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Maple Review Home -> 西方文学　Western Literature

朝阳下的树 A TREE UNDER THE MORNING SUN

非马
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006
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Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection

Posted: 2007-07-16 14:03:30 Post subject: 朝阳下的树 A TREE UNDER THE MORNING SUN

朝阳下的树我笑千百种笑当晨风吹过欢欣鼓舞不克自持用不着回头我便知道是你我爱又一次把我生命的阴影投落地面深情的眼光炙烫我裸露的颈背 A TREE UNDER THE MORNING SUN I laugh a thousand laughs in the morning wind my whole body shakes and trembles with joy I know it's you dear casting my shadow to the ground your gaze burns upon my nape _________________ 欢迎访问<非马艺术世界> http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2007-07-16 15:01:10 Post subject:

SO ROMANTIC

戴玨
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Joined: 03 Jan 2007
Posts: 808

戴玨Collection

Posted: 2007-07-17 00:50:28 Post subject:

較喜歡英文版，相對而言更加流暢簡練。 _________________ I labour by singing light 我的blog 我的專欄

Lake
举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-07-17 09:37:00 Post subject:

I too feel the English version flows better and more natural. Thanks, Lake _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

溪语
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Joined: 16 Mar 2007
Posts: 509
Location: 中国恩施
溪语Collection

Posted: 2007-07-17 16:32:40 Post subject:

用不着回头我便知道是你我爱又一次把我生命的阴影投落地面 _________________ 溪语的博客:家住鄂西

奥冬
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Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 239
Location: 河北邢台
奥冬Collection

Posted: 2007-07-18 16:35:29 Post subject:

激情四溢 _________________ 地址: 054001 河北省邢台市天一城8-1-703 　苏晓东。博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/a10z90

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-24 01:27:46 Post subject:

请问非马先生：此诗是汉译英还是英译汉？我读时觉得英诗要好些，再看评者意见果然大致相同。 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

非马
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection

Posted: 2007-07-24 04:50:50 Post subject:

你好!这是一首早期写的诗,一直不太满意.最近为了制作幻灯片,把它翻译成英文,同时把中文版又做了些修改.还是不太满意. _________________ 欢迎访问<非马艺术世界> http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-07-24 06:22:45 Post subject:

作为尝试，我把非马先生的英诗直译出来，请大家讨论。朝阳下的树清晨的风中我笑了千百次的笑我的全身都在快乐地摇动和颤栗知道是你亲爱的把我的生命投影地面你的目光在炙烫我的颈背 _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2007-07-25 08:00:49 Post subject:

一直欣赏非马先生的双语创作诗歌，中英文诗都非常地道。

这首诗给我的感觉是大自然和人合二为一。

中诗给我不太顺的感觉可能是这两句：

Quote:

我笑千百种笑当晨风吹过

用不着回头我便知道是你我爱

英文的
I laugh a thousand laughs

有类似的表达，如：
I smile a big smie

而中文
我笑千百种笑

我好像没见过。（of course it doesn't mean others cannot say it that way just because you have never seen it before.)

英文的
I know it's you dear

很简洁。

而中文
我便知道是你我爱

读这句时，我试着在不同的地方断句:我便知道是你/我爱, 我便知道是/你我爱? 糊涂了。

It is only me, others may have different or opposite opinions.

Anyway, thanks for the poem.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

奥冬
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Joined: 09 Mar 2007
Posts: 239
Location: 河北邢台
奥冬Collection

Posted: 2007-07-29 00:16:22 Post subject:

把“我爱”改成“亲爱的”如何？“用不着回头我便知道是你亲爱的” _________________ 地址: 054001 河北省邢台市天一城8-1-703 　苏晓东。博客：http://blog.sina.com.cn/a10z90

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2007-07-29 13:41:05 Post subject:

拜读问好；）。。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

abc
童生

Joined: 31 Jul 2007
Posts: 13

abcCollection

Posted: 2007-07-31 07:01:28 Post subject: 问好

非马
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection

Posted: 2007-08-18 16:54:54 Post subject:

谢谢诸位的阅评.奥冬的建议“用不着回头我便知道是你亲爱的”是可避免一些误解. _________________ 欢迎访问<非马艺术世界> http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

William Zhou周道模
探花

Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模Collection

Posted: 2007-08-19 06:44:17 Post subject:

我读了比较多的非马先生自译的双语诗，我发觉你比较喜欢“意译”，有时一个句子都可以不翻。请问：你是怎样理解和表现“信、达、雅”的？ _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

非马
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006
Posts: 907
Location: 芝加哥
非马Collection

Posted: 2007-08-19 07:59:16 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

我读了比较多的非马先生自译的双语诗，我发觉你比较喜欢“意译”，有时一个句子都可以不翻。请问：你是怎样理解和表现“信、达、雅”的？

与其说是翻译,我更大程度上是再创作.处理自己的作品,便有这点自由.当然,我还是尽可能做到“信、达、雅”这个理想目标的.
_________________
欢迎访问<非马艺术世界>
http://feima.yidian.org/bmz.htm

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