| 现代诗歌 |
| 散文游记 |
| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
|
 [原创双语诗] 梅意沧桑(一)
The Transformation of the Plum Tree（一）
Awakes too early , the plum tree
Steps out of the poetic hills and streams
Steps into the chill of heavens and ground
The plum tree , sulks to lose its balance
Disgorges the emotion of its life
Likes to be medicine for rescuing Spring
The plum tree's divinity is absent—minded
It is holding up the frostbitten maniacal words alone
To make time the fragrant path by walking
梅 意 沧 桑 （一）
梅 醒得太早
走出诗意的山水
走进天地的寒禁
梅 闷得心慌
吐出生命的激情
甘做救春的药引
梅 神志恍惚
走香时间的小道
独举冻伤的疯语……
2007-10-25 03:11:11 |
| Lake ?2007-10-29 13:43:26?? |  |
看英文不大好懂啊。
Would you consider:
start the poem as: Awake too early, ...
Plums: make people think the fruit. How about plum blossoms/trees?
"crazy" and "spit" sound negative to me. Any other word choices?
Fragrance the path of time by walking - doesn't make sense to me.
Lifting... words - words don't go with "lift".
Usually best not to follow me. 
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-10-29 20:05:29?? | |
谢谢 Lake 君的指点，多数按你的意见改了。请大家再提意见。
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-11-18 17:57:32?? | |
又改一次，欢迎批评。
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-11-18 17:57:51?? | |
又改一次，欢迎批评。
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| wq0066 ?2008-06-13 16:56:46?? | |
诗中韵涵深意,拜读了...
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| kino ?2008-06-15 05:24:52?? | |
窃以为此诗不可译。梅这个意象附加了很多文化特性。
另外，给个建议，以后像这样的一首诗分几节，或者组诗，最好放一个帖子里，这样我就不至于看了前面忘了后面，尤其被回复打乱顺序后，就更麻烦。 
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2008-06-17 01:37:17?? | |
kino先生的意见好！
当时无翻译经验又自恋这首拙诗，现在看来“又费心血效果又不好”。
这是学译诗歌的必然代价啊！
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2008-06-17 14:48:22?? | |
再难也要硬着头皮上，对英文作了一次修改，好像找到点英汉差异的感觉。请专家再批。
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