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| 现代诗歌 | | 落尘诗社 | | 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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 The forgiving wood
饒木
核桃鉗收緊的時候
猴子在枝子
吱吱叫
樹上
落下許多淚
而木魚游入
和尚突然開竅
放下小槌
耳朵向外大喊：
我看見‘破’了
The forgiving wood
Nutcracker tightening
chattering up and down
monkeys on the branches
Off the tree
leaves fall in
to tears
the wooden fish
swims in
The monk sud
denly comes to
stick held down
His ears shout out:
I saw it, the 'break'
The nut opens
2011-04-01 16:56:47 |
| Lake ?2011-04-02 18:16:20?? |  |
禅诗？
| 引用: |
Off the tree
leaves fall in
to tears
the wooden fish
swims in
The monk sud
denly comes to
stick held down |
断行把单字都“破”开了，又没加连字号，读得好辛苦。
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| 博弈 ?2011-04-02 18:30:41?? | |
哈哈. 不然怎麼叫"饒", 第一遍肯定不行的.
不饒不破.
自己說
若食堯, 則析木(玩析字詩解). 核桃肉像腦的組織, 堯字也像腦的組織(腦隨向下延).
核桃戴緊箍兒, 樹葉如淚, 悟空又對等木魚形上, 木字析成, 入上下大小.
木魚為聲游入葉淚成河. 尾段頭殼即木魚. 有較新的提喻, 通感隱喻修辭運用.
前晚寫了個雙語版, 則在猴與僧(monkey and monk)上著力,
亦在瘋與堅果(nut and nuts)上隱喻. 借第二語言解詩一類.
"stick held down", 也有放下堅持的隱喻.
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| Lake ?2011-04-03 09:22:24?? | |
这类诗的读者群是谁？sureal?
不过以析字写诗倒是写出了新意，破了旧框框。不知是否知音难求？
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| 博弈 ?2011-04-03 13:29:19?? | |
喝, 博弈寫詩哪管讀者?
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| Lake ?2011-04-03 13:40:09?? | |
曲高和寡。自己找乐子。
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| 博弈 ?2011-04-03 14:05:24?? | |
其實. 不高, 有進入障礙是真的, 但這障礙是過去的詩造成的, 不是我造成的.
讀詩的人心中已經有詩的拘束, 不自由了, 所以有障礙, 讀到不同的東西就難進入了.
讀者要讀每一篇詩都像是人生第一次讀詩一般, 那就容易進入想像的空間.
這個論點我以前提過. 當時即筆, 大致原則還是不離的.
| 引用: |
本文
在我眼中，是么是好诗？这个问题人言人殊，但似又殊途同归。[1][2][3]
旅途即笔。（会不会太短？Very Happy 以参与的精神简论 ）
注
[1] 诗的零架构
这是一个我比较喜欢的观点，零可以大爆炸，可以建构，可以归零。
诗的零架构，简单来说就是诗文本身定义了诗的结构与形式。诗的
结构有时是历时而形成的韵文诗，适合唱和的谣、词，或无韵的精美散文，
或解构后的口语化的诗，个人创作的诗法诗，等等。界定的范围若以法律
来比喻，好像国际法，国家法，地方法，个人法，约定俗成的而各自遵守
在所定义的范围内。诗内的每一个字，词，句，段有二度语言或更高的
相互联系关系。循此，任何一首诗，或诗别都可以解析或再开发。
[2] 架构里所承载的东西
架构里所承载的东西是思想，是感情，是歌颂，叙事等等，每一个字，词，
句，段对于共存于一诗的缘分，起了纯化，美化的联想，这个缘分的结合并对
所赋予的思想，感情，歌颂，等等产生大于各自字，词，句，段所涵盖的意义。
[3] 何谓好诗
字词的音调，色调，形象，意象起了和谐的搭配，且文字内在的交谈产生
更丰富的内涵就是好诗。罗兰?巴特的五个语码（选择语码、意素语码、
文化语码、阐释语码、象征语码）不失为解读新诗的一个起点。这样的
后设解读，是无法完全抓住写作者的本意，只能不断的拟近，但读者的
介入，使诗文有了开放的意义。
具体例子
All Souls' Night by W.B. Yeats
Midnight has come and the great Christ Church bell
And many a lesser bell sound through the room;
And it is All Souls' Night.
And two long glasses brimmed with muscatel
Bubble upon the table. A ghost may come;
For it is a ghost's right,
His element is so fine
Being sharpened by his death,
To drink from the wine-breath
While our gross palates drink from the whole wine.
但这里只提第一段，这十段都有一个相同的‘形式’，1，2，4，5，10行都是较长的。
第一段 1，2 如钟声的 重音，头尾两行如墙；室内有酒，有钟声。
这第一个 stanza （like a room) 定义了以下所有段落的形式，有形式喻在内。
又，段的韵式，（1，2） 和 （4，5） ，（3）和（6）。（7）和（10），（8）和（9）行是押的。
我把这一段加上了颜色，方便看；余段类似，各室（stanza)定各韵。
这一首诗，虽未守传统的韵式，却涵盖了上所提的每一个因素，故是好诗。
当然，不必完全符合也可能是好诗。 |
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| 博弈 ?2011-04-03 22:52:14?? | |
As to English poetry, the above views coincide with professor of poetry
Michael Schmidt at U. of Glasgow, UK. I am reading some of his edited books,
good to find out some feel the same. So, I am not alone.
Extracted
"No good poem makes common sense; the essence of a good poem is
the uncommonness of the sense it makes. It is a structuring of words in which many meanings,
or meanings at many levels are enacted."
"You should open to these poems with no preconceptions and be open to enjoyment they can bring" (referring to the 20th century poetry, in the book
"The Great Modern Poets in their own words")
Going back to my old view, a poem is unique, can't be
copied, imitated, taught. 
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| Lake ?2011-04-04 07:30:31?? | |
I wish I could put your thinking cap on when writing. I mean it!
To clarify, I was not saying this poem is not good, I was saying it's not easy to understand. Maybe it is just me because I don't see other people jump in to comment, assuming the difficulty of understanding is not their problem at all.
"the uncommonness of the sense it makes" - I like it. A good poem still makes sense, but just the uncommonness of the sense. Or does a poem have to make any sense??? Still thinking...Thanks for the Extracted.
PS: Honestly, I find your explanation is more interesting to read.
PPS: Any writing that I could not come up with is unique in my eye, regardless if I like it or not.
PPPS: What is a good poem? Just an example: a first prize poem in a poetry competition judged by a so called poet with credentials is but trite, tasteless to others' eyes. That's very interesting.
End:Lao-tzu said "He who knows does not speak". Obviously, I don't know nothing.
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| 博弈 ?2011-04-04 08:08:34?? | |
Internet somehow developed a very different view on how a poem be like,
we should once a while return to people in teachings of this practice and
critics; we can verify thoughts there, though not obligated
This poem is unique, good or bad? I don't care.
But, thanks for your comment, indeed.
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