白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
 Posted: 2006-12-12 20:28:13 Post subject: The Winter Carry Within …… |
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The Winter Carry Within ……
Who whispers but does not speak
I know that you are here
and hiding your weep in the shadow
you do not want me turnabout
but I can feel how much you are wounded
for the garden was desolation
without flower but chilly
oh, my industrious gardener
let us sweep the tear
wait,
please wait
if winter has come
the spring will be come back soon |
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hepingdao
Site Admin
Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 8106
hepingdaoCollection |
| Posted: 2006-12-12 20:52:09 Post subject: |
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but I can feel how much you are wounded
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2006-12-13 08:57:23 Post subject: |
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| hepingdao wrote: |
but I can feel how much you are wounded
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YOU ARE SO SMART  |
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kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2006-12-13 10:49:51 Post subject: |
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给老外看看 ；））
有点中国化。。。
。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2006-12-13 17:18:42 Post subject: |
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谢谢你指出不足. 这首诗歌是贴老外网上了, 遗憾的是他们只帮我纠正了两个SPELLING . 然后就是这类评语:
Hi,
I sure like this poem. It plays with the language in a very creative way. Meanings seem to shift. Green-draped mystery is cajoled in the first stanza. The poem reaches out and grabs with tendrils of jungle vine. There's some sort of heartbreak, but I can't figure out what. Anyway, it's got mystery. Thanks for the posting.
Best, Auto
THAT IS WHY I POST THE POEM IN HERE, AND WASH TO GET SOME SUGGESTIONS |
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kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2006-12-13 20:25:18 Post subject: |
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给你的英文老师 看看 ：））
我经常写了初稿，也找老外看了才发表。。。
我自己也带了有色眼镜；
It plays with the language in a very creative way. Meanings seem to shift.
《》这可能是 老外看了中文句子的反应，也可能你是成功了！！！
。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2006-12-13 20:43:25 Post subject: |
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| kokho wrote: |
给你的英文老师 看看 ：））
我经常写了初稿，也找老外看了才发表。。。
我自己也带了有色眼镜；
It plays with the language in a very creative way. Meanings seem to shift.
《》这可能是 老外看了中文句子的反应，也可能你是成功了！！！
。。 |
圣诞节快到了, 不好再打搅老师了. 再开学又要换老师, 好景不长  |
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kokho
进士出身
Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection |
| Posted: 2006-12-13 21:03:49 Post subject: |
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| 月光 wrote: |
圣诞节快到了, 不好再打搅老师了. 再开学又要换老师, 好景不长 |
找个老外当蓝颜知己，好像汤姆、克鲁斯 那种 ；）
一举两得 。。。
。。
_________________
乒乓、摄影、诗歌 |
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张南城
秀才
Joined: 02 Aug 2009
Posts: 145
Location: 中国安庆
张南城Collection |
| Posted: 2009-08-15 22:55:57 Post subject: |
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| kokho wrote: |
给你的英文老师 看看 ：））
... |
中国人以自己的文化底蕴和思维习惯用英语结构诗歌的语句，是不是反而可以让英文母语国家的人觉得更新颖和别致呢？请教。 |
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张南城
秀才
Joined: 02 Aug 2009
Posts: 145
Location: 中国安庆
张南城Collection |
| Posted: 2009-08-18 04:56:50 Post subject: |
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我试着翻译了，（只我的理解。对否？）贴在这。
冬日的呢喃
只是
轻柔的飒飒声
飘然过耳
没有言语
我知道你
在
在一块角落的阴影中
低泣
你无意让我靠近
可我真切地感觉到
没了园圃没了鲜花的
萧瑟
雪雨瀌瀌
荒芜与严寒
已让你遍体伤鳞
哦
我勤勉的园丁
让我为你
擦去泪水
等
我们坚信地
等待
冬日已至
春日不远 |
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白水
大学士
Joined: 02 Oct 2006
Posts: 14102
Location: TORONTO
白水Collection |
| Posted: 2009-08-25 13:47:48 Post subject: |
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| 谢谢你的翻译，问好南城 |
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张南城
秀才
Joined: 02 Aug 2009
Posts: 145
Location: 中国安庆
张南城Collection |
| Posted: 2009-08-27 04:45:05 Post subject: |
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| 白水 Moonlight wrote: |
| 谢谢你的翻译，问好南城 |
我是想学习英文诗歌，所以，见到喜欢的就想翻译。 |
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