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北美楓文集
Lake
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?????121?
?????2007-01-09
????? ?????Lake's blog 查找Lake發錶的所有帖子 ???the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins 胡礼忠2010-11-15 05:21:45拜访老师、颂冬祺！ Lake2010-01-16 09:05:12Thank you. 我家三儿2010-01-07 05:21:39我叫太阳每天把幸福的阳光洒在你身上，我叫月亮每天给你一个甜美的梦境，祝愿你事事如意！ Lake2008-11-04 11:04:13Thanks. hepingdao2008-11-04 10:52:29congratulations!
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| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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 April Snow
April Snow
Gathering her last strength
she plunges to the earth
with an infinite tenderness.
One flake, then two, then three
dotting over pines, cypresses,
aquiver with such gentle touches.
Patch by patch, crystal hexagons
unscroll a silverscape.
Is it snow that decorates April,
or April that beautifies snow?
A food-searching squirrel
yields no answer.
A sudden bird's call shakes
the last snowdrops from a treetop.
2009-10-29 07:48:59 |
| justjust123 ?2009-11-01 00:33:35?? |  |
beautiful. i like it!
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Patch by patch, crystal hexagons
unscroll a silverscape.
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a great scene that heralds spring.
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Is it snow that decorates April,
or April that beautifies snow?
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this is also very good.
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the last snowdrops from a treetop
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the word snowdrops might have been imprecisely used though the meaning is clear.
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| Lake ?2009-11-01 22:16:52?? | |
| justjust123 寫到: |
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the last snowdrops from a treetop
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the word snowdrops might have been imprecisely used though the meaning is clear. |
spot on, just. I know 'snowdrops' is the name of a flower. since I don't want to repeat 'flakes' and could not find any other alternatives, so used 'snowdrops' to mean the accumulated lump of snow. Or should I just say 'snow drops', two words instead of one?
Thanks.
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| 非马 ?2009-11-02 14:13:59?? | |
Hi, Lake. A good poem. However, I don't feel the words "gathering...strength? and "plunges" go well with "infinite tenderness". What do you think?
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| Lake ?2009-11-02 19:14:54?? | |
Thanks Mr. Fei Ma for your opinion.
The easy fix might be simply delete S2, thus:
April Snow
Gathering her last strength
she plunges to the earth
dotting over pines, cypresses,
aquiver with such gentle touches.
Patch by patch, crystal hexagons
unscroll a silverscape.
Is it snow that decorates April,
or April that beautifies snow?
A food-searching squirrel
yields no answer.
A sudden bird's call shakes
the last snow drops from a treetop.
How does this sound?
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| 非马 ?2009-11-02 19:34:23?? | |
Sounds better. Is it possible to reword the last two stanzas so that they won't both start with the word "A"? Something like "No answer is given/by a food-searching squirrel. //A sudden birdcall shakes down/the last snow from a treetop."
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| justjust123 ?2009-11-03 01:21:36?? | |
| Lake 寫到: |
spot on, just. I know 'snowdrops' is the name of a flower. since I don't want to repeat 'flakes' and could not find any other alternatives, so used 'snowdrops' to mean the accumulated lump of snow. Or should I just say 'snow drops', two words instead of one?
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This is a tough question. I could not give an answer at the moment or maybe even later. But 'hard snow' and 'solid snow' came to mind, or maybe 'lumpy snow'. I think 'drops' is something that tends to fall rapidly (or vertically, heavily), like raindrops whereas snow flakes fall slowly.
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| Lake ?2009-11-03 13:14:01?? | |
| 非马 寫到: |
| Sounds better. Is it possible to reword the last two stanzas so that they won't both start with the word "A"? Something like "No answer is given/by a food-searching squirrel. //A sudden birdcall shakes down/the last snow from a treetop." |
Absolutely, it's open to rewording. Now it is spotted both lines start with 'A'. Thank you for your suggestion, Mr. Fei Ma. You have a sharp eye. But I'm not totally happy with a passive voice in "No answer is given...". Maybe it needs a different ending?
Let me think it over.
Thanks.
Lake
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| Lake ?2009-11-03 13:20:18?? | |
| justjust123 寫到: |
This is a tough question. I could not give an answer at the moment or maybe even later. But 'hard snow' and 'solid snow' came to mind, or maybe 'lumpy snow'. I think 'drops' is something that tends to fall rapidly (or vertically, heavily), like raindrops whereas snow flakes fall slowly. |
It is a sudden, unexpected, slightly weighted, fall... 
Thanks just.
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