北美枫文集

佟俊儿

?????5?

?????2010-02-18

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古韵新音
现代诗歌
西方文学 Western Literature
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a tree stands on your way

a tree stands on your way
why are branches stiring in cold wind
leaves are around the moon
who against sunshine

please put my heart into the sea
you will see it beats so fast with waves
i have no words
world is swallowing me

how can i save myself

a tree is standing on your way

试着用英文写了首诗,但是我知道一定是错误百出,我想表达的意思是:

一棵树站在你路上

一棵树站在你的路上
为什么枝条在寒风中,颤抖
树叶,怀抱着月亮
谁背叛了阳光

请把我的心,放入大海
你会看到,它随着波浪跳动得那么快
我无话可说
世界正在将我吞没

我要怎样才可以拯救自己

一棵树正站在你的路上
i have no chance to speak english for a long time.i almost forget how to type them.i hope you can help me correct them so that i can pick them up again,thanks a lot.

2010-02-18 23:57:51
引用并回复
戴玨 ?2010-02-20 10:28:13?? 引用并回复


A tree stands in your way
Why are the branches trembling in the cold wind?
The leaves embrace the moon
betray the sunshine

you shall see it bob on the waves
I am speechless
the world is devouring me

_________________
阅览成员资料     戴玨北美枫文集
佟俊儿 ?2010-02-21 05:37:49?? 引用并回复


戴玨 写到:
A tree stands in your way
...
thanks very much,you should be my best teacher.maybe i come here only for you.hehe,i would like to marry you if i were a man.thanks again,dear friend.best mood and best luck.

_________________
阅览成员资料     佟俊儿北美枫文集
Lake ?2010-02-21 21:01:41?? 引用并回复


I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨. Laughing

Are you planning to rework on your poem based on 戴玨's suggestions?

_________________
阅览成员资料     Lake北美枫文集
佟俊儿 ?2010-02-22 05:33:59?? 引用并回复


Lake 写到:
I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨. Laughing
...
i want to hear your sugestions too.
i didnot pay attention for the girl's tank.hehe.who can come from there .

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阅览成员资料     佟俊儿北美枫文集
佟俊儿 ?2010-02-22 05:40:48?? [b]i have dreamed of a lake[/b] 引用并回复


i have dreamed of a lake
golden waves melt me
a bird singing with wings
slid into life's colour

i told to the soft wind
sunshine is the golden flower
love hands in hands
world can come together a happy river

green leaves hide the ocean's pulse
blue eyes transmit hot plot
if a white lotus lost her way easily
you will find the lake is warmer and warmer

我曾梦到过一片湖泊

作者:佟俊儿

我曾梦到过一片湖泊
金色的波涛,融化了我
一只鸟用翅膀,歌唱
滑进生命的颜色

我告诉温柔的风
阳光是金色的花朵
手挽手相爱
世界就会凝聚成,一条幸福的河

绿叶,隐藏着海洋的脉搏
蓝眼睛传递,火热的情节
如果一朵白荷,轻易地迷路
你会发现,这个越来越暖的湖泊


write this poem when i saw "lake",hehe,who can help me correct my chinese english ?
thanks

_________________
阅览成员资料     佟俊儿北美枫文集
Lake ?2010-02-23 13:42:55?? 引用并回复


佟俊儿 写到:
Lake 写到:
I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨. Laughing
...
i want to hear your sugestions too.
...


you owe two comments to others' poems for each poem you post. Cool then I'll do my share. deal?

_________________
阅览成员资料     Lake北美枫文集
Lake ?2010-02-23 13:44:48?? 引用并回复


佟俊儿 写到:
i have dreamed of a lake
golden waves melt me
a bird singing with wings
slid into life's colour

i told to the soft wind
sunshine is the golden flower
love hands in hands
world can come together a happy river

green leaves hide the ocean's pulse
blue eyes transmit hot plot
if a white lotus lost her way easily
you will find the lake is warmer and warmer

我曾梦到过一片湖泊

作者:佟俊儿
...


reminds me - "I have a dream today..."

_________________
阅览成员资料     Lake北美枫文集
佟俊儿 ?2010-02-23 21:47:08?? 引用并回复


Lake 写到:
佟俊儿 写到:
Lake 写到:
I presume the picutre on the girl's tank top is 戴玨. Laughing
...
i want to hear your sugestions too.
...


you owe two comments to others' poems for each poem you post. Cool then I'll do my share. deal?
i donot know how to do,i have to read others' poems and give some advice?555,save me!

_________________
阅览成员资料     佟俊儿北美枫文集
Lake ?2010-02-26 08:55:23?? 引用并回复


I'm just kidding. But think about it, it is the mutual communication that keeps a forum active.

I think 戴玨 gave you some good suggestions, especially in the appropriate usage of the English language. Keep working on it.

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阅览成员资料     Lake北美枫文集
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