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?????2007-06-08

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yinxiaoyuan2008-06-02 16:50:20

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欢迎批评指正!

现代诗歌
古韵新音
西方文学 Western Literature
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英文原创诗投稿:Wrestling with Chaos Inside

Wrestling with Chaos Inside
It felt like being frozen in the core of an optical fiber,
When shadow of the clumsily-hanged lamp fanned under his feet.
He was a bat stuck among his own ultrasonic beams in horror,
Red letters in Gothic Script on the walls seem to sweat in heat.

During last night’s earth tremor the clock in halves broke,
Inches of ashes of Indian incense crawled in his wooden Geta.
But today in a music-box-sized coffin his soul woke,
With strings attached like cobweb upon a dragonfly’s feather.

Like a glossy skeleton he stretched an arm down,
Into the matrix of mirrors arrayed in a domino shape.
Intending to grip the epicenter shrouded in mantle beneath the town,
But his nerve ending touched chaos wrapped in a dark cape.

Long before he’d found a fourth half-line hidden in every corner,
An aiming line to peep the world from a four-dimensional angle of view.
He sneaked along it, as softly as an inchworm on a sunflower,
And as awkwardly as a steel-toothed rifle that can a railway chew.

Directions inverted, order disturbed, consciousness challenged.
He never forgot holding on the unstable and fictional life.
Muscles fatigued, vertigo deteriorated, concept of time changed.
But suddenly he felt a blow on his back flicked by his wife.

2007-06-08 01:29:13
引用並回復
hepingdao ?2007-06-08 05:26:22?? 引用並回復


挺现代的意识

转到双语专栏,
也请你提供中文,
以便鉴赏

谢谢

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閱覽成員資料     hepingdao北美楓文集
戴玨 ?2007-06-08 07:31:53?? Re: 英文原创诗投稿:Wrestling with Chaos Inside 引用並回復


想像奇异的作品。
yinxiaoyuan 寫到:
。。。 the clock in halves broke,

in half 更常見。
yinxiaoyuan 寫到:
With strings attached like cobweb upon a dragonfly’s feather.

這句意思很好,不過用feather略有湊韻之嫌。
cobweb或可用復數,點下題。
yinxiaoyuan 寫到:
a steel-toothed rifle that can a railway chew.

這個形像有點費解。 Confused

瑕不掩瑜,總的來講是寫得很出色的。

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閱覽成員資料     戴玨北美楓文集
yinxiaoyuan ?2007-06-10 17:46:53?? 我的英文诗的中文译文 引用並回復


感谢各位老师的指教。将中文译文添加如下:


分庭抗礼
——与小宇宙的混沌

如同在光纤的中枢里泥足深陷
漫过胫骨 歪脖子灯下开屏的光帷
惊悚 一如蝙蝠在超声波中作茧自缚
四壁红漆的花体字在热浪中沁出汗珠

昨夜大地蠢蠢欲动 吊钟解体
日式木拖鞋里印度香的遗体攀缘
而今天 从月光宝盒般玲珑的坟茔中苏生
他蜻蜓的翼端爬满蛛网般的琴弦

像涂釉的骷髅
将长臂深入多米诺形镜像的矩阵
是埋葬在地幔中的震源呼唤他的手指
斗篷中酣睡的混沌 被他的神经末梢感知

很早以前他就发现了墙角的第四条隐秘的射线
是瞄准线 借以窥伺一个四维世界
他跟从这条线 动作 像向日葵上一条尺蠖 悄然而轻柔
又像一只啃噬钢轨的铜牙步枪 笨拙生硬

颠覆的方向 搅乱的秩序 困扰的感知
一如既往 他 热爱缥缈和摇摇欲坠的生命
肌腱疲惫 晕眩加重 时空失去意义…
突然背上妻子的一掌把他唤醒

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閱覽成員資料     yinxiaoyuan北美楓文集
William Zhou周道模 ?2007-06-26 00:53:09?? 引用並回復


可能是先汉语写作再翻译成英语的吧?学习了。

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閱覽成員資料     William Zhou周道模北美楓文集
yinxiaoyuan ?2007-06-26 00:55:26?? 英文为主,中文为辅 引用並回復


不是。是先有英文,后有中文。

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閱覽成員資料     yinxiaoyuan北美楓文集
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