只是个人意见,其他人可能有不同的看法。你的诗,你决定。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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白水
大学士


Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-25 13:51:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

lake, thanks a lot. i will think it carefuly, after i complete my homework Sad Very Happy
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William Zhou周道模
探花


Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection
PostPosted: 2008-02-28 17:13:34    Post subject: Reply with quote

i like to read the poem aloud!

"lay down on the land"---- on the ground ?
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模
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