| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
|
 相思（双语）黄娟
相思（双语）
黄娟
我是蚕
我有着蚕的悲哀
对着你的决烈或者我不是一腔死念
把我的遗体托在手心
又一个人 去学纺织
Pine with love
I were a cicada
I had the grieved like cicada
Maybe I wasn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I faced your cruel and unyielding
Supporting my die body with your hand
Another man went to learn textile
2007-08-27 16:21:27 |
| kokho ?2007-08-28 22:29:39?? |  |
I were a cicada ??
..
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-09-16 17:35:10?? | |
英语用一般现在时翻译此诗要好些.
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| jemmy ?2007-09-16 17:46:22?? | |
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
相思（双语）
黄娟
我是蚕
我有着蚕的悲哀
对着你的决烈或者我不是一腔死念
把我的遗体托在手心
又一个人 去学纺织
Pine with love
I were a cicada
I have the grieved like cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I face your cruel and unyielding
Supporting my die body with your hand
Another man go to learn textile
_________________
曾经想过,迟疑许久用过去时,听你这么说,那么,还是一般现在时更好?
多指教,我才说许久没见你动静
谢
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| 戴玨 ?2007-09-16 21:17:26?? | |
I was a cicada
I have the grieved?
決裂吧？
“Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I face your cruel and unyielding ” 意思不大清楚。
I was grieved like a cicada
by your cruelness and callosity or ...
“或者我不是一腔死念”是不是說沒死心？
hold my dead body，die是動詞，support给人感觉是扶的意思。
learn weaving，textile指紡織品。
又一个人，真是指另一個男人？
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| jemmy ?2007-09-16 21:33:32?? | |
我们从前学虚拟的时候,什么人称都用were,我不知道还可以用was
又一个人,当然是指男主人公,这只是针对去学纺织的
不是对男主角不死心,而是对人间仍存善意——一解释弄得味都简单，女子自比蚕，那就是还给了人类东西吧，死了，留下丝呢
support我们这里当托解
这么短的诗,这么不象样,还是戴版主把它译了吧
谢
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| jemmy ?2007-09-17 01:08:34?? | |
戴sir:
如果按照你的版本，是：
I was a cicada
I was grieved like a cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
By your crueless and callosity
Hold my dead body with your hand
Another man go to learn weaving
若按我的版本：
I were a cicada
I have the grieved like a cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I face your crueless and callosity
Supporting my dead body with your hand
Another man go to learn weaving
我觉得hold也许更多是指握，第二句如你所译觉得有点不太甘心，诗意似乎有些差别了，也许，外国佬一看这倒象中国诗，不知是否可好
讨教，译完的话该算是合作了吧
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-09-17 01:47:28?? | |
问好黄娟:
我去新疆开诗会和采风17天，才回来。
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| 戴玨 ?2007-09-17 02:08:40?? | |
| jemmy wrote: |
我们从前学虚拟的时候,什么人称都用were,我不知道还可以用was
|
虛擬用were用was都可以，用were時“虛擬”的程度更厲害。不過這裏我沒當是虛擬，只是當那幾句是隱喻（metaphor）。由於後面提到了遺體，所以用了過去時。
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| 戴玨 ?2007-09-17 02:18:23?? | |
| jemmy wrote: |
戴sir:
如果按照你的版本，是：
I was a cicada
I was grieved like a cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
By your crueless and callosity
Hold my dead body with your hand
Another man go to learn weaving
若按我的版本：
I were a cicada
I have the grieved like a cicada
Maybe I amn't dropping the idea forever at all
When I face your crueless and callosity
Supporting my dead body with your hand
Another man go to learn weaving
我觉得hold也许更多是指握，第二句如你所译觉得有点不太甘心，诗意似乎有些差别了，也许，外国佬一看这倒象中国诗，不知是否可好
讨教，译完的话该算是合作了吧 |
I have the grieved...語法有問題。
I was grieved like a cicada by your cruelness and callosity...是想舉個例子說明grieve的正確用法。
hold my dead body in your palm可能好些。hold有支撐的意思，也有維持某種位置或狀態的意思。
是你的翻譯，我只是提些建議，給你做參考。
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