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苛刻的剑锋
潇洒游刃五形中
挟异域风情
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博东复弈西
古今中外数符奇
读懂不容易
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平平仄仄平
何需翻山涉溪觅
戴珏舞秘籍
*
The south palm trees ripe with coco
Under a bodhi tree sits Kokho
He calms people with Zen
Shooting montage with his pen
Five style poems, what a rococo
*
Marksman means Mark is a skillful man
Shooting at target not others can
His reasoning mingles
With romance that tingles
Many a verse fun for us to scan
*
Edgar runs a business report
A rhyme watcher, no meter comes short
He spots, “under the sun”
Differs from “in the sun”
It disturbs him if a form distorts
2007-07-06 22:25:20 |
| 戴玨 ?2007-07-06 22:49:10?? |  |
英文版好多了！ 
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| kino ?2007-07-07 05:16:05?? | |
The south palm trees ripe with coco
Under a bodhi tree sits Kokho
He calms people with Zen
Shooting montage with his pen
Five style poems, what a rococo
witty~
|
| 博弈 ?2007-07-07 10:44:32?? | |
very good attempt in giving a Chinese way of 5,7,5 poem,
and also the new designed 5-line rhyme scheme in the English version.
This is poetry in forms according to my '0 expansion' theory, then
these forms hold essence wrt. wits. I like these.
ps. Sorry no Chinese input here.
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| Lake ?2007-07-07 10:51:30?? | |
谢谢戴玨和Kino 到访留言。
周末，本来想顺口溜一下的，结果溜不顺。
罢了，罢了。没入门。
只要三位不介意。
别人我绝不敢乱点。
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| Lake ?2007-07-07 20:13:22?? | |
Thanks for the comment, Mark.
Yes, the form and the rhyme scheme and the tone. You got it.
What is your '0 expansion' theory?
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| Lake ?2007-07-08 06:10:50?? | |
Thanks 戴玨 for the encouraging words.
Here is the revised verse 3:
Edgar, the king of rhyme and meter
A form in mind used as a ruler
He spots “under the sun”
Differs from “in the sun”
An eyesore when he sees a “cheater”
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-07-24 17:07:43?? | |
i've read these chinese poems and english poems.thank you for your work
and your discussions.
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| Lake ?2007-07-25 08:07:58?? | |
Thanks William. Really for fun - fun with different characters and a bit laugh that's what life is for, isn't it?
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| kokho ?2007-07-30 10:28:48?? | |
厉害 你让我惭愧了 ：））
这样的游戏人间。。。 你的诗歌就出来了
《》淌开心怀来玩吧 ！！！
 
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