Leaf viewing

[Lake]

Leaf viewing

Year after year, in every corner, they fall
at their designated time. Grass still green,
'mums in bloom, without hesitation, they fall.
On fine days, at the last cicada’s cry: life is
dying, dying, by ones, by twos, they fall.
When wind blasts boulders, rain brims rivers
pillowful of red, yellow and brown, they fall.
Raking, yet not raking. Every year’s a blessing.
Nothing’s more punctual than leaves in the fall.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[justjust123]

Beautiful! In the right season.
blasts ... brims... nice alliteration. this is one of the reasons poems are hard to get translated.
Personally I would prefer bloom to blossom in "'mums in blossom".

[Lake]

Thanks, just for your encouraging words.

Re 'mums in blossom, I used bloom in my first draft and then changed it to blossom, without any clear idea why.

Is your preference for the sake of syllable count? or ...

Thanks again.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[justjust123]

Yes. The previous line ends with 3 syllables (grass still green) and therefore I think it will have a better sound effect if the next line starts with 3 syllables because these two line segments are connected (representing similar things). Also note that there is a long vowel in both 'green' and 'bloom'. Moreover 'bloom' is stressed which matches 'green', whereas 'blossom' ends with an unstressed syllable. Probably my way of thinking is flawed.

[Lake]

As long as there is reasoning behind, I'll take it.
Thanks for the further explanation.

Cheers
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[nightingale2]

most mums don't fall.
bravo. nice poem.

[Lake]

[戴玨]

雨中山果落，燈下草蟲鳴。Lake的詩似只寫了王維此聯前半的意境。
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[Lake]

[戴玨]

并不是說不完整，只是說你的詩給人感覺比較超然。你造的是所謂的“無我”之境，正是王維所擅長，但王維此聯有個較鮮明的主體形象的出現，即“燈下”所示，這樣會多一層意蘊（或說人情味）。我的話可能略顯吞吞吐吐，是因為這只是個人偏好，并非高低對錯的評語。
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[Lake]

谢谢 戴玨 进一步解释。听听 你对王维诗的分析，受益 。
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins