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| 现代诗歌 | | 落尘诗社 | | 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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| 博弈 ?2010-11-18 19:12:52?? |  |
good feedback, thanks.
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| Lake ?2010-11-21 18:43:23?? | |
One more from E:
I think the 8 syllable translation is more clearly western and therefore more clearly a translation. The other one is more stilted to my ear and therefore more stylised eastern to the extent it feels less authentic.
A couple of other word changes - moonlit rather than moonlight. Also come is rather weak and has an unfortunate sexual connotation you might not want. It might not be so literal in translation but glazed would be a possible alternative and fits with the other sonics.
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| 博弈 ?2010-11-21 22:25:21?? | |
interesting views and the choice of word "glaze", I like it.
thanks again.
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| Rhapsodia ?2011-02-25 09:26:51?? | |
"Don't use "t'was" - it's a hundreds of years out-of-date expression. "
This poem was more than tens of "hundreds of years" old by itself.
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| Lake ?2011-02-26 19:55:12?? | |
The problem is "t'was" is the only expression that has an ancient flavor, the rest of the poem doesn't taste old at all.
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