duō shǒu yī yè |
【shǎng xī】 cǐ shī bǎ shū qíng de bèi jǐng zhì fàng zài wěi dà shǐ shī de huán jìng zhōng, zài shén mì 'ér xióng hún de fēn wéi zhōng zhǎn kāi chì liè de qíng gǎn fēng bào。 yǔ yán huá měi 'ér yòu lì。( xiè miǎn)
shī de jié gòu jí wén zì dū xiāng dāng yuán shú, yòu xī fāng shǐ shī huò shī jù de wèi dào。 zhǐ shì nà xiē yòu yì míng de shī zhōng rén wù, duì bù shú xī zhè duàn xī là shén huà gù shì de dú zhě lái shuō, kǒng pà huì gé liǎo xiē。( fēi mǎ)
yán gé dì shuō, zhè shì yī shǒu bù chéng shú de“ shǐ shī”, wéi qí shì“ bù chéng shú”, ér fēi wán quán de shī bài, wǒ men yìng gěi yú zuò zhě duì cǐ de qǐ tú hé nǔ lì zuò chū kěn dìng。( chén míng huá)
NakedGod,trans.EdgarDive
Whatanambitiouspoemtotranslate!SomuchofthepassionandgriefaredeftlycarriedoverintoEnglish.Someoftherewordingoftheimagesisexquisite:lineslike,"alltheplantsinTroybegintotremble,""I'lldropmyswordoutsidethebrocadecurtainsforthefirsttime,""Letmetakeoffyourmuddybootsandbreatheonyourfeet."Ithinkthestruggleforthetranslatorhereistwofold:howtomaintainanelegantyetunarchaicdictionandhowtoexpresssuchpassionwithoutbecomingmelodramaticandoverstated.I'llgiveacoupleofexamplestoshowwhatImean.Thelines"Theskynevermorewillbeblue,norwilltheseas,theswordinmyhand/Isnolongerbright--IsTroy,[ruefully]meanttobe/Apunishmentonmy,andI,toloseforevermynakedgodofstarrynights..."couldbereworded,withtheconsiderationsImentionedinmind,tobecome:"Theskywon'tbeblueanymore,northeseas.Theswordinmyhand/Isnolongerbright--IsTroymeanttobe/Mypunishment.AmItolosemynakedgodofstarrynights...""Ruefully"isoneofthoseunecessaryadverbsagain.Theruefulnessisalreadyinthevoiceandwhatthespeakerissaying.Therearesomephrasesthetranslatormaywanttofindalternativesfor.Forinstance,"lipjuices"soundsstrangeinEnglishwhereas"ThelipsofPatrocluswillalwaysbetenderaswater,"soundsexquisite.
(CommentedbyLornaCrozier)
luǒ shén
yīng yì dài jué
kě yǐ xiǎng jiàn fān zhè shǒu shī shì hěn fèi jìn de ! yì zhě yuán shú dì jiāng dà liàng de jī qíng hé tòng kǔ zài yīng yǔ bǎn zhōng bǎo cún liǎo xià lái。 mǒu xiē yì xiàng de cuò cí shì jīng měi de: rú zhè jǐ xíng, "alltheplantsinTroybegintotremble,"( tè luò yī suǒ yòu de shù mù dōuzài chàn dǒu,) "I'lldropmyswordoutsidethebrocadecurtainsforthefirsttime,"( wǒ jiāng dì yī cì zài jǐn zhàng wài diū qì wǒ de cháng jiàn) "Letmetakeoffyourmuddybootsandbreatheonyourfeet."( ràng wǒ wéi nǐ tuō qù ní nìng de zhàn xuē, zài jiǎo biān qīng qīng hē hù) wǒ xiǎng yì zhě miàn duì de nán chù shì shuāngchóng de: zěn yàng bǎo chí wén yǎ dàn bìng bù gǔ jiù de yòng cí, zěn yàng biǎo dá chū zhè yàng de jī qíng dàn yòu bù zhì yú kuā zhāng làn qíng。 wǒ lái jǔ jǐ gè lì zǐ shuō míng wǒ de yì sī。 zhè jǐ xíng "Theskynevermorewillbeblue,norwilltheseas,theswordinmyhand/Isnolongerbright--IsTroy,[ruefully]meanttobe/Apunishmentonme,andI,toloseforevermynakedgodofstarrynights..."( tiān kōng jiāng bù zài