白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
 fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-02 15:55:37 fābiǎozhùtí: The poem for you |
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The poem for you
(1)
Do you really want to know the truth ?
yes, I was crying, after I read your message
the new year just came, why are you so upset?
please look
look at me, look deep into the brown eyes
under the cover
to find a fountain
it will clean your distress
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
(3)
You never mind two-penny compliment
no matter you have gotten it or not
everyday, your sweat waters an apple tree
just wait
wait for the apples falling down into children's hands
how wonderful a dream
you hide in the heart |
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qinghongh
榜眼
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-10-14
tièzǐ: 4110
qinghonghběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-02 17:08:04 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
If it is already the winter,
buries or buried? |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-02 17:33:29 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句：
my favourite flower is a snowflake
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-02 18:29:10 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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"wait the apples falling down in children's hands "
wait for the apples...
"she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul "
with her ...
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-02 21:00:54 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| qinghongh xièdào: |
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
If it is already the winter,
buries or buried?
... |
Hi， qinghonh, thank you very much for you read it carefully. I think the snowflake have to bury the death of late autumn again and again. sorry, just joking  |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-02 21:04:12 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| William Zhou周道模 xièdào: |
深沉、新颖、过目不忘的诗句：
my favourite flower is a snowflake
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
... |
Hi, William
Thanks for your encorengment |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-02 21:10:30 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| Lake xièdào: |
"wait the apples falling down in children's hands ".
wait for the apples...
"she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul "
with her ...
_________________
... |
Hi, Lake
Thank you for the suggestion, a poem can use different words to describe, maybe we could keep both. |
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Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-03 07:06:22 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| 白水 Moonlight xièdào: |
a poem can use different words to describe, |
同意。
我的建议只是想弄得更好，如果没有理解错的话。
‘with her white soul' 比 ’by using her white soul' 简洁。 少了一个词，少了两个音节。
通常说 wait for something to happen...
除非这里是其它的意思。
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-03 16:00:03 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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问好Lake，非常感谢你认真的切磋与探讨， 这对提高我们的写作水平很有帮助。同时也非常感谢peace, qinghongh，William，戴玨及其他朋友和老师给与的帮助与鼓励。诗歌于我，只是玩儿，而论坛于我， 是写字板，更是友情的存储箱， 它保存着你们的这些宝贵的建议，探讨与鼓励。今后回首，当是美好的回忆。
新年快乐 |
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hepingdao
Site Admin
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-05-25
tièzǐ: 8106
hepingdaoběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-03 19:50:07 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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happy new year
_________________
为网友服务: 端茶倒水勤打扫! |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-03 21:01:22 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| you too |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-01-09 08:46:19 fābiǎozhùtí: teacher's suggestion |
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The poem for you
(1)
Do you really want to know the truth?
Yes, I was crying, after I read your message
the new year just came, why are you so upset?
please look
look at me, look deep into the brown eyes
under the cover
to find a fountain
It will clean your distress
(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
(3)
You never mind a two-cent compliment
no matter if you have received it or not
everyday, your sweet waters an apple tree
just wait
wait the apples are falling down into children's hands
What a wonderful dream
you hide in the heart |
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| fǎnyèshǒu |
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连南河
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2008-08-30
tièzǐ: 342
láizì: Toronto
连南河běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-02-06 06:56:29 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR！
_________________
一路雨丝一路风 |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-02-09 17:34:20 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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| 连南河 xièdào: |
A WONDERFUL DREAM WITH POEM!
HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR！ |
Hi, happy new year
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宁家珍
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-05-20
tièzǐ: 470
láizì: 中国黄山
宁家珍běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-02-10 06:21:58 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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(2)
I'd like to say
my favourite flower is a snowflake
look, look at her
in the chilly winter
she buries the death of late autumn
by using her white soul
when birds awaken the spring flowers
she drifts away with a sweet smile
How delightful the poem is!
Happy New Year! |
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白水
大学士
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-10-02
tièzǐ: 14102
láizì: TORONTO
白水běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2011-02-12 20:46:56 fābiǎozhùtí: |
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Thanks, happy new year.
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