| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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 sonnet XV life begins in winter
as autumn's fragrance fades out from the air
the wafting wind blows the unwilling leaves
whose richness soil now waits for, worn and bare
two trembling magpies hug under the eaves
and heavy clouds now herald chilling rain
a farmer hurries home laden with sheaves
inside his courtyard chickens winnow grain
and laughters come from children wild in mirth
so pure their life though seemingly mundane
the leaves begin to settle to the earth
with gloomy melancholy rain that pours
a baby cries -- his wife has given birth
soon winter snow will block the farmer's doors
and making love will be their daily chores
明年此时又一婴儿在他家哇哇落地
2009-11-08 17:33:25 |
| Lake ?2009-11-08 22:07:40?? |  |
I like the title 生命始于冬天 which's different than what people normally think - life starts in spring. You might give it an English title.
The alliteration in L1 feels a bit mouthful.
There are two 'chilling rain', in S2 and S4 respectively.
| yǐnyòng: |
and making love will be their daily chores
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That sounds a bit too much. 
As usual, nice one.
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| justjust123 ?2009-11-08 22:44:25?? | |
Thank you for reading it and for your great comments. I agree with you on your comments. I will try to improve those places.
PS: I read a poem of this form last night and then tried it myself. Each line follows pentameter and the rhyme form is
aba bcb cdc ded ee
now I searched the Internet and it looks like it is called a terza rima sonnet.
However several places in this poem did not follow the iambic meter (foot).
Changes:
1. L0: 生命始于冬天 --> life begins in winter
2. L1: as Fall's fragrant freshness fades from the air --> as autumn's fragrance fades out from the air
3. L7: in his great courtyard --> inside his courtyard
4. L9: so pure their life albeit it looks mundane --> so pure their life though seemingly mundane
5. L11: when chilling rain then melancholy pours --> with gloomy melancholy rain that pours
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| Lake ?2009-11-10 23:27:33?? | |
| justjust123 xièdào: |
PS: I read a poem of this form last night and then tried it myself. Each line follows pentameter and the rhyme form is
aba bcb cdc ded ee
now I searched the Internet and it looks like it is called a terza rima sonnet. |
You are quick at it.
| justjust123 xièdào: |
Changes:
2. L1: as Fall's fragrant freshness fades from the air --> as autumn's fragrance fades out from the air
... |
Reads better now, and it becomes an iambic pentameter.
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| justjust123 ?2009-11-11 17:59:47?? | |
Thank you for spelling out pentameter. that is very helpful.
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