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北美楓文集
shi di fu
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???Victoria
?????12?
?????2007-01-07
???Writer ???Chinese language and poems
????? ????? 查找shi di fu發錶的所有帖子 |
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| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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 "Becoming" by Chris Henderson
Hello everyone.
This poem is for the fall issue of BMF, so there's no hurry, but I wondered if you could comment on my translation when you have time, please.
BECOMING
Thrown headfirst
from the astral plane
the newborn dead
mistake the rushing wind
for a hand to keep them
safe, suspended.
At least this is how
I’ll speak of it, unwilling
to say goodbye:
Clouds like doors closing
and unclosing—it seems
absurd to wonder why.
Meanwhile the living softly
procreate in the mollusc-dark,
creatures curled
in sorrow, devoted
to the world concealed
inside the world.
变成
让仍头头的
从星的水平
刚生死子
把刮风听成
一个手为了
保护他们， 悬挂的。
我在选了这么的话，
舍不下。
云象一些扇门
开来关去 — 胡说就是
考论为什么。
同时活着软软的
生出在蜗牛的黑暗，
蜷作一团
在悲哀下， 致力无朵事
世界内别一球。
Thanks,
Steve
2007-06-03 09:27:46 |
| kokho ?2007-06-03 18:24:34?? |  |
谢谢 分享 。。。
 
。
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| 品玉 ?2007-06-05 03:19:30?? | |
迷宫啊!!!!
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| hepingdao ?2007-06-06 14:04:44?? | |
When I have time, I will help you smooth it.
Thanks Steve for your efforts helping our magazine!
Best,
hepingdao
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| 吉弛 ?2007-06-17 19:03:06?? Re: "Becoming" by Chris Henderson | |
BECOMING
Thrown headfirst
from the astral plane
the newborn dead
mistake the rushing wind
for a hand to keep them
safe, suspended.
At least this is how
I’ll speak of it, unwilling
to say goodbye:
Clouds like doors closing
and unclosing—it seems
absurd to wonder why.
Meanwhile the living softly
procreate in the mollusc-dark,
creatures curled
in sorrow, devoted
to the world concealed
inside the world.
变成
让仍头头的
从星的水平
刚生死子
把刮风听成
一个手为了
保护他们，悬挂的。
我在选了这么的话，
舍不下。
云象一些扇门
开来关去 — 胡说就是
考论为什么。
同时活着软软的
生出在蜗牛的黑暗，
蜷作一团
在悲哀下， 致力无朵事
世界内别一球。
成形
头朝下
从星际飞机中抛出
这新鬼
错把疾风
当护佑其安全
之手，空悬。
至少这是我
会怎样说这回事，不愿
说再见。
云象门合上
又打开— 似乎
考虑原由太荒唐
同时活人软软地
生殖于黑暗软体物中
人体蜷曲着
在悲哀中， 投入
隐藏在此世界中的
世界里
两点: "变成"是transitive verb, that needs an object.
Is "the astral plane" a surface of that dimension or an aircraft?
| shi di fu 寫到: |
Hello everyone.
BECOMING
变成
Steve |
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| kino ?2007-06-23 06:57:12?? | |
这新鬼 the newborn dead
这新生即夭的婴儿
这两个词不好处理，想了好久也没有主意，再想想 
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-07-24 17:38:08?? | |
吉弛译得通顺些、好懂些。
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| English Poetry | | 中外华文诗歌联赛 Poetry Competition |
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