| 现代诗歌 |
| 宾至如归 |
| 古韵新音 |
| 联赛专刊编辑小组 |
| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
|
 Rising Sun<九歌>
The fog is disappearing slowly
to nowhere
when you rise up
Oh, my unearthly fox of the desert
when your red body
stretches like a golden bow
with arrows of sunlight
I have no choice
but to put on my sunglasses
九歌
不再迷茫的是雾
朦胧散尽
你跃身而起
神秘的沙漠之狐
当你火红的身躯涨满
金色的弓箭
我只好用墨镜
遮盖眼睛
2006-10-14 17:36:14 |
| 和平岛 ?2006-10-14 19:56:18?? Re: Rising Sun |  |
| 月光 写到: |
The fog is no longer darkling
and it drops away dimly
you are spring up
Oh, my unearthly fox of the desert
when your red body
stretches the golden bow and arrows
I have no choice but to put sunglasses on my eyes |
darkling？
are springing up
stretches like a golden bow and arrow
just some thought on grammar
keep on, good job!
|
| 白水 ?2006-10-15 07:39:42?? | |
thank you for your suggestion, and i changed a little, what do you think about it?
The fog is no longer cloudy
and it drops away dimly
you rise up
Oh, my unearthly fox of the desert
when your red body
stretches like a golden bow and arrows
I have no choice
but to put sunglasses on my eyes
|
| 和平岛 ?2006-10-15 09:09:45?? | |
The fog is disappearing slowly
to nowhere
when you rise up
Oh, my unearthly fox of the desert
when your red body
stretches like a golden bow and arrows
I have no choice
but to put on sunglasses
|
| 非马 ?2006-10-16 07:48:40?? | |
but to put on my sunglasses?
|
| 和平岛 ?2006-10-16 08:46:05?? | |
| 非马 写到: |
| but to put on my sunglasses? |
good
|
| 白水 ?2006-10-16 14:51:35?? | |
PEACE, 谢谢你的修改. 看来当一种语言没有很好的掌握之前不可以随意倒序的. 
非马老师, 您这一个MY可谓点睛之笔. PEACE 帮着改了后我在想怎样强调我的眼睛， 看大家都忙, 没好意思问.
谢谢你们。
The fog is disappearing slowly
to nowhere
when you rise up
Oh, my unearthly fox of the desert
when your red body
stretches like a golden bow and arrows
I have no choice
but to put on my sunglasses
|
| 白水 ?2006-10-16 18:54:43?? | |
stretches like a golden bow and arrows
Good. I can see red all stretched out to become golden. Maybe just one arrow here?
Inquire:
This is a comment from another website , what do you think about the question? Can i put "arrows" after "and"?
|
| 非马 ?2006-10-16 19:06:26?? | |
Here I think you should use "arrow" instead of "arrows".
|
| 白水 ?2006-10-16 19:14:38?? | |
非马老师, Thank you very much for your answer. But the sun have lots of arrows, how can I show that?
|
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