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 I met you in the sky
I met you in the sky
.
Said, you were bored with life
Wanted to dump out its sediment
The silhouette of this past tense
Says, I wanted to travel, if only
Got a ticket to could-have-beens
I would have bagged nothing
..
She picked a morning to draw the sky
Limited it to black and white
Clouds were white, the sun was …
The air had a plan
A pencil—not sure 2B lead or not 2B— dropped from the sky
Varying shades it brought along
”Every brush I lay on you” bid she
”You in the shade return to the tail of my core
Imprint my canvas with thumbs of souls”
Unfinished is a sketch of
the moss of remorse
She pondered.
…
Looking into the far far-away
A space limitless
A place with no ghosts
But, I dreamt
In a shuttle of no ghosts
Words, floating in space
In weightless-ness
In feelings
Civilizations
Revolutions
Mi Ultimo Adios
Left on earth with ghosts
Looking into the emptiness
Hellos in such a Hell-So distance
Yet, I think for where I go
A place with no ghosts
....
She
was
transcended
There I was, observing finds
Catching her, the angle's first deer smile
The coffee spill and her scent, smelt
The sketch neither black, nor white
Reflected in the window my beard and
“ if you mind switching to the other side?”
.....
I read your face, prying into the colors hidden behind.
Did I mention your pupils the goddess gate I find
The halos to the canvas of heart inside
Little did I realize
I’d just met you in the sky
2007-06-29 07:48:03 |
| Lake ?2007-06-29 10:46:59?? |  |
又读博弈新鲜出笼大作。
1 题目“I met you in the sky ” 已然吸眼球。
一些诗动不动就是“无题”，殊不知诗歌这么短小的文学体裁，题目不加以利用，纯属浪费。 个见。
“I met you in the sky ”， 令人遐思，遇上空姐了？空中仙遇？。。。
2 stanza 之间用了 dot ,给人以想象的空间，因为初看还以为是 省略号，细看才知道是用来分段的。
3 you, I, she 我读起来有些混乱，不过近来读诗也学乖了 ，我可以是我，也可以是你，也可以是他，随读者去想吧。不过读书那阵，让老师修理过，还专门送我一本关于正确使用 persona的语法书。我想现在应该是过时了。
4 “You in the shade return to the tail of my core "
I am not familiar with "the tail of my core".
5 "Catching her, the angle's first deer smile "
I wonder what "a deer smile" would be.
A romantic write.
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| kokho ?2007-06-29 10:51:07?? | |
This is one of your more conventional work.
But I like it very much!!!
It is very English in it expression.
 
.
I agreed with Lake, Mark is in Romantic mood  )
|
| 博弈 ?2007-07-01 08:49:34?? | |
| Lake 寫到: |
又读博弈新鲜出笼大作。
1 题目“I met you in the sky ” 已然吸眼球。
一些诗动不动就是“无题”，殊不知诗歌这么短小的文学体裁，题目不加以利用，纯属浪费。 个见。
“I met you in the sky ”， 令人遐思，遇上空姐了？空中仙遇？。。。
2 stanza 之间用了 dot ,给人以想象的空间，因为初看还以为是 省略号，细看才知道是用来分段的。
3 you, I, she 我读起来有些混乱，不过近来读诗也学乖了 ，我可以是我，也可以是你，也可以是他，随读者去想吧。不过读书那阵，让老师修理过，还专门送我一本关于正确使用 persona的语法书。我想现在应该是过时了。
4 “You in the shade return to the tail of my core "
I am not familiar with "the tail of my core".
5 "Catching her, the angle's first deer smile "
I wonder what "a deer smile" would be.
A romantic write. |
这首是有点在玩时态与人称，湖 慧眼。
tail of my core... can't explain easily, depending what core is here...all the definitions in dictionary could apply while borrowing the pencil analogy.
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