白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2006-10-08 18:10:26 發錶主題: The Moon on a Foreign Land |
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(定稿)
The Moon on a Foreign Land
The moonlight,
pours down, like streams
it is time
for our date,
you are still
on a foreign land
are you rowing
back to me
by the milky way?
I shall be listening
to your paddling
our dock is old.
but our wine is warm.
the lantern is bright,
by the window.
remember?
once upon a night?
I picked up a moon,
from our glass, Packed it silently,
in your bag.
(三稿)
The Moon at Another Country
Moonlight pours down, like water
it is time for reunion
you are in another country
when will you be back
by boat
I listen to its paddling
from the milky way
Probably, the dock is old
but two cups of wine and the light
is still beside the window
Do you remember that night,
I took the moon from a cup
and put it silently into your baggage
<月明它乡>
月光泼下来, 象水
那是团圆的日子近了
你, 在它乡
何日摇橹归来?
我侧耳
银河的桨声......
杨柳岸的船坞或许旧了
可那两杯温酒, 一盏渔火
依然临窗
是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊 |
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和平岛 举人

註册時間: 2006-05-25 帖子: 1277 來自: Victoria, Canada 和平岛北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2006-10-08 20:18:21 發錶主題: |
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well done
trying to do some editing:
...
when will you be back
by boat
I listen to its paddling
from the milky way
Probably, the dock is old
but two cups of tea and the light
is still beside the window
Do you remember that night,
I took the moon from a cup
and silently put it
into your baggage _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗 |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2006-10-10 13:26:55 發錶主題: |
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Thanks. The poem is more beautiful with your editing. I am going to change it, but I want to keep “the cup”, because the “cup” is a special one.
The Moon at Another Country
Moonlight pours down, like water
it is time for reunion
you are in another country
when will you be back
by boat
I listen to its paddling
from the milky way
Probably, the dock is old
but two cups of wine and the light
is still beside the window
Do you remember that night,
I took the moon from the cup
and put it silently into your baggage |
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和平岛 举人

註册時間: 2006-05-25 帖子: 1277 來自: Victoria, Canada 和平岛北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2006-10-10 13:37:21 發錶主題: |
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two cups of tea
the cup: which of the two
 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗 |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2006-10-10 13:51:02 發錶主題: |
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[quote="和平岛"]two cups of tea
the cup: which of the two
[/quote]
i believe that the reader knows witch one  |
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非马 秀才
註册時間: 2006-06-22 帖子: 907 來自: 芝加哥 非马北美楓文集 |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2006-10-16 15:00:30 發錶主題: |
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非马 寫到: |
月光好!中英都不错。但把温酒译成冷茶(把茶摆在窗边那么久肯定变冷了)好像同整首诗的气氛不太融洽。 |
非马老师, 您好. 谢谢您的鼓励.
真不好意思, 我总是这么粗心. 写英文忘中文. 这也是当初不敢学医原因之一, 怕把手术刀放病人肚子里。我这就改.  |
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小枪 童生
註册時間: 2007-01-08 帖子: 35 來自: 北京 小枪北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2007-01-09 01:03:19 發錶主題: |
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是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊
非常喜欢这一段。 _________________ http://www.fyrclub.com
翻译人俱乐部论坛欢迎您。 |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2007-01-09 09:51:53 發錶主題: |
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小枪 寫到: |
是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊
非常喜欢这一段。 |
谢谢小枪. 还盼多提改进意见, 特别是英文  |
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kokho 进士出身

註册時間: 2006-11-30 帖子: 2642 來自: Singapore kokho北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2007-01-09 11:57:54 發錶主題: |
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Moon elsewhere <月明它乡>
Moonlight splashes ... 月光泼下来, 象水
reunion day is around the corner 那是团圆的日子近了
Elsewhere, you are 你, 在它乡
when will you get the scull moving 何日摇橹归来?
I listened ... 我侧耳
striving oars are all over milky way 银河的桨声......
The willow draped dock may be aged 杨柳岸的船坞或许旧了
While wine gyrates in a pair of cups 可那两杯温酒, 一盏渔火
fishery light trickling thru the blinds 依然临窗
Do you remember that night, 是否记得那晚?
I savour the moon from a cup 我从杯中捞起了月亮
and slipped it wordlessly 默默地
into your baggage 塞进你的行囊
.. _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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kokho 进士出身

註册時間: 2006-11-30 帖子: 2642 來自: Singapore kokho北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2007-01-09 12:34:10 發錶主題: |
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英文诗歌不单是 翻译汉文原词罢了。。。
还必需考虑 英文文化里面的形象和表达习惯
。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2007-01-09 13:42:00 發錶主題: |
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kokho 寫到: |
Moon elsewhere <月明它乡>
Moonlight splashes ... 月光泼下来, 象水
reunion day is around the corner 那是团圆的日子近了
Elsewhere, you are 你, 在它乡
when will you get the scull moving 何日摇橹归来?
I listened ... 我侧耳
striving oars are all over milky way 银河的桨声......
The willow draped dock may be aged 杨柳岸的船坞或许旧了
While wine gyrates in a pair of cups 可那两杯温酒, 一盏渔火
fishery light trickling thru the blinds 依然临窗
Do you remember that night, 是否记得那晚?
I savour the moon from a cup 我从杯中捞起了月亮
and slipped it wordlessly 默默地
into your baggage 塞进你的行囊
.. |
HI, KOK, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I WILL READ IT CONSCIENTIOUSLY  |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2008-12-11 17:19:07 發錶主題: |
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(定稿)
The Moon on a Foreign Land
The moonlight,
pours down, like streams
it is time
for our date,
you are still
on a foreign land
are you rowing
back to me
by the milky way?
I shall be listening
to your paddling
our dock is old.
but our wine is warm.
the lantern is bright,
by the window.
remember?
once upon a night?
I picked up a moon,
from our glass, Packed it silently,
in your bag. |
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返頁首 |
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连南河 秀才
註册時間: 2008-08-30 帖子: 342 來自: Toronto 连南河北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2008-12-14 11:06:17 發錶主題: |
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一个真实的Moonlight与白水
The moonlight,
pours down, like streams
it is time
for our date _________________ 一路雨丝一路风 |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2008-12-14 16:59:20 發錶主題: |
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连南河 寫到: |
一个真实的Moonlight与白水
... |
Ha, you are right, I never pay attention for that  |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
註册時間: 2007-06-10 帖子: 3950 來自: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2008-12-16 02:07:18 發錶主題: |
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学习! _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
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飘月 童生
註册時間: 2009-02-10 帖子: 4
飘月北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2009-02-10 15:50:23 發錶主題: |
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Very beautiful poem~~~
是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊
Still remember that night
I scooped a moon from the cup
And crammed silently
Into your bag _________________ http://www.calm-sea.com/bbs |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2009-02-24 20:30:13 發錶主題: |
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飘月 寫到: |
Very beautiful poem~~~
... |
谢谢飘月, 希望读到你的诗歌. |
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白水 大学士

註册時間: 2006-10-02 帖子: 14102 來自: TORONTO 白水北美楓文集 |
發錶於: 2009-04-20 16:58:34 發錶主題: |
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月明它乡
月光泼下来, 象水
那是团圆的日子近了
你, 在它乡
何日摇橹归来?
我侧耳
银河的桨声......
杨柳岸的船坞或许旧了
可那两杯温酒, 一盏渔火
依然临窗
是否记得那晚?
我从杯中捞起一颗月亮
默默地
塞进你的行囊
Alien land moon
Translated by Zhang Liguo
Moonlight dumping like water
Hinting that our dating is drawing
Near at an alien land,
You will be back when
Attentively I turn my ear
To your paddling from so far as the milky way
The dock by the waterfront turned old
However the two cups of warm wine as well as
the fishing light
Still far and near by the window
Remember the departure night
I lifted the round moon from my glasses
Silently
packed into your travelling bag |
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sfiawong 秀才

註册時間: 2009-05-05 帖子: 813 來自: US/HK sfiawong北美楓文集 |
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