北美楓文集

Lake

?????121?

?????2007-01-09

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???the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

胡礼忠2010-11-15 05:21:45

拜访老师、颂冬祺!

Lake2010-01-16 09:05:12

Thank you.

我家三儿2010-01-07 05:21:39

我叫太阳每天把幸福的阳光洒在你身上,我叫月亮每天给你一个甜美的梦境,祝愿你事事如意! 

Lake2008-11-04 11:04:13

Thanks.

hepingdao2008-11-04 10:52:29

congratulations!
and you can configure to show or not to show those articles from bbs

西方文学 Western Literature
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Autumn Road

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
Showers of tree leaves
spin pirouettes on it,
until a car drives past.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
until a car drives into it.

2011-12-02 13:21:59
引用並回復
William Zhou周道模 ?2011-12-03 16:16:42?? 引用並回復


eyesight and mind follow the driving

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閱覽成員資料     William Zhou周道模北美楓文集
非马 ?2011-12-04 07:26:18?? 引用並回復


Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!

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閱覽成員資料     非马北美楓文集
Lake ?2011-12-04 09:01:04?? 引用並回復


Thanks William for your take.

Best,

Lake

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閱覽成員資料     Lake北美楓文集
Lake ?2011-12-04 09:12:24?? 引用並回復


非马 寫到:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!


Thanks Mr Fei Ma for your suggestion. Do you mean this,

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
as a car drives into it.


A minimal?

Happy holiday season to you, too.

Lake

_________________
閱覽成員資料     Lake北美楓文集
非马 ?2011-12-04 14:21:16?? 引用並回復


Lake 寫到:
非马 寫到:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!


Thanks Mr Fei Ma for your suggestion. Do you mean this,

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
as a car drives into it.


A minimal?

Happy holiday season to you, too.
...

Yes. I think it would read much better. Somehow I don't quite like the use of the word "until" here.

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閱覽成員資料     非马北美楓文集
博弈 ?2011-12-05 07:53:55?? 引用並回復


非马 寫到:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as"


I concur.

A poem with good imagery, a great potential!

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閱覽成員資料     博弈北美楓文集
Lake ?2011-12-08 07:30:29?? 引用並回復


Thanks again Mr. Fei Ma and Mark!

_________________
閱覽成員資料     Lake北美楓文集
SLIU ?2011-12-20 20:17:12?? 引用並回復


the winding road
takes me to
where the sky and earth converge
and
beyond

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閱覽成員資料     SLIU北美楓文集
Lake ?2012-01-02 05:55:18?? 引用並回復


谢谢sliu 瘦身。

Some say it is too skinny to their taste.

Happy new year!

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閱覽成員資料     Lake北美楓文集
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