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Maple Review Home -> 西方文学　Western Literature

The poem for you

白水
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Posted: 2011-01-02 15:55:37 Post subject: The poem for you

The poem for you (1) Do you really want to know the truth ? yes, I was crying, after I read your message the new year just came, why are you so upset? please look look at me, look deep into the brown eyes under the cover to find a fountain it will clean your distress (2) I'd like to say my favourite flower is a snowflake look, look at her in the chilly winter she buries the death of late autumn by using her white soul when birds awaken the spring flowers she drifts away with a sweet smile (3) You never mind two-penny compliment no matter you have gotten it or not everyday, your sweat waters an apple tree just wait wait for the apples falling down into children's hands how wonderful a dream you hide in the heart

qinghongh
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Posted: 2011-01-02 17:08:04 Post subject:

(2) I'd like to say my favourite flower is a snowflake look, look at her in the chilly winter she buries the death of late autumn by using her white soul when birds awaken the spring flowers she drifts away with a sweet smile If it is already the winter, buries or buried?

William Zhou周道模
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Joined: 10 Jun 2007
Posts: 3950
Location: 中国四川广汉
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Posted: 2011-01-02 17:33:29 Post subject:

深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句： my favourite flower is a snowflake she buries the death of late autumn by using her white soul _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱. 周道模

Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

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Posted: 2011-01-02 18:29:10 Post subject:

"wait the apples falling down in children's hands " wait for the apples... "she buries the death of late autumn by using her white soul " with her ... _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2011-01-02 21:00:54 Post subject:

qinghongh wrote:

(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul

when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile

If it is already the winter,
buries or buried?
...

Hi， qinghonh, thank you very much for you read it carefully. I think the snowflake have to bury the death of late autumn again and again. sorry, just joking Wink

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2011-01-02 21:04:12 Post subject:

William Zhou周道模 wrote:

深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句：

my favourite flower is a snowflake

she buries the death of late autumn

by using her white soul

...

Hi, William
Thanks for your encorengment

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2011-01-02 21:10:30 Post subject:

Lake wrote:

"wait the apples falling down in children's hands ".

wait for the apples...

"she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul "

with her ...
_________________

...

Hi, Lake

Thank you for the suggestion, a poem can use different words to describe, maybe we could keep both.

Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

LakeCollection

Posted: 2011-01-03 07:06:22 Post subject:

白水 Moonlight wrote:

a poem can use different words to describe,

同意。

我的建议只是想弄得更好，如果没有理解错的话。

‘with her white soul' 比 ’by using her white soul' 简洁。少了一个词，少了两个音节。

通常说 wait for something to happen...
除非这里是其它的意思。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2011-01-03 16:00:03 Post subject:

问好Lake，非常感谢你认真的切磋与探讨，这对提高我们的写作水平很有帮助。同时也非常感谢peace, qinghongh，William，戴玨及其他朋友和老师给与的帮助与鼓励。诗歌于我，只是玩儿，而论坛于我，是写字板，更是友情的存储箱，它保存着你们的这些宝贵的建议，探讨与鼓励。今后回首，当是美好的回忆。新年快乐

hepingdao
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Joined: 25 May 2006
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Posted: 2011-01-03 19:50:07 Post subject:

happy new year _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫!

白水
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Posted: 2011-01-03 21:01:22 Post subject:

you too

白水
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Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
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Posted: 2011-01-09 08:46:19 Post subject: teacher's suggestion

The poem for you (1) Do you really want to know the truth? Yes, I was crying, after I read your message the new year just came, why are you so upset? please look look at me, look deep into the brown eyes under the cover to find a fountain It will clean your distress (2) I'd like to say my favourite flower is a snowflake look, look at her in the chilly winter she buries the death of late autumn by using her white soul when birds awaken the spring flowers she drifts away with a sweet smile (3) You never mind a two-cent compliment no matter if you have received it or not everyday, your sweet waters an apple tree just wait wait the apples are falling down into children's hands What a wonderful dream you hide in the heart

连南河
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Joined: 30 Aug 2008
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Posted: 2011-02-06 06:56:29 Post subject:

A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR！ _________________ 一路雨丝一路风

白水
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Posted: 2011-02-09 17:34:20 Post subject:

连南河 wrote:

A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM!

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR！

Hi, happy new year Very Happy

宁家珍
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Posted: 2011-02-10 06:21:58 Post subject:

(2) I'd like to say my favourite flower is a snowflake look, look at her in the chilly winter she buries the death of late autumn by using her white soul when birds awaken the spring flowers she drifts away with a sweet smile How delightful the poem is! Happy New Year!

白水
大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006
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Location: TORONTO
白水Collection

Posted: 2011-02-12 20:46:56 Post subject:

Thanks, happy new year.

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