白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
 發錶於: 2011-01-02 15:55:37 發錶主題: The poem for you |
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The poem for you
(1)
Do you really want to know the truth ?
yes, I was crying, after I read your message
the new year just came, why are you so upset?
please look
look at me, look deep into the brown eyes
under the cover
to find a fountain
it will clean your distress
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
(3)
You never mind two-penny compliment
no matter you have gotten it or not
everyday, your sweat waters an apple tree
just wait
wait for the apples falling down into children's hands
how wonderful a dream
you hide in the heart |
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qinghongh
榜眼
註册時間: 2007-10-14
帖子: 4110
qinghongh北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-02 17:08:04 發錶主題: |
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(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
If it is already the winter,
buries or buried? |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
註册時間: 2007-06-10
帖子: 3950
來自: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-02 17:33:29 發錶主題: |
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深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句：
my favourite flower is a snowflake
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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Lake
举人
註册時間: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286
Lake北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-02 18:29:10 發錶主題: |
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"wait the apples falling down in children's hands "
wait for the apples...
"she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul "
with her ...
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-02 21:00:54 發錶主題: |
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| qinghongh 寫到: |
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
If it is already the winter,
buries or buried?
... |
Hi， qinghonh, thank you very much for you read it carefully. I think the snowflake have to bury the death of late autumn again and again. sorry, just joking  |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-02 21:04:12 發錶主題: |
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| William Zhou周道模 寫到: |
深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句：
my favourite flower is a snowflake
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
... |
Hi, William
Thanks for your encorengment |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-02 21:10:30 發錶主題: |
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| Lake 寫到: |
"wait the apples falling down in children's hands ".
wait for the apples...
"she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul "
with her ...
_________________
... |
Hi, Lake
Thank you for the suggestion, a poem can use different words to describe, maybe we could keep both. |
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Lake
举人
註册時間: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286
Lake北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-03 07:06:22 發錶主題: |
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| 白水 Moonlight 寫到: |
a poem can use different words to describe, |
同意。
我的建议只是想弄得更好，如果没有理解错的话。
‘with her white soul' 比 ’by using her white soul' 简洁。 少了一个词，少了两个音节。
通常说 wait for something to happen...
除非这里是其它的意思。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-03 16:00:03 發錶主題: |
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问好Lake，非常感谢你认真的切磋与探讨， 这对提高我们的写作水平很有帮助。同时也非常感谢peace, qinghongh，William，戴玨及其他朋友和老师给与的帮助与鼓励。诗歌于我，只是玩儿，而论坛于我， 是写字板，更是友情的存储箱， 它保存着你们的这些宝贵的建议，探讨与鼓励。今后回首，当是美好的回忆。
新年快乐 |
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hepingdao
Site Admin
註册時間: 2006-05-25
帖子: 8106
hepingdao北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-03 19:50:07 發錶主題: |
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happy new year
_________________
为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫! |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-03 21:01:22 發錶主題: |
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| you too |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-01-09 08:46:19 發錶主題: teacher's suggestion |
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The poem for you
(1)
Do you really want to know the truth?
Yes, I was crying, after I read your message
the new year just came, why are you so upset?
please look
look at me, look deep into the brown eyes
under the cover
to find a fountain
It will clean your distress
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
(3)
You never mind a two-cent compliment
no matter if you have received it or not
everyday, your sweet waters an apple tree
just wait
wait the apples are falling down into children's hands
What a wonderful dream
you hide in the heart |
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连南河
秀才
註册時間: 2008-08-30
帖子: 342
來自: Toronto
连南河北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-02-06 06:56:29 發錶主題: |
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A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR！
_________________
一路雨丝一路风 |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-02-09 17:34:20 發錶主題: |
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| 连南河 寫到: |
A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR！ |
Hi, happy new year
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宁家珍
秀才
註册時間: 2009-05-20
帖子: 470
來自: 中国黄山
宁家珍北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-02-10 06:21:58 發錶主題: |
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(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
How delightful the poem is!
Happy New Year! |
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白水
大学士
註册時間: 2006-10-02
帖子: 14102
來自: TORONTO
白水北美楓文集 |
| 發錶於: 2011-02-12 20:46:56 發錶主題: |
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Thanks, happy new year.
 |
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