1
wǒ xiǎng qǐ， dāng nián xī là de shī rén céng jīng gē yǒng：
nián fù yī nián， nà liáng chén zài yīn qiē de pàn wàng zhōng
piān rán jiàng lín， gè zì dài yī fèn lǐ wù
fēn sòng gěi shì rén －－ nián lǎo huò shì niánshào。
dāng wǒ zhè me xiǎng， gǎn tàn zhe shī rén de gǔ diào，
chuān guò wǒ lèi yǎn suǒ zhú jiàn zhǎn kāi de huàn jué，
wǒ kàn jiàn， nà huān lè de suì yuè、 āi shāng de suì yuè－－
wǒ zì jǐ de nián huá， bǎ yī piàn piàn hēi yǐng jiē lián zhe
lüè guò wǒ de shēn。 jǐn jiē zhe， wǒ jiù jué chá
（ wǒ kū liǎo） wǒ bèi hòu zhèng yòu gè shén mì de hēi yǐng
zài yí dòng， ér qiě yī bǎ jiū zhù liǎo wǒ de fā， ;
wǎng hòu lā， hái yòu yī shēng yāo hē（ wǒ zhǐ shì zài zhēngzhá）：
“ zhè huí shì shuí dài zhù liǎo nǐ？ cāi！ ”“ sǐ，” wǒ dá huà。
tīng nǎ， nà yín líng shìde huí yīn：“ bù shì sǐ， shì ' ài！”
2
kě shì zài shàng dì de quán yǔ zhòu lǐ， zǒng gòng cái zhǐ
sān gè rén tīng jiàn liǎo nǐ nà jù huà： chú liǎo
jiǎng huà de nǐ、 tīng huà de wǒ， jiù shì tā－－
shàng dì zì jǐ！ wǒ men zhōng jiān hái yòu yī gè
chū lái dá huà； nà hūn hēi de zǔ zhòu luò shàng
wǒ de yǎn pí， dǎng liǎo nǐ， bù ràng wǒ kàn jiàn，
jiù suàn wǒ míng liǎo mù， fàng shàng chén chén de“ yā yǎn qián”，
yě bù zhì yú nà me chè dǐ gé jué。 āi，
bǐ shuídōu lì hài， shàng dì de nà yī shēng“ bù xíng！”
yào bù rán， shì sú de fěi bàng líjiàn bù liǎo wǒ men，
rèn fēng bō fēi yáng， yě bù néng dòng yáo nà jiān zhēn；
wǒ men de shǒu yào shēn guò shān lǐng， hù xiāng jiē chù；
yòu nà me yī tiān， tiān kōng gǔn dào wǒ liǎ zhōng jiān，
wǒ liǎ xiàng xīng chén qǐ shì， hái yào gèng jiā wò jǐn。
3
wǒ men yuán bù yī yàng， zūn guì de rén ' ér yā，
yuán bù yī yàng shì wǒ men de zhí sī hé qián chéng。
nǐ wǒ tóu shàng de tiān shǐ， yíng miàn fēi lái，
chì bǎng pèng shàng liǎo chì bǎng， bǐ cǐ dèng zhe
jīng ' ě de yǎn jīng。 nǐ xiǎng， nǐ shì huá gōng lǐ
hòu fēi de shàng bīn， qiān bǎi shuāng yīn qín de míng móu
（ nǎ pà guà mǎn liǎo lèi zhū， yě bù néng jiào wǒ de yǎn
yòu zhè fèn guāng cǎi） qǐng qiú nǐ dān rèn lǐng chàng。
nà nǐ gànshénme cóng nà dēng guāng huī yìng de shā chuāng lǐ
wàng xiàng wǒ？－－ wǒ， yī gè qī liáng、 liú làng de
gē shǒu， pí fá dì kào zhe bǎi shù， yín tàn zài
máng máng de hēi ' àn lǐ。 shèng yóu chá zài nǐ tóu shàng－－
kě lián wǒ， tóu shàng chéng shòu zháoliáng tòu de yè lù。
zhǐ yòu sǐ， cái néng bǎ zhè yàng de yī duì chě gè píng。
4
nǐ céng jīng shòu dào yāo qǐng， jìn rù liǎo gōng tíng，
wēn yǎ de gē shǒu！ nǐ chàng zhe chóng gāo de shī piān；
guì kè men tíng xià wǔ bù， wèile hǎo zhān yǎng nǐ，
qī dài nà fēng mǎn de zhū chún zài tù chū qīng yīn；
ér nǐ què chōu qǐ wǒ de mén shuān， nǐ guǒ zhēn
bù xián tā xiè dòu liǎo nǐ de shǒu？ méi shuí kàn jiàn，
nǐ gān ràng nǐ nà yīnyuè piāo luò zài wǒ mén qián，
dié zuò céng céng jīn shēng de fù lì？ nǐ rěn bù rěn？
nǐ wǎng shàng qiáo， kàn zhè chuāng hù dōubèi chuǎng pò－－
shì biān fú hé yè yīng de kē cháo pán jù zài dǐng liáng，
shì biān de xī shuài zài gēn nǐ de pí pá yìnghè！
zhù shēng， bié zài jī qǐ huí shēng lái jiā shēn huāng liáng！
nà lǐ biān yòu yī gè ' āi yīn， tā bì xū shēn duǒ，
zài ' àn lǐ kū qì－－ zhèng xiàng nǐ yīnggāi dāng zhòng gē chàng。
5
wǒ sù mù dì duān qǐ liǎo wǒ chén zhòng de xīn，
xiàng dāng nián xī là nǚ ' ér pěng zhe nà tán shī huī；
yǎn wàng zhe nǐ， wǒ bǎ huī sǎ zài nǐ jiǎo xià。
qǐng kàn yā， yòu duō dà yī duī bēi ' āi mái cáng zài
wǒ zhè xīn kǎn lǐ； ér zài nà huī ' àn de shēn chù，
nà cǎn hóng de huī jìn yòu zěn yàng zài yǐn yuē rán shāo。
yào shì nà diǎn diǎn huǒ xīng gěi nǐ bǐ yí dì
yī jiǎo tà miè、 hái tā men yī piàn hēi ' àn，
zhè yàng yě hǎo。 kě shì， nǐ piān bù，
nǐ yào shǒu zài wǒ shēn bàng， děng fēng lái bǎ chén tǔ
yáng qǐ， bǎ sǐ huī chuī huó； ài yā， nà dài zài
nǐ tóu shàng de guì guān kě bù néng gěi nǐ zuò píng zhàng，
bǎo hù nǐ bù ràng zhè yī piàn huǒ yàn shāo huài liǎo
nà dǐ xià de fā sī。 kuài zhàn yuǎn xiē yā， kuài zǒu！
6
shè xià wǒ， zǒu bā。 kě shì wǒ jué dé， cóng cǐ
wǒ jiù yī zhí pái huái zài nǐ de shēn yǐng lǐ。
zài nà gū dú de shēng mìng de biān yuán， cóng jīn zài bù néng
zhǎng wò zì jǐ de xīn líng， huò shì tǎn rán dì
bǎ zhè shǒu shēn xiàng rì guāng， xiàng cóng qián nà yàng，
ér néng yuē shù zì jǐ bù gǎn dào nǐ de zhǐ jiān
pèng shàng wǒ de zhǎng xīn。 jié yùn jiào tiān xuán dì shū
gé lí liǎo wǒ men， què liú xià liǎo nǐ nà kē xīn，
zài wǒ de xīn fáng lǐ bó dòng zhe shuāngchóng shēng xiǎng。
zhèng xiàng shì jiǔ， zǒng cháng dé chū yuán lái de pú táo，
wǒ de qǐ jū hé mèng mèi lǐ， dōuyòu nǐ de fèn。
dāng wǒ xiàng shàng dì qí dǎo， wéi zhe wǒ zì gè ' ér
tā què tīng dào liǎo yī gè míng zì、 nà shì nǐ de；
yòu zài wǒ yǎn lǐ， kàn jiàn yòu liǎng gè rén de yǎn lèi。
7
quán shì jiè de miàn mù， wǒ xiǎng， hū rán gǎi biàn liǎo，
zì cóng wǒ dì yī cì zài xīn líng shàng tīng dào nǐ de bù zǐ
qīng qīng、 qīng qīng， lái dào wǒ shēn bàng－－ chuān guò wǒ hé
sǐ wáng de biān yuán： nà yōu wēi de jiànxì。 zhàn zài
nà lǐ de wǒ， zhǐ dào zhè yī huí gāi dǎo xià liǎo，
què bù liào bèi ' ài jiù qǐ， hái jiāogěi yī qū
shēng mìng de xīn gē。 shàng dì cì wǒ xǐ lǐ de
nà yī bēi kǔ jiǔ， wǒ gān yuàn yǐn xià， zàn měi tā
tián mì－－ tián mì de， rú guǒ yòu nǐ zài wǒ shēn bàng。
tiān guó hé rén jiān， jiāng yīn wéi nǐ de cún zài
ér gēnggǎi múyàng； ér zhè qū gē， zhè zhī dí，
zuó rì lǐ gěi ' ài zhe， hái ràng rén gǎn dào qīnqiè，
nà gē chàng de tiān shǐ zhī dào， jiù yīn wéi
yī shēng shēng dōuyòu nǐ de míng zì zài dàng yàng。
8
nǐ nà yàng kāng kǎi háo shuǎng de shī zhù yā， nǐ bǎ
nǐ xīn kǎn lǐ jīn tǎn huáng de bǎozàng、
yuán fēng dì tāo chū lái， zhǐ wǎng wǒ qiáng wài tuī，
rèn píng xiàng wǒ zhè yàng de rén qù jiǎn qǐ， hái shì
bǎ zhè hǎn jiàn de shěshī diū xià； jiào wǒ ná shénme
lái zuò wéi nǐ yìng dé de bào dá？ qǐng bù yào
shuō wǒ tài lěng mò、 tài guǎ ' ēn， nǐ nà xǔ duō
chóngchóng dié dié de shēn qíng hòu yì， wǒ què
méi yòu yī xiē ' ér huí jìng； bù， bìng bù shì
lěng mò wú qíng， shí zài wǒ tài hánchen。 nǐ wèn
shàng dì jiù míng bái。 nà lián mián de lèi yǔ chōng jìn liǎo
wǒ shēng mìng de guāng cǎi， zhǐ shèng yī piàn sǐ chén chén de
cāng bái， bù pèi gěi nǐ dāng wēi yǐ de zhěn tóu。
zǒu bā！ jìn bǎ tā tà zài jiǎo xià， zuò diàn shí。
9
wǒ néng bù néng yòu shénme、 jiù ná shénme gěi nǐ？
gāi bù gāi ràng nǐ jǐn ' āi zhù wǒ， chéng shòu
wǒ sù sù de kǔ lèi； tīng zhù nà shāng shì de qīng chūn，
zài wǒ de chún biān chóngfù zhù tàn xī， ǒu ' ér
fú qǐ yī sī wēi xiào， nǎ pà nǐ lián quàn dài hōng，
yě suí jí zài tàn xī lǐ jì miè？ ā， wǒ dàn pà
zhè bìng bù yīnggāi！ wǒ liǎ shì bù xiāngchèn de
yī duì， nǎ néng pǐ pèi zuò qíng lǚ？ wǒ chéng rèn，
wǒ yě shāng xīn， xiàng wǒ zhè yàng de shī zhù
zhǐ suàn dé bǐ lìn。 āi， kě shì wǒ zěn néng gòu ràng
wǒ mǎn shēn de chén tǔ diàn wū liǎo nǐ de zǐ páo，
jiào wǒ de dú qì pēn xiàng nǐ nà wēi ní sī jīng bēi！
wǒ shénme ' ài yě bù gěi， yīn wèishénme dōubù gāi gěi。
ài yā， ràng wǒ zhǐ ' ài zhù nǐ， jiù suàn shù liǎo bā！
10
bù guò zhǐ yào shì ' ài， shì ' ài， kě jiù shì měi，
jiù zhí dé nǐ jiē shòu。 nǐ zhī dào， ài jiù shì huǒ，
huǒ zǒng shì guāng míng de， bù wèn zháohuǒ de shì miào táng
huò zhě chái duī－－ nà dòng liáng hái shì jīng zhēn zài shāo，
huǒ yàn lǐ zǒng tiào dé chū tóng yàng de guāng huī。 dāng wǒ
bù yóu dé qīng tù chū：“ wǒ ' ài nǐ！” zài nǐ de yǎn lǐ，
nà róng yào de shùn xī， wǒ hū rán chéng liǎo yī zūn jīn shēn，
gǎn jué dào yòu yī dào xīn tù de hào guāng cóng wǒ tiān tíng
tóu xiàng nǐ liǎn shàng。 shì ' ài， jiù wú suǒ wèi bēi xià，
jí shǐ shì zuì wēi jiàn de zài ' ài： nà wēi jiàn de shēng mìng
xiàn ' ài gěi shàng dì， kuān hóng de shàng dì shòu liǎo tā、
yòu huí cì gěi tā ' ài。 wǒ nà bèng fā de rè qíng
jiù xiàng dào guāng， tōng guò wǒ zhè lòu zhì， zhāo shì liǎo
ài de dà shǒu bǐ zěn yàng gěi zào wù rùn sè。
11
__，。
zhè me shuō， bǎ ' ài qíng zuò wéi wǒ de míng fèn，
wǒ hái bù shì wán quán bù pèi chéng shòu。 suī rán，
nǐ kàn， liǎng jiá nà me cāng bái， nà yáo huàng de
shuāng xī fǎng fó fù dān bù liǎo chén zhòng de xīn fáng；
zhè pí fá de xíng yín shēng yá yě céng xiǎng wàng guò
bǎ ' ào nà sī shān zé dēng， què zhǐ luò dé yī piàn
xīn suān de ' āi yín， zěn hǎo qù gēn gǔ yīng jìng zòu？－－
gànmá tí zhè xiē lái zhe？ ā， qīn ' ài de，
bù yòng jiǎng， wǒ gāo pān bù shàng， bù pèi zài nǐ shēn biān
zhàn yī gè wèi zhì。 kě shì， jiù yīn wéi wǒ ' ài nǐ，
zhè piàn ' ài qíng tí bá wǒ， ràng wǒ tái qǐ liǎo tóu、
chéng shòu zhe guāng míng， xǔ wǒ jì xù huó xià qù，
nǎ pà shì zěn yàng wǎng rán， yě yào ' ài nǐ dào dǐ；
yě yào zhù fú nǐ－－ jí shǐ jù jué nǐ zài dāng miàn。
12
shuō zhēn de， jiù shì zhè wèiwǒ suǒ kuā yào de ' ài bā，
dāng tā cóng xiōng fáng yǒng shàng méi shāo， gěi wǒ jiā shàng
yī dǐng huáng guān－－ nà yī kē jù dà de hóng bǎo shí，
guāng cǎi duó mù， ràng rén zhī dào tā jià zhí lián chéng ……
jiù suàn wǒ zhè quán bù de、 zuì gāo chéng jiù de ' ài bā，
wǒ yě bù dǒng dé zěn yàng qù ' ài， yào bù shì nǐ
xiān lì xià shì fàn， jiāogěi wǒ gāi zěn me bàn－－
dāng nǐ kěnqiè de mù guāng dì yī cì duì shàng liǎo
wǒ de mù guāng， ér ' ài hū yìng liǎo ' ài。 hěn míng bái，
jí shǐ ' ài， wǒ yě bù néng kuā shuō shì wǒ de měi dé。
shì nǐ， bǎ wǒ cóng yī piàn hūn mí de ruǎn fá zhōng
bào qǐ， gāo zhì shàng huáng jīn de bǎo zuò， kào jìn zài
nǐ de shēn bàng。 ér wǒ dǒng dé liǎo ' ài， zhǐ yīn wéi
jǐn ' āi zhe nǐ－－ wǒ wéi yī ' ài mù de rén。
13
nǐ kě shì yào wǒ bǎ duì nǐ yǒng qǐ de ' ēn qíng，
xíng zhī yú yán cí， ér qiě hái jué dé shí fēn chōng yù；
bù guǎn yòu duō měng de fēng， gāo jǔ qǐ huǒ jù，
ràng guāng huī， cóng liǎng zhāng liǎn ' ér jiān， bǎ wǒ liǎ zhào míng？
wǒ què bǎ tā diào zài nǐ jiǎo biān， méi fǎ mìng lìng
wǒ de shǒu tuō zhe wǒ de xīn líng， nà me yuǎn jù
zì jǐ； nán dào wǒ jiù néng jiè wén zì zuò qì jù，
tāo gěi nǐ kàn、 nà wú cóng dǐ dá de ' ài qíng
zài wǒ de xīn kǎn？ bù， wǒ nìngyuàn biǎo dá
nǚ xìng de ' ài píng tā de zhēn jìng， ér huàn lái
nǐ de liàng jiě－－ kàn jiàn wǒ zhōng bù céng ruǎn huà，
rèn nǐ zěn yàng dì yāng qiú， wǒ zhǐ shì yǎo jǐn zhe zuǐ，
hěn xīn sī liè zhe shēng mìng de yī qún； shēng pà
zhè kē xīn yī jīng jiē chù， jiù xiè lù liǎo bēi ' āi。
14
rú guǒ nǐ yī xīn yào ' ài wǒ， nà jiù bié wèile me，
zhǐ shì wèile ' ài cái ' ài wǒ。 bié zhè me jiǎng：
“ wǒ ' ài tā， wèile tā de yī xiào， tā de múyàng，
tā róu yǔ de shēng qì； wèile tā zhè gǎn chù
zhèng hǎo hé wǒ de xīn yì， nà tiān lǐ， díquè
gěi wǒ dài lái mǎn huái de xǐ yuè hé shū chàng。”
qīn ' ài de， zhè xiē hǎo chù dōubù néng chí cháng，
huì yīn nǐ ' ér biàn， ér zhè yàng chàng chū de ' ài qū
yě jiāng zhè yàng yǎ jì。 yě bié ' ài wǒ yīn wéi nǐ
yòu lián yòu xī dì gěi wǒ kāi gān liǎo lèi sāi，
yī gè rén huì wàng liǎo kū qì， dāng tā jiǔ shòu nǐ
wēn róu de wèi ' ān－－ què yīn cǐ shī liǎo nǐ de ' ài。
ài wǒ， qǐng zhǐ shì wèile nà ' ài de yì niàn，
nà nǐ jiù néng jì xù dì ' ài， ài wǒ rú shēn hǎi。
15.
qǐng bù yào zhè yàng zhǐ zé wǒ： wǒ zài nǐ miàn qián
lù chū yī fù tài lěng jìng、 yōu yù de miàn róng；
nǐ wǒ yuán shì miàn cháo zhe liǎng gè bù tóng de fāng xiàng，
nà pǔ zhào de yáng guāng zhào bù dào liǎng rén de qián ' é。
nǐ kàn zhe wǒ， xīn zhōng méi bàn diǎn ' ér bù tà shí，
xiàng kàn zhe yī zhǐ lǒngzhào zài shuǐ jīng lǐ de mì fēng；
āi yuàn bǎ wǒ mì fēng zài shèng jié de ' ài qíng zhōng，
xiǎng zhāng kāi shuāng yì， pū xiàng wài miàn de kōng jiān、
shì jué bù kě néng de shī bài－－ nǎ pà wǒ hěn zhe xīn
zhuī qiú zhè diān pū hé shī bài。 kě shì wǒ xiàng nǐ kàn，
wǒ kàn jiàn liǎo ' ài， hái kàn dào liǎo ' ài de jié jú，
tīng dào liǎo jì yì wài céng de nǎ yī piàn jì liáo！
jiù xiàng cóng qiān céng wàn zhàng zhī shàng， nǐ xiàng xià tiào wàng，
zhǐ jiàn gǔn gǔn de làng tāo jìn xiàng dà hǎi lǐ liú。
16
rán ' ér， yīn wéi nǐ wán quán zhēng fú liǎo wǒ，
yīn wéi nǐ nà yàng gāo guì、 xiàng zūn yán de dì huáng，
nǐ néng xiāo chú wǒ de huáng kǒng， bǎ nǐ de
zǐ páo guǒ rào zhù wǒ， zhí dào wǒ de xīn
gēn nǐ de tiē dé nà me jǐn， zài xiǎng bù qǐ
dāng chū zěn yàng dú zì zài jì dòng。 nà xuān fǔ，
jiù xiàng bǎ rén jiàn tà zài jiǎo xià， yī yàng shì
wēi yán hé chè dǐ wán mǎn de zhēng fú！ jiù xiàng
tóu jiàng de bīng shì pěng zhe zhàn dāo chéng jiāo gěi
bǎ tā cóng xuè tān lǐ chān fú qǐ lái de zhù rén；
qīn ' ài de， wǒ zhōng yú rèn liǎo shū， chéng rèn：
wǒ de kàng jù dào cǐ wéi zhǐ。 jiǎ rú nǐ zhào huàn wǒ，
tīng zhe zhè huà， wǒ yào cóng xiū kuì zhōng zhàn qǐ。
kuò dà xiē nǐ de ' ài， hǎo tí gāo xiē wǒ de jià zhí。
17
wǒ de shī rén， zài shàng dì de yǔ zhòu lǐ， cóng hóng huāng
dào zhōng jí， nà cēncī de yīn lǜ， wú yī bù néng
cóng nǐ de zhǐ jiān dàn chū。 nǐ yī huī shǒu
jiù dǎ duàn liǎo rén shì jiān xī xī rǎng rǎng de shēng làng，
zòu chū qīng yīn， zài kōng qì lǐ yōu rán dàng yàng；
nà róu hé de xuán lǜ， xiàng yī jì liáng yào， bǎ ' ān wèi
dài gěi tòng kǔ de xīn líng。 shàng dì pài gěi nǐ
zhè yī gè zhí sī， ér fēn fù wǒ cìhou nǐ。
qīn ' ài de， nǐ dǎ suàn bǎ wǒ zěn yàng ' ān pái？－－
zuò wéi yī gè xī wàng、 gěi huān lè dì gē chàng？ hái shì
chán mián de huí yì、 róng huà rù yì yáng de yīn diào？
hái shì zōng lǘ， hái shì sōng shù－－ nà yī shù lǜ yìn
ràng nǐ zài dǐ xià gē chàng； hái shì yī gè qīng zhǒng，
chàng juàn liǎo， nǐ lái zhè lǐ tǎng xià？ qǐng tiǎo bā。
18
wǒ cóng bù céng ná wǒ de juǎnfà sòng gěi shuí，
chú fēi shì zhè yī shù， wǒ zuì qīn ' ài de， gěi nǐ；
mǎn huái xīn shì， wǒ bǎ tā chōu kāi zài zhǐ jiān，
lā chéng zōng huáng sè de yī cháng duàn； wǒ shuō：“ ài，
shōu xià bā。” wǒ de qīng chūn yǐ yī qù bù huí， ;
zhè yī tóu sàn fā zài yě bù gēn zhe wǒ jiǎo bù yī qǐ
què yuè， yě bù zài xiàng gū niàn men， zài bìn fā jiān
chā mǎn méi guī hé táo jīn niàn， què ràng tā pī chuí，
cóng yī gè lǎo shì wāi zhe de tóu ' ér－－ yóu yú
yōu yù de pǐ xìng－－ pī xià lái zhē yǎn zhe lèi hén。
yuán yǐ wéi lǐ shī de jiǎn dāo huì xiān bǎ tā shōu qù，
kě bù xiǎng ' ài qíng de míng fèn dé dào liǎo què rèn。
shōu xià bā， nà shàng miàn yòu cí mǔ zài mí liú shí gěi ' ér nǚ
yìn xià de yī wěn－－ zhè xiē nián shǐ zhōng bǎo chí zhe jié jìng。
19
xīn líng gēn xīn líng yě yòu shì chǎng hé mào yì，
zài nà ' ér wǒ ná juàn fā qù gēn juǎnfà jiāo huàn；
cóng wǒ nà shī rén de qián ' é， wǒ shōu xià liǎo
zhè yī shù， jǐ gēn fā sī， zài wǒ xīn lǐ
què zhòng guò liǎo piāo yáng dà chuán。 tā nà dài zǐ de wū liàng，
zài wǒ yǎn lǐ， jiù xiàng dāng chū píng dá suǒ kàn jiàn de
xié pī zài miù sī yù ' é qián ' àn zǐ sè de xiù fā。
wèile pì měi， wǒ cāi xiǎng nà yuè guì guān de yīn yǐng
yǐ rán dòu liú zài fā jiān－－ ài， nǐ kàn tā
yòu duō me hēi！ wǒ jiè qīng qīng de yī wěn， tù chū
wēn róu de qì xī， wǎn zhù liǎo nà yīn yǐng， bù ràng tā
liù zǒu； yòu bǎ lǐ pǐn fàng zài zuì tuǒ tiē de dì fāng－－
wǒ de xīn tóu， jiào tā jiù xiàng shēngzhǎng zài nǐ ' é shàng，
gǎn shòu zhe tǐ rè， zhí dào nà xīn ' ér yòu yī tiān lěng què。
20
qīn ' ài de， wǒ qīn ' ài de， wǒ xiǎng dào cóng qián－－
yī nián zhī qián， dāng shí nǐ zhèng zài rén hǎi zhōng jiān，
wǒ què zài zhè yī piàn xuě dì zhōng dú zuò，
wàng bù jiàn nǐ mài bù liú xià de zōng jì，
yě tīng bù jiàn nǐ de qǐng ké chōng pò liǎo zhè sǐ jì；
wǒ zhǐ shì yī huán yòu yī huán jì shù zhe wǒ zhōu shēn
chén chén de tiě liàn， zěn me yě xiǎng bù dào hái yòu nǐ－－
fǎng fó shuí yě bié xiǎng bǎ nà suǒ liàn dǎ kāi。
ā， wǒ hē liǎo yī dà bēi měi jiǔ： rén shēng de qí miào！
qí guài ' ā， wǒ cóng méi gǎn jué dào bái tiān hé hēi yè
dōuyòu nǐ de xíng dòng、 shēng yīn zài kōng zhōng zhèn dàng，
yě bù céng cóng nǐ kàn zhe chéngzhǎng de bái huā lǐ，
tàn zhī liǎo nǐ de xiāo xī－－ jiù xiàng wú shén lùn zhě
nà yàng bǐ lòu， cāi bù tòu shén zài shén de huà wài！
21
qǐng shuō liǎo yī biàn， zài xiàng wǒ shuō yī biàn，
shuō“ wǒ ' ài nǐ！” jí shǐ nà yàng yī biàn biàn chóngfù，
nǐ huì bǎ tā kàn chéng yī zhī“ bù gǔ niǎo de gēqǔ”；
kě shì jì zhe， zài nà qīng shān hé lùlín jiān，
nà shān gǔ hé tián yě zhōng， zòng shǐ qīng xīn de chūn tiān
pī zhe quán shēn lǜ zhuāng jiàng lín、 yě bù suàn wán měi wú quē，
yào shì tā quē shǎo liǎo nà chuàn bù gǔ niǎo de yīn jié。
ài， sì zhōu nà me hēi ' àn， ěr biān zhǐ tīng jiàn
jīng jì de xīn shēng， chǔyú nà tòng kǔ de bù ' ān zhōng，
wǒ rǎng dào：“ zài shuō yī biàn： wǒ ' ài nǐ！” shuí xián
tài duō de xīng， jí shǐ měi kē dōuzài tài kōng zhuàndòng；
tài duō de huā， jí shǐ měi duǒ yáng yì zhe chūn yì？
shuō nǐ ' ài wǒ， nǐ ' ài wǒ， yī shēng shēng qiāo zhe yín zhōng！
zhǐ shì jì zhù， hái dé yòng líng hún ' ài wǒ， zài mò mò lǐ。
22
dāng wǒ liǎ de líng hún zhuàng lì dì tǐng lì qǐ lái，
mò mò dì， miàn duì zhe miàn， yuè lái yuè kào lǒng，
nà shēn zhāng de chì bǎng zài gè zì wān yuán de dǐng duān，
bèng chū liǎo huǒ xīng。 shì shàng hái yòu shénme kǔ nǎo，
luò dào wǒ men tóu shàng， ér jiào wǒ men bù gān xīn
zài zhè lǐ cháng liú？ nǐ shuō nǎ。 zài wǎng shàng， jiù yòu
tiān shǐ dǐ zài tóu shàng， wèiwǒ men nà yī piàn
shēn chén、 qīn mì de jìng mò làxià chéng chuàn
jīn huáng hé xié de gēqǔ。 qīn ' ài de， ràng wǒ liǎ
jiù xiāng shǒu zài dì shàng bā－－ rén shì de zhēng chǎo、 xī nǎng
dū xiàng hòu tuì yǐn， liú gěi chún jié de líng hún
yī fāng gé jué， róng xǔ zài zhè lǐ miàn lì zú，
zài zhè lǐ ' ài， ài shàng yī tiān， jìn guǎn hūn hēi de
sǐ wáng， bù tíng dì zài tā de sì wéi dǎzhuàn。
23
zhēn shì zhè yàng má？ rú guǒ wǒ sǐ liǎo， nǐ kě huì，
shī luò yī xiē shēng qù、 yóu yú shī qù liǎo wǒ？
yáng guāng zhào zhe nǐ， nǐ huì jué dé tā dài yī sī hán yì，
wéi zhe cháo shī de huáng tǔ yǐ gài méi liǎo wǒ de liǎn？
zhēn méi xiǎng dào ' ā！ wǒ tǐ wèi dào nǐ zhè fèn qíng yì
zài xìn zhōng。 ài， wǒ shì nǐ de， kě jiù zhè yàng
gěi zhēn zhòng？ wǒ néng yòng wǒ nà shuāng fā dǒu de shǒu
wéi nǐ zhēn jiǔ？ hǎo bā， nà wǒ jiù pāo kāi liǎo
sǐ de mèng huàn， chóngxīn pěng qǐ lái nà shēng mìng。
ài wǒ bā， kàn zhe wǒ， yòng nuǎn qì hē wǒ bā！
duō shǎo guī xiù， wéi zhe ' ài bù xī xī shēng liǎo
cái fù hé shēn fèn； wǒ yě yào fàng qì nà fén mù－－
wèile nǐ； bǎ wǒ nà pò jìn ' ér kě ' ài de tiān guó de
jǐng xiàng、 lái gēn zài zhe nǐ de tǔ dì jiāo huàn！
24
ràng shì jiè xiàng yī bǎ zhé dāo， bǎ tā de fēng máng
zài zì shēn nèi liǎn cáng， mái jìn zài ' ài qíng de
zhǎng wò nèi、 wēn róu de zhōng xīn， ér bù zài wéi hài。
ràng dā de yī shēng， dāo zǐ hé shàng zhī hòu，
wǒ men jiù cǐ zài tīng bù jiàn rén shì de zhēng chǎo。
qīn ' ài de， wǒ jǐn ' āi zhe nǐ， shēng mìng tiē liàn zhe
shēng mìng， shénme yě bù pà， wǒ zhǐ jué dé ' ān quán，
xiàng yòu liǎo shén fú de bǎo hù， shì rén de dāo qiāng
zěn me chóu mì yě bù néng shāng hài háo fā。 wǒ men
shēng mìng zhōng de sù lián， yǐ rán néng kāi chū chún jié
xuě bái de huā duǒ； nà dǐ xià de gēn， zhǐ yǎng lài
tiān jiàng de gān lù， cóng shān tóu wǎng shàng tǐng shēn，
gāo chū shì jiān de pān zhé。 zhǐ yòu shàng dì，
tā cì wǒ men fù yòu， cái néng jiào wǒ men qióng。
25
qīn ' ài de， nián fù yī nián， wǒ huái zhe yī kē
chén zhòng de xīn， zhí dào wǒ qiáo jiàn liǎo nǐ de miàn yǐng。
yī gè gè yōu shāng yǐ xiāng jì bō duó liǎo wǒ suǒ yòu de
huān xīn－－ xiàng yī chuàn qīng tiē zài xiōng qián de zhēn zhū，
zài tiào wǔ de dāng ' ér， gěi yī kē tiào dòng de xīn ' ér
zhú yī dì bō nòng。 xī wàng suí jí zhuǎn chéng liǎo
màn cháng de shī wàng， zòng shǐ shàng dì de hòu ' ēn，
yě méi fǎ cóng nà qī liáng de rén shì jǔ qǐ lái
wǒ zhè kē chén diàn diàn de xīn。 kě shì nǐ，
nǐ dàngzhēn mìng lìng wǒ pěng zhe tā， tóu dào
nǐ wěi dà shēn chén de gēn qián！ tā lì jí wǎng xià chén，
jiù xiàng duò luò shì tā de běn xìng； ér nǐ de xīn，
lì jí jǐn gēn zhe， tiē zài tā shàng miàn， dǎng zài
nà zhào lín de xīng chén hé wèi wán gōng de mìng yùn jiān。
26
shì huàn xiǎng héng héng bìng bù shì nán yǒu hái shì nǚ bàn，
duō shǎo nián lái， gēn wǒ shēng huó zài yī qǐ， zuò wǒ de
qīn mì de zhī yǒu。 tā men wèiwǒ ' ér zòu de yīnyuè，
wǒ bù xiǎng tīng dào hái yòu bǐ zhè gèng měi de。
kě shì huàn xiǎng de qīng piāo de zǐ páo， miǎn bù liǎo
zhān shàng rén shì de chén tǔ， nà qín shēng zhōng yú zhú jiàn
xiāo xiē， ér wǒ yě zài nà xiē zhú jiàn yǐn miè de
móu zǐ xià tóuyūn yǎn huā。 yú shì， qīn ' ài de，
nǐ lái liǎo héng héng fǎng fó lái jiē tì tā men。 jiù xiàng
hé shuǐ shèng rù liǎo xǐ lǐ pén、 shuǐ jiù gèng shèng jié，
tā men de huī huáng de qián ' é、 tián mì de gē shēng，
dū jù jí zài nǐ yī shēn， tōng guò nǐ ' ér zhēng fú liǎo wǒ，
jǐyǔ wǒ zuì dà de mǎn zú。 shàng dì de lǐ wù
jiào rén jiān zuì xuàn làn de mèng huàn shī luò liǎo yán sè。
27
ài rén， wǒ qīn ' ài de rén， shì nǐ bǎ wǒ，
yī gè diē dǎo zài chén ' āi de rén， fú qǐ lái，
yòu zài wǒ pī chuí de bìn fā jiān chuī rù liǎo yī gǔ
shēng qì， hǎo ràng wǒ de qián ' é yòu liàng guāng guāng dì
shǎn yào zhe xī wàng héng héng yòu suǒ yòu de tiān shǐ dāng zhe
nǐ jiù nán de wěn wéi zhèng！ qīn ' ài de rén yā，
dāng nǐ lái dào wǒ gēn qián， rén shì yǐ shěwǒ yuǎn qù，
ér yī xīn yǎng wàng shàng dì de wǒ、 què huò dé liǎo nǐ！
wǒ fā xiàn liǎo nǐ， wǒ ' ān quán liǎo， qiáng zhuàng liǎo， kuài lè liǎo。
xiàng yī gè rén zhàn lì zài gān jié de xiāng cǎo dì shàng
huí gù tā céng ' ái guò lái de kǔ nǎo de nián yuè；
wǒ tái qǐ liǎo xiōngpú， ná zì jǐ zuò zhèng：
zhè lǐ， zài yī shàn hé nà yī ' è zhī jiān， ài，
xiàng sǐ yī yàng qiáng liè， dài lái liǎo tóng yàng de jiě tuō。
28
wǒ de xìn！ yī duī duī sǐ chén chén de zhǐ， cāng bái yòu wú shēng，
kě shì tā men yòu xiàng jù yòu shēng mìng、 chàn dòng zài
wǒ ná bù wěn de shǒu nèi héng héng shì nà fā dǒu de shǒu
jiě kāi sī dài， ràng tā men jīn wǎn sàn mǎn zài
wǒ xī shàng。 zhè fēng shuō： tā duō pàn wàng yòu gè jī huì，
néng zuò wéi péng yǒu， jiàn yī jiàn wǒ。 zhè yī fēng yòu dìng liǎo
chūn tiān lǐ yī gè rì zǐ， lái jiàn wǒ， gēn wǒ
wò wò shǒu héng héng píng cháng de shì， wǒ kě kū liǎo！
zhè fēng shuō（ bù duō jǐ gè zì）：“ qīn， wǒ ' ài nǐ！”
ér wǒ què huáng kǒng dé xiàng shàng dì de wèi lái zài hōng jī
wǒ de guò qù。 zhè fēng shuō：“ wǒ shǔ yú nǐ！” nà mò jì，
jǐn tiē zài wǒ jì tiào de xīn tóu， jiǔ liǎo， tuì liǎo sè。
ér zhè fēng…… ài ' ā， nǐ de yán cí yòu shénme shén miào，
jiǎ rú zhè lǐ tù lù de， wǒ gǎn bǎ tā zài shuō！
29
wǒ xiǎng nǐ！ wǒ de xiāng sī wéi bào zhù liǎo nǐ，
rào zhe nǐ ' ér chōu yá， xiàng màn téng juàn chán zhe shù mù、
biàn fā chū féi dà de yè bàn， chú liǎo nà màn yán de
qīng cuì bǎ shù shēn yǎn cáng， jiù shénme dū kàn bù jiàn。
kě shì wǒ de zōng lǘ shù yā， nǐ gāi míng bái，
wǒ zěn yuàn huái zhe wǒ de sī niàn ' ér shī qù liǎo
gèng qīn gèng bǎo guì de nǐ！ wǒ nìngkě nǐ xiǎn xiàn
nǐ zì jǐ de cún zài； xiàng yī zhū jiān qiáng de shù
chéng chē biǎn 『 chí chà， zhèng chū liǎo chì luǒ de
qūgàn lái， jiào zhè xiē chóngchóng dié dié de lǜ yè
dū gěi shuāi xià lái lángjí mǎn dì。 yīn wéi zài
kàn zhe nǐ、 tīng zhe nǐ、 zài nǐ yìn yǐng lǐ hū xī zhe
qīng xīn de kōng qì， yáng yì zhe shēn shēn de xǐ yuè shí，
wǒ zài bù xiǎng nǐ héng héng wǒ shì nà me dì tiē jǐn nǐ。
30
jīn wǎn， wǒ lèi yǎn jīng yíng， huǎng hū qiáo jiàn liǎo
nǐ de xíng xiàng； rán ' ér bù shì jīnzhāo， wǒ hái kàn dào
nǐ zài xiào？ ài rén， zhè shì wèishénme？ shì nǐ，
hái shì wǒ héng héng shì shuí jiào wǒ ' àn rán chóu kǔ？
yī gè jìn chén zài huān sòng hé chóng bài zhōng de sēng lǚ
bǎ cāng bái wú zhī jué de ' é tóu tóu zài jì tán xià，
huò xǔ jiù zhè yàng fǔ fú。 zhèng xiàng tā ' ěr nèi hōng xiǎng zhe
“ ā mén” de gē shēng； wǒ tīng dé nǐ qīn kǒu de méng shì，
xīn lǐ què yī piàn zhèng chōng bù ' ān， yīn wéi bù jiàn nǐ
zài wǒ de yǎn qián。 qīn ' ài de， nǐ dàngzhēn ' ài wǒ？
wǒ dàngzhēn kàn jiàn liǎo nà huǎng rú mèng jìng de róng guāng，
bìng qiě jīng bù qǐ nà qiáng liè de bī shè ' ér gǎn dào liǎo
huàn yùn？ zhè guāng kě huì zhào lín， jiù xiàng nà
yíng yíng de lèi， yī kē kē gǔn xià lái， yòu rè yòu zhēn？
31
nǐ lái liǎo！ hái méi kāi kǒu， xīn yì dū biǎo míng liǎo。
wǒ zuò zài nǐ de róng guāng xià， xiàng mù yù zài yáng guāng zhōng de
yīng hái， nà shǎn shuò de móu zǐ wú shēng dì xiè lù liǎo
chàn dòng zài nà kē xiǎo xīn lǐ de wú bǐ de xǐ yuè。
kàn nǎ， wǒ zhè zuì hòu de yí lǜ shì cuò liǎo！
kě shì wǒ bù néng zhǐ mányuàn zì jǐ， nǐ xiǎng，
zhè shì zěn yàng de qíng jǐng， zěn yàng de shí chén？
zhè yī kè， wǒ liǎ jìng qīng yì dì bìng zhàn zài yī qǐ。
ā， kào jìn wǒ， ràng wǒ ' āi zhe nǐ bā； dāng wǒ
yǒng qǐ liǎo yí lǜ， nǐ kuān tǎn de xīn xiōng gěi wǒ
qīng chè ' ér wēn róu de wèi fǔ； yòng nǐ chóng gāo de
guāng huī lái fū yù wǒ nà xiē sī niàn bā； shī liǎo
nǐ de bì hù， tā men jiù yào zhàn lì－－ jiù xiàng
nà yǔ yì wèi fēng de xiǎo niǎo gěi piē xià zài tiān kōng lǐ。
32
dāng jīn huáng de tài yáng shēng qǐ lái， dì yī cì zhào shàng
nǐ ' ài de méng yuē， wǒ jiù yù qī zhe míng yuè
lái jiě chú nà qíng jié、 xì de tài zǎo tài jí。
wǒ zhǐ pà ' ài de róng yì、 jiù róng yì shī wàng，
yǐn qǐ huǐ xīn。 zài huí gù wǒ zì jǐ， wǒ nǎ xiàng
ràng nǐ ' ài mù de rén！－－ què xiàng yī jù yǎ sè
pò sǔn de xián qín、 pèi bù shàng nǐ nà me qīng chè
měi miào de gē shēng！ ér zhè qín， cōng máng lǐ gěi yòng shàng，
yī fā chū shā shā de yīn， jiù gěi nǎo hèn dì
rēng xià。 wǒ zhè me shuō， bìng bù céng kuī dài
zì jǐ， kě shì wǒ yuān liǎo nǐ。 zài lè shèng de
shǒu lǐ， yī zhāng pò qín yě kě yǐ liú chū wán měi
hé xié de yùn lǜ； ér píng yī zhāng gōng， zhēn chéng de
líng hún， kě yǐ zài lè suǒ、 yě tóng shí zài nì ' ài。
33
duì lā， jiào wǒ de xiǎo míng ' ér yā！ ràng wǒ zài tīng jiàn
wǒ yī xiàng fēi bēn zhù qù dāyìng de míng zì－－ nà shí，
hái shì gè xiǎo nǚ hái， wú yōu wú lǜ， chén jìn yú
xī xì， ǒu ' ěr cóng yī dà duī yě cǎo yě huā jiān
tái qǐ tóu lái， yǎng wàng nà yòng hé ' ǎi de yǎn
fǔ ' ài wǒ de cí yán。 wǒ shī qù liǎo nà rén cí
qīnqiè de hū huàn， nà líng chèn gěi wǒ de shì
yī piàn jì jìng， rèn píng wǒ gāo hū zhù shàng tiān，
nà cí shēng guī rù liǎo yīnyuè huá yán de tiān guó。
ràng nǐ de zuǐ lái chéng jì nà jì miè de qīng yīn。
cǎi dé běi fāng de huā， hǎo wán chéng nán fāng de huā shù，
zài chí mù de suì yuè lǐ gǎn shàng zǎo nián de ' ài qíng。
duì lā， jiào wǒ de xiǎo míng ' ér bā， wǒ， jiù suí jí
dāyìng nǐ， huái zhù dāng chū yī múyàng de xīn qíng。
34
huái zhù dāng chū yī múyàng de xīn qíng， wǒ shuō，
wǒ yào dāyìng nǐ， dāng nǐ jiào wǒ de xiǎo míng。
āi， zhè fēn míng shì kōng de yuàn xīn！ wǒ de xīn
hái néng shì yī múyàng－－ bǎo shòu liǎo rén shēng de mó zhé？
cóng qián， wǒ tīng dé yī shēng hǎn， jiù rēng xià huā shù，
yào bù， cóng yóu xì lǐ tiào qǐ， bēn guò qù dāyìng，
yī lù shàng dōushì wǒ de xiào róng xiào shēng zài zhì jìng，
yǎn xīng lǐ hái shǎn shuò zhù fāng cái nà yī piàn huān lè。
xiàn zài wǒ yìng nǐ， wǒ shè xià yī piàn chén zhòng de
yōu sī， cóng gū jì lǐ jīng qǐ。 kě shì， wǒ de xīn
hái shì yào xiàng nǐ fēi bēn， nǐ bù shì wǒ yī zhǒng de
shàn， ér shì bǎi shàn suǒ zhōng！ wǒ zuì kě ' ài de rén，
nǐ bǎ shǒu ' àn zhù wǒ de xīn kǒu， tóng yì má： hái tóng de
xiǎo jiǎo cóng méi páode zhè me kuài－－ xiàng zhè xuè lún。
35
yào shì wǒ bǎ yī qiēdōu jiāo gěi nǐ， nǐ kě yuàn yì
zuò wéi jiāo huàn， bǎ shí me dū guī gěi wǒ？
wǒ kě shì yǒng bù huì quē shǎo jiā cháng de tán xiào、
hù chóu jiē wěn、 bǐ cǐ de zhù fú？ yě bù huì
gǎn dào shēng shū、 dāng wǒ tái qǐ tóu lái dǎliang
xīn de qiáng bì hé dì bǎn－－ jiā yǐ wài lìng yī gè jiā？
bù， wǒ hái yào wèn， nǐ kě yuàn dǐng tì nà yī shuāng
míng hé liǎo de róu yǎn zài wǒ shēn bàng liú xià de wèi zhì
ér yī yàng dì bù dǒng dé biàn xīn？ zhè kě shì nán！
zhēng fú ' ài rú guǒ fèi shì， zhēng fú yuàn， nà jiù gèng nán。
yuàn shì， ài bù suàn， zài dé jiā shàng gè yuàn。 wǒ de yuàn，
āi， nà me shēn， jiù nà me bù qīng yì ' ài。 kě shì，
nǐ yǐ rán ' ài wǒ－－ nǐ yuàn？ chǎng kāi xiē nǐ de xīn，
hǎo ràng nǐ nà yǔ yì shī tòu de gē zǐ pū jìn lái！。
36
dāng chū wǒ liǎ xiāng jiàn、 yī jiàn ' ér qīng xīn de shí guāng，
wǒ zěn gǎn zài zhè shàng miàn， jiàn qǐ dà lǐ shí gōng diàn，
nán dào zhè yě huì jiǔ cháng－－ nà lái huí yáo bǎi zài
yōu shāng yǔ yōu shāng jiān de ' ài？ bù， wǒ hài pà，
wǒ xìn bù guò nà sì hū fú fàn zài yǎn qián de
yī piàn jīn guāng， bù gǎn shēn chū shǒu zhǐ qù pèng yī xià。
dào hòu lái cái tǎn rán、 jiān dìng liǎo； kě wǒ yòu jué dé，
shàng dì zǒng gāi lìng yòu kǒng jù ' ān pái zài hòu miàn……
ài ' ā， yào bù rán， zhè shuāng jǐn wò zhù de shǒu
jiù bù huì jiē chù； zhè rè rè de qīn wěn， yī dàn
cóng zuǐ chún shàng lěng què liǎo， hé yǐ bù biàn chéng xū wén？
ài qíng ' ā， nǐ kuài biàn liǎo xīn bā！ yào shì mìng yùn
zhè yàng zhù dìng： tā， wèile xìn shǒu yī gè méng shì
jiù fēi dé ná xī shēng yī gè xǐ yuè zuò dài jià。
37
yuán liàng wǒ， ā， qǐng yuán liàng bā， bìng fēi wǒ wú zhī，
bù míng bái yī qiē dé xìng quán guī yú nǐ、 shǔ yú nǐ；
kě shì， nǐ zài wǒ xīn lǐ gòu chéng de xíng xiàng，
què jiù xiàng yī duī xū fú bù shí de ní shā！
shì nà nián shēn yuè jiǔ de gū pì， xiàng zāo liǎo
dāng tóu yī bàng， cóng nǐ miàn qián jìn wǎng hòu suō，
pò shǐ wǒ huàn yùn de zhī jué yǒng qǐ liǎo yí lǜ hé
kǒng jù， máng mù dì shěqì liǎo nǐ chún jié de miàn mù，
zuì chóng gāo de ' ài gěi wǒ wāi qū chéng zuì huāng miù de
xíng zhuàng。 jiù xiàng yī gè chén liǎo chuán de yì jiào tú，
ān rán tuō xiǎn， shàng liǎo ' àn， chóu xiè bǎo yòu tā de
hǎi shén， xiàn shàng liǎo yī wěi mù diāo de hǎi tún héng héng
nà liǎng sāi hū hū zuò xiǎng、 wěi bā xiān qǐ liǎo
nù làng de páng dà de hǎi zú héng héng zài miào yǔ de mén qiáng nèi。
38
dì yī cì tā qīn wǒ， tā zhǐ shì qīn liǎo yī xià
zài xiě zhè shī piān de shǒu， cóng cǐ wǒ de shǒu jiù yuè lái
yuè bái jìng jīng yíng， bù shàn zuò shì sú de zhāo hū，
ér mǐn yú hū zhào：“ ā， kuài tīng nǎ， kuài tīng
tiān shǐ zài shuō huà nǎ！” jí shǐ zài nà ' ér dài shàng yī gè
zǐ yù yīng jiè zhǐ， yě bù huì bǐ nà dì yī gè wěn
zài wǒ de yǎn lǐ xiǎn xiàn dé gèng qīng chǔ。
dì ' èr gè wěn， jiù wǎng gāo chù shēng， tā zhǎo dào liǎo
qián ' é， kě shì piān xié liǎo yī xiē， yī bàn ' ér
yìn zài fā sī shàng。 zhè wú bǐ de chóu cháng ' ā，
shì ' ài shén cā de shèng yóu！－－ xiān yú ' ài shén de
huá měi de huáng guān。 nà dì sān gè， nà me měi miào，
zhèng hǎo ' àn zài wǒ zuǐ chún shàng， cóng cǐ wǒ jiù
zì ' ào， gǎn yú hū huàn：“ ài， wǒ de ' ài！”
39
wéi zhe nǐ de bó lì hé shèng dé－－ nǐ nà yàng
xī lì dì wàng zhe wǒ， tōng guò wǒ nà gěi lèi yǔ
chōng xǐ dé chéng liǎo huī bái de miàn jù、 zhào chè liǎo
wǒ líng hún de zhēn shí miàn mù（ huī ' àn pí fá de
rén shēng de zhèng míng！） yě wéi zhe nǐ zhǐ zhī dào zhōng chéng，
zhǐ zhī dào ' ài， zhǐ shì cháo wǒ kàn， tōng guò wǒ nà
má mù de líng hún， kàn dào liǎo nà rěn nài de tiān shǐ
yī xīn qī dài zhe tiān táng lǐ de wèi zhì； yòu wéi zhe
wú lùn shì zuì ' è、 shì ' āi yuàn、 shèn zhì shàng dì de qiǎn zé，
sǐ shén de bī jìn de wēi xié－－ bù guǎn zhè yī qiē，
jiào rén men yī kàn jiù diào shǒu ' ér qù， jiào zì jǐ
xiǎng zhe dū yàn ' è…… què méi shí me néng xià tuì nǐ；
qīn ' ài de， nà nǐ jiào wǒ bā， jiào wǒ zěn me yàng
bǎ gǎn jī jìn liàng qīng tù， zhèng xiàng nǐ bǎ ' ēn huì bù shī。
40
shì ' ā， zán men zhè shì dào， tán qíng shuō ' ài， duō de shì！
wǒ bù xiǎng wèn： zhēn yòu ' ài zhè huí shì má？ yòu jiù yòu bā héng héng
cóng xiǎo， wǒ jiù tīng guàn liǎo rén men zuǐ lǐ de“ ài”，
zhí dào cái bù jiǔ héng héng nà huì ' ér cǎi lái de xiān huā
xiāng wèi hái méi sàn ní。 bù guǎn shì huí jiào tú、“ wài jiào tú”，
xiào yī xiào， shǒu juàn ' ér jiù shuāi guò lái； kě shì yī kū，
shuí yě bù lǐ liǎo。“ dú yǎn lóng” de bái yá chǐ yǎo bù jǐn
yìng guǒ zǐ， jiǎ shǐ lín guò liǎo jǐ zhèn zhòu yǔ，
guǒ ké biàn dé huá liù liù héng héng cóng méi xiǎng bǎ zhè chēng zuò
“ ài” de dōng xī， yě gēn tā men de“ hèn”、 yǐ zhì
gēn“ dàn mò” bìng liè。 kě shì nǐ， qīn ' ài de， nǐ bù shì
nà yàng de qíng rén！ nǐ cóng nà ' āi yuàn hé jí bìng lǐ
cìhou liǎo guò lái， jiào xīn líng zhōng yú jiē tōng liǎo xīn líng，
rén jiā huì xián“ tài wǎn” liǎo， ér nǐ xiǎng hái méi xiǎng dào。
41
wǒ mǎn huái zhe gǎn jī hé ' ài， xiàng fán shì zài xīn lǐ
ài guò wǒ de rén men dào xiè。 shēn shēn de gǎn xiè ' ā，
hǎo xīn de rén men， dǎ láo qiáng wài jīng guò， zhù zú
tīng qǔ wǒ sān liǎng shēng shāo wēi xiǎng liàng xiē de yīnyuè，
zhè cái jì xù gǎn lù， bēn fù shì chǎng huò shì shèng diàn、
gè zì de qián chéng， zài wú cóng zhào huàn。 kě shì nǐ，
dāng wǒ de gē shēng dī luò liǎo、 jiē bù shàng liǎo， dài zhī yǐ
kū qì， nǐ què jiào shén de zuì zūn guì de yuèqì
diào zài jiǎo xià， qīng tīng wǒ nà jiā zá zài lèi zhū lǐ de
yuàn shēng…… ā， zhǐ diǎn wǒ， gāi zěn me bào dá
nǐ de ' ēn qíng bā！ zěn me néng bǎ zhè yī piàn
huí xuán dàng yàng de qíng yì fèng xiàn gěi wèi lái de
suì yuè， yóu tā lái gěi wǒ biǎo bái， xiàng nài jiǔ de
ài qíng zhì jìng， píng zhe nà duǎn zàn de rén shēng！
42
“ wèi lái ' ā， rèn nǐ zěn yàng lín mó， yě miáo bù chéng
wǒ guò qù de yàng běn liǎo，” wǒ céng zhè me xiě guò，
yǐ wéi shǒu hù zài wǒ shēn pàn de tiān shǐ huì tóng yì
zhè huà， bǎ yǎng tiān hūyù de yǎn guāng piē xiàng nà
gāo jù yù zuò de shàng dì。 dài wǒ huí guò tóu lái，
kàn jiàn de què shì nǐ， hái yòu nǐ wǒ de tiān shǐ
jié bàn zài yī qǐ！ yī xiàng wéi ' āi yuàn、 bìng tòng
suǒ zhé mó de wǒ， jiù bǎ xìng fú bào dé nà me jǐn。
yī jiàn liǎo nǐ， wǒ nà cháo bài de shǒu zhàng
chōu liǎo yá、 fā chū liǎo lǜ yè， chéng shòu zhe
qīng chén de lù zhū。 rú jīn， wǒ zài bù zhuī xún
wǒ shēng mìng zhōng qián bàn de yàng běn， ràng nà xiē fǎn fù
yín tàn、 juàn liǎo jiǎo de shū yè fàng guò zài yī biān，
wǒ gěi wǒ zhòng xiě chū xīn de yī zhāng shēng mìng！
43
wǒ shì zěn yàng dì ' ài nǐ？ ràng wǒ zhú yī xì suàn。
wǒ ' ài nǐ jìn wǒ de xīn líng suǒ néng jí dào de
shēn suì、 kuān guǎng、 hé gāo dù－－ zhèng xiàng wǒ tàn qiú
xuán míng zhōng shàng dì de cún zài hé shēn hòu de shén ' ēn。
wǒ ' ài nǐ de chéng dù， jiù xiàng rì guāng hé zhú yàn xià
nà měi tiān bù yòng shuō dé de xū yào。 wǒ bù jiā sī lǜ dì
ài nǐ， jiù xiàng nán zǐ men wéi zhèng yì ' ér dǒu zhēng；
wǒ chún jié dì ' ài nǐ， xiàng tā men zài zàn měi qián dī tóu。
wǒ ' ài nǐ yǐ wǒ tóng nián de xìn yǎng； wǒ ' ài nǐ
yǐ mǎn huái rè qíng， jiù xiàng wǎng rì mǎn qiāng de xīn suān；
wǒ ' ài nǐ， dǐ dé shàng nà sì hū suí zhe xiāo shī de shèng zhě
ér xiāo shì de ' ài mù。 wǒ ' ài nǐ yǐ wǒ zhōng shēng de
hū xī， wēi xiào hé lèi zhū－－ jiǎ shǐ shì shàng dì de
yì zhǐ， nà me， wǒ sǐ liǎo wǒ hái yào gèng jiā ' ài nǐ！
44
qīn ' ài de， nǐ cóng yī zhěng gè xià tiān dào dōng tiān，
cóng yuán zǐ lǐ cǎi jí liǎo nà me duō de huā
sòng gěi wǒ； ér zhè yōu bì de xiǎo shì lǐ， tā men
jì xù shēngzhǎng， fǎng fó bìng bù quē shǎo yáng guāng hé
yǔ shuǐ de zī yǎng。 nà me tóng yàng dì píng zhe
zhè ' ài de míng yì－－ nà ' ài shì shǔ yú wǒ liǎ de，
yě qǐng shōu xià liǎo wǒ de huí jìng； nà zài rè tiān ，
zài lěng tiān， fā zì wǒ xīn tián de qíng sī de huā duǒ。
bù cuò， zài wǒ nà yuán pǔ lǐ què shì cháng mǎn zhe
yě cǎo hé kǔ 'ài， yòu dài yú nǐ lái yún chú；
xiàng nǐ zì jǐ shuō， tā men de gēn dū mái zài wǒ de shēn xīn。
kě zhè 'ér yě yòu bái méi guī， yě yòu cháng chūn téng！
qǐng shōu xià bā， jiù xiàng wǒ guàn cháng jiē shòu nǐ de huā。
hǎo shēng dì hù yǎng zhe， bié ràng tā tuì luò liǎo yán sè，
SONNETS FROM THE PORTUGUESE
INDEX OF FIRST LINES
I I thought once how Theocritus had sung
II But only three in all God's universe
III Unlike are we, unlike, O princely Heart!
IV Thou hast thy calling to some palace-floor
V I lift my heavy heart up solemnly
VI Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand
VII The face of all the world is changed, I think
VIII What can I give thee back, O liberal
IX Can it be right to give what I can give?
X Yet, love, mere love, is beautiful indeed
XI And therefore if to love can be desert
XII Indeed this very love which is my boast
XIII And wilt thou have me fashion into speech
XIV If thou must love me, let it be for nought
XV Accuse me not, beseech thee, that I wear
XVI And yet, because thou overcomest so
XVII My poet thou canst touch on all the notes
XVIII I never gave a lock of hair away
XIX The soul's Rialto hath its merchandize
XX Beloved, my beloved, when I think
XXI Say over again, and yet once over again
XXII When our two souls stand up erect and strong
XXIII Is it indeed so? If I lay here dead
XXIV Let the world's sharpness like a clasping knife
XXV A heavy heart, Beloved, have I borne
XXVI I lived with visions for my company
XXVII My own Beloved, who hast lifted me
XXVIII My letters! all dead paper, mute and white!
XXIX I think of thee!--my thoughts do twine and bud
XXX I see thine image through my tears to-night
XXXI Thou comest! all is said without a word
XXXII The first time that the sun rose on thine oath
XXXIII Yes, call me by my pet-name! let me hear
XXXIV With the same heart, I said, I'll answer thee
XXXV If I leave all for thee, wilt thou exchange
XXXVI When we met first and loved, I did not build
XXXVII Pardon, oh, pardon, that my soul should make
XXXVIII First time he kissed me, he but only kissed
XXXIX Because thou hast the power and own'st the grace
XL Oh, yes! they love through all this world of ours!
XLI I thank all who have loved me in their hearts
XLII My future will not copy fair my past
XLIII How do I love thee? Let me count the ways
XLIV Beloved, thou hast brought me many flowers
I
I thought once how Theocritus had sung
Of the sweet years, the dear and wished-for years,
Who each one in a gracious hand appears
To bear a gift for mortals, old or young:
And, as I mused it in his antique tongue,
I saw, in gradual vision through my tears,
The sweet, sad years, the melancholy years,
Those of my own life, who by turns had flung
A shadow across me. Straightway I was 'ware,
So weeping, how a mystic Shape did move
Behind me, and drew me backward by the hair;
And a voice said in mastery, while I strove,--
"Guess now who holds thee!"--"Death," I said, But, there,
The silver answer rang, "Not Death, but Love."
II
But only three in all God's universe
Have heard this word thou hast said,--Himself, beside
Thee speaking, and me listening! and replied
One of us . . . that was God, . . . and laid the curse
So darkly on my eyelids, as to amerce
My sight from seeing thee,--that if I had died,
The death-weights, placed there, would have signified
Less absolute exclusion. "Nay" is worse
From God than from all others, O my friend!
Men could not part us with their worldly jars,
Nor the seas change us, nor the tempests bend;
Our hands would touch for all the mountain-bars:
And, heaven being rolled between us at the end,
We should but vow the faster for the stars.
III
Unlike are we, unlike, O princely Heart!
Unlike our uses and our destinies.
Our ministering two angels look surprise
On one another, as they strike athwart
Their wings in passing. Thou, bethink thee, art
A guest for queens to social pageantries,
With gages from a hundred brighter eyes
Than tears even can make mine, to play thy part
Of chief musician. What hast thou to do
With looking from the lattice-lights at me,
A poor, tired, wandering singer, singing through
The dark, and leaning up a cypress tree?
The chrism is on thine head,--on mine, the dew,--
And Death must dig the level where these agree.
IV
Thou hast thy calling to some palace-floor,
Most gracious singer of high poems! where
The dancers will break footing, from the care
Of watching up thy pregnant lips for more.
And dost thou lift this house's latch too poor
For hand of thine? and canst thou think and bear
To let thy music drop here unaware
In folds of golden fulness at my door?
Look up and see the casement broken in,
The bats and owlets builders in the roof!
My cricket chirps against thy mandolin.
Hush, call no echo up in further proof
Of desolation! there's a voice within
That weeps . . . as thou must sing . . . alone, aloof.
V
I lift my heavy heart up solemnly,
As once Electra her sepulchral urn,
And, looking in thine eyes, I over-turn
The ashes at thy feet. Behold and see
What a great heap of grief lay hid in me,
And how the red wild sparkles dimly burn
Through the ashen greyness. If thy foot in scorn
Could tread them out to darkness utterly,
It might be well perhaps. But if instead
Thou wait beside me for the wind to blow
The grey dust up, . . . those laurels on thine head,
O my Beloved, will not shield thee so,
That none of all the fires shall scorch and shred
The hair beneath. Stand further off then! go!
VI
Go from me. Yet I feel that I shall stand
Henceforward in thy shadow. Nevermore
Alone upon the threshold of my door
Of individual life, I shall command
The uses of my soul, nor lift my hand
Serenely in the sunshine as before,
Without the sense of that which I forbore--
Thy touch upon the palm. The widest land
Doom takes to part us, leaves thy heart in mine
With pulses that beat double. What I do
And what I dream include thee, as the wine
Must taste of its own grapes. And when I sue
God for myself, He hears that name of thine,
And sees within my eyes the tears of two.
VII
The face of all the world is changed, I think,
Since first I heard the footsteps of thy soul
Move still, oh, still, beside me, as they stole
Betwixt me and the dreadful outer brink
Of obvious death, where I, who thought to sink,
Was caught up into love, and taught the whole
Of life in a new rhythm. The cup of dole
God gave for baptism, I am fain to drink,
And praise its sweetness, Sweet, with thee anear.
The names of country, heaven, are changed away
For where thou art or shalt be, there or here;
And this . . . this lute and song . . . loved yesterday,
(The singing angels know) are only dear
Because thy name moves right in what they say.
VIII
What can I give thee back, O liberal
And princely giver, who hast brought the gold
And purple of thine heart, unstained, untold,
And laid them on the outside of the wall
For such as I to take or leave withal,
In unexpected largesse? am I cold,
Ungrateful, that for these most manifold
High gifts, I render nothing back at all?
Not so; not cold,--but very poor instead.
Ask God who knows. For frequent tears have run
The colours from my life, and left so dead
And pale a stuff, it were not fitly done
To give the same as pillow to thy head.
Go farther! let it serve to trample on.
IX
Can it be right to give what I can give?
To let thee sit beneath the fall of tears
As salt as mine, and hear the sighing years
Re-sighing on my lips renunciative
Through those infrequent smiles which fail to live
For all thy adjurations? O my fears,
That this can scarce be right! We are not peers
So to be lovers; and I own, and grieve,
That givers of such gifts as mine are, must
Be counted with the ungenerous. Out, alas!
I will not soil thy purple with my dust,
Nor breathe my poison on thy Venice-glass,
Nor give thee any love--which were unjust.
Beloved, I only love thee! let it pass.
X
Yet, love, mere love, is beautiful indeed
And worthy of acceptation. Fire is bright,
Let temple burn, or flax; an equal light
Leaps in the flame from cedar-plank or weed:
And love is fire. And when I say at need
I love thee . . . mark! . . . I love thee--in thy sight
I stand transfigured, glorified aright,
With conscience of the new rays that proceed
Out of my face toward thine. There's nothing low
In love, when love the lowest: meanest creatures
Who love God, God accepts while loving so.
And what I feel, across the inferior features
Of what I am, doth flash itself, and show
How that great work of Love enhances Nature's.
XI
And therefore if to love can be desert,
I am not all unworthy. Cheeks as pale
As these you see, and trembling knees that fail
To bear the burden of a heavy heart,--
This weary minstrel-life that once was girt
To climb Aornus, and can scarce avail
To pipe now 'gainst the valley nightingale
A melancholy music,--why advert
To these things? O Beloved, it is plain
I am not of thy worth nor for thy place!
And yet, because I love thee, I obtain
From that same love this vindicating grace
To live on still in love, and yet in vain,--
To bless thee, yet renounce thee to thy face.
XII
Indeed this very love which is my boast,
And which, when rising up from breast to brow,
Doth crown me with a ruby large enow
To draw men's eyes and prove the inner cost,--
This love even, all my worth, to the uttermost,
I should not love withal, unless that thou
Hadst set me an example, shown me how,
When first thine earnest eyes with mine were crossed,
And love called love. And thus, I cannot speak
Of love even, as a good thing of my own:
Thy soul hath snatched up mine all faint and weak,
And placed it by thee on a golden throne,--
And that I love (O soul, we must be meek!)
Is by thee only, whom I love alone.
XIII
And wilt thou have me fashion into speech
The love I bear thee, finding words enough,
And hold the torch out, while the winds are rough,
Between our faces, to cast light on each?--
I drop it at thy feet. I cannot teach
My hand to hold my spirits so far off
From myself--me--that I should bring thee proof
In words, of love hid in me out of reach.
Nay, let the silence of my womanhood
Commend my woman-love to thy belief,--
Seeing that I stand unwon, however wooed,
And rend the garment of my life, in brief,
By a most dauntless, voiceless fortitude,
Lest one touch of this heart convey its grief.
XIV
If thou must love me, let it be for nought
Except for love's sake only. Do not say
"I love her for her smile--her look--her way
Of speaking gently,--for a trick of thought
That falls in well with mine, and certes brought
A sense of pleasant ease on such a day"--
For these things in themselves, Beloved, may
Be changed, or change for thee,--and love, so wrought,
May be unwrought so. Neither love me for
Thine own dear pity's wiping my cheeks dry,--
A creature might forget to weep, who bore
Thy comfort long, and lose thy love thereby!
But love me for love's sake, that evermore
Thou may'st love on, through love's eternity.
XV
Accuse me not, beseech thee, that I wear
Too calm and sad a face in front of thine;
For we two look two ways, and cannot shine
With the same sunlight on our brow and hair.
On me thou lookest with no doubting care,
As on a bee shut in a crystalline;
Since sorrow hath shut me safe in love's divine,
And to spread wing and fly in the outer air
Were most impossible failure, if I strove
To fail so. But I look on thee--on thee--
Beholding, besides love, the end of love,
Hearing oblivion beyond memory;
As one who sits and gazes from above,
Over the rivers to the bitter sea.
XVI
And yet, because thou overcomest so,
Because thou art more noble and like a king,
Thou canst prevail against my fears and fling
Thy purple round me, till my heart shall grow
Too close against thine heart henceforth to know
How it shook when alone. Why, conquering
May prove as lordly and complete a thing
In lifting upward, as in crushing low!
And as a vanquished soldier yields his sword
To one who lifts him from the bloody earth,
Even so, Beloved, I at last record,
Here ends my strife. If thou invite me forth,
I rise above abasement at the word.
Make thy love larger to enlarge my worth!
XVII
My poet, thou canst touch on all the notes
God set between His After and Before,
And strike up and strike off the general roar
Of the rushing worlds a melody that floats
In a serene air purely. Antidotes
Of medicated music, answering for
Mankind's forlornest uses, thou canst pour
From thence into their ears. God's will devotes
Thine to such ends, and mine to wait on thine.
How, Dearest, wilt thou have me for most use?
A hope, to sing by gladly? or a fine
Sad memory, with thy songs to interfuse?
A shade, in which to sing--of palm or pine?
A grave, on which to rest from singing? Choose.
XVIII
I never gave a lock of hair away
To a man, Dearest, except this to thee,
Which now upon my fingers thoughtfully
I ring out to the full brown length and say
"Take it." My day of youth went yesterday;
My hair no longer bounds to my foot's glee,
Nor plant I it from rose- or myrtle-tree,
As girls do, any more: it only may
Now shade on two pale cheeks the mark of tears,
Taught drooping from the head that hangs aside
Through sorrow's trick. I thought the funeral-shears
Would take this first, but Love is justified,--
Take it thou,--finding pure, from all those years,
The kiss my mother left here when she died.
XIX
The soul's Rialto hath its merchandize;
I barter curl for curl upon that mart,
And from my poet's forehead to my heart
Receive this lock which outweighs argosies,--
As purply black, as erst to Pindar's eyes
The dim purpureal tresses gloomed athwart
The nine white Muse-brows. For this counterpart, . . .
The bay crown's shade, Beloved, I surmise,
Still lingers on thy curl, it is so black!
Thus, with a fillet of smooth-kissing breath,
I tie the shadows safe from gliding back,
And lay the gift where nothing hindereth;
Here on my heart, as on thy brow, to lack
No natural heat till mine grows cold in death.
XX
Beloved, my Beloved, when I think
That thou wast in the world a year ago,
What time I sat alone here in the snow
And saw no footprint, heard the silence sink
No moment at thy voice, but, link by link,
Went counting all my chains as if that so
They never could fall off at any blow
Struck by thy possible hand,--why, thus I drink
Of life's great cup of wonder! Wonderful,
Never to feel thee thrill the day or night
With personal act or speech,--nor ever cull
Some prescience of thee with the blossoms white
Thou sawest growing! Atheists are as dull,
Who cannot guess God's presence out of sight.
XXI
Say over again, and yet once over again,
That thou dost love me. Though the word repeated
Should seem a "cuckoo-song," as thou dost treat it,
Remember, never to the hill or plain,
Valley and wood, without her cuckoo-strain
Comes the fresh Spring in all her green completed.
Beloved, I, amid the darkness greeted
By a doubtful spirit-voice, in that doubt's pain
Cry, "Speak once more--thou lovest!" Who can fear
Too many stars, though each in heaven shall roll,
Too many flowers, though each shall crown the year?
Say thou dost love me, love me, love me--toll
The silver iterance!--only minding, Dear,
To love me also in silence with thy soul.
XXII
When our two souls stand up erect and strong,
Face to face, silent, drawing nigh and nigher,
Until the lengthening wings break into fire
At either curved point,--what bitter wrong
Can the earth do to us, that we should not long
Be here contented? Think! In mounting higher,
The angels would press on us and aspire
To drop some golden orb of perfect song
Into our deep, dear silence. Let us stay
Rather on earth, Beloved,--where the unfit
Contrarious moods of men recoil away
And isolate pure spirits, and permit
A place to stand and love in for a day,
With darkness and the death-hour rounding it.
XXIII
Is it indeed so? If I lay here dead,
Wouldst thou miss any life in losing mine?
And would the sun for thee more coldly shine
Because of grave-damps falling round my head?
I marvelled, my Beloved, when I read
Thy thought so in the letter. I am thine--
But . . . so much to thee? Can I pour thy wine
While my hands tremble? Then my soul, instead
Of dreams of death, resumes life's lower range.
Then, love me, Love! look on me--breathe on me!
As brighter ladies do not count it strange,
For love, to give up acres and degree,
I yield the grave for thy sake, and exchange
My near sweet view of heaven, for earth with thee!
XXIV
Let the world's sharpness like a clasping knife
Shut in upon itself and do no harm
In this close hand of Love, now soft and warm,
And let us hear no sound of human strife
After the click of the shutting. Life to life--
I lean upon thee, Dear, without alarm,
And feel as safe as guarded by a charm
Against the stab of worldlings, who if rife
Are weak to injure. Very whitely still
The lilies of our lives may reassure
Their blossoms from their roots, accessible
Alone to heavenly dews that drop not fewer;
Growing straight, out of man's reach, on the hill.
God only, who made us rich, can make us poor.
XXV
A heavy heart, Beloved, have I borne
From year to year until I saw thy face,
And sorrow after sorrow took the place
Of all those natural joys as lightly worn
As the stringed pearls, each lifted in its turn
By a beating heart at dance-time. Hopes apace
Were changed to long despairs, till God's own grace
Could scarcely lift above the world forlorn
My heavy heart. Then thou didst bid me bring
And let it drop adown thy calmly great
Deep being! Fast it sinketh, as a thing
Which its own nature does precipitate,
While thine doth close above it, mediating
Betwixt the stars and the unaccomplished fate.
XXVI
I lived with visions for my company
Instead of men and women, years ago,
And found them gentle mates, nor thought to know
A sweeter music than they played to me.
But soon their trailing purple was not free
Of this world's dust, their lutes did silent grow,
And I myself grew faint and blind below
Their vanishing eyes. Then thou didst come--to be,
Beloved, what they seemed. Their shining fronts,
Their songs, their splendours, (better, yet the same,
As river-water hallowed into fonts)
Met in thee, and from out thee overcame
My soul with satisfaction of all wants:
Because God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.
XXVII
My own Beloved, who hast lifted me
From this drear flat of earth where I was thrown,
And, in betwixt the languid ringlets, blown
A life-breath, till the forehead hopefully
Shines out again, as all the angels see,
Before thy saving kiss! My own, my own,
Who camest to me when the world was gone,
And I who looked for only God, found thee!
I find thee; I am safe, and strong, and glad.
As one who stands in dewless asphodel,
Looks backward on the tedious time he had
In the upper life,--so I, with bosom-swell,
Make witness, here, between the good and bad,
That Love, as strong as Death, retrieves as well.
XXVIII
My letters! all dead paper, mute and white!
And yet they seem alive and quivering
Against my tremulous hands which loose the string
And let them drop down on my knee to-night.
This said,--he wished to have me in his sight
Once, as a friend: this fixed a day in spring
To come and touch my hand . . . a simple thing,
Yet I wept for it!--this, . . . the paper's light . . .
Said, Dear I love thee; and I sank and quailed
As if God's future thundered on my past.
This said, I am thine--and so its ink has paled
With lying at my heart that beat too fast.
And this . . . O Love, thy words have ill availed
If, what this said, I dared repeat at last!
XXIX
I think of thee!--my thoughts do twine and bud
About thee, as wild vines, about a tree,
Put out broad leaves, and soon there's nought to see
Except the straggling green which hides the wood.
Yet, O my palm-tree, be it understood
I will not have my thoughts instead of thee
Who art dearer, better! Rather, instantly
Renew thy presence; as a strong tree should,
Rustle thy boughs and set thy trunk all bare,
And let these bands of greenery which insphere thee,
Drop heavily down,--burst, shattered everywhere!
Because, in this deep joy to see and hear thee
And breathe within thy shadow a new air,
I do not think of thee--I am too near thee.
XXX
I see thine image through my tears to-night,
And yet to-day I saw thee smiling. How
Refer the cause?--Beloved, is it thou
Or I, who makes me sad? The acolyte
Amid the chanted joy and thankful rite
May so fall flat, with pale insensate brow,
On the altar-stair. I hear thy voice and vow,
Perplexed, uncertain, since thou art out of sight,
As he, in his swooning ears, the choir's amen.
Beloved, dost thou love? or did I see all
The glory as I dreamed, and fainted when
Too vehement light dilated my ideal,
For my soul's eyes? Will that light come again,
As now these tears come--falling hot and real?
XXXI
Thou comest! all is said without a word.
I sit beneath thy looks, as children do
In the noon-sun, with souls that tremble through
Their happy eyelids from an unaverred
Yet prodigal inward joy. Behold, I erred
In that last doubt! and yet I cannot rue
The sin most, but the occasion--that we two
Should for a moment stand unministered
By a mutual presence. Ah, keep near and close,
Thou dove-like help! and when my fears would rise,
With thy broad heart serenely interpose:
Brood down with thy divine sufficiencies
These thoughts which tremble when bereft of those,
Like callow birds left desert to the skies.
XXXII
The first time that the sun rose on thine oath
To love me, I looked forward to the moon
To slacken all those bonds which seemed too soon
And quickly tied to make a lasting troth.
Quick-loving hearts, I thought, may quickly loathe;
And, looking on myself, I seemed not one
For such man's love!--more like an out-of-tune
Worn viol, a good singer would be wroth
To spoil his song with, and which, snatched in haste,
Is laid down at the first ill-sounding note.
I did not wrong myself so, but I placed
A wrong on thee. For perfect strains may float
'Neath master-hands, from instruments defaced,--
And great souls, at one stroke, may do and doat.
XXXIII
Yes, call me by my pet-name! let me hear
The name I used to run at, when a child,
From innocent play, and leave the cowslips plied,
To glance up in some face that proved me dear
With the look of its eyes. I miss the clear
Fond voices which, being drawn and reconciled
Into the music of Heaven's undefiled,
Call me no longer. Silence on the bier,
While I call God--call God!--so let thy mouth
Be heir to those who are now exanimate.
Gather the north flowers to complete the south,
And catch the early love up in the late.
Yes, call me by that name,--and I, in truth,
With the same heart, will answer and not wait.
XXXIV
With the same heart, I said, I'll answer thee
As those, when thou shalt call me by my name--
Lo, the vain promise! is the same, the same,
Perplexed and ruffled by life's strategy?
When called before, I told how hastily
I dropped my flowers or brake off from a game.
To run and answer with the smile that came
At play last moment, and went on with me
Through my obedience. When I answer now,
I drop a grave thought, break from solitude;
Yet still my heart goes to thee--ponder how--
Not as to a single good, but all my good!
Lay thy hand on it, best one, and allow
That no child's foot could run fast as this blood.
XXXV
If I leave all for thee, wilt thou exchange
And be all to me? Shall I never miss
Home-talk and blessing and the common kiss
That comes to each in turn, nor count it strange,
When I look up, to drop on a new range
Of walls and floors, another home than this?
Nay, wilt thou fill that place by me which is
Filled by dead eyes too tender to know change
That's hardest. If to conquer love, has tried,
To conquer grief, tries more, as all things prove,
For grief indeed is love and grief beside.
Alas, I have grieved so I am hard to love.
Yet love me--wilt thou? Open thy heart wide,
And fold within, the wet wings of thy dove.
XXXVI
When we met first and loved, I did not build
Upon the event with marble. Could it mean
To last, a love set pendulous between
Sorrow and sorrow? Nay, I rather thrilled,
Distrusting every light that seemed to gild
The onward path, and feared to overlean
A finger even. And, though I have grown serene
And strong since then, I think that God has willed
A still renewable fear . . . O love, O troth . . .
Lest these enclasped hands should never hold,
This mutual kiss drop down between us both
As an unowned thing, once the lips being cold.
And Love, be false! if he, to keep one oath,
Must lose one joy, by his life's star foretold.
XXXVII
Pardon, oh, pardon, that my soul should make
Of all that strong divineness which I know
For thine and thee, an image only so
Formed of the sand, and fit to shift and break.
It is that distant years which did not take
Thy sovranty, recoiling with a blow,
Have forced my swimming brain to undergo
Their doubt and dread, and blindly to forsake
Thy purity of likeness and distort
Thy worthiest love to a worthless counterfeit.
As if a shipwrecked Pagan, safe in port,
His guardian sea-god to commemorate,
Should set a sculptured porpoise, gills a-snort
And vibrant tail, within the temple-gate.
XXXVIII
First time he kissed me, he but only kissed
The fingers of this hand wherewith I write;
And ever since, it grew more clean and white.
Slow to world-greetings, quick with its "O, list,"
When the angels speak. A ring of amethyst
I could not wear here, plainer to my sight,
Than that first kiss. The second passed in height
The first, and sought the forehead, and half missed,
Half falling on the hair. O beyond meed!
That was the chrism of love, which love's own crown,
With sanctifying sweetness, did precede
The third upon my lips was folded down
In perfect, purple state; since when, indeed,
I have been proud and said, "My love, my own."
XXXIX
Because thou hast the power and own'st the grace
To look through and behind this mask of me,
(Against which, years have beat thus blanchingly,
With their rains,) and behold my soul's true face,
The dim and weary witness of life's race,--
Because thou hast the faith and love to see,
Through that same soul's distracting lethargy,
The patient angel waiting for a place
In the new Heavens,--because nor sin nor woe,
Nor God's infliction, nor death's neighbourhood,
Nor all which others viewing, turn to go,
Nor all which makes me tired of all, self-viewed,--
Nothing repels thee, . . . Dearest, teach me so
To pour out gratitude, as thou dost, good!
XL
Oh, yes! they love through all this world of ours!
I will not gainsay love, called love forsooth:
I have heard love talked in my early youth,
And since, not so long back but that the flowers
Then gathered, smell still. Mussulmans and Giaours
Throw kerchiefs at a smile, and have no ruth
For any weeping. Polypheme's white tooth
Slips on the nut if, after frequent showers,
The shell is over-smooth,--and not so much
Will turn the thing called love, aside to hate
Or else to oblivion. But thou art not such
A lover, my Beloved! thou canst wait
Through sorrow and sickness, to bring souls to touch,
And think it soon when others cry "Too late."
XLI
I thank all who have loved me in their hearts,
With thanks and love from mine. Deep thanks to all
Who paused a little near the prison-wall
To hear my music in its louder parts
Ere they went onward, each one to the mart's
Or temple's occupation, beyond call.
But thou, who, in my voice's sink and fall
When the sob took it, thy divinest Art's
Own instrument didst drop down at thy foot
To harken what I said between my tears, . . .
Instruct me how to thank thee! Oh, to shoot
My soul's full meaning into future years,
That they should lend it utterance, and salute
Love that endures, from life that disappears!
XLII
My future will not copy fair my past--
I wrote that once; and thinking at my side
My ministering life-angel justified
The word by his appealing look upcast
To the white throne of God, I turned at last,
And there, instead, saw thee, not unallied
To angels in thy soul! Then I, long tried
By natural ills, received the comfort fast,
While budding, at thy sight, my pilgrim's staff
Gave out green leaves with morning dews impearled.
I seek no copy now of life's first half:
Leave here the pages with long musing curled,
And write me new my future's epigraph,
New angel mine, unhoped for in the world!
XLIII
How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of everyday's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with the passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints,--I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life!--and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.
XLIV
Beloved, thou hast brought me many flowers
Plucked in the garden, all the summer through,
And winter, and it seemed as if they grew
In this close room, nor missed the sun and showers.
So, in the like name of that love of ours,
Take back these thoughts which here unfolded too,
And which on warm and cold days I withdrew
From my heart's ground. Indeed, those beds and bowers
Be overgrown with bitter weeds and rue,
And wait thy weeding; yet here's eglantine,
Here's ivy!--take them, as I used to do
Thy flowers, and keep them where they shall not pine.
Instruct thine eyes to keep their colours true,
And tell thy soul, their roots are left in mine. |
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