散文 》 长者 Elderly   》 长者 Elderly      余秋雨 Yu Qiuyu      Elderly 　　一 　　 　　一九六三年我十六岁，高中毕业。高中毕业的体验是永远无法重复的。 　　 　　一群既可称为少年也可称为青年的人突然要为自己作出终身选择了，选择的范 　　 　　围又毫无限制。你说将来想做中学语文教师、图书馆管理员，或外科医生、国际海 　　 　　员而去报考相应的专业，周围没有人会笑你。人的一生就这么短短的个把月时间的 　　 　　无限制状态，今后到死也不会再有了。照理父母和老师应该来限制一下，但他们那 　　 　　时也正在惊喜自己培养的成果怎么转眼之间拥有了那么多可能，高兴得晕颠颠的， 　　 　　一般也拿不定主意。于是，在那个绝对不应该享有那么大决定权的年岁，作出了不 　　 　　知轻重的决定。那个夏天那么烦热又那么令人兴奋，只有树上的知了在幸灾乐祸地 　　 　　叫着，使很多人成年后不愿再回忆这种叫声。 　　 　　与很多男孩子一样，我照例也有两个小伙伴，一个姓丁，一个姓张，成绩都很 　　 　　好，相信只要自己愿意，任何一所大学都考得上。一天在操场边上商议，现在报考 　　 　　的大学分三类，一类为理工科，二类为医科，三类为文科，我们三人如果各报一类， 　　 　　二十年后一起周游世界，走到哪里都没有不懂的事情了，那该多痛快！这个想法很 　　 　　吸引人，立即通过，而且决定，一定要选每一类里最好(也就是最难考)的学校。那 　　 　　么，三类怎么分工呢？用三张小纸写上号码，折成小球往上一抛，抓阄。丁抓到了 　　 　　第一类，很快打听明白，最好的是清华大学；张抓到了第二类，经过衡量也作出了 　　 　　决定，当时最难考的医科是第二军医大学；我抓到了第三类，可恨的文科，该选哪 　　 　　个大学呢?三个人都苦恼开了。 　　 　　肯定不能考名牌大学的中文系。为什么三个人如此快速地一起作出这种判断， 　　 　　现在回想起来还不大能够理解。大概是觉得中文系里闹不出一个极有意思的工作， 　　 　　或者是觉得我们在中学早已把《离骚》、《论语》和几十篇古文背得滚瓜烂熟，难 　　 　　道大学里再去做这种令人厌烦的事？张同学说：“我刚读过郭沫若的自传，连他也 　　 　　没有上过中文系!”丁同学说：“巴金也没有。”那天的初步意向，我应该报考外文 　　 　　系，至于哪个大学的外文系最好，还要分头打听。 　　 　　但第二天发生了一件事情。班主任孙老师把我找去了，他身边站着一位我不认 　　 　　识的瘦瘦的老师，自我介绍是上海戏剧学院来的。“我们学院要以最高的要求招收 　　 　　戏剧文学系的一个班，现在已有几千人报名，只招三十名，但我们还怕遗漏了最好 　　 　　的，听说你在全市作文比赛中得了大奖……”没等他说完我就急着问：“那你们是 　　 　　不是今年全国文科大学中最难考的?”“还没有作这种排列。”老师说，“你知道郭 　　 　　沫若先生吧?”“知道。”我回答，心想昨天张同学才提起过他。“郭沫若以中国科 　　 　　学院院长的身份兼任了中国科技大学校长，他在这个大学高年级里发现了一个能写 　　 　　剧本的高材生，立即决定中止他的学业，转到我们学院来读书。”“你是说，连中 　　 　　国科学院院长也认为，科学技术没有戏剧文学重要?”我的班主任孙老师惊讶地问。 　　 　　“我可没有这么说，”上海戏剧学院的老师含蓄地笑了一下，“但是科技大学 　　 　　的这位高年级学生只能进入我们的一年级，还必须经过严格的考试。如果你来报考，” 　　 　　他把脸转向我，“他是你的竞争对象。”我的脑子开始有点发呆，他又丢过来一句： 　　 　　“你的竞争对象还有巴金的女儿。”果然还有巴金！昨天我们刚刚说郭沫若和巴金 　　 　　没读过中文系，没想到他们两位不约而同地把学生和子女托付给了上海戏剧学院戏 　　 　　剧文学系。怎么能怀疑这两位长者的判断?我当即下了报考的决心。 　　 　　戏剧学院是提前考试，一共考了九场，真把人累死。还没有等到发榜，全国高 　　 　　校统考开始了，我当然还应该参加。统考的第一志愿填了军事外语学院，因为听说 　　 　　这个学校毕业后能做外交武官、情报人员，这对一个男孩子来说太刺激了。 　　 　　不久传来消息，两校都录取了我，戏剧学院抢先一步，拿走了我的档案。军事 　　 　　学院一位姓刘的军官坐在我家里不走了，反复给我父母说，我的英语成绩在今年考 　　 　　生中是第一名，学校决定非要我不可，现在唯一的办法是让我和家长到市招生委员 　　 　　会吵，把档案抢回来。 　　 　　我父母本来就对戏剧学院没有兴趣，但又平生不会争吵，只得不断写信给招生 　　 　　委员会。姓刘的军官又来了，说写信没有用，得当面去说。父亲对我说：“这种事 　　 　　由家长去说没有说服力，你自己到招生委员会去一趟吧。”上海市招生委员会设在 　　 　　同济大学，换了三辆车才找到。那天奇热，进校门前先在马路对面的小银行门口站 　　 　　了好久，怯生生地端详着大门，猜想会见到什么样的人，盘算该讲什么样的话。进 　　 　　了校门后又故意在一幢幢因暑假而阒寂无人的楼房间胡乱穿行，直到培养足了对军 　　 　　事外语学院的热爱，对上海戏剧学院的憎恨，才推开招生委员会的大门。 　　 　　我才与一位工作人员说了几句，他就笑了，说你爸爸每天寄来一封信，现在都 　　 　　在姚主任那里，就让姚主任与你谈吧。就这样，我轻易地见到了大名鼎鼎的上海市 　　 　　招生委员会主任姚力先生。 　　 　　姚力先生一脸慈祥，笑眯眯地听我把准备好的那一套讲完，就把笑容收住了， 　　 　　用一种宣判式的语调对我说：“我们国家打仗的时间太长，军事人员过剩而艺术人 　　 　　员缺乏，你应该读艺术。”他的语气完全不容辩驳，好一位威严的长者，我看着他 　　 　　发了一阵傻，他也看着我，却不再讲话。结果是我点了点头，起身告别。 　　 　　如果说郭沫若、巴金还比较遥远，那么，姚力却实实在在地以长者的力量把我 　　 　　推进了戏剧学院。 　　 　　班级里三十个人，我被分在第一小组。坐在我后面的同学叫曲信先，他就是郭 　　 　　沫若推荐来的那一位；我的邻座叫李小林，巴金的女儿。 　　 　　 二 　　 　　不知是该怪学校还是该怪时代，我们入学后遇到的课程实在太差了，差到我根 　　 　　本不敢写信告诉在清华大学和第二军医大学的那两位小夥伴。 　　 　　专业主课叫“剧本份析”，分析的第一个剧本是朝鲜的《红色宣传员》，然后 　　 　　是中国的《夺印》和《英雄工兵》，更让人惊异的是所谓分析只讲解思想内容，猛 　　 　　一听全部都是政治课。这些社会上人人都能讲的话，难道就是大学课程？我当时不 　　 　　知道更大的背景，只认为上海戏剧学院以一种“最难考”的假象把我们骗进去了， 　　 　　于是整天忧郁。一位有革命经历的干部要我们抄写他新创作的剧本，说是给我们一 　　 　　个学习的机会，记得剧本是歌颂一个劳动模范的，一抄之下便大惊失色，对学习的 　　 　　前景更加担心起来。 　　 　　终于有一位稍有名气的陈汝衡先生来讲古典文学，他用标准的苏北口音教了几 　　 　　个月的平仄和格律之后要我们学写古诗，待我们把作业交上去之后他着实有点吃惊， 　　 　　连连问：“这是你们自己写的？”同学们不禁暗暗一笑，你们忘了是以什么样的标 　　 　　准把我们招来的。 　　 　　写了几首古诗，古典文学课也就结束了，而那个写劳动模范的剧本还是一稿一 　　 　　稿改，每一稿都由我们抄，抄完后再送到打字间打印，我想这些劳动加在一起，一 　　 　　定远远超过那位劳动模范本身的辛劳了。那天我又一次奉命把剧本送到打字间，在 　　 　　等候的时间里听到了一段有趣的交谈。几个打字员都是年轻小姐，她们手指不停嘴 　　 　　也不停，在争论全校风度最好的是哪一位教师。他们的争论对象，渐渐从表演系转 　　 　　到别的系，从青年转到老年又转到中年，从男老师转到女老师，最后停留在一个人 　　 　　的名字上不动了，这个人的名字叫张可。 　　 　　从她们的七嘴八舌中听得出来，张可老师是个传奇性的人物。出身富贵之家， 　　 　　容貌美丽，娴熟英语，莎士比亚研究专家，而居然早在三十年代十几岁时就参加了 　　 　　共产党，从事地下工作，等到一九四九年共产党夺取政权，她却功成身退，离开组 　　 　　织成了一名普通教师。但是，只要学校有重要外宾来访，总少不了她。高雅的仪容 　　 　　和漂亮的英语每次都让来访者感到有些意外。打字员们说，那时她们总会暂停手下 　　 　　的工作冲出去看，不是看外国人而是看张可老师，看她的举手投足、言谈风度。 　　 　　旁听这番议论后不久我们要下乡了，说是不能让我们在高楼深院里成为书呆子， 　　 　　必须到农村参加当时正在开展的“四清运动”。全班同学正好都厌烦了听那些课， 　　 　　觉得再听下去未必成为书呆子却一定成为呆子，于是便欢天喜地地打点行装，只有 　　 　　郭沫若推荐来的曲信先同学得了肝炎，不仅不能去，还要由医务室隔离，眼泪汪汪 　　 　　地十分悲伤。 　　 　　我们去的地方是江苏太仓浏河，每个村去一个教师、一个同学，再搭配一个从 　　 　　附近县乡抽调过来的农村干部。在一堵公布名单的墙上看到，与我一起到一个叫郏 　　 　　家宅的村子里去的农村干部叫李惠民，而教师，则是张可。 　　 　　 三 　　 　　我们三人住在全村最穷的一户农民家里，这家农民有三间小泥屋。东间挤着房 　　 　　东夫妻和子女；西间住着房东的母亲，还养了两头羊；中间一间放置农具和吃饭， 　　 　　又养着四头羊。六头羊都是集体所有的，在这家借住，和我们一样。 　　 　　我们三人就在这家吃饭。按城市标准交饭费，但照规定，如果饭桌上出现了荤 　　 　　菜，一筷子也不能去动。不过这种情况是不可能发生的，因为这家人家的下饭菜永 　　 　　远只有一碟盐豆，连一片青菜也没有，这让人感到奇怪。我们的任务第一是参加田 　　 　　间劳动，第二是帮助这个村庄清理近几年的账目，看看有没有人贪污。但清理来清 　　 　　理去，最大的疑点数还及不上我们三人每月交的伙食费。当然不敢说房东贪污，但 　　 　　我们三人的脸色已每况愈下。我年轻，更依赖营养，张可老师几次欲言又止，最后 　　 　　终于说了：“你正长身体，不能长时间这样，我昨天去打听了，你的其他同学也在 　　 　　补营养。”说着悄悄递给我几粒巧克力。农村干部李惠民则每天晚上端给我一小碗 　　 　　炒米粉，这是他的未婚妻留给他的。 　　 　　张可老师当时应该是四十四岁，她在那间低矮的泥屋里挂了一顶雪白的帐子， 　　 　　与成天咳嗽不停的老太太和两头羊勉强分开。我知道她最受不住的不是伙食、住宿， 　　 　　而是用水，因为这儿淘米、洗衣、梳洗乃至刷便桶，全靠屋前一条杂草丛生的污浊 　　 　　小河沟。另一项受不住的是雨天走路，在溜滑无比的淤泥中她简直迈不开步，有时 　　 　　狠心一迈又必定重重摔跤，引来座座泥屋门口的一片笑声，我便一拐一扭地赶去搀 　　 　　扶。 　　 　　进了泥屋她稍作梳理立即又容光焕发，走到门口站着与我说一会儿话，顺便扫 　　 　　了一眼我手中卷着的书。下乡时我特意挑了一本比较耐读的书带来，那是兰姆写的 　　 　　莎士比亚故事集的英文版，哪想到会在这儿遇到真正的专家，因此故意掩掩藏藏不 　　 　　让她看见。但是一个人对自己熟悉的书籍的感应总是超常的，张可老师只远远闪过 　　 　　一眼就笑着说：“不要只读兰姆，最好读原文。”我红着脸说：“那是古英语，很 　　 　　难。”张可老师说：“你真不知道读原文的乐趣有多大。”然后她又比较起朱生豪 　　 　　和吴兴华的翻译，用郑重的口气介绍法文翻译家傅雷，最后对我竟然没听说过傅东 　　 　　华有点不满意，说这是一位国学西学俱佳的学者。说着她走进西屋拿出一本陈旧的 　　 　　牛皮纸封面文集，里边有一篇傅东华论国学的文章，让我阅读。 　　 　　谈话一旦开始就渐渐养成了习惯，她即便是随口说几句也能带给我一个文雅的 　　 　　世界。我毫不掩饰地抱怨学院里课程之拙劣，她微笑地说，倒真的不必来读戏剧文 　　 　　学系。“莎士比亚是位诗人，向他学编剧技巧委屈了他；中国话剧的发展，关键是 　　 　　导演；至于传统戏曲，剧本历来不重要，主要是演员的表演。”她从根本上动摇了 　　 　　我本来就不坚实的专业思想后，又兴致勃勃地介绍起我十分陌生的京剧女老生演员 　　 　　张文娟，用词之热烈在她平日的从容谈吐中很少见到。对此我不无惊异，但结果却 　　 　　是触动我日后渐渐建立起一种以演员为中心的比较健全的戏剧观念。对于在戏剧学 　　 　　院的课堂上已经消失、而在学生课余阅读中仍然热门的贝克、劳逊、亚却、斯坦尼、 　　 　　布莱希特，她以温和的语气提醒我都不太重要。 　　 　　现在回想起来，这么多看似至高无上的大师早早地被一位女性温和的声音化解 　　 　　了一大半，这节省了我多少钻研的时间，提升了我多少鸟瞰的高度!减法比加法更值 　　 　　得感谢。 　　 　　天暗了，一盏昏黄的油灯点燃了起来，房东又在叫我们去吃盐豆稀饭。饭后， 　　 　　农村干部李惠民和我们坐到了一起，他说：“你们经常在谈的东西我听不大懂，知 　　 　　道自己没文化，现在天天晚上练毛笔字，请你们帮我指点指点。”我和李惠民同室 　　 　　而居，知道他每天晚上都要练很长时间的毛笔字，有时我睡了一觉醒来看见他还在 　　 　　练，至于他已经练到什么程度了，却没有去注意。待到他拿出最近写的一大叠毛边 　　 　　纸来，我和张可老师都惊呼起来。才几个月，他手下的欧体九成宫已经非常像样。 　　 　　一天，我正在门外洗衣服，从泥路上驶来一辆农民驮货用的自行车，骑车的是 　　 　　青年农民，而货架上却坐着一位满头白发的清瘦老者，一看就知道是文化人。车在 　　 　　我跟前停下了，老者跳下货架走上一步问我：“请问，许玄在哪个村？”许玄是我 　　 　　的同班同学，我立即断定，这是许玄的父亲，华东师范大学著名的文学教授许杰先 　　 　　生，全国闻名的“大右派”。那么衰老的他居然长途颠簸看望女儿来了，汽车站离 　　 　　这里很远，货用自行车显然是他从车站雇到这儿的。 　　 　　“您是许伯伯吧？”我问。他高兴地点了点头，我就指给他看许玄的住处，自 　　 　　行车又驮着他上路了。我连忙叫出张可老师，张可老师看着许杰先生的背影深深叹 　　 　　了一口气，说：“受了那么多罪，还一心关心着女儿!”从许杰先生，谈起文学界。 　　 　　我说前不久读了陕西作家王汶石的几个短篇不错，她说从王汶石一篇谈结构的文章， 　　 　　可以知道他比其他农村作家要用功。如此平静地以“用功”一词来评价一位当时颇 　　 　　为轰动的作家，我看到了一种宁静的文化风度。 　　 　　“国外的小说家你最喜欢谁？”她想把我从中国作家中引开。 　　 　　“法国的雨果，俄国的契诃夫。”我回答。“那也一定知道翻译俄文的满涛？” 　　 　　她问。“当然。”我说。 　　 　　“他是我家里人，哥哥。”她说。“他也姓张？”我愚蠢地问。她忍不住笑了， 　　 　　点了点头。 　　 　　她既然提到了哥哥，我就大胆地追问：“张可老师，据说你有很传奇的经历？” 　　 　　她又笑了：“什么传奇？不值一提。”她没有顺着这个话题讲下去，而是换了一种 　　 　　口气对我说：“你的古文已经不错，现在最好把外语学好，光凭英语课本没用。我 　　 　　觉得你还应该再用功一点。”又是“用功”。我认真地点了点头，说已经把最容易 　　 　　买到的《毛泽东选集》英文版通读了一遍，她连忙说：“那是偷懒的办法，中国人 　　 　　的思维，中国人的词汇，猜都猜得出来。读英语，先读狄更斯，再读莎士比亚。” 　　 　　这样的谈话，几乎天天进行，特别是在晚上。羊睡着了，老太太的咳嗽声有节奏地 　　 　　传来，李惠民继续在油灯下与欧阳询厮磨。北窗外是一道很高的长堤，长堤外是浩 　　 　　阔的长江，往东不远，有一个古老的阅兵台，是戚继光留下的遗迹；往西不远，是 　　 　　郑和下西洋的码头所在。江风阵阵，涛声隐隐，而我们居住着的村落，从明末以来 　　 　　一直是海盗的据点。当年让航船者们闻风丧胆的“七十二家村”就在这里，这个如 　　 　　此破败的小村落就是“七十二家村”的一部份。 　　 　　长江、海盗、郑和、戚继光，现在又加上了雨果、契诃夫和莎士比亚。我纳闷： 　　 　　是一种什么缘份，让我在这样的一个地方遇到了这样一位长者？ 　　 　　春节到了，上级通知，每村三人中一个留守，两个可以回家探亲。留守者当然 　　 　　是我，他们两位走了。李惠民天天嘴上挂着未婚妻，何况他的炒米粉也早已被我吃 　　 　　完了。过几天，不知在哪个村庄，家家户户的春联都会换上漂亮齐整的欧体？张可 　　 　　老师回的是一个什么样的家呢？作为学生，什么样的问题都可以询问老师，就是不 　　 　　适宜询问老师的家庭。她日日夜夜给我讲了那么多话，怎么除了哥哥满涛，却从来 　　 　　未曾提起自己的家里人？ 　　 　　 四 　　 　　从农村回到学校不久，“文化大革命”开始了。我们班级的同学，很少有家里 　　 　　不出事情的。作家、教授的后代自不待说，连“高干子弟”们也接二连三地大祸临 　　 　　头。郭沫若几经痛切检讨后还保留着位置，但他推荐来的曲信先却遇到了家庭出身 　　 　　问题。李婴宁同学父亲的党龄几乎和党史差不多长，但不幸他又是一位出色的书法 　　 　　家和文物鉴赏家，当造反派闯进他家打烂了那些文物，他也就不想活了。我父亲籍 　　 　　籍无名，居然也因是“阶级异己分子”而被关押，他可是我们一家八口人唯一的经 　　 　　济来源，我这个大儿子虽然不到二十岁却面对着一副家庭生计重担，盘算再三觉得 　　 　　能救我们全家的只有在安徽工作尚未成家的叔叔了，但刚刚想到，叔叔已在一场游 　　 　　街批斗之后自杀。他游街批斗的罪名是“蓄意美化大毒草《红楼梦》”。 　　 　　这样大同小异的悲惨故事，在几天之内都压到了各位同学身上。不久前还嘻嘻 　　 　　哈哈的班级，一下子变得很沉默。现在回想起来真不理解大家年纪轻轻为何那么懂 　　 　　事，不哭泣、不诉说、不求告，只是每天平静而怆然地走在处处飘拂着标语、大字 　　 　　报的校园里。背后的长者都不见了，热闹中的脚步迈得多么孤独。不知在何处阴暗 　　 　　的房间里，长者们正目光痴痴地悬想着这些脚步，而这些脚步却已走不到长者们身 　　 　　边。 　　 　　学校中的造反派骂我们班级是顽冥不化的“三座大山”，其实他们哪里知道， 　　 　　这个班级压着多少个家庭悲剧，有什么心绪在学校里胡闹，又有什么资格胡闹？有 　　 　　一天，突然在校园里见到了张可老师，她历来不是那种常能见到的老师，从农村分 　　 　　别后就很少照面，不知在干什么。那天她显得很疲倦，走得很慢。猛地看到我她非 　　 　　常高兴，彼此问对方好吗，回答都含糊其词，艰难地找着话题。 　　 　　“李惠民最近有联系吗？”她问。“谁?”“李惠民。”她又重复了一次，这下 　　 　　我想起来了，与我们一起住了很久的农村干部。倒不是我忘了他，是没有料到张可 　　 　　老师会在这样的时刻提起他。那些谈莎士比亚、练九成宫的夜晚又浮现在眼前，我 　　 　　把张可老师搀到路边草坪上谈了一会儿。她又告诉我，她家有一个邻居，是我中学 　　 　　的校友，每次见面都把我作为谈论对象。我想不起那位校友，但请张可老师代我向 　　 　　他问好。 　　 　　“听说你们又要下农村?”她问。 　　 　　“是的，已经动员了。”我说。“多久?”她问。 　　 　　“说是一辈子。”“让带书吗？”她又问。“还不知道。总可以带几本吧。” 　　 　　但我心里明白，张可老师说的书，不是可让带的那几本。 　　 　　“一辈子，与父母商量了？”我淡淡苦笑了一下。张可老师好像感觉到了这种 　　 　　问法有点不合时宜，便轻轻拍了拍我的手臂，说：“好好照顾自己。”这次下乡劳 　　 　　动的时间并没有预想的那么漫无边际，等我们在几度春耕秋收之后突然被通知回到 　　 　　上海，情况已发生很大变化。工宣队、军宣队和造反派之间吵闹得很厉害，造反派 　　 　　的一些头头被关起来了，又出了林彪事件，一来二去，上级居然下令要复课了。复 　　 　　课又没有教材，于是一窝蜂地成立各种各样的教材编写组。原先被作为运动对象或 　　 　　运动阻力看待的那帮人，开始有点事干了。先听说有一批教师要去参加修订《辞海》， 　　 　　名单上有张可老师；后来陆陆续续又有一些教师被抽调出去，一天在大食堂，有一 　　 　　个军宣队员找我谈话，要我参加设在复旦大学的一个现代文学编写组。“每个文科 　　 　　学校都有人参加，以复旦、师大为主，我们是小学校，要谦虚。”他说。 　　 　　当时所有的修订组和教材编写组都由市里的写作组统管，写作组对我这样一个 　　 　　“文革”以来未曾参加过任何组织的年轻人有点看重的意思，然而毕竟我的运气太 　　 　　好，一九七五年年初就发觉得了肝炎。在家休息一阵还不行，只得住院，出了医院 　　 　　就到故乡休养去了。要不然，从一九七五年到一九七六年，我如果在上海，没准也 　　 　　会奉命参与一些诸如“反击右倾翻案风”和其他名目繁多的小运动，居然都让我逃 　　 　　过去了。古人说“因病得闲殊不恶”，信然。记得回乡休养前在学院医务室里还遇 　　 　　见过张可老师一次，她说：“没关系，我爱人也得过肝炎，少吃药，多休息，增加 　　 　　营养。”顺便她还愉快地告诉我，学院里受人尊敬的朱端钧教授现在也在参加修订 　　 　　《辞海》。 　　 　　这次她终于提到了自己的爱人。我曾听系里的老师说，她爱人是“胡风分子”， 　　 　　究竟是谁，却不清楚。 　　 　　说是回乡养病，故乡却只有一位七十多岁的老祖母，我怕传染给她。后来是我 　　 　　同乡的老师盛钟健先生在奉化县的一个半山腰里找到一间小房子，让我住了下来。 　　 　　吃饭则有一顿没一顿，搭在山脚下一个极其简陋的小食堂里。那里连一份报纸也看 　　 　　不到，完全不知道天下发生了什么事。又是大幸，居然让我认识了一位八十多岁的 　　 　　沈老先生，他受当地文化馆委托管理着早年蒋经国先生在山间的一个读书室，经他 　　 　　点头，我就全身心地钻到那些旧书里去了。那儿除了《古今图书集成》、《二十四 　　 　　史》、《四部丛刊》外，还有《万有文库》和比较完整的二三十年代出版的文化杂 　　 　　志，我反正有的是时间，一本本阅读。正经书读累了，就去兴致勃勃地翻阅一大堆 　　 　　《东方杂志》。读书室外面是长天荒草，安静无比。我从来没有获得过那么优越的 　　 　　读书条件，当然绝不放过，连生病的事也忘记了。 　　 　　那位沈老先生有点仙风道骨，那么大年纪还每天爬山，有时居然亲自提一小篮 　　 　　子家栽时鲜水果，到半山小屋来送给我，让我既惊讶又感动。我问他为什么不在读 　　 　　书室里交给我而要亲自送来，他说这是“礼数”。他倒是每天早晨在家听点广播， 　　 　　把重要的消息告诉我。有一天他说唐山发生了大地震，你半山腰的小房子也危险， 　　 　　于是我几经打听搬到一个庙里躲避。在庙里又住了不少时日，仍然天天去读蒋经国 　　 　　先生留下的那些书。那个读书室造得很坚固，即使发生地震也会很安全。沈老先生 　　 　　说，蒋经国先生从来没有充份利用过这个读书室，这个读书室简直就是为我造的了。 　　 　　从古庙到读书室那条冷僻的荒路，我已经走得悠然陶然，几乎记不得年月了。终于 　　 　　有一天，我从两位过路山民嘴中得知，立即又在老先生那里证实，毛泽东去世了。 　　 　　 五 　　 　　几年后，我在系资料室里翻阅杂志，突然读到一篇用中西比较方法研究《文心 　　 　　雕龙》的文章，十分惊叹，却不知作者王元化是什么人。当时正好有上海的一家大 　　 　　报向我约稿，就写了篇读后感寄去。几天后报社编辑亲自来到我家，告诉我这篇读 　　 　　后感不能发表。原因是“王元化的历史问题还没有结论，学术杂志发表他的论文可 　　 　　以，但我们报纸……”我问：“王元化究竟是谁?”“你写了文章还不知道他是谁?” 　　 　　那位编辑十分惊讶，“我还以为是由于你和他爱人同在一个学校的关系呢。”“他 　　 　　爱人在我们学院?”我好奇极了。“张可嘛!你真的不知道？”“啊？”这下我倒真 　　 　　是发呆了。过些天我有意识地在学校里找到张可老师，谈了这件事，也谈了我对王 　　 　　元化先生文章的评价。张可老师开心地笑着，不断地说：“你太客气了，你太客气 　　 　　了！”又过了几天，系里的柏彬老师交给我一封厚厚的信，拆开一看，署名王元化。 　　 　　除了约我见面，还谈到以前如何从张可老师那里知道我，其中有一段话，一看之下 　　 　　眼睛一亮，后来不知又默诵了多少遍：尽管身边还有大量让人生气的事，但我可以 　　 　　负责地说，就学术文化研究而言，现在可能正在进入本世纪以来最好的时期。 　　 　　一位伤痕累累、尚未平反的长者，居然用如此明快的语言作出了世纪性的判断， 　　 　　当时对我的震撼真是非同小可。“可能正在进入本世纪以来最好的时期”───至 　　 　　少有几个月时间我一直念叨着这每一个字，回想着梁启超、章太炎、王国维、鲁迅、 　　 　　陈寅恪，不能不产生一种惶恐，怕大家在热闹中把一个重要的时机辜负。正是这种 　　 　　震撼和惶恐，使我急急地将那部我多次提到过的H.克拉克的英文著作作为拐杖，向 　　 　　古代欧洲走去。 　　 　　这些年在海内外演讲中总会被人频频问起，我从一个戏剧学者转而投身于多方 　　 　　位文化思考的最初动力，我总是回答：十几年前，我收到过一位长者的信。 　　 　　收到信的第二天，我就来到王元化、张可老师的家里。张可老师只忙着端茶、 　　 　　送点心，而王元化先生则几乎没有寒暄就立即与我谈起了刚刚发表不久的李泽厚的 　　 　　《论严复》，又联系到李泽厚早在五十年代发表的《谭嗣同研究》，这种不羼水份 　　 　　的学术性谈话出现在家庭里稍稍显得有点沉闷，张可老师坐在一边听了一会儿就笑 　　 　　着嗔怪起来：“人家那么远的路赶来，一下子谈得那么严肃!”待到吃饭了，张可老 　　 　　师始终在忙着给我夹菜添饭，连王元化先生也觉得过份了，一次次说：“让秋雨自 　　 　　己来，让秋雨自己来。”但是每次吃饭，我总觉得他们饭量太小，而我的饭量太大， 　　 　　很不好意思。 　　 　　没有想到，一九七九年六月，张可老师突然在一次会议上中风。送到医院，情 　　 　　势十分危急，昏迷十天不醒，半个多月一直处于病危之中。王元化先生在医院号啕 　　 　　大哭，这位多灾多难的学者一遍遍呼喊：“我对不起她!我对不起她!”他当时还没 　　 　　有平反。 　　 　　不到半年，王元化的冤案终于彻底平反。此时的张可老师，虽已摆脱病危，却 　　 　　像换了一个人。 　　 　　王元化参加工作后越来越忙碌，很少有时间在家逗留了。张可老师几十年来早 　　 　　已习惯每天陪着困陷于冤屈和寂寞中的丈夫，现在，她寂寞了。 　　 　　王元化总想抽时间陪她。那年在庐山召开全国文艺理论研讨会，王元化应该到 　　 　　会，他却用《文心雕龙创作论》的一大半稿费，在庐山租了一间房子，把张可老师 　　 　　接去了，乘机让她在那里疗养。我也去参加了这次会议，到他们的那间房子去拜访， 　　 　　发现来访的客人川流不息，很难真正休养。一天，与会代表分乘几辆客车在山间游 　　 　　玩，其中有两辆翻了车，消息传到张可老师耳朵里，她居然起身来到屋外，焦急地 　　 　　在路口见一人问一人：“余秋雨死了没有?余秋雨死了没有?”那两辆翻了的车，也 　　 　　只是部份人受了点轻伤，而我那天根本没有出游。当我知道张可老师对我的问讯之 　　 　　后实在有点吃惊，一是被一位病人的关爱所感动，二是觉得若在她生病之前，这位 　　 　　中英文俱佳的高雅女子绝不会用这样简单直拔的句子问话。 　　 　　 六 　　 　　日子一年年过去，连我们也渐渐老了。三十人的班级，已经有四个同学去世， 　　 　　每次追悼会，同学们哭得像家属一样伤心。 　　 　　是什么机缘把我们拉在一起的，这已经变得很不重要。有一次我遇到很多年前 　　 　　到中学来游说我报考上海戏剧学院的那位老师，说：“我的大半辈子都被你骗过来 　　 　　了。”他一笑：“骗来一位院长，值。”其实岂止骗来我这位院长，现任院长荣广 　　 　　润教授，戏剧文学系主任丁罗男教授，以及图书馆的吕兆康馆长，都是从我们这个 　　 　　小小班级走出来的。同学中，李小林依然在掌管中国最优秀的文学杂志《收获》， 　　 　　而她所承担的更重要的使命是维护巴金老人的健康。巴金老人在回忆录中曾用感念 　　 　　的笔触提起我们这个班级，想当年，只要听到武康路老人家里有事，班级同学就一 　　 　　人一辆自行车呼的一声去了。风风火火、爽爽利利的桂未明同学负责着《萌芽》杂 　　 　　志，她也要承担照顾家中劳累一生的文化长者的任务。而那位由郭沫若先生推荐来 　　 　　的曲信先同学，虽然身体不好却勤于教育，亲自培养出了著名剧作家宗福先、马中 　　 　　骏、贾鸿源、史美俊……。有一次招收研究生口试，我问一位考生，你最喜欢的当 　　 　　代剧作家是谁？考生回答是马中骏。我又问，你知道马中骏先生的剧作教师是谁？ 　　 　　考生摇头，我得意地告诉他：“是本教师的同班同学，姓名暂时保密。”是的，连 　　 　　我们的学生也已经如此像模像样，我们确实都老了。 　　 　　人一上年纪，就会自然熄灭往常误以为灿烂的浮火，静静地去体会人生的厚味。 　　 　　在这一过程中，张可老师的身影总会越来越鲜明地晃动在眼前。已经不再仅仅是学 　　 　　生对老师的感谢，而是她以那么长的时间给我设了一个谜，揭开谜底居然是王元化 　　 　　先生。其实，更大的谜底是她自己。一个女人背后的学者，一个学者背后的女人， 　　 　　这个结构已经很有魅力，但更有魅力的还是第二结构，那就是：漫长灾难中的不懈 　　 　　护卫，灾难消解后的倦然退下。 　　 　　好一个倦然退下，这又使我联想到她早年的一个结构：共产党掌握政权前的出 　　 　　生入死，共产党掌握政权后的悄然隐去。这几个结构涡旋在一位高雅女子身上，使 　　 　　我觉得既恢宏而又神秘。现在，每次看到在苍老、疲惫中向我露出笑容的张可老师， 　　 　　总觉得这是一门玄奥的人生课程。我不再后悔当年头脑一热错考了上海戏剧学院， 　　 　　这种错考让我有机会直接面对这门课程，非常值得。 　　 　　中学毕业时的三个小夥伴约定各学一类专业等二十年后一起畅游世界，二十年 　　 　　早已过去，当年的约定也已经飘作云烟。各学一类专业就能懂得世界?这真是孩童之 　　 　　见。请看仅仅一个张可老师，就足够让我们终身去阅读。 　　 　　大概从五年前开始，我觉得需要对张可老师作进一步的了解，以便告诉我的同 　　 　　学和我的读者。前年，国际大专辩论赛从哈佛、耶鲁和中国大陆邀请了五位终评委， 　　 　　我和王元化先生正好在内，在评判的空余时间，我开始向他询问。前不久，我特地 　　 　　列出一些模糊之处再进一步请教王元化先生，终于，我可以为张可老师写下一段话 　　 　　了。 　　 　　这段话不长，大致如下─── 　　 　　张可，一九二□年十二月出生于苏州一个书香世家，受良好早期教育。十六岁 　　 　　时考进上海暨南大学，这是一所拥有郑振铎、孙大雨、李健吾、周予同、陈麟瑞等 　　 　　教授的大学，学风淳厚。一九三八年十八岁时加入中国共产党，从此全力投身革命， 　　 　　大学毕业后主要在上海戏剧界从事抗日活动，自己翻译剧本、组织小剧场演出，还 　　 　　多次亲自参加表演。结识比她较早参加共产党的年轻学者王元化。 　　 　　抗战初年在一次青年友人的聚会中，有人戏问王元化心中恋人，王元化说： 　　 　　“我喜欢张可”，张可闻之不悦，质问王元化什么意思，王元化语塞。八年抗战， 　　 　　无心婚恋，抗战胜利前夕，有些追求她的人问她属意于谁，张可坦然地说：“王元 　　 　　化。”以基督教仪式结婚。其时王元化在北平的一所国立大学任教，婚后携张可到 　　 　　北平居住。但张可住不惯，说北平太荒凉，便又一起返回上海。 　　 　　一九四九年五月上海解放，这两位年富力强而又颇有资历的共产党人势必都要 　　 　　参加比较重要的工作，但他们心中的文学寄托，在于契诃夫、罗曼.罗兰、狄更斯、 　　 　　莎士比亚，生怕复杂的人事关系、繁重的行政事务和应时的通俗需要消解了心中的 　　 　　文学梦，再加上已有孩子，决定只让王元化一人外出工作，张可脱离组织关系。 　　 　　因胡风冤案牵涉，一九五五年六月王元化被隔离，还在幼儿园小班的孩子张着 　　 　　惊恐万状的眼睛看着父亲被拉走。关押地不断转换，张可为寻回丈夫，不断上访。 　　 　　王元化被关押到一九五七年二月才释放。释放后的王元化精神受到严重创伤，幻听 　　 　　幻觉，真假难辨，靠张可慢慢调养，求医问药，一年后基本恢复。当时王元化没有 　　 　　薪水，为补贴家用，替书店翻译书稿，后又与张可一起研究莎士比亚，翻译西方莎 　　 　　学评论。张可还用娟秀的毛笔小楷抄写了王元化《论莎士比亚四大悲剧》和其他手 　　 　　稿。 　　 　　三年自然灾害期间，王元化曾患肝炎，张可尽力张罗，居然没有让王元化感到 　　 　　过家庭生活的艰难。“文革”灾难中，两人都成为打击对象，漫漫苦痛，不言而喻。 　　 　　“文革”结束之后，王元化冤案平反在即，一九七九年六月，张可突然中风， 　　 　　至今无法全然恢复。 　　 　　一九七九年十一月，王元化彻底平反，不久，担任上海市委宣传部门主要领导 　　 　　职务。 　　 　　王元化对妻子的基本评价：“张可心里似乎不懂得恨。我没有一次看见过她以 　　 　　疾颜厉色的态度对人，也没有一次听见过她用强烈的字眼说话。总是那样温良、谦 　　 　　和、宽厚。从反胡风到她得病前的二十三年漫长岁月里，我的坎坷命运给她带来了 　　 　　无穷伤害，她都默默地忍受了。人遭到屈辱总是敏感的，对于任何一个不易察觉的 　　 　　埋怨眼神，一种悄悄表示不满的脸色，都会感应到。但她却始终没有这种情绪的流 　　 　　露，这不是任何因丈夫牵连而遭受磨难的妻子都能做到的，因为她无法依靠思想或 　　 　　意志的力量来强制自然迸发的感情，只有听凭仁慈天性的指引，才能臻于这种超凡 　　 　　绝尘之境。”王元化又说：“当时四周一片冰冷，唯一可靠的是家庭。如果她想与 　　 　　我划出一点界线，我肯定早就完了。” 　　 　　 七 　　 　　写完这段话我凝思良久。当年在长江边的小村庄里日夜与我谈话的张可老师， 　　 　　前前后后背负着多大的重担！粗略算来，那时走到我面前的她，二十六年前加入共 　　 　　产党，十五年前脱离，九年前丈夫被捕，六年前与丈夫一起进入莎士比亚研究并翻 　　 　　译了大量西方典籍……，这，难道就是那位与我们同住在肮脏的泥屋里、经常在淤 　　 　　泥中摔跤、塞给我几粒巧克力又告诫我必须用功的可亲老师吗？十七岁男孩子眼中 　　 　　的一切都那么浅薄，不知道长者在关爱我们的同时是否心动一头，想吐露一点心中 　　 　　的苦涩？我相信，即使有过一闪念她也立即咽下去了，人生体验最深刻的地方是无 　　 　　法用言词来传递的，只有让你自己去体验。直到今天我才敢说，老师，我体验过了， 　　 　　因此才会回过头去捕捉三十多年前的瞬间，用一篇万字长文把它虔诚地写出来。 　　 　　张可老师至今健在。见到客人来她还会开心地问候着，张罗出几碟点心。但在 　　 　　我看来，她在十八年前病倒时，在王元化先生的号啕大哭中，已举行了一个完成人 　　 　　生使命的隆重仪式。我请求我的同学们读了这篇文章之后不要再去打扰她，她已经 　　 　　太累，让她安静。想念她时可以读读王元化先生的大著宏论，在那里，字字行行都 　　 　　有她的影子在。 　　 　　有空，我会代你们去看望她老人家。 　　 　　作者附记：王元化先生对本文有关部份进行了精细校订，谨此感谢。 　　 　　(《新华文摘》1998年第10期，原载《中华散文》1998年第8期) 　　A 　　1963 I was sixteen years old, graduated from high school. High school experience is never repeated. 　　A group of teenagers who can also be called a youth called suddenly to make their own lifelong choice, _select_ Fan 　　Wai and without restrictions. You want to say that the future high school language teacher, librarian, or surgeon, the International Maritime 　　Apply the appropriate professional staff away, no one will laugh at you around. Human life on such a short period of time of months 　　Unlimited state, the future will no longer have to die. Parents and teachers should be reasonable to restrict it, but that they 　　While also being pleasantly surprised how the results of their training has so many possible instant, happy halo bobbing, 　　Generally undecided. So, in that absolutely should not be entitled to a big decision right age, has made no 　　Know the severity of the decision. That summer was so exciting then Fanre only the cicadas in the trees schadenfreude 　　Cried so many adults do not wish to recall this sounds. 　　Like with a lot of boys, as usual, I have two small partners, one surnamed Ding, a surname, results are 　　Well, as long as they are willing to believe that any one university managed to get on. A day at the playground on the edge deliberation, apply now 　　The university divided into three categories, one for science and engineering, the second category of medicine, three categories of the arts, the three of us if each newspaper category, 　　After two decades traveling the world together, wherever did not understand things, that the more happy! The idea is 　　Attractive, immediately through, and decided that we must choose the best in each category (that is the hardest test) school. That 　　Why, three types of how the division of labor it? With three small number written on paper, folded up the ball for a throw, catch lots. Ding caught 　　The first category, and soon to inquire understand that the best Tsinghua University; Zhang caught the second category, also made after the measure 　　The decision was the most difficult medical exam is Second Military Medical University; I caught a third category, hateful liberal arts, the election which 　　Two universities? Three were distressed opened. 　　Certainly can not take the prestigious university department. Why three people together so quickly to make such judgments, 　　In retrospect not big can understand. Probably not think the Chinese department in trouble a very interesting work, 　　Or think we recite in high school had the "Lament", "The Analects" and dozens of classical, hard 　　Road college and then do this annoying thing? Zhang student said: "I just read the autobiography Guo, even he 　　! Not been to the Department of Chinese "Ding student said:" Ba Jin did not. "That's the initial intention, I should apply for a foreign language 　　Department of Foreign Languages ​​Department as to which university is best, but also to inquire separately. 　　But the next day something happened. Sun teacher teacher went to find me, he did not recognize me standing beside a 　　Knowledge of thin teacher, introduced themselves to the Shanghai Theatre Academy. "We should take the highest requirements of college recruiting 　　A series of dramatic literature class, now we have thousands of people sign up, only thirty strokes, but we still afraid of missing the best 　　, I heard you got the game winning essay in the city ...... "Before he finished I anxiously asked:" What are you 　　This year liberal arts college in the country is not the hardest exam? '"Has not made this arrangement. "The teacher said," You know Guo 　　Moruo sir, right? "" I know. "I replied, thinking yesterday, Zhang was mentioned his classmates." Guo in China Branch 　　Served as Dean of the identity of China University of Technology president, he found that higher grades in college, one can write 　　Screenplay of the top students, and immediately decided to suspend his studies, go to our college to study. "" You mean, even in the 　　National Academy of Sciences president also believes that science and technology is not dramatic literature important? "My teacher, Sun asked in surprise. 　　"I can not say that," the teacher Shanghai Theatre Academy implicitly smiled, "but the University of Science and Technology 　　Of the high school students can enter our first year, must also pass rigorous exams. If you come to apply. " 　　He turned to me, "he is your competitor." My mind getting a little daze, he lost over a: 　　"Your competitors as well as Ba Jin's daughter." Ba Jin really well! Yesterday we just said Guo and Ba Jin 　　Did not read Chinese literature, did not think they invariably put two students and children entrusted to the Shanghai Theater Academy play 　　Drama and Literature Department. How can doubt that these two elderly judge? I immediately sit down determination. 　　Drama School is ahead of the exam, a total of nine exam, really put people to death. Do not wait for results to be published, the National High 　　School examination began, of course I should also participate. Examination of first choice to fill the Foreign Military Academy, because I heard 　　After graduating from this school do diplomatic attache, intelligence officers, which is a boy too stimulating. 　　Soon came the news that the two schools have accepted me, the first step Drama School, took my files. Military 　　Institute an officer surnamed Liu sat in my house, do not go, my parents said repeatedly, my English exam this year 　　Health is the first school insisted I could not decide, and now the only way is to let my parents and admissions officers to the city 　　Will be noisy, grab the file back. 　　My parents had no interest on the Theatre Academy, but his life would not quarrel, had been writing to the Admissions 　　Committee. Officer surnamed Liu again, said a letter of no use, have to say face to face. Father said to me: "This thing 　　By parents to say no convincing yourself to go right to the admissions committee. "Shanghai is located in the Admissions Committee 　　Tongji University, for the three cars to find. Odd hot day, before Jinjiao first small banks across the road entrance station 　　For a long time, timidly looked at the door, wondering what kind of person would see, wondering what kind of words that speak. Advance 　　Random walk through the gate and then deliberately blocks in a lonely deserted because of the summer holidays and no floor room until enough of the military training 　　Love affair Foreign Language Institute of Shanghai Academy of Drama hatred, just open the door to the admissions committee. 　　I was with a staff member said a few words, he laughed and said your father sent a letter every day now 　　In Yao Zhuren there, let Yao Zhuren and you talk about it. So, I easily saw the famous Shanghai 　　Mr. Yao Li, director of admissions committee. 　　Mr. Yao Li look kindly, smiling, ready to listen to me to finish the _set_, put a smile admitted, 　　In a declaratory tone said to me: "Our country fought too long, surplus military personnel and people of art 　　Who lack, you should read the art. "His tone is completely irrefutable good a dignified elderly, I looked at him 　　Silly hair for a while, and he looked at me, but no longer speak. The result is I nodded, got up and say goodbye. 　　If Guo, Ba Jin is still relatively far away, then, Yao Li has literally put me to the power of the elderly 　　Promote the School of Drama. 　　Classroom thirty men, I was in the first group. The students sitting behind me called the song first letter, he is Guo 　　Moruo recommendation to that one; my neighbor called Li Xiaolin, Ba Jin's daughter. 　　Two 　　I do not know the school or the strange strange times we met after school curriculum is very bad, bad to my roots 　　The letter did not dare tell the Second Military Medical University, Tsinghua University, and that two small partners. 　　Professional main subject called "script copies Analysis", analyzes the first script is North Korea's "Red propagandists" and then 　　China's "wins India" and "Hero Sapper" more amazing is that the analysis only to explain the so-called ideological content, Meng 　　Are all a political lesson. Everyone can speak on these social, then really what college courses? I did not 　　Know the larger context, just think Shanghai Theatre Academy in a "difficult test" illusion to deceive us into, 　　So all day long depression. A revolutionary cadres to experience his new creation we transcribe the script, that is to give us a 　　A learning opportunity, remember the script was praised as a model worker, and then under a pale copy of the study 　　Outlook is more worried. 　　Finally there is a slightly famous Mr. Chen Ruheng terms of classical literature, he used standard in Northern accent taught several 　　After months of ze and metrical want us to learn to write poetry, and wait until we pay up to the job he really a bit surprised, 　　Asked again and again: "This is your own writing?" The students can not help but secretly smile, you forget what the standard is 　　Quasi provoke us. 　　Write a few poems, classical literature class is over, and that writing is a labor model draft a screenplay 　　Draft reform, every manuscript copied by us, and then copied to finish typing the print room, I think they work together, a 　　Given far more than who toil of labor model itself. That day I was again ordered to the script between typing in 　　Waiting time to hear some interesting conversations. Several typists are young lady, who kept a finger tip 　　Does not stop at school style debate which one is the best teacher. Their argument objects, gradually transferred from the Department of Performing 　　To another department, and from youth to middle age to old age, from male teachers to female teachers, the last stop in a person 　　The name is not on the move, this man's name is Zhang can. 　　Hear from their rushes out, Zhang teacher is a legendary figure. Born into a family home, 　　Looks beautiful, skilled English, Shakespeare expert, but actually early as the 1930s teens participated 　　Communist Party engaged in underground work, until 1949 the Communist seizure of power, but she mission accomplished, to leave the group 　　Woven into an ordinary teacher. However, as long as the school has an important foreign guests, there will always be her. Elegant appearance 　　And the beautiful English always let visitors feel a bit surprised. Typists say they always pause when men 　　Work out to look, not to see foreigners but by Zhang teacher, watching her gestures, speech style. 　　This statement shortly after we sit talking to the countryside, and that is not let us become a nerd in high-rise yard deep, 　　Must attend to the countryside was being carried out "four clean sport." Classmates are just tired of listening to those lessons, 　　Feel to hear anymore, but some may not become become nerd nerd, so they joyfully packed up, only 　　Guo Qu recommendation letter to the students first had hepatitis, not only can not go, but also isolated from the infirmary, tears 　　Be very sad. 　　We went to the place in Jiangsu Taicang Liuhe, each village to go to a teacher, a student, and then with one from 　　Deployed near the county over the rural cadres. Published list on a wall saw, and I went to a place called Jia together 　　Homesteads of rural cadres village called Li Huimin go, and teachers, it is Zhang. 　　Three 　　The three of us lived in a village of the poorest farmers at home, this farmer has three small mud houses. East room crowded room 　　East spouses and children; between the landlord's mother lived in the West, but also raised two sheep; intermediate tools and a place to eat, 　　And possessor of four sheep. Six sheep are collectively owned, staying in this house, and we did. 　　The three of us would eat in this house. Pay the cost of food by city standards, but according to the regulations, if the meat on the table 　　Vegetables, a chopstick can not go move. However, this situation can not happen, because the next meal, this people's Wing 　　Far only a dish of salt beans, vegetables and even a no, this surprising. Our first task is to participate in field 　　Among labor, the second is to help clean up the village in recent years, accounts, there is no one to see corruption. But cleanup to clear 　　Li went to the largest number of points still inferior to the three of us suspected monthly pay for meals. Of course, the landlord can not say corruption, but 　　The three of us face is getting worse. I was young, more dependent on nutrition, Zhang teacher paused several times, the last 　　Finally said: "You are a long body, not for a long time so, yesterday I asked around, and your classmates are 　　Nutritional supplement. "Then quietly handed me a few grains of chocolate. Rural cadres Li Huimin the end of every night to give me a small bowl 　　Fried rice, which is his fiancee left him. 　　Zhang teacher should be aged 44 at the time, she was in that room mud house low hanging a white curtain, 　　And the old lady kept coughing all day and two sheep barely separated. I know she is not the most popular live food, accommodation, 　　Instead of water, because here, wash rice, laundry, toilet brush and even commodes, thanks to an overgrown front of the house dirty 　　Small brook. Another is that the rain could not bear to walk in extremely slippery mud she could not step further, sometimes 　　Cruel one step and certainly numerous wrestling, drew laughter into every mud huts door, I will turn twist to rush a mix 　　Help. 　　She briefly into the mud huts and radiant combed immediately, went to the door and stood for a moment, then I said, the way to sweep 　　Rolled up a book in my hand. When the countryside I deliberately picked up a book to read to bring more resistant, it is written by Lamb 　　The English version of Shakespeare's stories, which expect to encounter the real experts here, so do not deliberately cover to hide hidden 　　Let her see. But a person familiar with the books of their induction is always extraordinary, Zhang teacher flashed far only 　　One smiled and said: "Do not read only Lamb, the best reading text." I blushed and said: "That is Old English, it is 　　Difficult. "Zhang teacher said:" You really do not know how much fun reading the original. "Then she Compared Shenghao 　　And Wu Xinghua translation, with a solemn tone introduce French translator Fu Lei, finally I actually heard Fu Tung 　　China somewhat dissatisfied, said it was a superb scholar Western Sinology. Then she walked out of an old Westinghouse 　　Kraft cover anthology, inside a Fu Donghua articles on Chinese culture, let me read. 　　Once the conversation began to gradually develop a habit, she even casually say a few words can bring me a gentle 　　World. I unabashedly complain clumsy college courses, she smiled and said, indeed a dramatic text without having to read 　　Department. "Shakespeare was a poet, playwright skills he learned to pity him; development of Chinese drama, the key is 　　Director; regards traditional opera, plays always important, mainly actors. "She fundamentally shaken 　　I was not thinking of the solid professional, and since I am very happily introduce unfamiliar female opera actor Laosheng 　　Juan, warm words of rarely seen in her usual calm in conversation. I am not without surprise, but the result 　　I touch the future is to gradually establish a more perfect actor-centered theater concept. For Drama 　　The hospital's classroom has disappeared, while students are still popular after-school reading Baker, Lawson, Asia has, Stanislaw, 　　Brecht, her gentle tone reminds me are not very important. 　　In retrospect, the supreme master of so many seem to be a woman early moderate voices resolve 　　A half, it saves me much time to study, how to enhance the bird's eye view of my height! Subtraction more than addition value 　　Thanks. 　　Tian An, a dim oil lamp lit up, the landlord has told us to go in salt beans porridge. After dinner, 　　Rural cadres Li Huimin and we sat down together, he said: "You often hear talk about things I do not quite understand, to know 　　Road, he did not culture, and now every night practicing calligraphy, will you help me pointing pointing. "I'm in the same room and Eddy Lee 　　Door, knowing that he practiced every night for a long time calligraphy, sometimes I wake up to see he was still asleep 　　Practice, as he has got what extent, but not to pay attention. Until recently, he wrote out a big pile of burrs 　　Paper, I and Zhang teacher exclaimed. Only a few months, the European body Jiuchenggong his men have been very decent. 　　One day, I was outside washing clothes, pack the goods with approaching a farmer from the dirt bike, cycling is 　　Young farmers, while it sat on the shelf a thin gray-haired old man, to see that the intellectuals. Car 　　I stopped in front of the old man jumped off the shelf onto the step and asked me: "? Ask, Xu Xuan village in which" Xu Xuan is my 　　Classmates, I immediately concluded that this is the promise mysterious father, the famous East China Normal University literature professor Xu Jie first 　　Students, the famous "big right." Then he did a long bumpy aging came to visit her daughter, from the bus station 　　Here very far, cargo bicycle apparently he hired from the station to here. 　　"You are Xu Bobo, right?" I asked. He nodded happy, I pointed out to him the residence of Xu Xuan, from 　　Driving and laden with him on the road. I quickly called out Zhang teacher, teacher Mr. Xu Jie Zhang looked back deep sigh 　　A deep breath and said: "by so many crimes, but also as one concerned about her daughter!" From Mr. Xu Jie, talk about literature. 　　I said recently read a few short Shaanxi writer Wang Wen Shi's good, she said an article talking about the structure of the stone from the King Wen, 　　He may know more than other rural writers to work hard. So calmly to the word "hard" to evaluate one was quite 　　To sensational writer, I saw a quiet demeanor culture. 　　"Foreign novelist who is your favorite?" She wanted me to distract from Chinese writers. 　　"France, Hugo, Russia Chekhov." I replied. "It also must know the full translation of Tao Russian?" 　　She asked. "Of course." I said. 　　"He is my family, my brother." She said. "He also surname? 'I asked stupidly. She could not help laughing, 　　Nodded. 　　Since she mentioned my brother, I boldly asked: "Zhang teacher, said that you have a very legendary experience?" 　　She laughed: "? What legend worth mentioning" She did not go on along this topic, but rather a change 　　Tone said to me: "You have a good classical, and now it is best to learn a foreign language, English textbooks alone is useless to me. 　　You should also re-think a little hard. "Is" hard. "I nodded seriously, said to have been the most likely to 　　Buy "_Select_ed Works" in English read through, she quickly said: "That is the lazy way, Chinese people 　　Thinking, Chinese people's vocabulary, guess all guess. Read English, first read Dickens, read Shakespeare. " 　　Such a conversation, conducted almost every day, especially at night. Sheep asleep, cough rhythmically old lady 　　Came, Li Huimin Ouyang Xun continue under the lamp and Simo. North of the window is a high causeway causeway outside is ho 　　Width of the Yangtze River, not far from the east, there is an ancient parade units, are the remains of Qi; far west, is 　　Zheng marina lies. Jiang wind blowing, waves faint, but we live in the villages, since the late Ming 　　Has been a pirate stronghold. Then let those who are afraid of the ship "72 Ka" here, as this 　　This small village is dilapidated "72 Ka 'part. 　　Yangtze River, pirates, Zheng He, Qi Jiguang, now with Hugo, Chekhov and Shakespeare. I wonder: 　　What is a fate, let me in such a place encountered such an elder? 　　Spring arrived, superiors notice, every village in a stay of three, two can go home to visit relatives. Of course those left behind 　　Me, both of them gone. Li Huimin every mouth hanging fiancee, not to mention that he also had been fried rice I eat 　　Finished. A few days, I do not know which village, every household will put pretty neat couplets European body? Zhang 　　Teacher back is what kind of home? As a student, what kind of questions can be asked teachers is not 　　Appropriate to ask the teacher's home. Day and night she told me so much, how in addition to full brother Tao, but never 　　Never mentioned his family? 　　Four 　　From the countryside back to school soon, "Cultural Revolution" began. Our class of students, there is little home 　　No matter. Offspring writers, professors from needless to say, even "among the children" who have temporary disaster after another 　　Head. Guo retained the position after several poignant review, but he recommended to the first letter of the song has encountered family background 　　Problems. Li Ying Ning classmate and his father's party standing almost History almost long, but unfortunately he is an excellent calligraphy 　　Family and heritage connoisseur, when the rebels broke into his house broken those artifacts, he will want to live. My father Membership 　　Membership nameless, actually because of "class dissidents" and was detained, but he us an eight man only by 　　Franciscan sources, although my son less than two years old, but faced a burden of household livelihoods, figuring think again 　　Only able to save our family in Anhui uncle married yet, but just think, uncle has a tour 　　After St. denounced suicide. He paraded denounced the charges of "intentional beautification poisonous weeds" Dream of Red Mansions "." 　　Such similar tragic story in a few days you students are pressed into the body. Not long ago hehe 　　Haha classes, all of a sudden become very silent. In retrospect I really do not understand why so young people understand 　　Thing, do not cry, do not tell, do not call, just calm and sad every day to walk in flowing everywhere with slogans, characters 　　Campus newspaper. Behind the elderly are gone, how lonely the lively pace go far. I do not know where the dark 　　Room, the elders are thinking about these hanging eyes journeying pace, pace already able to get these elders body 　　Edges. 　　The rebels accused the school of our classes are obstinate not of the "three big mountains", in fact they know where, 　　The number of classes pressing family tragedy, what mood pranks in school, what qualifications nonsense? Have 　　One day, suddenly saw the photos on campus can be a teacher, she has always been not the kind of teacher can often be seen from the rural areas of 　　After a few other face to face, I do not know what to do. That day she looked very tired, walking very slowly. I suddenly saw her non- 　　Always happy, ask each other, okay, answers are vague, difficult to find it topic. 　　"Li Huimin recently have a link?" She asked. "Who?" "Li Huimin." She repeated once, which under 　　I think of it, long live the rural cadres with us. Not that I forgot he was not expecting Zhang 　　The teacher will mention him at this time. Those talking about Shakespeare, practicing Jiuchenggong night and emerge in front of me 　　The sheets can be mixed to the teacher talk for a moment on the roadside lawn. She also told me that her family has a neighbor, was my high school 　　Alumni, each meeting regarded me as a talking object. I can not remember who the alumni, but please Zhang teacher for me to 　　He say hello. 　　"I heard that you have to lower the countryside?" She asked. 　　"Yes, have been mobilized." I said. "How long?" She asked. 　　"Said to be a lifetime." "Let with books?" She asked. "Do not know the total can bring a few of the bar." 　　But I knew that the teacher said Zhang's book, not a band that can make several. 　　"Life, with parents to discuss it?" I faint smile a little. Zhang teacher felt like this 　　The question is asked a little outdated, they patted my arm and said:. "Take care of yourself," the countryside labor 　　Moving time and not expected so rambling, etc. several times after we return spring harvest was suddenly notice 　　Shanghai, the situation has changed considerably. Between workers' propaganda team, the military forces and the rebels declared noisy badly, rebels 　　Some of the heads were locked up, and out of the Lin Biao incident, one to two to go, actually ordered to resume a higher level. Complex 　　Lesson and no textbooks, so rush to the establishment of a wide variety of materials preparation group. Originally as a moving object or 　　Motion resistance treat those people, getting a little something done. First I heard a group of teachers going to the amendment "dictionary" 　　There Zhang teacher list; later after another there are a number of teachers who were transferred out, one day in the large dining hall, there is a 　　An army declared the players talked to me, asked me to participate in a writing group of modern literature at Fudan University. "Every liberal arts 　　Schools have participated in Fudan University, Normal-based, we are elementary school, to be humble. "He said. 　　All the time and materials to prepare amendments to the group by the group's writing group ruled over the city, for me, a writing group 　　"Cultural Revolution" has not participated in any organization since young little attention to the meaning, but after all my luck too 　　Well, in early 1975 it found had hepatitis. Not enough rest at home for a while, only hospitalization, out of the hospital 　　Went to the home of rest go. Otherwise, from 1975 to 1976, if I were in Shanghai, chances are 　　Will be ordered to participate in some, such as "counter rightist overturn the wind" and other numerous small movement, actually let me escape 　　Passed. The ancients said, "not evil illness was extremely busy," the letter ran. Remember to return home to rest before yet met in college infirmary 　　Zhang met a teacher, she said: "It's okay, I love it too hepatitis, less medication, rest, increase 　　Nutrition. "By the way she happily told me that Professor Zhu Duanjun respected college now also participate Amendment 　　"Dictionary." 　　This time she was finally referred to his lover. I have heard the department's teacher, said she loved the "Hu Feng elements" 　　Who exactly, but it is not clear. 　　Said to return home to recuperate, but only the home of a 72-year-old grandmother, I was afraid to infect her. Later, I 　　Mr. Sheng Zhongjian fellow teacher found a small house on a hillside in Fenghua County, let me live down. 　　There is no meal to eat a meal, take an extremely humble in the foothills of the small cafeteria. There could not see even a newspaper 　　Less, the world did not know what happened. Is fortunate, just let me know an eighty-year-old 　　Mr. Shen Lao, he was commissioned by the local cultural centers managed early in the mountains of Chiang Ching-kuo a reading room, after he 　　Nod, I threw those books drill gone. Where in addition to "ancient and modern books Integration", "twenty-four 　　History "," four series ", there are" universal libraries "and more complete cultural hybridity thirties published 　　Chi, I have plenty of time anyway, a books to read. Decent chance to read tired, went happily read a lot 　　"East magazine." Reading Room is a long day out weeds, very quiet. I've never won so superior 　　Reading condition, of course, never let go, even the sick things are forgotten. 　　Who Mr. Shen Lao little Xianfengdaogu, so much older still climbing every day, and sometimes actually personally put a small basket 　　Sub-family planted seasonal fruits, Mid-Cabin to come to me, so I was surprised and touched. I asked him why he did not read 　　Book room to personally sent to me and he said it was "etiquette." Every morning he'd point at home to listen to radio, 　　The important news to tell me. One day he said, a major earthquake in Tangshan, a small hillside house you also dangerous, 　　So I moved to a temple to escape several times to inquire. In the temple and lived a lot of time, still read every day, Chiang Ching-kuo 　　Mr. those books left. The reading room made it very strong, even if the earthquake will be very safe. Mr. Shen Lao 　　Said Chiang Ching-kuo never fully made use of this reading room, the reading room is simply made up for me. 　　From the Temple to the reading room of the shortage of rare piece of road I've walked leisurely Carefree, almost can not remember the date. Finally 　　One day, I learned from the mouth of two mountain crossing, where the old man again immediately confirmed, Mao Zedong died. 　　Five 　　A few years later, I read magazines in the Department of the data room, read the text of a sudden heart with a Western Comparative Research Methods " 　　Diao, "the article, very amazing, but I do not know what people Wangyuanhua author. There was just one big in Shanghai 　　I asked him to report, they wrote a book review sent. A few days after the newspaper editor personally came to my house and told me to read this 　　After the flu can not be published. The reason is that "historical issues Wangyuanhua not yet concluded, academic journal published his paper may 　　To, but our newspaper ...... "I asked:" Who is Wangyuanhua "?" You wrote the article did not know who he is? " 　　The editor is very surprised, "I thought it was because of your wife, and his relationship with a school in it." 'He 　　Love in our college? "I was very curious." Zhang Well! You really do not know? "" Ah? "It is indeed my 　　A daze. After a few days I consciously sheets can be found in the school teacher, talked about it, I also talked to the king 　　Mr. Yuan evaluation of the article. Zhang teacher happy smile, kept saying: "You are too kind, you are too kind 　　The! "A few days later, the department's Bo Bin teacher handed me a thick letter, open look, signed Wangyuanhua. 　　In addition about to meet me, also talked about how from the previous teacher Zhang know me, including a passage, a glance 　　Eyes light up, then I do not know how many times they silent recitation: Although there are a large number of people angry side, but I can 　　Responsible for speaking on academic and cultural studies, may now be entering the best time in this century. 　　A bruised, the elderly has not been vindicated, with such lively language actually made a century judgments, 　　Was really a shock to me no small matter. "May be entering the best time in this century" ─ ─ ─ to 　　Few months time I have been talking about this every word, think back to Liang, ZHANG, Wang Guowei, Lu Xun, 　　Yinque, can not fail to produce a fear, afraid of everyone in the bustle is an important opportunity to live up to. It is this 　　Shock and fear, so I hastily will I have repeatedly mentioned that the Department of H. Clark's works in English as a crutch to 　　Ancient Europe walked. 　　These annual lectures at home and abroad will always be frequently asked, I turned from a theater scholar engaged in multi- 　　Initial impetus bit of cultural thinking, I always answer: Ten years ago, I received a letter the elderly. 　　Received a letter the next day, I came to Wang Yuanhua, Zhang teacher's home. Zhang busy teachers only served tea, 　　Send snacks, while Mr. Wang Yuanhua greeting almost immediately and I did not talk about the just released soon Li Zehou 　　"On Yan Fu" and also linked to Li Zehou published early in the fifties, "Tan research," this is not confusion moisture 　　Academic conversation in the family seem a little bit dull, Zhang teacher sitting side listened for a moment to laugh 　　The rebuke them: "They then came a long way, all of a sudden we talk about so serious!" Until dinner, Zhang old 　　Teachers always busy my bowl add rice, even Mr. Wang Yuanhua feel too, and again and again: "Let autumn from 　　Had to let themselves autumn. "But every meal, I always think they are too small appetite, and my appetite is too big, 　　Very embarrassed. 　　Did not think, in June 1979, Zhang teacher suddenly at a stroke conference. To the hospital, the situation 　　Situation is very critical, coma ten days unconscious, half a month has been in critical condition being. Mr. Wang Yuanhua howl at the hospital 　　Crying, shouting over and over again the troubled scholars: "!! I'm sorry I'm sorry for her that she" He was not 　　There are vindicated. 　　Less than six months, Wang Yuanhua injustice finally completely vindicated. At this time Zhang teacher, though already dying to get rid of, but 　　Like a new person. 　　Wangyuanhua to work after getting busy, with little time stayed at home. Zhang teacher early decades 　　Have been accustomed to accompany the storm caught daily injustice and loneliness of her husband, and now she lonely. 　　Wang Yuanhua always wanted to spend time with her. That year literary theory seminar held in Lushan National, Wangyuanhua should go to 　　Will, he used "Wenxindiaolong creation of" a half royalties, rented a house in Lushan, the teacher Zhang 　　Then go, where she took the opportunity to let the infirmary. I also took part in the meeting, to their house to visit that room, 　　Steady stream of visitors, found hard to really rest. One day, a few more delegates traveling in tour buses in the mountains 　　Play, which turned the two vehicles, the news reached the ears of Zhang teacher, she actually got up and went outside, anxiously 　　Asked one man, save at the intersection: "Yu Yu is dead and gone dead and gone??" That turned two cars, but also 　　Most people only slightly injured, but I did not travel that day. When I know my teacher Zhang's information desk 　　After it is a bit surprising, one is touched by a patient's care, and second, if she was sick before felt the 　　English is superb and elegant woman would never use such a simple sentence Zhiba questioning. 　　Six 　　In the days of the past year, even we have getting old. Thirty people in the class, there are already four students died, 　　Every memorial, like the families of the students cried as sad. 　　What got us to pull together, it has become very important. Once I met many years ago 　　Secondary to persuade me to apply for the teacher in Shanghai Theatre Academy, said: "I lied to you over the lifetime are 　　A. "He smiled:" lying to a dean, value. "In fact, more than just lying to me the president, the current president of Glory 　　Professor Henry, dean Professor Ding Luonan dramatic literature, and 吕兆康 library curator, are from our 　　Small classes come out. Classmates, Li Xiaolin is still in charge of China's most outstanding literary magazine, "harvest", 　　And she assumed a more important mission is to safeguard the health of Ba Jin elderly. Ba Jin had used the old man in his memoirs gratitude 　　Strokes brought our class, I remember, whenever they hear something in the elderly wukang Road, classmates on a 　　People call a bike went bang. Catch, Shuang Shuang Gui unknown classmate Lilly is responsible for the "budding" Miscellaneous 　　Chi, she must bear the fatigue life of the family to care for the elderly and cultural mission. And who come recommended by a Mr. Guo Moruo 　　The song first letter classmates, although in poor health but diligent education, personally cultivate a playwright were first blessing, Malaysia 　　Chun, Gu Hongyuan, Shimei Jun ....... Once enrolled in graduate oral exam, I asked a candidate, when your favorite 　　Generation of playwrights who are? Candidates answer is Ma Zhongjun. I asked, you know who plays Mr. Ma Zhongjun teachers? 　　Candidates shook his head, I proudly told him:. "Is the teacher's classmate, name temporary secrecy," Yes, even the 　　Our students have been so bigger way, we really are old. 　　One older man, will naturally extinguish usual brilliant floating mistaken fire, quietly to experience delicious life. 　　In this process, Zhang teacher always figure more clearly shaking in front. Is no longer just science 　　Health and thanked the teacher, but she gave me so long to _set_ up a mystery, uncover the answer is actually Wangyuanhua 　　Sir. In fact, the greater the mystery of her own. Scholars of a woman behind the woman behind a scholar, 　　This structure has been very attractive, but the more attractive or the second structure, that is: the long relentless disaster 　　Guard, then tired after a disaster digestion step down. 　　What a tired and then step down, which in turn makes me think of a structure of her early years: the Communists seized power in front of the 　　Born into the death of the Communist Party to power after quietly faded. These vortex structures in an elegant woman who makes 　　I think both magnificent and mysterious. Now, every time I see the old, tired smile to me in the Zhang teacher, 　　Always felt this is a mysterious life course. I will not regret it wrong then a hot head exam, Shanghai Theatre Academy 　　This test was wrong so I have the opportunity to confront this course, well worth it. 　　High school graduation of three small swim with partners agreed each to learn a specialty, such as two years after the world two decades 　　Long past, when the agreement has also been floating for clouds. Each school will be able to understand a world class professional? This is really a child of the 　　See. Look at just one teacher Zhang, enough to make us a lifetime to read. 　　Five years ago, probably from the beginning, I felt the need to Zhang for further understanding of the teacher to tell my fellow 　　School and my readers. Two years ago, the international college debate team from Harvard, Yale and mainland China were invited to the final five judges, 　　Just me and Mr. Wang Yuanhua, including, in the judgment of spare time, I began to ask him about. Not long ago, I specifically 　　Lists some ambiguities further ask Mr. Wang Yuanhua, finally, I can write some words of Zhang teacher 　　A. 　　This passage is not long, roughly as follows ─ ─ ─ 　　Zhang, one hundred ninety-two □ born in Suzhou in December a scholarly family, by a good early education. Sixteen 　　When admitted to Shanghai, Jinan University, which is an owned Zhenduo, SUN rain, Li Jianwu, Zhou Yutong, Chen Linrui etc. 　　University professors, study and honest. 1938 joined the Chinese Communist Party at the age of eighteen, from efforts to join the revolution, 　　After graduating from college in Shanghai, mainly engaged in anti-Japanese activities in the theater, his own translation of the script, organizing theater performances, but also 　　Personally attended several performances. Meet earlier than she joined the Communist Party of young scholars Wangyuanhua. 　　In the early years of the war a youth gathering of friends, someone asked Wangyuanhua play lovers in mind, Wang Yuanhua said: 　　"I like Zhang," Zhang can smell unpleasant, Wang Yuanhua asked what it meant, Wangyuanhua loss for words. , Eight-year war 　　Unintentional marriage, victory on the eve of the war, some people asked her to pursue her who is favored, Zhang frankly said: "Wang Yuan 　　Technology. "Christian marriage ceremony. Their time in a national university Wangyuanhua Peking teach marriage to bring Zhang 　　Peking live. But Zhang is not accustomed to live, said Peking too desolate, in turn returned with Shanghai. 　　May 1949 liberation of Shanghai, the two prime of life, but the Communists are bound to be quite qualifications 　　Participate more important work, but literary sustenance of their hearts, that Chekhov, Romain Rolland, Dickens, 　　Shakespeare, for fear of complex human relations, heavy administrative affairs and popular seasonal needs digestion hearts 　　Literary dreams, plus have a child, decided to only allow one person to go to work Wang Yuanhua, Zhang from the organizational relationships. 　　Hu Feng injustice involved because, in June 1955 Wangyuanhua isolated, still in nursery sheets with small children 　　Terrified eyes watched his father was taken away. Detention, continue to convert to locate her husband Zhang constantly petition. 　　Wang Yuanhua being held to February 1957 before being released. After the release of Wang Yuanhua serious mental trauma, auditory hallucinations 　　Hallucinations, real to the enemy, and slowly nursed back to health by Zhang, chemists, and recovered after one year. No time Wangyuanhua 　　Salary for domestic subsidies, for bookstores translated the manuscript, and then come together to study Shakespeare and Zhang, translated Western Lufthansa 　　Science Review. Zhang also graceful brush with a lower case copy Wangyuanhua 'On Four Shakespeare tragedy "and the other hand 　　Draft. 　　During the three years of natural disasters, Wang Yuanhua had hepatitis, Zhang try to get together, there's no let Wangyuanhua feel 　　Had a difficult family life. "Cultural Revolution" disaster, they have become targets for attack, long suffering, self-evident. 　　After the "Cultural Revolution" ended, Wangyuanhua seek redress soon, in June 1979, Zhang had a stroke, 　　Has not completely recovered. 　　November 1979, Wang Yuanhua completely vindicated, and soon, as the principal leaders of Shanghai Municipal Party Committee Propaganda Department 　　Duties. 　　Wang Yuanhua basic evaluation of his wife: "Zhang know in his heart does not seem to hate me not once seen her. 　　Lise disease Yan attitude to people, there is no one to hear her speak with a strong word. Always so gentle, modest 　　And, generous. Anti-Hu Feng from long years to twenty years before she got sick, my fate brought her frustrations 　　Endless hurt, she silently endured. Who was always sensitive to humiliation, for any imperceptible 　　Complain eyes A face quietly expressed dissatisfaction will sensed. But she has never such sentiments flow 　　Lucy, this is not any hardships suffered because of her husband's involvement wife can do, because she could not rely on ideas or 　　The strength of will to enforce the natural burst of emotion, only let benevolent nature of the guidelines, to reaching this extraordinary 　　Pull the territory. "Wang Yuanhua said:" It was surrounded by a cold, the only reliable family. If she wanted to and 　　I draw the line a little, and I definitely would have gone. " 　　Seven 　　Then I finish this long meditation. Then a small village in the Yangtze River in the night and I spoke to Zhang teacher, 　　The Ins and Outs saddled with much of the burden! A rough calculation, then walked up to me, she joined 26 years ago were 　　Party, from fifteen years ago, her husband was arrested nine years ago, six years ago, together with her husband into the study of Shakespeare and turn 　　Translation of a large number of Western books ...... this really what we who live in filthy with mud house, often in silt 　　Mud wrestling, a few grains of chocolate into my hands and told me to be diligent and amiable teacher? Seventeen-year-old boy in the eyes 　　Everything is so shallow, in the care of our elderly do not know whether the heart a while, to reveal one o'clock hearts 　　Bitter? I believe that even if she had read flash immediately swallow, the most profound life experience is no place 　　Method using words to pass, and only let yourself go experience. Until today, I dare say, a teacher, I have experienced before, 　　So will go back and capture the moment thirty years ago, with a ten thousand word length article written piously it. 　　Zhang teacher still alive. She will be happy to see the guests greeted with, raise the plates of dessert. But in 　　It seems to me, when she fell ill 18 years ago, in Mr. Wang Yuanhua's howl, the person has held a completion 　　Health mission grand ceremony. I asked my classmates after reading this article do not bother her again, she has 　　Tired, let her quiet. You can read miss her when Mr. Wang Yuanhua big a macro theory, where every word trekking all 　　Has her shadow. 　　Free, I will go to visit you on behalf of her elderly. 　　Author's note: Mr. Wang Yuanhua relevant part of this paper for fine editing, would like to thank. 　　("Xinhua Digest" 1998 No. 10, Published in "China prose" 1998 8) 请欣赏:  请给我换一个看看！  拜托，快把噪音停掉！我读累了，想听点音乐或者请来支歌曲！

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