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Maple Review Home -> 现代诗歌

《耳语》《油菜花》

了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection

Posted: 2006-11-15 03:53:41 Post subject: 《耳语》《油菜花》

《耳语》夜，部分被树撑开：部分让灯侵占。喧噪之外，隐于寂静的弥漫让夜柔软沉静。耳朵里，小雨的手和白玉兰的身体似曾相识，又相互探索。而闪电，一个偶然的自上而下的耳语让夜瞬间亮了十里。你醒着，你醉着，用沉默用眼中，那一片在明亮中触摸万物的小雨。 2006/11/11 《油菜花》油菜花把我藏了起来。油菜花一片干净的回忆。让蜜蜂再多一些，让有翅的心脏嗡嗡的畅想，自由自在的飞。现在，让回忆沿着油菜花的仰望，往回飞二十一年。你可以看见，十九岁的我拍拍屁股上的尘土从油菜花中站起来。油菜花一样。 2006/11/11 _________________ 我不是树上的黑木耳，我被爱过不能随随便便不回家 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1236932795

和平岛
举人

Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection

Posted: 2006-11-15 07:57:20 Post subject:

形象生动通体透明挂起来请朋友们分享和评说一下 _________________ 写诗是为了写更好的诗

迪拜
同进士出身

Joined: 31 Oct 2006
Posts: 1588

迪拜Collection

Posted: 2006-11-15 17:53:39 Post subject: <油菜花>写的不错

<油菜花>写的不错有韵味

杯中冲浪
进士出身

Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 2891
Location: 中国
杯中冲浪Collection

Posted: 2006-11-15 19:49:32 Post subject:

语言极具亲和力，有磁场感。支持加精。 _________________ 杯中冲浪.披履而行 http://blog.sina.com.cn/shoutao006

蓝桥
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Joined: 29 Sep 2006
Posts: 105

蓝桥Collection

Posted: 2006-11-15 20:44:14 Post subject:

平静的叙述，语言景致

鹤雨
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 113
Location: 上海
鹤雨Collection

Posted: 2006-11-16 01:32:48 Post subject: 轻松，柔软，优美！

喜欢欣赏！问好兄弟！欢迎多来交流！ _________________ 愿意和大家共同进步!

维鹿延
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Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 212
Location: 中国广东
维鹿延Collection

Posted: 2006-11-16 10:10:22 Post subject:

《油菜花》看似平白，实有深意。另提醒：自由自在的飞－－其“的”应用“地” _________________ 散步者身体里面的声音

郑士渊
童生

Joined: 14 Jun 2006
Posts: 49

郑士渊Collection

Posted: 2006-11-17 15:46:26 Post subject:

精美！

了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection

Posted: 2006-11-18 19:03:39 Post subject:

问好楼上各位，请各位多指点。 _________________ 我不是树上的黑木耳，我被爱过不能随随便便不回家 http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1236932795

半溪明月
榜眼

Joined: 30 Sep 2006
Posts: 4760

半溪明月Collection

Posted: 2006-11-19 04:22:54 Post subject: 问好!

维鹿延 wrote:

《油菜花》看似平白，实有深意。

能讲讲吗?

左岸
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Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-11-19 20:05:38 Post subject:

情到细微处方动人。学习好诗。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection

Posted: 2006-12-06 17:53:40 Post subject: Re: 问好!

半溪明月 wrote:

维鹿延 wrote:

《油菜花》看似平白，实有深意。

能讲讲吗?

问好，两位。
_________________
我不是树上的黑木耳，我被爱过
不能随随便便不回家
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1236932795

了因大兄
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Joined: 15 Nov 2006
Posts: 209

了因大兄Collection

Posted: 2006-12-06 17:54:43 Post subject:

左岸 wrote:

情到细微处方动人。学习好诗。

问好，左岸。多批多指点。
_________________
我不是树上的黑木耳，我被爱过
不能随随便便不回家
http://blog.sina.com.cn/u/1236932795

左岸
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Joined: 12 Oct 2006
Posts: 215
Location: 中国大连
左岸Collection

Posted: 2006-12-07 03:46:27 Post subject:

喜欢油菜花一诗。 _________________ 黑暗怎样焊住灵魂的银河

kokho
进士出身

Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection

Posted: 2006-12-07 12:04:30 Post subject:

《油菜花》油菜花把我藏了起来。油菜花一片干净的回忆。让蜜蜂再多一些，让有翅的心脏嗡嗡的畅想，自由自在的飞。现在，让回忆沿着油菜花的仰望，往回飞二十一年。你可以看见，十九岁的我拍拍屁股上的尘土从油菜花中站起来。油菜花一样。《》这首超精彩　：））　问好！。 _________________ 乒乓、摄影、诗歌

墨染红颜
童生

Joined: 08 Oct 2006
Posts: 69

墨染红颜Collection

Posted: 2006-12-08 06:50:22 Post subject:

很可爱的两段小诗，欣赏！ _________________ 风花飞有态，烟絮坠无痕。

司马策风
举人

Joined: 03 Dec 2006
Posts: 1211
Location: 温哥华
司马策风Collection

Posted: 2006-12-18 00:12:32 Post subject: 两相比较

将作者的两首诗歌比较回发现，第一首较为做作，人工痕迹重；《油彩花》反而童心一片，语言自然，形象鲜明，情景思的流动跳跃极其自然，优美而动人。发呼天籁回归天籁，始成好诗。 _________________ 《北美枫》司马策风文集 http://www.maplereview.org/best.php?t=8676

一无
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Joined: 20 Mar 2013
Posts: 576
Location: 中国
一无Collection

Posted: 2013-07-16 09:17:01 Post subject:

在第390页找到的。后边的评论也很吸引人。 _________________ 名心退尽道心生，如梦如仙句偶成。天籁自鸣天趣足，好诗不过近人情。 ———清张问陶 http://www.yizitong.org/weblog.php?w=397

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