言情 》 呼吸 Respiratory   》 呼吸 Respiratory      安妮寶貝 An Nibaobei      Respiratory 　　He is not my friend，but he is with me 　　 Like a shadow is with a foot that falls…… 　　 　　 剛剛在網上認識林的時候，我對他說，我單身，獨自住在38層的一套公寓。沒 　　有工作。林問我，那你靠什麽謀生。我說，我總是不停地坐出租車，希望能在車上 　　拾到別人遺失的黑色提包，裏面會有一包一包的鈔票。因為曾經有一次，我這樣撿 　　到一筆錢。 　　 　　 林在那裏沉默了一會。他似乎半信半疑。終於他對我說，還是找個工作比較好。 　　 　　 即使是每年能遇到一次，這樣的概率也很小。我獨自對着電腦大笑起來。他居 　　然相信我。 　　 　　 已經是凌晨兩點了。 房間裏很陰暗， 衹有顯示屏發出刺眼的亮光。我聽的是 　　SUZANN EVEGA的歌。在歌手裏面，她顯然低調而過時。象一張發黃的皺巴巴的紙。 　　被信手撕下。一貫的慢不經心的抑鬱腔調，和神經質的木吉它。我覺得她看過去自 　　私而美麗。 　　 　　 我問林，你胖不胖。林說，我很瘦。我說，這樣好，我喜歡瘦的男人。因為比 　　較性感。 　　 　　 這樣說的時候，我一邊把音箱的音量調高。空蕩蕩的房間，寂靜象曼延的冰涼 　　的湖水。而我是一條無法呼吸的魚。 　　 　　 凌晨五點的時候，我對林，我要睡覺了。可愛的男孩，早安。 　　 　　 我把鼠標點擊關閉電腦，然後從冰箱裏倒出一杯冰水，吞下安眠藥片。電腦屏 　　幕已經停息，衹有音箱發出斷綫的噪音。在關掉所有開關的電源以後，我的心裏突 　　然一片漆黑。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 事實上，除了上網我的確無事可幹。白天我有大部分的時間在睡覺。有時候我 　　會恐懼自己在沉溺的睡眠裏面，突然變成一具橡膠。沒有思想。也沒有語言。 　　 　　 周末的時候， 我去西區的BLUE。那個DISCO酒吧已經開了很久，老闆是個香港 　　人。喜歡去那裏，一部分是因為習慣。我是個懶惰的人，不喜歡新地方新朋友新事 　　物。舊的感覺給我安全。還有一部分原因，是這裏特別混亂。雜亂的音樂，英俊的 　　男人，也有大麻和搖頭丸。 　　 　　 DISCO是九點半開場， 但我不跳舞。有一次，我跟一個係黃色領帶的男人玩甩 　　骰子。男人喝啤酒，我喝冰水。結果他輸了1000塊錢，惱羞成怒，跳起來駡我。我 　　笑着對着他說，你不想付錢也就算了，但請閉嘴。當他轉過身去的時候，我抓住他 　　的領帶，把盛啤酒的玻璃罐劈頭蓋臉地砸在他的後腦上。 　　 　　 憎恨別人輕視我。因為我已經身臨其中。 　　 　　 事情後來有羅幫我擺平。酒吧老闆就是他的朋友。 　　 　　 　　 　　 羅說，你不要給我鬧事。我可以多給你一點錢，你平時逛逛街也好。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 我光着腳坐在陽臺上。陽光照在我的臉上，讓我暈眩。天是這樣藍。時間是這 　　樣慢。衹有兩件事情能夠讓我憂鬱。貧窮和寂寞。如果我手裏有了錢，那就衹剩下 　　寂寞。 　　 　　 I can feel his eyes when I do not expect him 　　 In the back seat of a taxi down Vestry Street…… 　　 　　 和林聊天常常會讓我大聲地笑。我已經知道他比我大一歲，西安人，目前職業 　　是做軟件。 　　 　　 是那種讀書是好學生，工作是好同志的類型。他的淳樸讓我快樂。我的快樂是 　　因為覺得他有時候顯得傻氣。 　　 　　 比如我問他，是否做過愛。他就一本正經地回答我，除非是他深愛的女孩。否 　　則他不會。 　　 　　 這個回答一點也不讓人感覺刺激。我就取笑他，你要好好保護自己的貞潔，免 　　得後悔。 　　 　　 我想我在網上唯一一個聊天的朋友也就是林。我不喜歡新地方新朋友新事物。 　　他寬容我的放縱和粗魯。他有時還會偶爾表示關心。聊天的時候，突然問我，你餓 　　了沒有。我說沒有。他就說，我現在在吃餅幹。我想象我們兩個邊吃餅幹邊聊天的 　　樣子。我說，那你的那份肯定不知不覺地就沒了。他說，我會都給你。 　　 　　 心裏突然就溫暖一下。是濕潤的溫暖。很輕地滲透在心髒的血液裏。 　　 　　 清清的水滴。甜的滋味。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 那個暑假，高三的男生帶我去BLUE。我第一次到這個陰暗而喧囂的酒吧，我天 　　性裏對混亂的嗜好得到滿足。剛開場的時候，舞池裏還沒有人。我一個人進去瘋跳， 　　嫌不過癮，脫掉襯衣，衹穿着黑色的蕾絲文胸，又爬到高高的音箱上面。沸騰的節 　　奏讓我的神經在麻痹中得到釋放。後來人越來越多，口哨和尖叫混成一片，我終於 　　全身疲軟。 　　 　　 坐在吧臺邊，我的呼吸還很急促。一個男人遞了一杯冰水給我，他說，我一直 　　在看你。冰冷的水從喉嚨一直滑落到胸口，象一隻手，突然緊緊地抓住了我的心髒。 　　無限快樂混雜着疼痛。 　　 　　 就在這個瞬間，我愛上冰水冷冽的刺激感。我看着陰暗光綫中的男人，他大概 　　快40歲了。他微笑的時候露出雪白的牙齒，象獸一樣。然後他的手指輕輕地碰觸到 　　我的臉。他看着他指尖裏的透明汗珠，他說，你很讓我動心。 　　 　　 那時我17歲。我身上的黑色蕾絲文胸還是嚮同學藉的。貧窮和寂寞已經折磨了 　　我太久。我幾乎是沒有任何思索地，就把自己放在了羅的手心裏。 　　 　　 His arm is around my waist and he pulls me down to him 　　 He whispers things into my ear that sound so sweet…… 　　 　　 林說，看看這個喜歡你的男人。他把他的照片傳給我。是個瘦的清秀的男人， 　　臉上有一種明亮的光澤。那種明亮，是因為他的淳樸。 　　 　　 我看着他身上的白色襯衣。我想起高中時班上的一個男生。那時我在班裏無人 　　理睬。因為我雖然成績很好，但喜歡和高年級的男生混在一起，抽煙，跳舞，喝酒， 　　打架，什麽壞事都幹。而且家庭復雜。他是班長，他很喜歡我。我知道我和他不是 　　同一個類型的人。我不想讓自己成為一張白紙上的黑色墨水。 　　 　　 他後來要回到北方去參加高考，臨行前在我傢門口等了很久。我知道他在下面。 　　但我不下去。那個夜晚風很大。清晨的時候，我跑到他昨晚等過我的大梧桐樹下， 　　滿地都是枯黃的落葉。 　　 　　 我一直都記得那種碎裂般的疼痛。沒有眼淚。沒有聲音。衹有疼痛。 　　 　　 我是突然地想去見林。就在那個羅來見我的夜晚。羅說，他明天要去香港開會。 　　帶着他的老婆兒子。大概要半個月。我說，好啊，一傢人快樂遊香港。深夜的時候， 　　我撫摸羅鬆弛的皮膚，中年男人的身體有一股腐朽的氣息。我想這個男人其實和我 　　一點關係也沒有。我不愛他。一點都不愛他。 　　 　　 他不在我的靈魂裏面。 　　 　　 我起來打開電腦，我把SUZANNE的CD放進去。她的聲音慵懶而厭倦。 　　 　　 ICQ的小緑花盛開。 我看到林的留言。他說，我知道這種感覺不符合我謹慎的 　　個性。但是我的確想念你。在你消失的70多個小時裏面。覺得自己面目全非。 　　 　　 我把頭仰在椅子背上。我聽見自己寂寞的笑聲在房間裏回蕩。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 飛機票是我在路過民航售票處的時候，順手買下的。 　　 　　 距離起飛還有6個小時。 什麽也沒帶，雙手空空的去了機場。我特意去洗手間 　　照了照鏡子。 　　 　　 看到那個年輕的女孩，舊牛仔褲，男式的棉布襯衣，跑鞋，一頭漆黑的長發， 　　明眸皓齒。 　　 　　 真好。我的面具還是甜美純淨。沒有人知道我的心，是這樣的蒼白和頽廢，還 　　殘缺不全。 　　 　　 林不知道我17歲就和別人同居。不知道我混在酒吧裏狂喝濫醉。不知道我賭錢 　　吸毒抽煙打架。他最多知道我喜歡喝一杯冰水才能睡覺，並且渴望每年能有一次在 　　出租車上得到不義之財。 　　 　　 在飛機上面，我睡着了。我又做夢。熟悉的那個舊夢。在起風的深夜裏，看到 　　樹下那個男孩的白襯衣。我躲在窗後看他。我很想下去看他。可是我控製着自己。 　　16歲的時候，我就知道有些付出不會有結局。有些人註定不屬於自己。那種溫柔的 　　惆悵的心情。那種疼痛。 　　 　　 到鹹陽機場的時候，天氣突變。下起大雨，並且寒冷。找到他的住所時，我已 　　經全身濕透。我在樓下叫他的名字。他探出頭看的時候，我纔發現自己是真正地快 　　樂起來。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 第一個晚上我們做愛了。我想和他做。我不知道自己為什麽想。林的身體陌生 　　而溫暖。是年輕的男人的身體，健康而有活力。真好。我糾纏着他，希望他再來再 　　來，無法停息。 　　 　　 我對他說，你現在已經無法後悔了，你的貞潔已被我破壞。 　　 　　 林說，那你就要對我負責，不要拋棄我。他微笑着看我。他說，在網上你一直 　　顯得 　　 　　 另類和滄桑。但是見到你，我覺得你衹是個小女孩，需要照顧的，甜美的。 　　 　　 早上醒來，他去上班，我在傢裏給他洗衣服，做飯。然後在陽臺上給花澆澆水， 　　或者坐在那裏看他的雜志。晚上他回來，一起吃飯，然後去散步。很平靜的生活。 　　 　　 雙休日的時候，我們去了華山。站在陽光燦爛的山頂，我看着蒼茫的山崖，突 　　然想掉淚。原來我的生命一直是在陰暗中畸形盛開的花朵。世間有這麽美好的風景。 　　我卻淪落在城市漆黑的夜色裏。 　　 　　 長空棧道是華山最驚險的一個景點。簡陋的小木板拼成萬丈懸崖外面的一條窄 　　窄棧道。 　　 　　 若一不小心掉下去，屍骨無尋。這可是比蹦極之類的玩意刺激多了。沒有任何 　　防護，衹有一條命在上面和死亡遊戲。 　　 　　 很多人在旁邊看熱鬧。林也在旁邊說，留條命回傢吧，這種地方太危險。可是 　　我的喜歡混亂刺激的劣根性又開始發作。我說，我要去。 　　 　　 林試圖勸阻我。我說，走走就好。肯定沒事。我拉住鐵鏈條準備下去。林看着 　　我，他的表情開始變得嚴肅。那就一起走。他說。然後又跟上幾個人。是一小隊的 　　人。 　　 　　 那種貼在懸崖上的感覺無法言喻。強勁的烈風在山崖之間迴旋。天空，死亡， 　　心跳，融合在一起，整個人完全喪失了分量。原來，原來，生命可以是這樣脆弱的 　　東西。任何一個小小的瞬間就會有喪失的可能。我聽見自己放肆地大笑起來。頭髮 　　在風中四處飛揚。 　　 　　 走過棧道，是一個小小的懸崖的落腳點。那裏有一尊小小的刻在岩石上的佛像。 　　到達的人可以簽名和寫下心裏的願望。我嚮來是沒有願望的人。我問林，你要不要 　　去簽一個。林說，你知道我剛纔我想的是什麽。 　　 　　 他看着我，他說，我突然明白死亡也無法驅除我對你的深愛。 　　 　　 His hand is on my back when I step from the sidewalk 　　 Or when I am walking down these darkened halls…… 　　 　　 7天以後， 我回南方。天下着潮濕陰冷的夜雨。出租車一開上熟悉的街道，我 　　的心就開始壓抑。車窗玻璃上的雨水一行行地滑落。對那個38層上面的漆黑寂寞的 　　房間，我感覺恐懼。 　　 　　 一打開門，電話就響了。再次聽到林清朗的聲音，有恍然若夢的模糊。林說， 　　安，我想我一定要請求你。請求你來西安生活，做我的妻子。 　　 　　 這個聲音是和山頂的燦爛陽光聯繫在一起的。有溫暖安定的家庭生活，有深愛 　　自己的年輕的男人。我絲毫不懷疑他的真心。他是這個世紀末最淳樸誠懇的一個男 　　人。現在就在我生命裏。 　　 　　 我一直以為自己的生活裏已經沒有任何機會。 　　 　　 我說，可以嗎。 　　 　　 他說，可以。你過來找份工作，我們在一起。平靜地快樂地生活。 　　 　　 我渾身發冷，雨水順着發絲一滴一滴地打在臉上。我聽到林對我求婚。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 再次回到寂寞的暗無天日的生活，簡直難以忍受。 　　 　　 可是我控製着自己。我強迫自己去想一些現實的問題。比如林是做軟件的，他 　　也許永遠都發不了財， 而我已經習慣在無聊的下午去逛街，一出手就會用800多塊 　　買瓶香水。林不會想到我的生活是這樣毫無節制。我從17歲開始過羅提供給我的生 　　活。陰暗，奢靡，放縱不羈。 　　 　　 我的身上，心上都是腐爛的殘痕。 　　 　　 我的脾氣開始暴躁起來。因為對自己的未來無法把握和預感。在深夜的電話裏， 　　對林語無倫次。我說，我也許根本就找不到工作。我一直沒有出去做過事情。我什 　　麽也不會做。我也不知道如何 　　 　　 與人相處。我根本就已經是個廢物。 　　 　　 林鼓勵我，但是安，你是個聰明剔透的女孩，你要相信自己。 　　 　　 我說，我不瞭解你。我不相信男人。如果你以後對我不好，我是不是要一無所 　　有地回來？ 　　 　　 林在那端輕輕地嘆息，安，不要在傷害你自己的同時再傷害別人了。好不好。 　　 　　 好不好？好不好？好不好？ 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 羅回來的時候，我拒絶他碰到我的身體。這麽多年了。這是第一次。 　　 　　 羅似乎有所意識，他說，你有什麽决定嗎。 　　 　　 我說，我要走了。我不想再在這個城市裏面。不想再和你在一起。 　　 　　 羅輕輕地笑，要遠走高飛，開始新生活了？他的眼睛微微地眯起來，這使他的 　　眼神突然顯得銳利和兇惡。他說，為什麽你長大以後卻會變得愚蠢。 　　 　　 我感覺自己的骨頭髮出咯咯的聲音。我憎恨別人輕視我，因為我已經身臨其中。 　　 　　 我冷漠地看着他，我說，我什麽東西也不帶走。我衹要離開。 　　 　　 羅一把握住我的手臂，他說，把你從十七歲開始花掉的錢都還給我，他因為氣 　　憤而無措。我狠狠地推開了他。我說，那你就先把我從十七歲開始被你占有的時光 　　還給我。 　　 　　 He is a thin man ，with a date for me 　　 To arrive at some point ，I do not know when it will be…… 　　 　　 雨下得好大。我跑過寬闊的大街，不顧紅緑燈，飛快地奔跑。汽車的剎車聲和 　　憤怒的咒駡聲交織成一片。但是我已經什麽都聽不到，也什麽也看不到。 　　 　　 我衹想給千裏之外的林打電話。我要告訴他，我可以為他放棄所有，我可以自 　　由，我可以去西安，我可以嫁給他。 　　 　　 我感覺自己的心髒和血液激烈地跳動。充滿了活力和激情。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 一直跑到西區附近，纔找到一個公用電話亭。我把卡塞進去，手因為冰冷而僵。 　　 　　 電話是長音，但沒有人接。我聽鈴聲響了很久，終於斷掉。我想林為什麽還沒 　　回傢呢， 現在已經晚上9點了。也許他在加班。林對我說過，他又找了一份兼職。 　　他想為我的到來多賺一點錢。 　　 　　 我靠在玻璃上等待。整個城市被淹沒在蒼茫的大雨裏面。好象一隻空洞的容器， 　　漂浮在黑暗的海面上。我的裙子冰涼地貼在身上，衹要風一吹過，就凍得我渾身發 　　抖。可是一切都會好的。我想。也許明天我就可以出現在西安。那個古老的沉靜的 　　城市。高大的鐘樓在暮色中總是有一群夜鳥飛旋。碑林附近的石板小街彌散着書墨 　　清香。林牽着我的手在那裏散步。 　　 　　 這是我要的，平淡明亮的生活。簡單樸素，卻溫暖。林輕輕地俯過來，親吻我 　　的臉。在每一個他愛着我的時刻。我是一個多麽害怕寂寞的人。我曾經多麽寂寞。 　　 　　 ※ ※ ※ 　　 　　 然後有3個男人靠近了我。 我看不清楚他們的臉。衹看到站在最前面的那個紮 　　着一條刺眼的黃色領帶。他說，你終於出現了。他混濁的酒氣噴在我的臉上。在我 　　還來不及回憶起他的身份的時候，一把冰冷的鋒利的硬器紮入我柔軟的腹部。然後 　　身體裏突然就被一種溫暖的激流所充溢。異常舒適和快感。我擡起手推開他緊貼着 　　我的身體，我看到他的黃色領帶上面塗滿腥紅的液體。 　　 　　 男人一哄而閃。所有的瞬間衹不過短短三分鐘。 　　 　　 我把手捂在傷口上。那裏不斷有溫暖稠膩的血液噴涌出來。我的卡還塞在電話 　　機裏面。我想我應該可以繼續給林撥號。可是我的身體卻順着玻璃慢慢地滑下去滑 　　下去。那種逐漸喪失分量的感覺，就好象我在懸崖的烈風中行走一樣。 　　 　　 林問我，你知道剛纔我想的是什麽。 　　He is not my friend, but he is with me 　　Like a shadow is with a foot that falls ... ... 　　Lin had just met online, I said to him, I am single, living alone in an apartment 38 floors. No 　　Have a job. Lin asked me, you do for a living. I said, I always stop to take a taxi, hoping in the car 　　Others picked up the missing black bag, which will have a pack a bag of money. Because there was one, I am picking 　　To a sum of money. 　　Where the silent forest. He seemed skeptical. Finally he said to me, or find a job better. 　　Even if they could meet once a year, so the probability is very small. I laughed alone in front of the computer. He ranks 　　However, believe me. 　　Already two in the morning. The room was dark, and only issued a dazzling light display. I heard that 　　SUZANN EVEGA song. Inside the singer, she is clearly a low-key and out of date. Like a crumpled piece of yellow paper. 　　Was Xinshou tear. A casual long-standing depression, slow tone, and nervous wood guitar. I think she looked over from the 　　Private and beautiful. 　　I asked the forest, you are not fat fat. Lin said that, I'm thin. I said, so good, I like the thin man. Because more than 　　More sexy. 　　Say, I raised the volume of the side of the speaker. Empty room, Silence like a stretch of cold 　　The lake. I was a fish can not breathe. 　　Five o'clock, I was the forest, I want to sleep. Cute boy, good morning. 　　I turn off the computer mouse click, and then poured a glass of ice water from the refrigerator, to swallow sleeping pills. Computer screen 　　Curtain has been stopped, only the speaker issued a disconnection of the noise. Turn off all power switches in the future, my heart suddenly 　　However, darkness. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　In fact, in addition to the Internet I really do nothing. I have most of the time during the day in bed. Sometimes I 　　Fear his addiction will sleep in there, suddenly turned into a rubber. No thinking. There is no language. 　　Weekend, I went to West BLUE. DISCO bars that have opened for a long time, the boss is a Hong Kong 　　People. Like to go there, in part because of habit. I am a lazy person, not like the new place new friends new thing 　　Material. Give me the old feeling of security. Part of the reason there is confusion here in particular. Messy music, handsome 　　Man, cannabis and ecstasy. 　　DISCO opening half past nine, but I do not dance. Once I tie with a yellow line to play the man dumped 　　Dice. Men drink beer, I ice water. Result, he lost 1,000 dollars, furious, jumping up and scolded me. I 　　Smile at him that you do not want to pay no problem, but please shut up. When he turned, I grabbed him 　　Tie, the Sheng beer glass jar about face smashing his head on. 　　I hate the contempt of others. I have see for himself. 　　Later, Luo things to help me _set_tle. Bar owner was his friend. 　　Luo said, you do not give me trouble. I can give you a little money, you usually walk on the streets 也好. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　I sat barefoot on the balcony. Sunshine on my face, let me dizzy. The sky is so blue. Time is It 　　Kind of slow. Only two things can make me depressed. Poverty and loneliness. If I get enough money, it only 　　Lonely. 　　I can feel his eyes when I do not expect him 　　In the back seat of a taxi down Vestry Street ... ... 　　And Lin chat often will I laugh out loud. I already know him a year older than me, Xi'an, the professional 　　Do software. 　　Is the kind of reading is a good student, the type of work is good comrades. His simplicity makes me happy. My happiness is 　　Because I think he sometimes seems silly. 　　For example, I asked him if he did love. He answered me solemnly, unless the girl he loved. No 　　Then he will not. 　　This answer is not people feel stimulation. I make fun of him, you have to take good care of their chastity, free 　　May regret it. 　　I think I only chat with online friends is the forest. I do not like new things, new friends and new places. 　　His tolerance of my indulgence and rude. Occasionally, he sometimes expressed concern. Chatting, I suddenly asked me, are you hungry 　　Was not. I said no. He said, I'm eating cookies. I imagine the two of us eating biscuits while chatting in the 　　Look. I say, that you share certain unknowingly gone. He said, I will give you. 　　Heart suddenly warm it. Is warm and moist. Very light to penetrate the blood in the heart. 　　The clear water droplets. Sweet taste. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　That summer, the high school senior boys take me to the BLUE. I first went to the dark and noisy bar, I-day 　　Hobby in the chaos of being met. Just-field when the dance floor no one. I am a man go crazy dancing 　　Not too fun, take off shirt, wearing only a black lace bra, and climbed high above the speaker. Boiling section 　　I played in the paralysis of the nerve to be released. Later, more than a hybrid piece of whistles and screaming, I finally 　　Systemic weakness. 　　Sitting at the bar, my breathing is still rapid. A man handed me a glass of ice water, he said, I have been 　　Looking at you. Cold water has been dropped from the throat to the chest, like a hand suddenly gripping my heart. 　　Lots of joy mixed with pain. 　　At this moment, I fell in love with the cold ice water excitement. I looked at the dark light of man, he probably 　　Nearly 40 years old. His smile showing white teeth, like beasts. Then his fingers gently touch 　　My face. He looked at his fingertips in the transparent beads of sweat, he said, you are tempting me. 　　I was 17 years old. Black lace bra me or to the students borrowed. Poverty and loneliness have been tortured 　　I am too long. I almost do not have any hesitation, put his hand on the Law of the heart. 　　His arm is around my waist and he pulls me down to him 　　He whispers things into my ear that sound so sweet ... ... 　　Lin said that, look at this like your man. He put his picture to me. Is a thin handsome man 　　There is a bright shiny face. The kind of bright, because he's honest. 　　I looked at him a white shirt. I remember a boy in high school class. I was no one in the class 　　Ignored. Although I did very well, but like to mix high-grade boys, smoking, dancing, drinking, 　　Fight, a bad thing and all. And the family complex. He is a squad leader, he liked me. I know I and he was not 　　The same type of person. I do not want to own a piece of black ink on white paper. 　　He was later to return to the north to attend college entrance examination, before his departure gate at my house for a long time. I knew he was below. 　　But I do not go on. Windy night. Early in the morning, I went last night and so he had my big parasol tree 　　Yellow leaves all over the floor. 　　I always remember the kind of fragmentation-like pain. No tears. No sound. Only pain. 　　I suddenly wanted to see the forest. Romania to come to see me in that night. Luo said he was going to Hong Kong tomorrow to meet. 　　With his wife and son. Probably half a month. I said, yes, happy family trip to Hong Kong. Late at night when 　　Luo loose skin I touch, middle-aged man's body has an air of decay. In fact, I think this man and I 　　Has nothing to do. I do not love him. That do not love him. 　　He is not my soul inside. 　　I got up to open the computer, I put the CD into it SUZANNE. Her voice was lazy and tired. 　　ICQ small green flowers in full bloom. I see the forest message. He said, I know the feeling does not meet my cautious 　　Personality. But I really miss you. You disappear in more than 70 hours inside. Feel completely different. 　　I put my head back in the chair Yang. I hear my lonely room echoed with laughter. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　I walked through the air ticket when the ticket office, easily bought. 　　There are six hours away from take-off. Nothing with his hands empty to the airport. I deliberately go to the bathroom 　　The mirror. 　　Saw the young girl, old jeans, men's cotton shirts, running shoes, a dark long hair, 　　Bright eyes white teeth. 　　Good. My mask was pure sweetness. No one knows my heart, is so pale and decadent, but also 　　Incomplete. 　　Im not sure I am 17 years old and people living together. I do not know Kuanghe abuse mixed in with the bar drunk. I do not know for money 　　Smoking fight drug abuse. He most like to drink a glass of ice water that I can sleep, and eager to have once in a year 　　Taxis get ill-gotten gains. 　　Above the plane, I fell asleep. I was dreaming. Familiar with that dream. In the windy night, to see 　　The boy's white shirt under the tree. After hiding in the window I see him. I want to go see him. But I controlled myself. 　　16 years old, I know that some will not have to pay ending. Some people are destined not his own. The kind of gentle 　　Melancholy mood. The kind of pain. 　　Xianyang airport, sudden change in weather. Under the heavy rain and cold. To find his house, I have 　　After wet. I called his name downstairs. He stuck his head out to see, I found that he is really fast 　　Music together. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　The first night we had sex. I want him to do. I do not know why you want to. The body of a strange forest 　　And warm. The young man's body, a healthy and active. Good. I struggle with him, hope he come back again 　　Years, unable to stop. 　　I said to him, you can not regret now, I'm your virginity has been destroyed. 　　Lin said that, then you should be responsible to me, do not abandon me. He smiled at me. He said you have been online 　　Seem 　　Alternative and the vicissitudes of life. But to see you, I think you're just a little girl, in need of care, and sweet. 　　Woke up this morning, he went to work, I am at home to his laundry, cooking. And then watering the flowers on the balcony, 　　Or sitting there watching his magazine. Night he came back to dinner, and then went for a walk. Very quiet life. 　　Weekend, we went to the Mountain. Standing on top of sunshine, I looked at the vast and treacherous, sudden 　　However, like tears. My life had been deformed in the dark flowers in full bloom. The world has such a beautiful scenery. 　　I have reduced the dark of the night in the city. 　　Sky path along the cliff is one of the most breathtaking sights of Huashan. Pallet planks out of a narrow cliff 　　Narrow path along the cliff. 　　If you accidentally fall off, no bones to find. This is more than stuff like bungee jumping more exciting. No 　　Protection, only one life and death in the above games. 　　Many people in the next to watch. Lin also said next, leaving Mania go home, this place is too dangerous. But 　　I like the chaos of evil and the on_set_ of stimulation. I said, I'm going. 　　Lin tried to dissuade me. I say, walk like. Certainly all right. I am ready to pull down iron chains. Lin looked at 　　Me, his expression became serious. Then go. He said. Then keep a few people. A squad 　　People. 　　The kind of feeling attached to the cliff can not put into words. Gale strong swing between the cliff. Sky, death, 　　Heartbeat, together, the people who have lost weight. The original, original, life is so fragile 　　Things. Any moment there will be a small loss may be. I heard their unbridled laughter. Hair 　　Flying around in the wind. 　　Walk along the cliff, the end result is a small cliff. There are a small Buddha carved in rock. 　　People can sign up and reach the heart of the desire to write. I have always been people who do not desire. I asked the forest, you have to do 　　To sign one. Lin said, you know I have what I thought. 　　He looked at me, he said, I suddenly knew death could not get rid of love I have for you. 　　His hand is on my back when I step from the sidewalk 　　Or when I am walking down these darkened halls ... ... 　　7 days later, I return to the South. World damp cold night rain. A taxi drove the familiar streets, I 　　Heart began to suppress. Rain on the window glass slide line by line. 38 of the top layer of dark and lonely 　　Room, I felt fear. 　　Opened the door, the phone rang. Lin once again heard the voice of cool and bright, if the dream has suddenly blurred. Lin said, 　　Ann, I think I have to ask you. Ask you to Xi'an life, be my wife. 　　The sound is bright sunshine and the Peak linked. A warm and stable family life, with love 　　Their young men. I have no doubt his sincerity. He is the most honest and sincere in this century, a man 　　People. Now in my life. 　　I always thought my life had no chance. 　　I said okay. 　　He said he could. You come get a job with us. Live happily in peace. 　　I felt cold, rain drop by drop to play down the hair on the face. I heard the forest for me to marry him. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　Back dark lonely life is simply unbearable. 　　But I controlled myself. I forced myself to think of some practical problems. Such as the forest is a software, he 　　May never be rich, but I'm used to go shopping in the afternoon of boredom, one shot will be used more than 800 pieces 　　Buy a bottle of perfume. Lin does not think my life is so unchecked. I started over 17 years of my life Zloty supply 　　Live. Dark, extravagance, indulgence uninhibited. 　　My body, heart is rotten scar. 　　It began to temper my temper. Because they are unable to grasp and foreboding future. The phone late at night, 　　The forest incoherent. I said, I probably could not find work. I have not done something out. I even 　　Why not do it. I do not know how 　　With people. I did have was a waste. 　　Lin encouraged me, but Ann, you're a smart girl-clear, you have to believe in themselves. 　　I said, I do not understand you. I do not believe man. If you are not good for me since I was not trying to do nothing 　　Have to come back? 　　Sigh at the end of the line gently Lin, Ann, do not hurt yourself at the same time to hurt someone else. Good or bad. 　　OK? OK? OK? 　　※ ※ ※ 　　Romania came back, I refused he touched my body. So many years. This is the first time. 　　Law seems to be conscious, he said, what decisions do you have. 　　I said, I'm leaving. I do not want in this city inside. Do not want to be with you. 　　Lo smiled lightly, to fly away, start a new life? His eyes narrowed slightly, which makes his 　　Eyes suddenly seemed sharp and vicious. He said, why did you grow up it will become stupid. 　　I felt my bones gurgling sound. I hate people despise me, because I have see for himself. 　　I looked at him coldly, and I said, I do not take anything. I want to leave. 　　Luo, wrapped my arm, he said, you start from the age of seventeen I spent the money back, he because the gas 　　Anger flawless. I pushed him mercilessly. I said, you're seventeen, I first began to be occupied your time 　　Back to me. 　　He is a thin man, with a date for me 　　To arrive at some point, I do not know when it will be ... ... 　　Well big rain. I ran across the wide street, regardless of traffic lights, fast to run. The sound of car brakes 　　Angry cursing jostling. But I do not hear anything, also do not see anything. 　　I just wanted to call the forest thousands of miles away. I want to tell him that I could give up all for him, I can self- 　　By, I can go to Xi'an, I can marry him. 　　I felt my heart beating and blood heated. Full of vitality and passion. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　West has been run around to find a public phone booth. I jammed into the hands because of cold and stiff. 　　Phone is a long tone, but no one answered. I heard the bell rang for a long time, and finally broken. Why did not I think Lin 　　Go home, now a 21:00. Maybe he was working overtime. Lin told me that he was looking for a part-time. 　　He wanted to earn a little money of my arrival. 　　I leaned against the glass waiting. The whole city was submerged in the vast rain inside. Like an empty container, 　　Floating in the dark sea. Cold in my skirt attached to the body, as long as the wind blows over, I felt fat on the cold 　　Shaking. But everything will be OK. I think. Maybe tomorrow I can appear in Xi'an. That quiet old 　　City. Tall clock tower in the twilight there is always a group of nocturnal spinner. Forest of Stone Tablets pervaded the book near the Mexican stone street 　　Fragrance. Lin there holding my hand walking. 　　This is what I want, plain and bright life. Simple and plain, but warm. Overlooking the forest over gently and kiss me 　　Face. He loved me in every moment. How scared I am a lonely person. I have been lonely. 　　※ ※ ※ 　　Then there are three men close to me. I can not see their faces. Standing in front only to see that bar 　　With a dazzling yellow tie. He said, you finally appeared. Turbidity of the alcohol he sprayed in my face. I 　　Had a chance to recall his identity, when a sharp cold hard devices tie into my soft belly. Then 　　Suddenly the body was filled by a stream of warm. Exceptional comfort and pleasure. I reached up and pushed him close to 　　My body, I saw his yellow tie, scarlet painted above the liquid. 　　Coax the flash of a man. All the moments that only a short three minutes. 　　I Shou Wu in the wound. Where there have been warm and tired of the blood spewing out thick. I also plug in the phone card 　　Machine inside. I think I should be able to continue to give Lam dial. But my body is slowly slide down along the glass slide 　　Down. Gradual loss of weight that feeling as if I am walking in the cliff, like a gale. 　　Lin asked me, you know just what I thought. 请欣赏:  请给我换一个看看！  拜托，快把噪音停掉！我读累了，想听点音乐或者请来支歌曲！

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