散文 》 長者 Elderly 》
長者 Elderly
餘秋雨 Yu Qiuyu
Elderly
一
一九六三年我十六歲，高中畢業。高中畢業的體驗是永遠無法重複的。
一群既可稱為少年也可稱為青年的人突然要為自己作出終身選擇了，選擇的範
圍又毫無限製。你說將來想做中學語文教師、圖書館管理員，或外科醫生、國際海
員而去報考相應的專業，周圍沒有人會笑你。人的一生就這麽短短的個把月時間的
無限製狀態，今後到死也不會再有了。照理父母和老師應該來限製一下，但他們那
時也正在驚喜自己培養的成果怎麽轉眼之間擁有了那麽多可能，高興得暈顛顛的，
一般也拿不定主意。於是，在那個絶對不應該享有那麽大决定權的年歲，作出了不
知輕重的决定。那個夏天那麽煩熱又那麽令人興奮，衹有樹上的知了在幸災樂禍地
叫着，使很多人成年後不願再回憶這種叫聲。
與很多男孩子一樣，我照例也有兩個小夥伴，一個姓丁，一個姓張，成績都很
好，相信衹要自己願意，任何一所大學都考得上。一天在操場邊上商議，現在報考
的大學分三類，一類為理工科，二類為醫科，三類為文科，我們三人如果各報一類，
二十年後一起周遊世界，走到哪裏都沒有不懂的事情了，那該多痛快！這個想法很
吸引人，立即通過，而且决定，一定要選每一類裏最好(也就是最難考)的學校。那
麽，三類怎麽分工呢？用三張小紙寫上號碼，折成小球往上一拋，抓鬮。丁抓到了
第一類，很快打聽明白，最好的是清華大學；張抓到了第二類，經過衡量也作出了
决定，當時最難考的醫科是第二軍醫大學；我抓到了第三類，可恨的文科，該選哪
個大學呢?三個人都苦惱開了。
肯定不能考名牌大學的中文係。為什麽三個人如此快速地一起作出這種判斷，
現在回想起來還不大能夠理解。大概是覺得中文係裏鬧不出一個極有意思的工作，
或者是覺得我們在中學早已把《離騷》、《論語》和幾十篇古文背得滾瓜爛熟，難
道大學裏再去做這種令人厭煩的事？張同學說：“我剛讀過郭沫若的自傳，連他也
沒有上過中文係!”丁同學說：“巴金也沒有。”那天的初步意嚮，我應該報考外文
係，至於哪個大學的外文係最好，還要分頭打聽。
但第二天發生了一件事情。班主任孫老師把我找去了，他身邊站着一位我不認
識的瘦瘦的老師，自我介紹是上海戲劇學院來的。“我們學院要以最高的要求招收
戲劇文學係的一個班，現在已有幾千人報名，衹招三十名，但我們還怕遺漏了最好
的，聽說你在全市作文比賽中得了大奬……”沒等他說完我就急着問：“那你們是
不是今年全國文科大學中最難考的?”“還沒有作這種排列。”老師說，“你知道郭
沫若先生吧?”“知道。”我回答，心想昨天張同學纔提起過他。“郭沫若以中國科
學院院長的身份兼任了中國科技大學校長，他在這個大學高年級裏發現了一個能寫
劇本的高材生，立即决定中止他的學業，轉到我們學院來讀書。”“你是說，連中
國科學院院長也認為，科學技術沒有戲劇文學重要?”我的班主任孫老師驚訝地問。
“我可沒有這麽說，”上海戲劇學院的老師含蓄地笑了一下，“但是科技大學
的這位高年級學生衹能進入我們的一年級，還必須經過嚴格的考試。如果你來報考，”
他把臉轉嚮我，“他是你的競爭對象。”我的腦子開始有點發呆，他又丟過來一句：
“你的競爭對象還有巴金的女兒。”果然還有巴金！昨天我們剛剛說郭沫若和巴金
沒讀過中文係，沒想到他們兩位不約而同地把學生和子女托付給了上海戲劇學院戲
劇文學係。怎麽能懷疑這兩位長者的判斷?我當即下了報考的决心。
戲劇學院是提前考試，一共考了九場，真把人纍死。還沒有等到發榜，全國高
校統考開始了，我當然還應該參加。統考的第一志願填了軍事外語學院，因為聽說
這個學校畢業後能做外交武官、情報人員，這對一個男孩子來說太刺激了。
不久傳來消息，兩校都錄取了我，戲劇學院搶先一步，拿走了我的檔案。軍事
學院一位姓劉的軍官坐在我傢裏不走了，反復給我父母說，我的英語成績在今年考
生中是第一名，學校决定非要我不可，現在唯一的辦法是讓我和傢長到市招生委員
會吵，把檔案搶回來。
我父母本來就對戲劇學院沒有興趣，但又平生不會爭吵，衹得不斷寫信給招生
委員會。姓劉的軍官又來了，說寫信沒有用，得當面去說。父親對我說：“這種事
由傢長去說沒有說服力，你自己到招生委員會去一趟吧。”上海市招生委員會設在
同濟大學，換了三輛車纔找到。那天奇熱，進校門前先在馬路對面的小銀行門口站
了好久，怯生生地端詳着大門，猜想會見到什麽樣的人，盤算該講什麽樣的話。進
了校門後又故意在一幢幢因暑假而闃寂無人的樓房間胡亂穿行，直到培養足了對軍
事外語學院的熱愛，對上海戲劇學院的憎恨，纔推開招生委員會的大門。
我纔與一位工作人員說了幾句，他就笑了，說你爸爸每天寄來一封信，現在都
在姚主任那裏，就讓姚主任與你談吧。就這樣，我輕易地見到了大名鼎鼎的上海市
招生委員會主任姚力先生。
姚力先生一臉慈祥，笑眯眯地聽我把準備好的那一套講完，就把笑容收住了，
用一種宣判式的語調對我說：“我們國傢打仗的時間太長，軍事人員過剩而藝術人
員缺乏，你應該讀藝術。”他的語氣完全不容辯駁，好一位威嚴的長者，我看着他
發了一陣傻，他也看着我，卻不再講話。結果是我點了點頭，起身告別。
如果說郭沫若、巴金還比較遙遠，那麽，姚力卻實實在在地以長者的力量把我
推進了戲劇學院。
班級裏三十個人，我被分在第一小組。坐在我後面的同學叫麯信先，他就是郭
沫若推薦來的那一位；我的鄰座叫李小林，巴金的女兒。
二
不知是該怪學校還是該怪時代，我們入學後遇到的課程實在太差了，差到我根
本不敢寫信告訴在清華大學和第二軍醫大學的那兩位小夥伴。
專業主課叫“劇本份析”，分析的第一個劇本是朝鮮的《紅色宣傳員》，然後
是中國的《奪印》和《英雄工兵》，更讓人驚異的是所謂分析衹講解思想內容，猛
一聽全部都是政治課。這些社會上人人都能講的話，難道就是大學課程？我當時不
知道更大的背景，衹認為上海戲劇學院以一種“最難考”的假象把我們騙進去了，
於是整天憂鬱。一位有革命經歷的幹部要我們抄寫他新創作的劇本，說是給我們一
個學習的機會，記得劇本是歌頌一個勞動模範的，一抄之下便大驚失色，對學習的
前景更加擔心起來。
終於有一位稍有名氣的陳汝衡先生來講古典文學，他用標準的蘇北口音教了幾
個月的平仄和格律之後要我們學寫古詩，待我們把作業交上去之後他着實有點吃驚，
連連問：“這是你們自己寫的？”同學們不禁暗暗一笑，你們忘了是以什麽樣的標
準把我們招來的。
寫了幾首古詩，古典文學課也就結束了，而那個寫勞動模範的劇本還是一稿一
稿改，每一稿都由我們抄，抄完後再送到打字間打印，我想這些勞動加在一起，一
定遠遠超過那位勞動模範本身的辛勞了。那天我又一次奉命把劇本送到打字間，在
等候的時間裏聽到了一段有趣的交談。幾個打字員都是年輕小姐，她們手指不停嘴
也不停，在爭論全校風度最好的是哪一位教師。他們的爭論對象，漸漸從表演係轉
到別的係，從青年轉到老年又轉到中年，從男老師轉到女老師，最後停留在一個人
的名字上不動了，這個人的名字叫張可。
從她們的七嘴八舌中聽得出來，張可老師是個傳奇性的人物。出身富貴之傢，
容貌美麗，嫻熟英語，莎士比亞研究專傢，而居然早在三十年代十幾歲時就參加了
共産黨，從事地下工作，等到一九四九年共産黨奪取政權，她卻功成身退，離開組
織成了一名普通教師。但是，衹要學校有重要外賓來訪，總少不了她。高雅的儀容
和漂亮的英語每次都讓來訪者感到有些意外。打字員們說，那時她們總會暫停手下
的工作衝出去看，不是看外國人而是看張可老師，看她的舉手投足、言談風度。
旁聽這番議論後不久我們要下鄉了，說是不能讓我們在高樓深院裏成為書呆子，
必須到農村參加當時正在開展的“四清運動”。全班同學正好都厭煩了聽那些課，
覺得再聽下去未必成為書呆子卻一定成為呆子，於是便歡天喜地地打點行裝，衹有
郭沫若推薦來的麯信先同學得了肝炎，不僅不能去，還要由醫務室隔離，眼淚汪汪
地十分悲傷。
我們去的地方是江蘇太倉瀏河，每個村去一個教師、一個同學，再搭配一個從
附近縣鄉抽調過來的農村幹部。在一堵公佈名單的墻上看到，與我一起到一個叫郟
傢宅的村子裏去的農村幹部叫李惠民，而教師，則是張可。
三
我們三人住在全村最窮的一戶農民傢裏，這傢農民有三間小泥屋。東間擠着房
東夫妻和子女；西間住着房東的母親，還養了兩頭羊；中間一間放置農具和吃飯，
又養着四頭羊。六頭羊都是集體所有的，在這傢藉住，和我們一樣。
我們三人就在這傢吃飯。按城市標準交飯費，但照規定，如果飯桌上出現了葷
菜，一筷子也不能去動。不過這種情況是不可能發生的，因為這傢人傢的下飯菜永
遠衹有一碟????豆，連一片青菜也沒有，這讓人感到奇怪。我們的任務第一是參加田
間勞動，第二是幫助這個村莊清理近幾年的賬目，看看有沒有人貪污。但清理來清
理去，最大的疑點數還及不上我們三人每月交的伙食費。當然不敢說房東貪污，但
我們三人的臉色已每況愈下。我年輕，更依賴營養，張可老師幾次欲言又止，最後
終於說了：“你正長身體，不能長時間這樣，我昨天去打聽了，你的其他同學也在
補營養。”說着悄悄遞給我幾粒巧剋力。農村幹部李惠民則每天晚上端給我一小碗
炒米粉，這是他的未婚妻留給他的。
張可老師當時應該是四十四歲，她在那間低矮的泥屋裏挂了一頂雪白的帳子，
與成天咳嗽不停的老太太和兩頭羊勉強分開。我知道她最受不住的不是伙食、住宿，
而是用水，因為這兒淘米、洗衣、梳洗乃至刷便桶，全靠屋前一條雜草叢生的污濁
小河溝。另一項受不住的是雨天走路，在溜滑無比的淤泥中她簡直邁不開步，有時
狠心一邁又必定重重摔跤，引來座座泥屋門口的一片笑聲，我便一拐一扭地趕去攙
扶。
進了泥屋她稍作梳理立即又容光煥發，走到門口站着與我說一會兒話，順便掃
了一眼我手中捲着的書。下鄉時我特意挑了一本比較耐讀的書帶來，那是蘭姆寫的
莎士比亞故事集的英文版，哪想到會在這兒遇到真正的專傢，因此故意掩掩藏藏不
讓她看見。但是一個人對自己熟悉的書籍的感應總是超常的，張可老師衹遠遠閃過
一眼就笑着說：“不要衹讀蘭姆，最好讀原文。”我紅着臉說：“那是古英語，很
難。”張可老師說：“你真不知道讀原文的樂趣有多大。”然後她又比較起朱生豪
和吳興華的翻譯，用鄭重的口氣介紹法文翻譯傢傅雷，最後對我竟然沒聽說過傅東
華有點不滿意，說這是一位國學西學俱佳的學者。說着她走進西屋拿出一本陳舊的
牛皮紙封面文集，裏邊有一篇傅東華論國學的文章，讓我閱讀。
談話一旦開始就漸漸養成了習慣，她即便是隨口說幾句也能帶給我一個文雅的
世界。我毫不掩飾地抱怨學院裏課程之拙劣，她微笑地說，倒真的不必來讀戲劇文
學係。“莎士比亞是位詩人，嚮他學編劇技巧委屈了他；中國話劇的發展，關鍵是
導演；至於傳統戲麯，劇本歷來不重要，主要是演員的表演。”她從根本上動搖了
我本來就不堅實的專業思想後，又興致勃勃地介紹起我十分陌生的京劇女老生演員
張文娟，用詞之熱烈在她平日的從容談吐中很少見到。對此我不無驚異，但結果卻
是觸動我日後漸漸建立起一種以演員為中心的比較健全的戲劇觀念。對於在戲劇學
院的課堂上已經消失、而在學生課餘閱讀中仍然熱門的貝剋、勞遜、亞卻、斯坦尼、
布萊希特，她以溫和的語氣提醒我都不太重要。
現在回想起來，這麽多看似至高無上的大師早早地被一位女性溫和的聲音化解
了一大半，這節省了我多少鑽研的時間，提升了我多少鳥瞰的高度!減法比加法更值
得感謝。
天暗了，一盞昏黃的油燈點燃了起來，房東又在叫我們去吃????豆稀飯。飯後，
農村幹部李惠民和我們坐到了一起，他說：“你們經常在談的東西我聽不大懂，知
道自己沒文化，現在天天晚上練毛筆字，請你們幫我指點指點。”我和李惠民同室
而居，知道他每天晚上都要練很長時間的毛筆字，有時我睡了一覺醒來看見他還在
練，至於他已經練到什麽程度了，卻沒有去註意。待到他拿出最近寫的一大疊毛邊
紙來，我和張可老師都驚呼起來。纔幾個月，他手下的歐體九成宮已經非常像樣。
一天，我正在門外洗衣服，從泥路上駛來一輛農民馱貨用的自行車，騎車的是
青年農民，而貨架上卻坐着一位滿頭白發的清瘦老者，一看就知道是文化人。車在
我跟前停下了，老者跳下貨架走上一步問我：“請問，許玄在哪個村？”許玄是我
的同班同學，我立即斷定，這是許玄的父親，華東師範大學著名的文學教授許傑先
生，全國聞名的“大右派”。那麽衰老的他居然長途顛簸看望女兒來了，汽車站離
這裏很遠，貨用自行車顯然是他從車站雇到這兒的。
“您是許伯伯吧？”我問。他高興地點了點頭，我就指給他看許玄的住處，自
行車又馱着他上路了。我連忙叫出張可老師，張可老師看着許傑先生的背影深深嘆
了一口氣，說：“受了那麽多罪，還一心關心着女兒!”從許傑先生，談起文學界。
我說前不久讀了陝西作傢王汶石的幾個短篇不錯，她說從王汶石一篇談結構的文章，
可以知道他比其他農村作傢要用功。如此平靜地以“用功”一詞來評價一位當時頗
為轟動的作傢，我看到了一種寧靜的文化風度。
“國外的小說傢你最喜歡誰？”她想把我從中國作傢中引開。
“法國的雨果，俄國的契訶夫。”我回答。“那也一定知道翻譯俄文的滿濤？”
她問。“當然。”我說。
“他是我傢裏人，哥哥。”她說。“他也姓張？”我愚蠢地問。她忍不住笑了，
點了點頭。
她既然提到了哥哥，我就大膽地追問：“張可老師，據說你有很傳奇的經歷？”
她又笑了：“什麽傳奇？不值一提。”她沒有順着這個話題講下去，而是換了一種
口氣對我說：“你的古文已經不錯，現在最好把外語學好，光憑英語課本沒用。我
覺得你還應該再用功一點。”又是“用功”。我認真地點了點頭，說已經把最容易
買到的《毛澤東選集》英文版通讀了一遍，她連忙說：“那是偷懶的辦法，中國人
的思維，中國人的詞彙，猜都猜得出來。讀英語，先讀狄更斯，再讀莎士比亞。”
這樣的談話，幾乎天天進行，特別是在晚上。羊睡着了，老太太的咳嗽聲有節奏地
傳來，李惠民繼續在油燈下與歐陽詢廝磨。北窗外是一道很高的長堤，長堤外是浩
闊的長江，往東不遠，有一個古老的閱兵臺，是戚繼光留下的遺跡；往西不遠，是
鄭和下西洋的碼頭所在。江風陣陣，濤聲隱隱，而我們居住着的村落，從明末以來
一直是海盜的據點。當年讓航船者們聞風喪膽的“七十二傢村”就在這裏，這個如
此破敗的小村落就是“七十二傢村”的一部份。
長江、海盜、鄭和、戚繼光，現在又加上了雨果、契訶夫和莎士比亞。我納悶：
是一種什麽緣份，讓我在這樣的一個地方遇到了這樣一位長者？
春節到了，上級通知，每村三人中一個留守，兩個可以回傢探親。留守者當然
是我，他們兩位走了。李惠民天天嘴上挂着未婚妻，何況他的炒米粉也早已被我吃
完了。過幾天，不知在哪個村莊，傢傢戶戶的春聯都會換上漂亮齊整的歐體？張可
老師回的是一個什麽樣的傢呢？作為學生，什麽樣的問題都可以詢問老師，就是不
適宜詢問老師的家庭。她日日夜夜給我講了那麽多話，怎麽除了哥哥滿濤，卻從來
未曾提起自己的傢裏人？
四
從農村回到學校不久，“文化大革命”開始了。我們班級的同學，很少有傢裏
不出事情的。作傢、教授的後代自不待說，連“高幹子弟”們也接二連三地大禍臨
頭。郭沫若幾經痛切檢討後還保留着位置，但他推薦來的麯信先卻遇到了家庭出身
問題。李嬰寧同學父親的黨齡幾乎和黨史差不多長，但不幸他又是一位出色的書法
傢和文物鑒賞傢，當造反派闖進他傢打爛了那些文物，他也就不想活了。我父親籍
籍無名，居然也因是“階級異己分子”而被關押，他可是我們一傢八口人唯一的經
濟來源，我這個大兒子雖然不到二十歲卻面對着一副家庭生計重擔，盤算再三覺得
能救我們全家的衹有在安徽工作尚未成傢的叔叔了，但剛剛想到，叔叔已在一場遊
街批鬥之後自殺。他遊街批鬥的罪名是“蓄意美化大毒草《紅樓夢》”。
這樣大同小異的悲慘故事，在幾天之內都壓到了各位同學身上。不久前還嘻嘻
哈哈的班級，一下子變得很沉默。現在回想起來真不理解大傢年紀輕輕為何那麽懂
事，不哭泣、不訴說、不求告，衹是每天平靜而愴然地走在處處飄拂着標語、大字
報的校園裏。背後的長者都不見了，熱鬧中的腳步邁得多麽孤獨。不知在何處陰暗
的房間裏，長者們正目光癡癡地懸想着這些腳步，而這些腳步卻已走不到長者們身
邊。
學校中的造反派駡我們班級是頑冥不化的“三座大山”，其實他們哪裏知道，
這個班級壓着多少個家庭悲劇，有什麽心緒在學校裏胡闹，又有什麽資格胡闹？有
一天，突然在校園裏見到了張可老師，她歷來不是那種常能見到的老師，從農村分
別後就很少照面，不知在幹什麽。那天她顯得很疲倦，走得很慢。猛地看到我她非
常高興，彼此問對方好嗎，回答都含糊其詞，艱難地找着話題。
“李惠民最近有聯繫嗎？”她問。“誰?”“李惠民。”她又重複了一次，這下
我想起來了，與我們一起住了很久的農村幹部。倒不是我忘了他，是沒有料到張可
老師會在這樣的時刻提起他。那些談莎士比亞、練九成宮的夜晚又浮現在眼前，我
把張可老師攙到路邊草坪上談了一會兒。她又告訴我，她傢有一個鄰居，是我中學
的校友，每次見面都把我作為談論對象。我想不起那位校友，但請張可老師代我嚮
他問好。
“聽說你們又要下農村?”她問。
“是的，已經動員了。”我說。“多久?”她問。
“說是一輩子。”“讓帶書嗎？”她又問。“還不知道。總可以帶幾本吧。”
但我心裏明白，張可老師說的書，不是可讓帶的那幾本。
“一輩子，與父母商量了？”我淡淡苦笑了一下。張可老師好像感覺到了這種
問法有點不合時宜，便輕輕拍了拍我的手臂，說：“好好照顧自己。”這次下鄉勞
動的時間並沒有預想的那麽漫無邊際，等我們在幾度春耕秋收之後突然被通知回到
上海，情況已發生很大變化。工宣隊、軍宣隊和造反派之間吵鬧得很厲害，造反派
的一些頭頭被關起來了，又出了林彪事件，一來二去，上級居然下令要復課了。
課又沒有教材，於是一窩蜂地成立各種各樣的教材編寫組。原先被作為運動對象或
運動阻力看待的那幫人，開始有點事幹了。先聽說有一批教師要去參加修訂《辭海》，
名單上有張可老師；後來陸陸續續又有一些教師被抽調出去，一天在大食堂，有一
個軍宣隊員找我談話，要我參加設在復旦大學的一個現代文學編寫組。“每個文科
學校都有人參加，以復旦、師大為主，我們是小學校，要謙虛。”他說。
當時所有的修訂組和教材編寫組都由市裏的寫作組統管，寫作組對我這樣一個
“文革”以來未曾參加過任何組織的年輕人有點看重的意思，然而畢竟我的運氣太
好，一九七五年年初就發覺得了肝炎。在傢休息一陣還不行，衹得住院，出了醫院
就到故鄉休養去了。要不然，從一九七五年到一九七六年，我如果在上海，沒準也
會奉命參與一些諸如“反擊右傾翻案風”和其他名目繁多的小運動，居然都讓我逃
過去了。古人說“因病得閑殊不惡”，信然。記得回鄉休養前在學院醫務室裏還遇
見過張可老師一次，她說：“沒關係，我愛人也得過肝炎，少吃藥，多休息，增加
營養。”順便她還愉快地告訴我，學院裏受人尊敬的朱端鈞教授現在也在參加修訂
《辭海》。
這次她終於提到了自己的愛人。我曾聽係裏的老師說，她愛人是“鬍風分子”，
究竟是誰，卻不清楚。
說是回鄉養病，故鄉卻衹有一位七十多歲的老祖母，我怕傳染給她。後來是我
同鄉的老師盛鐘健先生在奉化縣的一個半山腰裏找到一間小房子，讓我住了下來。
吃飯則有一頓沒一頓，搭在山腳下一個極其簡陋的小食堂裏。那裏連一份報紙也看
不到，完全不知道天下發生了什麽事。又是大幸，居然讓我認識了一位八十多歲的
瀋老先生，他受當地文化館委托管理着早年蔣經國先生在山間的一個讀書室，經他
點頭，我就全身心地鑽到那些舊書裏去了。那兒除了《古今圖書集成》、《二十四
史》、《四部叢刊》外，還有《萬有文庫》和比較完整的二三十年代出版的文化雜
志，我反正有的是時間，一本本閱讀。正經書讀纍了，就去興致勃勃地翻閱一大堆
《東方雜志》。讀書室外面是長天荒草，安靜無比。我從來沒有獲得過那麽優越的
讀書條件，當然絶不放過，連生病的事也忘記了。
那位瀋老先生有點仙風道骨，那麽大年紀還每天爬山，有時居然親自提一小籃
子傢栽時鮮水果，到半山小屋來送給我，讓我既驚訝又感動。我問他為什麽不在讀
書室裏交給我而要親自送來，他說這是“禮數”。他倒是每天早晨在傢聽點廣播，
把重要的消息告訴我。有一天他說唐山發生了大地震，你半山腰的小房子也危險，
於是我幾經打聽搬到一個廟裏躲避。在廟裏又住了不少時日，仍然天天去讀蔣經國
先生留下的那些書。那個讀書室造得很堅固，即使發生地震也會很安全。瀋老先生
說，蔣經國先生從來沒有充份利用過這個讀書室，這個讀書室簡直就是為我造的了。
從古廟到讀書室那條冷僻的荒路，我已經走得悠然陶然，幾乎記不得年月了。終於
有一天，我從兩位過路山民嘴中得知，立即又在老先生那裏證實，毛澤東去世了。
五
幾年後，我在係資料室裏翻閱雜志，突然讀到一篇用中西比較方法研究《文心
雕竜》的文章，十分驚嘆，卻不知作者王元化是什麽人。當時正好有上海的一傢大
報嚮我約稿，就寫了篇讀後感寄去。幾天後報社編輯親自來到我傢，告訴我這篇讀
後感不能發表。原因是“王元化的歷史問題還沒有結論，學術雜志發表他的論文可
以，但我們報紙……”我問：“王元化究竟是誰?”“你寫了文章還不知道他是誰?”
那位編輯十分驚訝，“我還以為是由於你和他愛人同在一個學校的關係呢。”“他
愛人在我們學院?”我好奇極了。“張可嘛!你真的不知道？”“啊？”這下我倒真
是發呆了。過些天我有意識地在學校裏找到張可老師，談了這件事，也談了我對王
元化先生文章的評價。張可老師開心地笑着，不斷地說：“你太客氣了，你太客氣
了！”又過了幾天，係裏的柏彬老師交給我一封厚厚的信，拆開一看，署名王元化。
除了約我見面，還談到以前如何從張可老師那裏知道我，其中有一段話，一看之下
眼睛一亮，後來不知又默誦了多少遍：儘管身邊還有大量讓人生氣的事，但我可以
負責地說，就學術文化研究而言，現在可能正在進入本世紀以來最好的時期。
一位傷痕纍纍、尚未平反的長者，居然用如此明快的語言作出了世紀性的判斷，
當時對我的震撼真是非同小可。“可能正在進入本世紀以來最好的時期”───至
少有幾個月時間我一直念叨着這每一個字，回想着梁啓超、章太炎、王國維、魯迅、
陳寅恪，不能不産生一種惶恐，怕大傢在熱鬧中把一個重要的時機辜負。正是這種
震撼和惶恐，使我急急地將那部我多次提到過的H.剋拉剋的英文著作作為拐杖，
古代歐洲走去。
這些年在海內外演講中總會被人頻頻問起，我從一個戲劇學者轉而投身於多方
位文化思考的最初動力，我總是回答：十幾年前，我收到過一位長者的信。
收到信的第二天，我就來到王元化、張可老師的傢裏。張可老師衹忙着端茶、
送點心，而王元化先生則幾乎沒有寒暄就立即與我談起了剛剛發表不久的李澤厚的
《論嚴復》，又聯繫到李澤厚早在五十年代發表的《譚嗣同研究》，這種不羼水份
的學術性談話出現在家庭裏稍稍顯得有點沉悶，張可老師坐在一邊聽了一會兒就笑
着嗔怪起來：“人傢那麽遠的路趕來，一下子談得那麽嚴肅!”待到吃飯了，張可老
師始終在忙着給我夾菜添飯，連王元化先生也覺得過份了，一次次說：“讓秋雨自
己來，讓秋雨自己來。”但是每次吃飯，我總覺得他們飯量太小，而我的飯量太大，
很不好意思。
沒有想到，一九七九年六月，張可老師突然在一次會議上中風。送到醫院，情
勢十分危急，昏迷十天不醒，半個多月一直處於病危之中。王元化先生在醫院號啕
大哭，這位多災多難的學者一遍遍呼喊：“我對不起她!我對不起她!”他當時還沒
有平反。
不到半年，王元化的冤案終於徹底平反。此時的張可老師，雖已擺脫病危，卻
像換了一個人。
王元化參加工作後越來越忙碌，很少有時間在傢逗留了。張可老師幾十年來早
已習慣每天陪着睏陷於冤屈和寂寞中的丈夫，現在，她寂寞了。
王元化總想抽時間陪她。那年在廬山召開全國文藝理論研討會，王元化應該到
會，他卻用《文心雕竜創作論》的一大半稿費，在廬山租了一間房子，把張可老師
接去了，乘機讓她在那裏療養。我也去參加了這次會議，到他們的那間房子去拜訪，
發現來訪的客人川流不息，很難真正休養。一天，與會代表分乘幾輛客車在山間遊
玩，其中有兩輛翻了車，消息傳到張可老師耳朵裏，她居然起身來到屋外，焦急地
在路口見一人問一人：“餘秋雨死了沒有?餘秋雨死了沒有?”那兩輛翻了的車，也
衹是部份人受了點輕傷，而我那天根本沒有出遊。當我知道張可老師對我的問訊之
後實在有點吃驚，一是被一位病人的關愛所感動，二是覺得若在她生病之前，這位
中英文俱佳的高雅女子絶不會用這樣簡單直拔的句子問話。
六
日子一年年過去，連我們也漸漸老了。三十人的班級，已經有四個同學去世，
每次追悼會，同學們哭得像傢屬一樣傷心。
是什麽機緣把我們拉在一起的，這已經變得很不重要。有一次我遇到很多年前
到中學來遊說我報考上海戲劇學院的那位老師，說：“我的大半輩子都被你騙過來
了。”他一笑：“騙來一位院長，值。”其實豈止騙來我這位院長，現任院長榮廣
潤教授，戲劇文學係主任丁羅男教授，以及圖書館的呂兆康館長，都是從我們這個
小小班級走出來的。同學中，李小林依然在掌管中國最優秀的文學雜志《收穫》，
而她所承擔的更重要的使命是維護巴金老人的健康。巴金老人在回憶錄中曾用感念
的筆觸提起我們這個班級，想當年，衹要聽到武康路老人傢裏有事，班級同學就一
人一輛自行車呼的一聲去了。風風火火、爽爽利利的桂未明同學負責着《萌芽》雜
志，她也要承擔照顧傢中勞累一生的文化長者的任務。而那位由郭沫若先生推薦來
的麯信先同學，雖然身體不好卻勤於教育，親自培養出了著名劇作傢宗福先、馬中
駿、賈鴻源、史美俊……。有一次招收研究生口試，我問一位考生，你最喜歡的當
代劇作傢是誰？考生回答是馬中駿。我又問，你知道馬中駿先生的劇作教師是誰？
考生搖頭，我得意地告訴他：“是本教師的同班同學，姓名暫時保密。”是的，連
我們的學生也已經如此像模像樣，我們確實都老了。
人一上年紀，就會自然熄滅往常誤以為燦爛的浮火，靜靜地去體會人生的厚味。
在這一過程中，張可老師的身影總會越來越鮮明地晃動在眼前。已經不再僅僅是學
生對老師的感謝，而是她以那麽長的時間給我設了一個謎，揭開謎底居然是王元化
先生。其實，更大的謎底是她自己。一個女人背後的學者，一個學者背後的女人，
這個結構已經很有魅力，但更有魅力的還是第二結構，那就是：漫長災難中的不懈
護衛，災難消解後的倦然退下。
好一個倦然退下，這又使我聯想到她早年的一個結構：共産黨掌握政權前的出
生入死，共産黨掌握政權後的悄然隱去。這幾個結構渦旋在一位高雅女子身上，使
我覺得既恢宏而又神秘。現在，每次看到在蒼老、疲憊中嚮我露出笑容的張可老師，
總覺得這是一門玄奧的人生課程。我不再後悔當年頭腦一熱錯考了上海戲劇學院，
這種錯考讓我有機會直接面對這門課程，非常值得。
中學畢業時的三個小夥伴約定各學一類專業等二十年後一起暢遊世界，二十年
早已過去，當年的約定也已經飄作雲煙。各學一類專業就能懂得世界?這真是孩童之
見。請看僅僅一個張可老師，就足夠讓我們終身去閱讀。
大概從五年前開始，我覺得需要對張可老師作進一步的瞭解，以便告訴我的同
學和我的讀者。前年，國際大專辯論賽從哈佛、耶魯和中國大陸邀請了五位終評委，
我和王元化先生正好在內，在評判的空餘時間，我開始嚮他詢問。前不久，我特地
列出一些模糊之處再進一步請教王元化先生，終於，我可以為張可老師寫下一段話
了。
這段話不長，大致如下───
張可，一九二□年十二月出生於蘇州一個書香世傢，受良好早期教育。十六歲
時考進上海暨南大學，這是一所擁有鄭振鐸、孫大雨、李健吾、周予同、陳麟瑞等
教授的大學，學風淳厚。一九三八年十八歲時加入中國共産黨，從此全力投身革命，
大學畢業後主要在上海戲劇界從事抗日活動，自己翻譯劇本、組織小劇場演出，還
多次親自參加表演。結識比她較早參加共産黨的年輕學者王元化。
抗戰初年在一次青年友人的聚會中，有人戲問王元化心中戀人，王元化說：
“我喜歡張可”，張可聞之不悅，質問王元化什麽意思，王元化語塞。八年抗戰，
無心婚戀，抗戰勝利前夕，有些追求她的人問她屬意於誰，張可坦然地說：“王元
化。”以基督教儀式結婚。其時王元化在北平的一所國立大學任教，婚後攜張可到
北平居住。但張可住不慣，說北平太荒涼，便又一起返回上海。
一九四九年五月上海解放，這兩位年富力強而又頗有資歷的共産黨人勢必都要
參加比較重要的工作，但他們心中的文學寄托，在於契訶夫、羅曼.羅蘭、狄更斯、
莎士比亞，生怕復雜的人事關係、繁重的行政事務和應時的通俗需要消解了心中的
文學夢，再加上已有孩子，决定衹讓王元化一人外出工作，張可脫離組織關係。
因鬍風冤案牽涉，一九五五年六月王元化被隔離，還在幼兒園小班的孩子張着
驚恐萬狀的眼睛看着父親被拉走。關押地不斷轉換，張可為尋回丈夫，不斷上訪。
王元化被關押到一九五七年二月纔釋放。釋放後的王元化精神受到嚴重創傷，幻聽
幻覺，真假難辨，靠張可慢慢調養，求醫問藥，一年後基本恢復。當時王元化沒有
薪水，為補貼傢用，替書店翻譯書稿，後又與張可一起研究莎士比亞，翻譯西方莎
學評論。張可還用娟秀的毛筆小楷抄寫了王元化《論莎士比亞四大悲劇》和其他手
稿。
三年自然災害期間，王元化曾患肝炎，張可盡力張羅，居然沒有讓王元化感到
過家庭生活的艱難。“文革”災難中，兩人都成為打擊對象，漫漫苦痛，不言而喻。
“文革”結束之後，王元化冤案平反在即，一九七九年六月，張可突然中風，
至今無法全然恢復。
一九七九年十一月，王元化徹底平反，不久，擔任上海市委宣傳部門主要領導
職務。
王元化對妻子的基本評價：“張可心裏似乎不懂得恨。我沒有一次看見過她以
疾顔厲色的態度對人，也沒有一次聽見過她用強烈的字眼說話。總是那樣溫良、謙
和、寬厚。從反鬍風到她得病前的二十三年漫長歲月裏，我的坎坷命運給她帶來了
無窮傷害，她都默默地忍受了。人遭到屈辱總是敏感的，對於任何一個不易察覺的
埋怨眼神，一種悄悄表示不滿的臉色，都會感應到。但她卻始終沒有這種情緒的流
露，這不是任何因丈夫牽連而遭受磨難的妻子都能做到的，因為她無法依靠思想或
意志的力量來強製自然迸發的感情，衹有聽憑仁慈天性的指引，才能臻於這種超凡
絶塵之境。”王元化又說：“當時四周一片冰冷，唯一可靠的是家庭。如果她想與
我劃出一點界綫，我肯定早就完了。”
七
寫完這段話我凝思良久。當年在長江邊的小村莊裏日夜與我談話的張可老師，
前前後後背負着多大的重擔！粗略算來，那時走到我面前的她，二十六年前加入共
産黨，十五年前脫離，九年前丈夫被捕，六年前與丈夫一起進入莎士比亞研究並翻
譯了大量西方典籍……，這，難道就是那位與我們同住在骯髒的泥屋裏、經常在淤
泥中摔跤、塞給我幾粒巧剋力又告誡我必須用功的可親老師嗎？十七歲男孩子眼中
的一切都那麽淺薄，不知道長者在關愛我們的同時是否心動一頭，想吐露一點心中
的苦澀？我相信，即使有過一閃念她也立即咽下去了，人生體驗最深刻的地方是無
法用言詞來傳遞的，衹有讓你自己去體驗。直到今天我纔敢說，老師，我體驗過了，
因此纔會回過頭去捕捉三十多年前的瞬間，用一篇萬字長文把它虔誠地寫出來。
張可老師至今健在。見到客人來她還會開心地問候着，張羅出幾碟點心。但在
我看來，她在十八年前病倒時，在王元化先生的號啕大哭中，已舉行了一個完成人
生使命的隆重儀式。我請求我的同學們讀了這篇文章之後不要再去打擾她，她已經
太纍，讓她安靜。想念她時可以讀讀王元化先生的大著宏論，在那裏，字字行行都
有她的影子在。
有空，我會代你們去看望她老人傢。
作者附記：王元化先生對本文有關部份進行了精細校訂，謹此感謝。
(《新華文摘》1998年第10期，原載《中華散文》1998年第8期)
A
1963 I was sixteen years old, graduated from high school. High school experience is never repeated.
A group of teenagers who can also be called a youth called suddenly to make their own lifelong choice, _select_ Fan
Wai and without restrictions. You want to say that the future high school language teacher, librarian, or surgeon, the International Maritime
Apply the appropriate professional staff away, no one will laugh at you around. Human life on such a short period of time of months
Unlimited state, the future will no longer have to die. Parents and teachers should be reasonable to restrict it, but that they
While also being pleasantly surprised how the results of their training has so many possible instant, happy halo bobbing,
Generally undecided. So, in that absolutely should not be entitled to a big decision right age, has made no
Know the severity of the decision. That summer was so exciting then Fanre only the cicadas in the trees schadenfreude
Cried so many adults do not wish to recall this sounds.
Like with a lot of boys, as usual, I have two small partners, one surnamed Ding, a surname, results are
Well, as long as they are willing to believe that any one university managed to get on. A day at the playground on the edge deliberation, apply now
The university divided into three categories, one for science and engineering, the second category of medicine, three categories of the arts, the three of us if each newspaper category,
After two decades traveling the world together, wherever did not understand things, that the more happy! The idea is
Attractive, immediately through, and decided that we must choose the best in each category (that is the hardest test) school. That
Why, three types of how the division of labor it? With three small number written on paper, folded up the ball for a throw, catch lots. Ding caught
The first category, and soon to inquire understand that the best Tsinghua University; Zhang caught the second category, also made after the measure
The decision was the most difficult medical exam is Second Military Medical University; I caught a third category, hateful liberal arts, the election which
Two universities? Three were distressed opened.
Certainly can not take the prestigious university department. Why three people together so quickly to make such judgments,
In retrospect not big can understand. Probably not think the Chinese department in trouble a very interesting work,
Or think we recite in high school had the "Lament", "The Analects" and dozens of classical, hard
Road college and then do this annoying thing? Zhang student said: "I just read the autobiography Guo, even he
! Not been to the Department of Chinese "Ding student said:" Ba Jin did not. "That's the initial intention, I should apply for a foreign language
Department of Foreign Languages Department as to which university is best, but also to inquire separately.
But the next day something happened. Sun teacher teacher went to find me, he did not recognize me standing beside a
Knowledge of thin teacher, introduced themselves to the Shanghai Theatre Academy. "We should take the highest requirements of college recruiting
A series of dramatic literature class, now we have thousands of people sign up, only thirty strokes, but we still afraid of missing the best
, I heard you got the game winning essay in the city ...... "Before he finished I anxiously asked:" What are you
This year liberal arts college in the country is not the hardest exam? '"Has not made this arrangement. "The teacher said," You know Guo
Moruo sir, right? "" I know. "I replied, thinking yesterday, Zhang was mentioned his classmates." Guo in China Branch
Served as Dean of the identity of China University of Technology president, he found that higher grades in college, one can write
Screenplay of the top students, and immediately decided to suspend his studies, go to our college to study. "" You mean, even in the
National Academy of Sciences president also believes that science and technology is not dramatic literature important? "My teacher, Sun asked in surprise.
"I can not say that," the teacher Shanghai Theatre Academy implicitly smiled, "but the University of Science and Technology
Of the high school students can enter our first year, must also pass rigorous exams. If you come to apply. "
He turned to me, "he is your competitor." My mind getting a little daze, he lost over a:
"Your competitors as well as Ba Jin's daughter." Ba Jin really well! Yesterday we just said Guo and Ba Jin
Did not read Chinese literature, did not think they invariably put two students and children entrusted to the Shanghai Theater Academy play
Drama and Literature Department. How can doubt that these two elderly judge? I immediately sit down determination.
Drama School is ahead of the exam, a total of nine exam, really put people to death. Do not wait for results to be published, the National High
School examination began, of course I should also participate. Examination of first choice to fill the Foreign Military Academy, because I heard
After graduating from this school do diplomatic attache, intelligence officers, which is a boy too stimulating.
Soon came the news that the two schools have accepted me, the first step Drama School, took my files. Military
Institute an officer surnamed Liu sat in my house, do not go, my parents said repeatedly, my English exam this year
Health is the first school insisted I could not decide, and now the only way is to let my parents and admissions officers to the city
Will be noisy, grab the file back.
My parents had no interest on the Theatre Academy, but his life would not quarrel, had been writing to the Admissions
Committee. Officer surnamed Liu again, said a letter of no use, have to say face to face. Father said to me: "This thing
By parents to say no convincing yourself to go right to the admissions committee. "Shanghai is located in the Admissions Committee
Tongji University, for the three cars to find. Odd hot day, before Jinjiao first small banks across the road entrance station
For a long time, timidly looked at the door, wondering what kind of person would see, wondering what kind of words that speak. Advance
Random walk through the gate and then deliberately blocks in a lonely deserted because of the summer holidays and no floor room until enough of the military training
Love affair Foreign Language Institute of Shanghai Academy of Drama hatred, just open the door to the admissions committee.
I was with a staff member said a few words, he laughed and said your father sent a letter every day now
In Yao Zhuren there, let Yao Zhuren and you talk about it. So, I easily saw the famous Shanghai
Mr. Yao Li, director of admissions committee.
Mr. Yao Li look kindly, smiling, ready to listen to me to finish the _set_, put a smile admitted,
In a declaratory tone said to me: "Our country fought too long, surplus military personnel and people of art
Who lack, you should read the art. "His tone is completely irrefutable good a dignified elderly, I looked at him
Silly hair for a while, and he looked at me, but no longer speak. The result is I nodded, got up and say goodbye.
If Guo, Ba Jin is still relatively far away, then, Yao Li has literally put me to the power of the elderly
Promote the School of Drama.
Classroom thirty men, I was in the first group. The students sitting behind me called the song first letter, he is Guo
Moruo recommendation to that one; my neighbor called Li Xiaolin, Ba Jin's daughter.
Two
I do not know the school or the strange strange times we met after school curriculum is very bad, bad to my roots
The letter did not dare tell the Second Military Medical University, Tsinghua University, and that two small partners.
Professional main subject called "script copies Analysis", analyzes the first script is North Korea's "Red propagandists" and then
China's "wins India" and "Hero Sapper" more amazing is that the analysis only to explain the so-called ideological content, Meng
Are all a political lesson. Everyone can speak on these social, then really what college courses? I did not
Know the larger context, just think Shanghai Theatre Academy in a "difficult test" illusion to deceive us into,
So all day long depression. A revolutionary cadres to experience his new creation we transcribe the script, that is to give us a
A learning opportunity, remember the script was praised as a model worker, and then under a pale copy of the study
Outlook is more worried.
Finally there is a slightly famous Mr. Chen Ruheng terms of classical literature, he used standard in Northern accent taught several
After months of ze and metrical want us to learn to write poetry, and wait until we pay up to the job he really a bit surprised,
Asked again and again: "This is your own writing?" The students can not help but secretly smile, you forget what the standard is
Quasi provoke us.
Write a few poems, classical literature class is over, and that writing is a labor model draft a screenplay
Draft reform, every manuscript copied by us, and then copied to finish typing the print room, I think they work together, a
Given far more than who toil of labor model itself. That day I was again ordered to the script between typing in
Waiting time to hear some interesting conversations. Several typists are young lady, who kept a finger tip
Does not stop at school style debate which one is the best teacher. Their argument objects, gradually transferred from the Department of Performing
To another department, and from youth to middle age to old age, from male teachers to female teachers, the last stop in a person
The name is not on the move, this man's name is Zhang can.
Hear from their rushes out, Zhang teacher is a legendary figure. Born into a family home,
Looks beautiful, skilled English, Shakespeare expert, but actually early as the 1930s teens participated
Communist Party engaged in underground work, until 1949 the Communist seizure of power, but she mission accomplished, to leave the group
Woven into an ordinary teacher. However, as long as the school has an important foreign guests, there will always be her. Elegant appearance
And the beautiful English always let visitors feel a bit surprised. Typists say they always pause when men
Work out to look, not to see foreigners but by Zhang teacher, watching her gestures, speech style.
This statement shortly after we sit talking to the countryside, and that is not let us become a nerd in high-rise yard deep,
Must attend to the countryside was being carried out "four clean sport." Classmates are just tired of listening to those lessons,
Feel to hear anymore, but some may not become become nerd nerd, so they joyfully packed up, only
Guo Qu recommendation letter to the students first had hepatitis, not only can not go, but also isolated from the infirmary, tears
Be very sad.
We went to the place in Jiangsu Taicang Liuhe, each village to go to a teacher, a student, and then with one from
Deployed near the county over the rural cadres. Published list on a wall saw, and I went to a place called Jia together
Homesteads of rural cadres village called Li Huimin go, and teachers, it is Zhang.
Three
The three of us lived in a village of the poorest farmers at home, this farmer has three small mud houses. East room crowded room
East spouses and children; between the landlord's mother lived in the West, but also raised two sheep; intermediate tools and a place to eat,
And possessor of four sheep. Six sheep are collectively owned, staying in this house, and we did.
The three of us would eat in this house. Pay the cost of food by city standards, but according to the regulations, if the meat on the table
Vegetables, a chopstick can not go move. However, this situation can not happen, because the next meal, this people's Wing
Far only a dish of salt beans, vegetables and even a no, this surprising. Our first task is to participate in field
Among labor, the second is to help clean up the village in recent years, accounts, there is no one to see corruption. But cleanup to clear
Li went to the largest number of points still inferior to the three of us suspected monthly pay for meals. Of course, the landlord can not say corruption, but
The three of us face is getting worse. I was young, more dependent on nutrition, Zhang teacher paused several times, the last
Finally said: "You are a long body, not for a long time so, yesterday I asked around, and your classmates are
Nutritional supplement. "Then quietly handed me a few grains of chocolate. Rural cadres Li Huimin the end of every night to give me a small bowl
Fried rice, which is his fiancee left him.
Zhang teacher should be aged 44 at the time, she was in that room mud house low hanging a white curtain,
And the old lady kept coughing all day and two sheep barely separated. I know she is not the most popular live food, accommodation,
Instead of water, because here, wash rice, laundry, toilet brush and even commodes, thanks to an overgrown front of the house dirty
Small brook. Another is that the rain could not bear to walk in extremely slippery mud she could not step further, sometimes
Cruel one step and certainly numerous wrestling, drew laughter into every mud huts door, I will turn twist to rush a mix
Help.
She briefly into the mud huts and radiant combed immediately, went to the door and stood for a moment, then I said, the way to sweep
Rolled up a book in my hand. When the countryside I deliberately picked up a book to read to bring more resistant, it is written by Lamb
The English version of Shakespeare's stories, which expect to encounter the real experts here, so do not deliberately cover to hide hidden
Let her see. But a person familiar with the books of their induction is always extraordinary, Zhang teacher flashed far only
One smiled and said: "Do not read only Lamb, the best reading text." I blushed and said: "That is Old English, it is
Difficult. "Zhang teacher said:" You really do not know how much fun reading the original. "Then she Compared Shenghao
And Wu Xinghua translation, with a solemn tone introduce French translator Fu Lei, finally I actually heard Fu Tung
China somewhat dissatisfied, said it was a superb scholar Western Sinology. Then she walked out of an old Westinghouse
Kraft cover anthology, inside a Fu Donghua articles on Chinese culture, let me read.
Once the conversation began to gradually develop a habit, she even casually say a few words can bring me a gentle
World. I unabashedly complain clumsy college courses, she smiled and said, indeed a dramatic text without having to read
Department. "Shakespeare was a poet, playwright skills he learned to pity him; development of Chinese drama, the key is
Director; regards traditional opera, plays always important, mainly actors. "She fundamentally shaken
I was not thinking of the solid professional, and since I am very happily introduce unfamiliar female opera actor Laosheng
Juan, warm words of rarely seen in her usual calm in conversation. I am not without surprise, but the result
I touch the future is to gradually establish a more perfect actor-centered theater concept. For Drama
The hospital's classroom has disappeared, while students are still popular after-school reading Baker, Lawson, Asia has, Stanislaw,
Brecht, her gentle tone reminds me are not very important.
In retrospect, the supreme master of so many seem to be a woman early moderate voices resolve
A half, it saves me much time to study, how to enhance the bird's eye view of my height! Subtraction more than addition value
Thanks.
Tian An, a dim oil lamp lit up, the landlord has told us to go in salt beans porridge. After dinner,
Rural cadres Li Huimin and we sat down together, he said: "You often hear talk about things I do not quite understand, to know
Road, he did not culture, and now every night practicing calligraphy, will you help me pointing pointing. "I'm in the same room and Eddy Lee
Door, knowing that he practiced every night for a long time calligraphy, sometimes I wake up to see he was still asleep
Practice, as he has got what extent, but not to pay attention. Until recently, he wrote out a big pile of burrs
Paper, I and Zhang teacher exclaimed. Only a few months, the European body Jiuchenggong his men have been very decent.
One day, I was outside washing clothes, pack the goods with approaching a farmer from the dirt bike, cycling is
Young farmers, while it sat on the shelf a thin gray-haired old man, to see that the intellectuals. Car
I stopped in front of the old man jumped off the shelf onto the step and asked me: "? Ask, Xu Xuan village in which" Xu Xuan is my
Classmates, I immediately concluded that this is the promise mysterious father, the famous East China Normal University literature professor Xu Jie first
Students, the famous "big right." Then he did a long bumpy aging came to visit her daughter, from the bus station
Here very far, cargo bicycle apparently he hired from the station to here.
"You are Xu Bobo, right?" I asked. He nodded happy, I pointed out to him the residence of Xu Xuan, from
Driving and laden with him on the road. I quickly called out Zhang teacher, teacher Mr. Xu Jie Zhang looked back deep sigh
A deep breath and said: "by so many crimes, but also as one concerned about her daughter!" From Mr. Xu Jie, talk about literature.
I said recently read a few short Shaanxi writer Wang Wen Shi's good, she said an article talking about the structure of the stone from the King Wen,
He may know more than other rural writers to work hard. So calmly to the word "hard" to evaluate one was quite
To sensational writer, I saw a quiet demeanor culture.
"Foreign novelist who is your favorite?" She wanted me to distract from Chinese writers.
"France, Hugo, Russia Chekhov." I replied. "It also must know the full translation of Tao Russian?"
She asked. "Of course." I said.
"He is my family, my brother." She said. "He also surname? 'I asked stupidly. She could not help laughing,
Nodded.
Since she mentioned my brother, I boldly asked: "Zhang teacher, said that you have a very legendary experience?"
She laughed: "? What legend worth mentioning" She did not go on along this topic, but rather a change
Tone said to me: "You have a good classical, and now it is best to learn a foreign language, English textbooks alone is useless to me.
You should also re-think a little hard. "Is" hard. "I nodded seriously, said to have been the most likely to
Buy "_Select_ed Works" in English read through, she quickly said: "That is the lazy way, Chinese people
Thinking, Chinese people's vocabulary, guess all guess. Read English, first read Dickens, read Shakespeare. "
Such a conversation, conducted almost every day, especially at night. Sheep asleep, cough rhythmically old lady
Came, Li Huimin Ouyang Xun continue under the lamp and Simo. North of the window is a high causeway causeway outside is ho
Width of the Yangtze River, not far from the east, there is an ancient parade units, are the remains of Qi; far west, is
Zheng marina lies. Jiang wind blowing, waves faint, but we live in the villages, since the late Ming
Has been a pirate stronghold. Then let those who are afraid of the ship "72 Ka" here, as this
This small village is dilapidated "72 Ka 'part.
Yangtze River, pirates, Zheng He, Qi Jiguang, now with Hugo, Chekhov and Shakespeare. I wonder:
What is a fate, let me in such a place encountered such an elder?
Spring arrived, superiors notice, every village in a stay of three, two can go home to visit relatives. Of course those left behind
Me, both of them gone. Li Huimin every mouth hanging fiancee, not to mention that he also had been fried rice I eat
Finished. A few days, I do not know which village, every household will put pretty neat couplets European body? Zhang
Teacher back is what kind of home? As a student, what kind of questions can be asked teachers is not
Appropriate to ask the teacher's home. Day and night she told me so much, how in addition to full brother Tao, but never
Never mentioned his family?
Four
From the countryside back to school soon, "Cultural Revolution" began. Our class of students, there is little home
No matter. Offspring writers, professors from needless to say, even "among the children" who have temporary disaster after another
Head. Guo retained the position after several poignant review, but he recommended to the first letter of the song has encountered family background
Problems. Li Ying Ning classmate and his father's party standing almost History almost long, but unfortunately he is an excellent calligraphy
Family and heritage connoisseur, when the rebels broke into his house broken those artifacts, he will want to live. My father Membership
Membership nameless, actually because of "class dissidents" and was detained, but he us an eight man only by
Franciscan sources, although my son less than two years old, but faced a burden of household livelihoods, figuring think again
Only able to save our family in Anhui uncle married yet, but just think, uncle has a tour
After St. denounced suicide. He paraded denounced the charges of "intentional beautification poisonous weeds" Dream of Red Mansions "."
Such similar tragic story in a few days you students are pressed into the body. Not long ago hehe
Haha classes, all of a sudden become very silent. In retrospect I really do not understand why so young people understand
Thing, do not cry, do not tell, do not call, just calm and sad every day to walk in flowing everywhere with slogans, characters
Campus newspaper. Behind the elderly are gone, how lonely the lively pace go far. I do not know where the dark
Room, the elders are thinking about these hanging eyes journeying pace, pace already able to get these elders body
Edges.
The rebels accused the school of our classes are obstinate not of the "three big mountains", in fact they know where,
The number of classes pressing family tragedy, what mood pranks in school, what qualifications nonsense? Have
One day, suddenly saw the photos on campus can be a teacher, she has always been not the kind of teacher can often be seen from the rural areas of
After a few other face to face, I do not know what to do. That day she looked very tired, walking very slowly. I suddenly saw her non-
Always happy, ask each other, okay, answers are vague, difficult to find it topic.
"Li Huimin recently have a link?" She asked. "Who?" "Li Huimin." She repeated once, which under
I think of it, long live the rural cadres with us. Not that I forgot he was not expecting Zhang
The teacher will mention him at this time. Those talking about Shakespeare, practicing Jiuchenggong night and emerge in front of me
The sheets can be mixed to the teacher talk for a moment on the roadside lawn. She also told me that her family has a neighbor, was my high school
Alumni, each meeting regarded me as a talking object. I can not remember who the alumni, but please Zhang teacher for me to
He say hello.
"I heard that you have to lower the countryside?" She asked.
"Yes, have been mobilized." I said. "How long?" She asked.
"Said to be a lifetime." "Let with books?" She asked. "Do not know the total can bring a few of the bar."
But I knew that the teacher said Zhang's book, not a band that can make several.
"Life, with parents to discuss it?" I faint smile a little. Zhang teacher felt like this
The question is asked a little outdated, they patted my arm and said:. "Take care of yourself," the countryside labor
Moving time and not expected so rambling, etc. several times after we return spring harvest was suddenly notice
Shanghai, the situation has changed considerably. Between workers' propaganda team, the military forces and the rebels declared noisy badly, rebels
Some of the heads were locked up, and out of the Lin Biao incident, one to two to go, actually ordered to resume a higher level. Complex
Lesson and no textbooks, so rush to the establishment of a wide variety of materials preparation group. Originally as a moving object or
Motion resistance treat those people, getting a little something done. First I heard a group of teachers going to the amendment "dictionary"
There Zhang teacher list; later after another there are a number of teachers who were transferred out, one day in the large dining hall, there is a
An army declared the players talked to me, asked me to participate in a writing group of modern literature at Fudan University. "Every liberal arts
Schools have participated in Fudan University, Normal-based, we are elementary school, to be humble. "He said.
All the time and materials to prepare amendments to the group by the group's writing group ruled over the city, for me, a writing group
"Cultural Revolution" has not participated in any organization since young little attention to the meaning, but after all my luck too
Well, in early 1975 it found had hepatitis. Not enough rest at home for a while, only hospitalization, out of the hospital
Went to the home of rest go. Otherwise, from 1975 to 1976, if I were in Shanghai, chances are
Will be ordered to participate in some, such as "counter rightist overturn the wind" and other numerous small movement, actually let me escape
Passed. The ancients said, "not evil illness was extremely busy," the letter ran. Remember to return home to rest before yet met in college infirmary
Zhang met a teacher, she said: "It's okay, I love it too hepatitis, less medication, rest, increase
Nutrition. "By the way she happily told me that Professor Zhu Duanjun respected college now also participate Amendment
"Dictionary."
This time she was finally referred to his lover. I have heard the department's teacher, said she loved the "Hu Feng elements"
Who exactly, but it is not clear.
Said to return home to recuperate, but only the home of a 72-year-old grandmother, I was afraid to infect her. Later, I
Mr. Sheng Zhongjian fellow teacher found a small house on a hillside in Fenghua County, let me live down.
There is no meal to eat a meal, take an extremely humble in the foothills of the small cafeteria. There could not see even a newspaper
Less, the world did not know what happened. Is fortunate, just let me know an eighty-year-old
Mr. Shen Lao, he was commissioned by the local cultural centers managed early in the mountains of Chiang Ching-kuo a reading room, after he
Nod, I threw those books drill gone. Where in addition to "ancient and modern books Integration", "twenty-four
History "," four series ", there are" universal libraries "and more complete cultural hybridity thirties published
Chi, I have plenty of time anyway, a books to read. Decent chance to read tired, went happily read a lot
"East magazine." Reading Room is a long day out weeds, very quiet. I've never won so superior
Reading condition, of course, never let go, even the sick things are forgotten.
Who Mr. Shen Lao little Xianfengdaogu, so much older still climbing every day, and sometimes actually personally put a small basket
Sub-family planted seasonal fruits, Mid-Cabin to come to me, so I was surprised and touched. I asked him why he did not read
Book room to personally sent to me and he said it was "etiquette." Every morning he'd point at home to listen to radio,
The important news to tell me. One day he said, a major earthquake in Tangshan, a small hillside house you also dangerous,
So I moved to a temple to escape several times to inquire. In the temple and lived a lot of time, still read every day, Chiang Ching-kuo
Mr. those books left. The reading room made it very strong, even if the earthquake will be very safe. Mr. Shen Lao
Said Chiang Ching-kuo never fully made use of this reading room, the reading room is simply made up for me.
From the Temple to the reading room of the shortage of rare piece of road I've walked leisurely Carefree, almost can not remember the date. Finally
One day, I learned from the mouth of two mountain crossing, where the old man again immediately confirmed, Mao Zedong died.
Five
A few years later, I read magazines in the Department of the data room, read the text of a sudden heart with a Western Comparative Research Methods "
Diao, "the article, very amazing, but I do not know what people Wangyuanhua author. There was just one big in Shanghai
I asked him to report, they wrote a book review sent. A few days after the newspaper editor personally came to my house and told me to read this
After the flu can not be published. The reason is that "historical issues Wangyuanhua not yet concluded, academic journal published his paper may
To, but our newspaper ...... "I asked:" Who is Wangyuanhua "?" You wrote the article did not know who he is? "
The editor is very surprised, "I thought it was because of your wife, and his relationship with a school in it." 'He
Love in our college? "I was very curious." Zhang Well! You really do not know? "" Ah? "It is indeed my
A daze. After a few days I consciously sheets can be found in the school teacher, talked about it, I also talked to the king
Mr. Yuan evaluation of the article. Zhang teacher happy smile, kept saying: "You are too kind, you are too kind
The! "A few days later, the department's Bo Bin teacher handed me a thick letter, open look, signed Wangyuanhua.
In addition about to meet me, also talked about how from the previous teacher Zhang know me, including a passage, a glance
Eyes light up, then I do not know how many times they silent recitation: Although there are a large number of people angry side, but I can
Responsible for speaking on academic and cultural studies, may now be entering the best time in this century.
A bruised, the elderly has not been vindicated, with such lively language actually made a century judgments,
Was really a shock to me no small matter. "May be entering the best time in this century" ─ ─ ─ to
Few months time I have been talking about this every word, think back to Liang, ZHANG, Wang Guowei, Lu Xun,
Yinque, can not fail to produce a fear, afraid of everyone in the bustle is an important opportunity to live up to. It is this
Shock and fear, so I hastily will I have repeatedly mentioned that the Department of H. Clark's works in English as a crutch to
Ancient Europe walked.
These annual lectures at home and abroad will always be frequently asked, I turned from a theater scholar engaged in multi-
Initial impetus bit of cultural thinking, I always answer: Ten years ago, I received a letter the elderly.
Received a letter the next day, I came to Wang Yuanhua, Zhang teacher's home. Zhang busy teachers only served tea,
Send snacks, while Mr. Wang Yuanhua greeting almost immediately and I did not talk about the just released soon Li Zehou
"On Yan Fu" and also linked to Li Zehou published early in the fifties, "Tan research," this is not confusion moisture
Academic conversation in the family seem a little bit dull, Zhang teacher sitting side listened for a moment to laugh
The rebuke them: "They then came a long way, all of a sudden we talk about so serious!" Until dinner, Zhang old
Teachers always busy my bowl add rice, even Mr. Wang Yuanhua feel too, and again and again: "Let autumn from
Had to let themselves autumn. "But every meal, I always think they are too small appetite, and my appetite is too big,
Very embarrassed.
Did not think, in June 1979, Zhang teacher suddenly at a stroke conference. To the hospital, the situation
Situation is very critical, coma ten days unconscious, half a month has been in critical condition being. Mr. Wang Yuanhua howl at the hospital
Crying, shouting over and over again the troubled scholars: "!! I'm sorry I'm sorry for her that she" He was not
There are vindicated.
Less than six months, Wang Yuanhua injustice finally completely vindicated. At this time Zhang teacher, though already dying to get rid of, but
Like a new person.
Wangyuanhua to work after getting busy, with little time stayed at home. Zhang teacher early decades
Have been accustomed to accompany the storm caught daily injustice and loneliness of her husband, and now she lonely.
Wang Yuanhua always wanted to spend time with her. That year literary theory seminar held in Lushan National, Wangyuanhua should go to
Will, he used "Wenxindiaolong creation of" a half royalties, rented a house in Lushan, the teacher Zhang
Then go, where she took the opportunity to let the infirmary. I also took part in the meeting, to their house to visit that room,
Steady stream of visitors, found hard to really rest. One day, a few more delegates traveling in tour buses in the mountains
Play, which turned the two vehicles, the news reached the ears of Zhang teacher, she actually got up and went outside, anxiously
Asked one man, save at the intersection: "Yu Yu is dead and gone dead and gone??" That turned two cars, but also
Most people only slightly injured, but I did not travel that day. When I know my teacher Zhang's information desk
After it is a bit surprising, one is touched by a patient's care, and second, if she was sick before felt the
English is superb and elegant woman would never use such a simple sentence Zhiba questioning.
Six
In the days of the past year, even we have getting old. Thirty people in the class, there are already four students died,
Every memorial, like the families of the students cried as sad.
What got us to pull together, it has become very important. Once I met many years ago
Secondary to persuade me to apply for the teacher in Shanghai Theatre Academy, said: "I lied to you over the lifetime are
A. "He smiled:" lying to a dean, value. "In fact, more than just lying to me the president, the current president of Glory
Professor Henry, dean Professor Ding Luonan dramatic literature, and 吕兆康 library curator, are from our
Small classes come out. Classmates, Li Xiaolin is still in charge of China's most outstanding literary magazine, "harvest",
And she assumed a more important mission is to safeguard the health of Ba Jin elderly. Ba Jin had used the old man in his memoirs gratitude
Strokes brought our class, I remember, whenever they hear something in the elderly wukang Road, classmates on a
People call a bike went bang. Catch, Shuang Shuang Gui unknown classmate Lilly is responsible for the "budding" Miscellaneous
Chi, she must bear the fatigue life of the family to care for the elderly and cultural mission. And who come recommended by a Mr. Guo Moruo
The song first letter classmates, although in poor health but diligent education, personally cultivate a playwright were first blessing, Malaysia
Chun, Gu Hongyuan, Shimei Jun ....... Once enrolled in graduate oral exam, I asked a candidate, when your favorite
Generation of playwrights who are? Candidates answer is Ma Zhongjun. I asked, you know who plays Mr. Ma Zhongjun teachers?
Candidates shook his head, I proudly told him:. "Is the teacher's classmate, name temporary secrecy," Yes, even the
Our students have been so bigger way, we really are old.
One older man, will naturally extinguish usual brilliant floating mistaken fire, quietly to experience delicious life.
In this process, Zhang teacher always figure more clearly shaking in front. Is no longer just science
Health and thanked the teacher, but she gave me so long to _set_ up a mystery, uncover the answer is actually Wangyuanhua
Sir. In fact, the greater the mystery of her own. Scholars of a woman behind the woman behind a scholar,
This structure has been very attractive, but the more attractive or the second structure, that is: the long relentless disaster
Guard, then tired after a disaster digestion step down.
What a tired and then step down, which in turn makes me think of a structure of her early years: the Communists seized power in front of the
Born into the death of the Communist Party to power after quietly faded. These vortex structures in an elegant woman who makes
I think both magnificent and mysterious. Now, every time I see the old, tired smile to me in the Zhang teacher,
Always felt this is a mysterious life course. I will not regret it wrong then a hot head exam, Shanghai Theatre Academy
This test was wrong so I have the opportunity to confront this course, well worth it.
High school graduation of three small swim with partners agreed each to learn a specialty, such as two years after the world two decades
Long past, when the agreement has also been floating for clouds. Each school will be able to understand a world class professional? This is really a child of the
See. Look at just one teacher Zhang, enough to make us a lifetime to read.
Five years ago, probably from the beginning, I felt the need to Zhang for further understanding of the teacher to tell my fellow
School and my readers. Two years ago, the international college debate team from Harvard, Yale and mainland China were invited to the final five judges,
Just me and Mr. Wang Yuanhua, including, in the judgment of spare time, I began to ask him about. Not long ago, I specifically
Lists some ambiguities further ask Mr. Wang Yuanhua, finally, I can write some words of Zhang teacher
A.
This passage is not long, roughly as follows ─ ─ ─
Zhang, one hundred ninety-two □ born in Suzhou in December a scholarly family, by a good early education. Sixteen
When admitted to Shanghai, Jinan University, which is an owned Zhenduo, SUN rain, Li Jianwu, Zhou Yutong, Chen Linrui etc.
University professors, study and honest. 1938 joined the Chinese Communist Party at the age of eighteen, from efforts to join the revolution,
After graduating from college in Shanghai, mainly engaged in anti-Japanese activities in the theater, his own translation of the script, organizing theater performances, but also
Personally attended several performances. Meet earlier than she joined the Communist Party of young scholars Wangyuanhua.
In the early years of the war a youth gathering of friends, someone asked Wangyuanhua play lovers in mind, Wang Yuanhua said:
"I like Zhang," Zhang can smell unpleasant, Wang Yuanhua asked what it meant, Wangyuanhua loss for words. , Eight-year war
Unintentional marriage, victory on the eve of the war, some people asked her to pursue her who is favored, Zhang frankly said: "Wang Yuan
Technology. "Christian marriage ceremony. Their time in a national university Wangyuanhua Peking teach marriage to bring Zhang
Peking live. But Zhang is not accustomed to live, said Peking too desolate, in turn returned with Shanghai.
May 1949 liberation of Shanghai, the two prime of life, but the Communists are bound to be quite qualifications
Participate more important work, but literary sustenance of their hearts, that Chekhov, Romain Rolland, Dickens,
Shakespeare, for fear of complex human relations, heavy administrative affairs and popular seasonal needs digestion hearts
Literary dreams, plus have a child, decided to only allow one person to go to work Wang Yuanhua, Zhang from the organizational relationships.
Hu Feng injustice involved because, in June 1955 Wangyuanhua isolated, still in nursery sheets with small children
Terrified eyes watched his father was taken away. Detention, continue to convert to locate her husband Zhang constantly petition.
Wang Yuanhua being held to February 1957 before being released. After the release of Wang Yuanhua serious mental trauma, auditory hallucinations
Hallucinations, real to the enemy, and slowly nursed back to health by Zhang, chemists, and recovered after one year. No time Wangyuanhua
Salary for domestic subsidies, for bookstores translated the manuscript, and then come together to study Shakespeare and Zhang, translated Western Lufthansa
Science Review. Zhang also graceful brush with a lower case copy Wangyuanhua 'On Four Shakespeare tragedy "and the other hand
Draft.
During the three years of natural disasters, Wang Yuanhua had hepatitis, Zhang try to get together, there's no let Wangyuanhua feel
Had a difficult family life. "Cultural Revolution" disaster, they have become targets for attack, long suffering, self-evident.
After the "Cultural Revolution" ended, Wangyuanhua seek redress soon, in June 1979, Zhang had a stroke,
Has not completely recovered.
November 1979, Wang Yuanhua completely vindicated, and soon, as the principal leaders of Shanghai Municipal Party Committee Propaganda Department
Duties.
Wang Yuanhua basic evaluation of his wife: "Zhang know in his heart does not seem to hate me not once seen her.
Lise disease Yan attitude to people, there is no one to hear her speak with a strong word. Always so gentle, modest
And, generous. Anti-Hu Feng from long years to twenty years before she got sick, my fate brought her frustrations
Endless hurt, she silently endured. Who was always sensitive to humiliation, for any imperceptible
Complain eyes A face quietly expressed dissatisfaction will sensed. But she has never such sentiments flow
Lucy, this is not any hardships suffered because of her husband's involvement wife can do, because she could not rely on ideas or
The strength of will to enforce the natural burst of emotion, only let benevolent nature of the guidelines, to reaching this extraordinary
Pull the territory. "Wang Yuanhua said:" It was surrounded by a cold, the only reliable family. If she wanted to and
I draw the line a little, and I definitely would have gone. "
Seven
Then I finish this long meditation. Then a small village in the Yangtze River in the night and I spoke to Zhang teacher,
The Ins and Outs saddled with much of the burden! A rough calculation, then walked up to me, she joined 26 years ago were
Party, from fifteen years ago, her husband was arrested nine years ago, six years ago, together with her husband into the study of Shakespeare and turn
Translation of a large number of Western books ...... this really what we who live in filthy with mud house, often in silt
Mud wrestling, a few grains of chocolate into my hands and told me to be diligent and amiable teacher? Seventeen-year-old boy in the eyes
Everything is so shallow, in the care of our elderly do not know whether the heart a while, to reveal one o'clock hearts
Bitter? I believe that even if she had read flash immediately swallow, the most profound life experience is no place
Method using words to pass, and only let yourself go experience. Until today, I dare say, a teacher, I have experienced before,
So will go back and capture the moment thirty years ago, with a ten thousand word length article written piously it.
Zhang teacher still alive. She will be happy to see the guests greeted with, raise the plates of dessert. But in
It seems to me, when she fell ill 18 years ago, in Mr. Wang Yuanhua's howl, the person has held a completion
Health mission grand ceremony. I asked my classmates after reading this article do not bother her again, she has
Tired, let her quiet. You can read miss her when Mr. Wang Yuanhua big a macro theory, where every word trekking all
Has her shadow.
Free, I will go to visit you on behalf of her elderly.
Author's note: Mr. Wang Yuanhua relevant part of this paper for fine editing, would like to thank.
("Xinhua Digest" 1998 No. 10, Published in "China prose" 1998 8)
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