白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-02 15:55:37 Post subject: The poem for you |
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The poem for you
(1)
Do you really want to know the truth ?
yes, I was crying, after I read your message
the new year just came, why are you so upset?
please look
look at me, look deep into the brown eyes
under the cover
to find a fountain
it will clean your distress
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
(3)
You never mind two-penny compliment
no matter you have gotten it or not
everyday, your sweat waters an apple tree
just wait
wait for the apples falling down into children's hands
how wonderful a dream
you hide in the heart |
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qinghongh 榜眼
Joined: 14 Oct 2007 Posts: 4110
qinghonghCollection |
Posted: 2011-01-02 17:08:04 Post subject: |
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(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
If it is already the winter,
buries or buried? |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
Joined: 10 Jun 2007 Posts: 3950 Location: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-02 17:33:29 Post subject: |
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深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句:
my favourite flower is a snowflake
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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Lake 举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
Posted: 2011-01-02 18:29:10 Post subject: |
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"wait the apples falling down in children's hands "
wait for the apples...
"she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul "
with her ... _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-02 21:00:54 Post subject: |
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qinghongh wrote: |
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
If it is already the winter,
buries or buried?
... |
Hi, qinghonh, thank you very much for you read it carefully. I think the snowflake have to bury the death of late autumn again and again. sorry, just joking  |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-02 21:04:12 Post subject: |
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William Zhou周道模 wrote: |
深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句:
my favourite flower is a snowflake
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
... |
Hi, William
Thanks for your encorengment |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-02 21:10:30 Post subject: |
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Lake wrote: |
"wait the apples falling down in children's hands ".
wait for the apples...
"she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul "
with her ...
_________________
... |
Hi, Lake
Thank you for the suggestion, a poem can use different words to describe, maybe we could keep both. |
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Lake 举人

Joined: 09 Jan 2007 Posts: 1286
LakeCollection |
Posted: 2011-01-03 07:06:22 Post subject: |
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白水 Moonlight wrote: |
a poem can use different words to describe, |
同意。
我的建议只是想弄得更好,如果没有理解错的话。
‘with her white soul' 比 ’by using her white soul' 简洁。 少了一个词,少了两个音节。
通常说 wait for something to happen...
除非这里是其它的意思。 _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-03 16:00:03 Post subject: |
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问好Lake,非常感谢你认真的切磋与探讨, 这对提高我们的写作水平很有帮助。同时也非常感谢peace, qinghongh,William,戴玨及其他朋友和老师给与的帮助与鼓励。诗歌于我,只是玩儿,而论坛于我, 是写字板,更是友情的存储箱, 它保存着你们的这些宝贵的建议,探讨与鼓励。今后回首,当是美好的回忆。
新年快乐 |
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hepingdao Site Admin

Joined: 25 May 2006 Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
Posted: 2011-01-03 19:50:07 Post subject: |
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happy new year
 _________________ 为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫! |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-03 21:01:22 Post subject: |
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you too  |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-01-09 08:46:19 Post subject: teacher's suggestion |
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The poem for you
(1)
Do you really want to know the truth?
Yes, I was crying, after I read your message
the new year just came, why are you so upset?
please look
look at me, look deep into the brown eyes
under the cover
to find a fountain
It will clean your distress
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
(3)
You never mind a two-cent compliment
no matter if you have received it or not
everyday, your sweet waters an apple tree
just wait
wait the apples are falling down into children's hands
What a wonderful dream
you hide in the heart |
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连南河 秀才
Joined: 30 Aug 2008 Posts: 342 Location: Toronto 连南河Collection |
Posted: 2011-02-06 06:56:29 Post subject: |
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A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! _________________ 一路雨丝一路风 |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-02-09 17:34:20 Post subject: |
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连南河 wrote: |
A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! |
Hi, happy new year
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宁家珍 秀才

Joined: 20 May 2009 Posts: 470 Location: 中国黄山 宁家珍Collection |
Posted: 2011-02-10 06:21:58 Post subject: |
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(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
How delightful the poem is!
Happy New Year! |
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白水 大学士

Joined: 02 Oct 2006 Posts: 14102 Location: TORONTO 白水Collection |
Posted: 2011-02-12 20:46:56 Post subject: |
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Thanks, happy new year.
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