现代中国 杯中冲浪 Wang XuSheng  现代中国   (1965~?)
hǎo měng de xī bó lì yà hán liú Violent Siberian Cold Snap
kǒng zhái gù jǐng
qí shí nǐ jiù shì yī zhū lián In (good) sooth you Exactly A lotus
yuān deep
shùn zhe dì lǒng zǒu
yī wèi bēi jù huà jiā zuì hòu de guǐ jì( zǔ shī) A person of (no) importance Buskin artist Final Contrail Poems
dùn tòng dull pain
chǔ bà wáng (surname) overlord
lǚ tài hòu surname sultaness
niǎo hé niǎo cháo( zǔ shī) Birds and Nest Poems
huái niàn fù qīn cherish father
lǎo niàn Lao Niang
qiū mǎ zhà Qiu Grasshopper
fàn jìn fēng liǎo
shí yuè yī jì shì October uni- commentary
多首一页
xiàn dài shī Modern Poetry
好猛的西伯利亚寒流
hǎo měng de xī bó lì yà hán liú
Violent Siberian Cold Snap

杯中冲浪


  jìn guǎn chuāng zǐ hé mén guān dé hěn sǐ
   wèi jiā yī de xué shēng réng rán bái zhǐ yī yàng de fā lěng
   dì lǐ lǎo shī shuō, xī bó lì yà chū hán liú qīn rù guó jìng xiàn hòu, guò xīn
   lǒng méng shǎn jìn jì, rù lǔ, cháng tú bēn xí wǒ men chū yī、 wǔ bān jiào shì
   chéng fēi yì shì
  
   lóu wài jǐng sè qī mí
   hái zǐ yá chuáng xiàng píng yuán shàng de shù zhī yī yàng gē zī zuò xiǎng
   nián qīng de lǎo shī bù rěn dǔ hái zǐ shòu kǔ, màn màn de jǔ qǐ dì qiú yí
   rán hòu, bǎ yòu shǒu de shí zhǐ hé zhōng zhǐ bìng lǒng
   gāng yì de chā jìn zhù míng de 'ā 'ěr tài fēng kǒu
  
   fēng shēng jí kè chén jì, yáng guāng chuān tòu bō lí
   huā xiāng niǎo yǔ
  
   zhè shì qǐng kè de biàn huà
   qǐng kè zhī hòu
   xuè qì fāng gāng de lǎo shī dà jiào yī shēng, liǎn sè cǎn bái
   dǎo zài jiǎng tái shàng
   tā yòu shǒu de zhōng zhǐ hé shí zhǐ yǐ jīng fā wū
   zài kàn dì qiú yí, nà tiān shān hé 'ā 'ěr tài shān xiá cháng de kōng dì
   wù rán duī jī zhe 'èr zhǐ shēn de jiān bīng


    译者: Kino Lee

【赏析】   gòu sī xīn yíng bié zhì。 yòng lǎo shī jiāng 'èr zhǐ chā rù dì qiú yí de qiáng liè xíng xiàng, biǎo xiàn chū lǎo shī duì xué shēng de 'ài yǐ jí xué xiào shè bèi、 xué xí tiáo jiàn zhī chā。 jù yòu yì shù zhèn hàn lì hé pǔ biàn de xiàn shí yì yì。( gāo píng)
  
   cǐ shī yù yì shēn yuǎn, shè jì qiǎo miào, jù mó huàn shǒu fǎ。 shǐ wǒ men duì nà gǔ 「 hán liú 」, xīn shēng jǐng tì。( xiàng míng)
  
   zuò zhě shàn yú lì yòng xì jù xìng shǒu fǎ, jiāng shī de qíng jìng yī bù bù tuī xiàng gāo cháo, yīn 'ér chǎn shēng jí dà de zhāng lì, lìng rén zhèn hàn。( luò fū)
  
   xiǎng xiàng xīn qí shì yī shǒu hǎo shī de shǒu yào tiáo jiàn, shī de hǎo chù zài cǐ, kě xī yǔ yán bù gòu lì luò, rú néng rù xuǎn, yìng zài sān jiá zhī wài。( chén míng huá)
  
   yòng chāo xiàn shí de shǒu fǎ miáo shù xiàn shí zhōng yī gè zì wǒ xī shēng、 chōng mǎn 'ài xīn de jiào shī , gèng xiǎn dé zhēn qiē gǎn rén。( fēi mǎ)
  
  ViolentSiberianColdSnap(trans.byKinoLee)
  
  Thecoldreallycomesthroughinthispoemandsettlesinthereader'sbones.HavinggrownupintheprovinceofSaskatchewan,wherethethermometeroftenfallstominusthirtyforweeksatatimeduringthewinter,Iidentifiedwithwhatwasbeingdescribed.Whatthewriterandtranslatordidsowellwastohelpreadersvisualizethecoldsnap,somethingwe'renotusedtodoing.Wecanfeelitbutwithoutapoet'shelp,wecan'tseeit.Thepoemshowedusthecoldstridingacrosstheglobetowardsthehelplesschildrenintheirclassroom.Tomakethiscoldcolderandtoendowitwithmorevitality,Iwouldsuggestthattheteacher'swordsattheendofthefirststanzacouldbemorecolloquial.Hiswordssoundoverlyformalforsomeonespeaking.Aswell,KinoLeemightliketochange"Teethofthechildren"tothelessformal"Thechildren'steeth."InEnglish,wearewaryofadverbs.Therightadverbintherightplacecanbearemarkableaddition,butsometimesthesemodifiersdon'tworkhardenoughandendupdiffusingtheenergyoftheverb.Forthatreason,takealookat"decisively"in2.6.Adjectivescanalsobeaweakerformofdiction.Iwonderifthere'samorecolourfulwordthan"notorious"in2.7."Deathlypale,"thoughaccurate,isanover-usedphraseinEnglish.Andfinally,thesyntaxcouldbeworkedoninthelastfewlines.Perhapsthere'sagoodreasontostartthefinalsentencewith"Asfortheglobe,"buthere'sanalternativetoconsider:"Hardice,twofingersdeep/Spreadacrosstheglobeoverthelongandnarrowland/betweentheTianshanandtheAltaiMountains."Thisfinalimageissostrong.Howimplacablethecold,howhardtheteachertriedtostopit!
  
  (CommentedbyLornaCrozier)
  
   shī zhōng de zhè gǔ hán liú què shí lìng dú zhě gǎn dào chè gǔ zhī hán。 wǒ de gù xiāng jiā ná dà sà sī kǎ qiē wàn shěng( Saskatchewan), nà 'ér de qì wēn zài dōng tiān yòu shí huì jiàng dào líng xià sān shí dù, bìng kě néng chí xù hǎo jǐ zhōu, zhè shǐ wǒ duì shī zhōng suǒ miáo shù de hán liú néng yòu qièshēn de tǐ huì。 zuò zhě hé yì zhě suǒ zuò de gōng zuò lìng rén chēng zàn, tā men bāng zhù dú zhě jiāng zhè gǔ hán liú xíng xiàng huà, ér zhè shì wǒ men bù cháng zuò de。 wǒ men huò xǔ kě yǐ gǎn jué dào tā, dàn shì méi yòu shī rén de bāng zhù, wǒ men bù kě néng kàn dào tā。 zài shī zhōng zuò zhě wèiwǒ men qīng xī dì zhǎn xiàn liǎo hán liú chuān yuè dì qiú lái xí jī jiào shì lǐ de hái zǐ men。 wéi shǐ zhè gǔ hán liú de qiáng dù gèng shèn, bìng shǐ qí gèng wéi shēng dòng, wǒ jiàn yì dì yī jié zuì hòu lǎo shī de huà kě yǐ gèng kǒu yǔ huà yī diǎn, zuò wéi pǔ tōng rén shuō huà, tā de huà tīng qǐ lái shāo xiǎn zhèng shì。 tóng yàng, yì zhě huò kě jiāng “ Teethofthechildren” gǎi wéi gèng wéi suí biàn de“ Thechildren ’ steeth”。
  
   zài yīng yǔ zhōng, wǒ men duì fù cí de shǐ yòng bǐ jiào jǐn shèn, zhè xiē xiū shì yǔ de xiào guǒ bìng bù míng xiǎn, xiāng fǎn kě yǐ xiāo jiě dòng cí de“ néng liàng”。 yīn cǐ, dì 'èr jié dì liù xíng de“ decisively” kě zài zhēn zhuó。 tóng yàng, xíng róng cí zài cuò cí shàng yě kě ruò huà xiào guǒ。 wǒ rèn wéi dì 'èr jié dì qī xíng de“ notorious” huò xǔ néng yòu gèng hǎo de cí tì huàn。“ Deathlypale” jìn guǎn zhǔn què, dàn zài yīng yǔ zhōng yǐ jīng yòu diǎn bèi làn yòng。 lìng wài, zuì hòu jǐ jù de jié gòu huò kě gǎi jìn, huò xǔ yǐ“ Asfortheglobe” qǐ jù zì yòu qí dào lǐ, dàn xià miàn de jù zǐ yě kě yǐ kǎo lǜ,“ Hardice,twofingersdeep/Spreadacrosstheglobeoverthelongandnarrowland/betweentheTianshanandtheAltaiMountains.” zuì hòu zhè yī yì xiàng yì cháng qiáng liè, zhè hán liú shì rú cǐ de jiào rén nán yǐ shì huái, zhè lǎo shī shì rú cǐ jué jué dì yào qù zǔ zhǐ tā!
  
  ( LornaCrozier píng /KinoLee yì)



【北美枫文集】“ huá hé bēi ” 2007 zhōng wài huá wén shī gē lián sài
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