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北美枫文集
Lake
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?????121?
?????2007-01-09
????? ?????Lake's blog 查找Lake发表的所有帖子 ???the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins 胡礼忠2010-11-15 05:21:45拜访老师、颂冬祺！ Lake2010-01-16 09:05:12Thank you. 我家三儿2010-01-07 05:21:39我叫太阳每天把幸福的阳光洒在你身上，我叫月亮每天给你一个甜美的梦境，祝愿你事事如意！ Lake2008-11-04 11:04:13Thanks. hepingdao2008-11-04 10:52:29congratulations!
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| nobody ?2008-01-11 14:47:36?? |  |
i'm in office right now.
没有全韵. I don't think kok really meant it. I'm not saying it's not important, just there're more important things to care about, e.g., (1)have we captured a cute moment/scene? this generally involves a surprising angle of view (2) are we using impressive words to describe the moment/scene?
(1) is the most important, kind of missing there. (2) is less important, also kind of missing. so, if I were you, I'd work on (1), then (2). Then, 韵, if it doesn't hurt (1) and (2).
just my two cents. doesn't mean I could do better. actually I was impressed reading your bilingual 俳文. it'd be something unique only for you! 
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| Lake ?2008-01-12 13:43:46?? | |
Nobody,
Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thanks for your candidness and your 1,2,3. I feel miserable the piece missed the important elements you mentioned. See, my starting point is really below zero, hard to catch up. Need to dive under the water for a while.
Many thanks,
Lake
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| nobody ?2008-01-12 21:44:39?? | |
lake太可爱了. 担心是不是太直白了,但又想你是经得住考验的.果然.哈哈.很欣慰.没有看错人.
其实,刚才把英文版看了一下.觉得反而有味.所以觉得应该是先写的英文,后翻译的.这样倒也情有可原.因为很多,或者大部分,名诗译过来都没味了. 有人说诗就是在翻译中消失的东西.对很多作品来讲,确如是.当然对某些作品,诗就是在翻译中保留的部分. 你这首,属于前一类而已. 如果把它当作翻译作品来看的话, 或许不应当太挑剔,因为有constraint, 不能自由构思发挥. 会缺少novelty. 再加上17个字的constraint,就更不容易了.其实我刚才想自己翻译一下,但17个字,知难而退了.
你有条件探索双语写作.建议尝试做到真正双语"创作",让两者交相辉映,而不是一个是另一个的傀儡.不容易做到啊. 功底机缘都要有. 对了,觉得非马老师做的不错.
另,我不是专家.只是给点一般读者的反馈而已
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| Lake ?2008-01-13 07:01:06?? | |
Nobody 的评语如同 Wisconsin 生产的西洋参 ，不寒也不热，温和适中，是一济补药呢。看来对中英诗写作也颇有一番心得，并难能可贵，提供出来交流。 谨致以诚挚的感谢！
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| Lake ?2008-07-09 17:40:07?? 把一个网友的评论先寄存在这 | |
I love the way this piece illustrates all the insignificant things that we worry about and contrasts it beautifully with the womens stomach cancer. It was a really moving piece and tells an awful lot of story in a very small amount of prose...reminds me of a nonotale. I really enjoyed it, very intense and lots of possibilities.
-Ilex
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