北美枫文集

Lake

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?????2007-01-09

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???the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

胡礼忠2010-11-15 05:21:45

拜访老师、颂冬祺!

Lake2010-01-16 09:05:12

Thank you.

我家三儿2010-01-07 05:21:39

我叫太阳每天把幸福的阳光洒在你身上,我叫月亮每天给你一个甜美的梦境,祝愿你事事如意! 

Lake2008-11-04 11:04:13

Thanks.

hepingdao2008-11-04 10:52:29

congratulations!
and you can configure to show or not to show those articles from bbs

西方文学 Western Literature
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Autumn Road

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
Showers of tree leaves
spin pirouettes on it,
until a car drives past.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
until a car drives into it.

2011-12-02 13:21:59
引用并回复
William Zhou周道模 ?2011-12-03 16:16:42?? 引用并回复


eyesight and mind follow the driving

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阅览成员资料     William Zhou周道模北美枫文集
非马 ?2011-12-04 07:26:18?? 引用并回复


Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!

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阅览成员资料     非马北美枫文集
Lake ?2011-12-04 09:01:04?? 引用并回复


Thanks William for your take.

Best,

Lake

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阅览成员资料     Lake北美枫文集
Lake ?2011-12-04 09:12:24?? 引用并回复


非马 写到:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!


Thanks Mr Fei Ma for your suggestion. Do you mean this,

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
as a car drives into it.


A minimal?

Happy holiday season to you, too.

Lake

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阅览成员资料     Lake北美枫文集
非马 ?2011-12-04 14:21:16?? 引用并回复


Lake 写到:
非马 写到:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!


Thanks Mr Fei Ma for your suggestion. Do you mean this,

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
as a car drives into it.


A minimal?

Happy holiday season to you, too.
...

Yes. I think it would read much better. Somehow I don't quite like the use of the word "until" here.

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阅览成员资料     非马北美枫文集
博弈 ?2011-12-05 07:53:55?? 引用并回复


非马 写到:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as"


I concur.

A poem with good imagery, a great potential!

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阅览成员资料     博弈北美枫文集
Lake ?2011-12-08 07:30:29?? 引用并回复


Thanks again Mr. Fei Ma and Mark!

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SLIU ?2011-12-20 20:17:12?? 引用并回复


the winding road
takes me to
where the sky and earth converge
and
beyond

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阅览成员资料     SLIU北美枫文集
Lake ?2012-01-02 05:55:18?? 引用并回复


谢谢sliu 瘦身。

Some say it is too skinny to their taste.

Happy new year!

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阅览成员资料     Lake北美枫文集
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