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| 现代诗歌 | | 古韵新音 | | 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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 （原创）青霉素女神之垂暮/Lady Penicillin In Her Dotage
原创双语诗一首，请各位老师赐教。
Lady Penicillin In Her Dotage
On the peninsula-shaped tundra at the back of the world’s brain,
Malformed phantoms were knotted together like carved roots with dainty curves,
She stood coughing in the chilly wind, with her bony hands on her cane,
Using her bound feet she dug out some poisoned veins and nerves.
Yesterday she took back her scythe from a ruffian called Death,
But not the interest -the promised satin to shroud the shriveled land.
Instead she got wisps of silk lighter than mist that danced to her rhythm of breath,
That foamed up over the bony ridges decorated with shiny mauve sand.
She weaved them into braids，fastened to them hooks without bait,
And fished from underground caverns which took the shape of ozone holes.
In the hope of luring out conflicting chemicals hibernating inside mankind’ fate,
Where viruses and bacteria thrashed upstream like fishes in giant shoals.
Her fluttering snowy hair were frozen into the clouds even whiter,
Like blue-flowered Eichhornia crassipes entangled in its own illusions.
With her last ounce of strength she detonated herself like a desperate fighter,
And the whole insubstantial mirage of catastrophes perished like delusions.
青霉素女神之垂暮
地球后脑枕叶的半岛形苔原带上，
狰狞的幻影连绵相藉，像曲线蜿蜒的根雕，
她独对着悲风咳嗽,嶙峋的指间藤杖欲坠,
用三寸金莲掘出被毒蚀的经脉和神经。
昨天她从一个叫“死神”的狂徒那里收回镰刀，
却没能拿到允诺的利息——用来做枯皱大地殓衣的锦缎，
只带回几束山岚般随风律动的生丝，
它们的泡沫漫过那些紫沙煜耀的峻峭山脊。
她将它们纺成辫束，系上无饵的鱼钩，
在酷似臭氧空洞的地下溶洞中垂钓。
想从人类命运中诱出那些休眠的互不相容的元素，
那里，病毒和细菌逆流而上，像庞大的鱼群。
她凛冽在风中的白发凝固在更不沾纤尘的云中,
像蓝花的水葫芦和它们的影子纠缠不休。
她用最后的力气引爆了自己，宛如悲壮的战士，
那些缥缈的劫难都像幻觉随她灰飞烟灭。
2007-07-29 19:55:08 |
| Lake ?2007-07-30 10:16:26?? |  |
Nice one. Dense in content, lines are a bit too long for the eye.
Just my thought.
Thanks for sharing.
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| kokho ?2007-07-30 10:38:51?? | |
厉害得狠 ！！ 欢迎新朋友
lake 这个倒行很高的  
LAKE 你先上。。。
我去泡茶 招待朋友 
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| 戴玨 ?2007-07-31 00:01:51?? | |
| yinxiaoyuan xièdào: |
只带回几束山岚般随风律动的生丝，
。。。
Instead she got wisps of silk lighter than mist that danced to her rhythm of breath,
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只看中文，還以為這風說的是前面的悲風，結果英文版卻變成了那藥女士的呼吸。
| yinxiaoyuan xièdào: |
| fishes in giant shoals. |
giant多用於形容個體，用great或large好點。
| yinxiaoyuan xièdào: |
她凛冽在风中的白发凝固在更不沾纤尘的云中,
。。。
Her fluttering snowy hair were frozen into the clouds even whiter, |
凜冽是寒冷的意思，似乎和fluttering對不上號，我較喜歡fluttering這版本。
Eichhornia crassipes：布袋蓮？
真是美！
有些地方有點累贅，如最後一句，insubstantial、mirage、delusions都有虛幻的含意，顯得羅嗦。
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| yinxiaoyuan ?2007-07-31 00:02:30?? Re: | |
Lake:Thank you for your advice!
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| yinxiaoyuan ?2007-07-31 00:20:53?? 感谢戴玨老师的指点，修改如下： | |
多谢戴玨老师的指教，将诗稿修改如下：
Lady Penicillin In Her Dotage
On the peninsula-shaped tundra at the back of the world’s brain,
Malformed phantoms were knotted together like carved roots with dainty curves,
She stood coughing in the chilly wind, with her bony hands on her cane,
Using her bound feet she dug out some poisoned veins and nerves.
Yesterday she took back her scythe from a ruffian called Death,
But not the interest -the promised satin to shroud the shriveled land.
Instead she got wisps of silk lighter than mist that danced to her rhythm of breath,
That foamed up over the bony ridges decorated with shiny mauve sand.
She weaved them into braids，fastened to them hooks without bait,
And fished from underground caverns which took the shape of ozone holes.
In the hope of luring out conflicting chemicals hibernating inside mankind’ fate,
Where viruses and bacteria thrashed upstream like fishes in amazing shoals.
Her fluttering snowy hair were frozen into the clouds even whiter,
Like blue-flowered Eichhornia crassipes entangled in its own illusions.
With her last ounce of strength she detonated herself like a desperate fighter,
And the whole mirage of catastrophes perished like delusions.
青霉素女神之垂暮
地球后脑枕叶的半岛形苔原带上，
狰狞的幻影连绵相藉，像曲线蜿蜒的根雕，
她独对着悲风咳嗽,嶙峋的指间藤杖欲坠,
用三寸金莲掘出被毒蚀的经脉和神经。
昨天她从一个叫“死神”的狂徒那里收回镰刀，
却没能拿到允诺的利息——用来做枯皱大地殓衣的锦缎，
只带回几束山岚般随她吐纳兰麝而律动的生丝，
它们的泡沫漫过那些紫沙煜耀的峻峭山脊。
她将它们纺成辫束，系上无饵的鱼钩，
在酷似臭氧空洞的地下溶洞中垂钓。
想从人类命运中诱出那些休眠的互不相容的元素，
那里，病毒和细菌逆流而上，像壮观的鱼群。
她翻掣风中的白发凝固在更不沾纤尘的云中,
像蓝花的水葫芦和它们的影子纠缠不休。
她用最后的力气引爆了自己，宛如悲壮的战士，
那些劫难都像幻觉随她灰飞烟灭。
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| Lake ?2007-08-01 10:46:29?? | |
Kokho 先歇着，我去你的货柜弄几个方西瓜来。
你和yinxiaoyuan 讨论，我抢座，坐前排认真学习。
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-08-02 06:03:40?? | |
all of you are so interesting!
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| yinxiaoyuan ?2007-08-02 16:38:57?? 感谢各位捧场 | |
感谢各位捧场！今后我还会更多的拜访北美枫，将拙作贴在论坛，听取大家的宝贵意见。
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| kino ?2007-08-02 17:18:18?? | |
功底深厚。我倒觉得，如果渲染得空灵，虚幻，或者恐怖，则效果更好。
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