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北美楓文集
白水
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???TORONTO
?????543?
?????2006-10-02
???Dancing, Swimming, Writing, Reading
????? ?????月光泉 查找白水發錶的所有帖子 冷雨2011-10-06 02:16:37问好临屏！
我想看到的就是古韵袅袅，其他的对我并不重要。 冷雨2010-12-24 06:15:09问候白水，圣诞节快乐！！
清源留字 亿七维2010-05-29 13:43:04问好白水！ 李盈枝2009-12-17 01:10:58过来拜读先生的新诗佳作，希望能从中汲取营养，以提高自己旧体诗词的习作水平。顺便向先生问好并致意。 君山楚女2009-11-22 15:55:12问候白水忘年兄。读您的作品，主我眼前一亮，慧心灵动。一篇好作品，一个好老师，确实能点破愚顽。 梦之2009-08-19 14:44:54向姐姐问好！ 很欣赏你的作品。
梦之 zmj1662009-08-17 02:34:36问好白水！ 万春来2009-06-13 16:49:42问候白水兄，前来问候！ 莹雪2009-06-07 16:35:14问好姐姐  |
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| 现代诗歌 | | 宾至如归 | | 古韵新音 | | 联赛专刊编辑小组 | | 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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 初译 ANTHROPOMORPHIC By Elizabeth Bachinksy(请切磋)
ANTHROPOMORPHIC
By Elizabeth Bachinksy
We sleep with the curtains open. Tonight,
the forest is lit by a full-faced moon. Black water
winks past the riverbank through the trees.
We were from the city. And now we are from
the country too. In the spring, teenagers
will appear with their titanium fishing rods.
In the summer, they will ride rubber inner-
tubes downstream. Masses of young flesh
will chirp and yip on the whitewater where,
not ten months before, the whole place reeked
of death. Chip bags and beer bottles and cell-
phones in hand, parents will prop plastic chairs
in the shallows and eat take-out burgers
while their little ones paddle out to the pools.
But, now, the river is silent
in the way a river is a silent rush of rivergrass
and the fetid stream goes about its decomposition.
My husband’s hands are slippery on my thighs.
He can’t help it, he says We are two slick fish…
and floodlights illuminate our gravel driveway.
We sit up, caught, momentarily, in our own
harsh light. One minute, two, and the flood clicks
off again. I can hear the refrigerator keeping
things cold in the kitchen, rooms away. What
is out there? What creature slouches through
the yard so late at night? Anthropomorphism,
I say, is a dangerous business.
<拟人>
诗/ Elizabeth Bachinksy
译/ 白水
我们敞着窗帘睡觉, 今晚
森林被丰满的月点燃. 黧黑的水
闪烁着漫过河岸穿过树林
我们从城市来. 现在我们
也来自乡村. 春天, 年轻人
将携带他们的鈦合金鱼杆来这儿.
夏日,他们会乘橡胶轮胎
顺流而下. 年青的欲望
在浪花中喧哗着, 尖叫着,
不到十个月前, 这儿弥漫着死亡的
气息. 手里抓着薯片袋, 啤酒瓶
和手机, 父母们在浅滩支起塑料椅享用外卖汉堡包
而这时他们的孩子在池塘中戏水
可是, 现在, 这条河安静了
近在咫尺河流静静地冲刷着水草
恶臭的小溪散发着它的腐败
我丈夫的手滑过我的双腿.
他情不自禁, 他说我们是两条光滑的鱼……
泛光灯照亮我们的沙石车道
我们坐起身, 被自己慌乱的光
抓住, 一分钟, 两分钟, 泛光灯咯嗒一声
熄灭了. 隔着几间房, 我能听见厨房冰箱的制冷声. 外面
什么动静? 谁这么晚从院落懒散的走过, 赋予人形的,
我说, 这是危险的事.
2007-01-28 10:32:56 |
| Lake ?2007-01-28 21:28:43?? |  |
粗粗读了一遍，有几个地方和译者理解得不大一样，提出来，请指正。
| 引用: |
Masses of young flesh
will chirp and yip on the whitewater where,
年青的欲望
在浪花中喧哗着, 尖叫着, |
young flesh, 我想就是指那些年轻人吧？flesh, 肉体,身体.
| 引用: |
He can’t help it,
他帮不了它, |
译文“它”，指代不清楚。He can't help it (he can't help not putting his hands on her thighs).
| 引用: |
We sit up, caught, momentarily, in our own
harsh light.
我们坐起身, 发现, 瞬间, 刺眼的光
笼罩着我们 |
We sit up, (are) caught,...
Just my thought. I might be wrong.
|
| kokho ?2007-01-29 01:30:13?? | |
fantastic original poem ...
 
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| kino ?2007-01-29 01:56:34?? | |
“He can’t help it” 是不是“情不自禁”的意思?
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| 戴玨 ?2007-01-29 09:10:43?? | |
| kino 寫到: |
| “He can’t help it” 是不是“情不自禁”的意思? |
應該是。
|
| 白水 ?2007-01-29 10:22:13?? | |
谢谢各位朋友和老师, 你们提的问题恰好是我犹豫再三的问题. KINO, 还有LAKE提出的下一句, 你一起帮我译了吧 
| Lake 寫到: |
粗粗读了一遍，有几个地方和译者理解得不大一样，提出来，请指正。
| 引用: |
He can’t help it,
他帮不了它, |
译文“它”，指代不清楚。He can't help it (he can't help not putting his hands on her thighs).
| 引用: |
We sit up, caught, momentarily, in our own
harsh light.
我们坐起身, 发现, 瞬间, 刺眼的光
笼罩着我们 |
We sit up, (are) caught,...
Just my thought. I might be wrong. |
另, 这个标题, 让人伤神. 私下里请教了PEACE和NOBODY, 包括我的英文老师(她都惊讶诗人用了这么一个极少用的单词作题), 在此再次此感谢他们的帮助. 但仍担心读者能否意会?
这首诗歌我会抽空再改. 想听更多的意见.
谢谢朋友们.
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| 刘雨萍 ?2007-01-29 11:08:20?? | |
| Lake 寫到: |
粗粗读了一遍，有几个地方和译者理解得不大一样，提出来，请指正。
| 引用: |
Masses of young flesh
will chirp and yip on the whitewater where,
年青的欲望
在浪花中喧哗着, 尖叫着, |
young flesh, 我想就是指那些年轻人吧？flesh, 肉体,身体.
| 引用: |
He can’t help it,
他帮不了它, |
译文“它”，指代不清楚。He can't help it (he can't help not putting his hands on her thighs).
| 引用: |
We sit up, caught, momentarily, in our own
harsh light.
我们坐起身, 发现, 瞬间, 刺眼的光
笼罩着我们 |
We sit up, (are) caught,...
Just my thought. I might be wrong. |
我个人觉得白水还是译的很好的.对以上朋友们的磋商,提出自己的看法
Masses of young flesh
will chirp and yip on the whitewater where,
年青的欲望
在浪花中喧哗着, 尖叫着, [/quote]
young flesh, 我想就是指那些年轻人吧？flesh, 肉体,身体.
LAKE 觉得翻译为"年轻人", 字面意义如此.但我觉得取意翻"年青的欲望 "更好.
对于"He can't help it", 我觉得KOKHO说的"情不自禁"对.
| 引用: |
We sit up, caught, momentarily, in our own
harsh light.
我们坐起身, 发现, 瞬间, 刺眼的光
笼罩着我们 |
我更愿意把这几个单词的顺序打散了来根据上下文意译
"我们坐起身 瞬间
被我们自己慌乱的光抓住"
在此探讨.
|
| 白水 ?2007-01-30 20:35:32?? | |
| 刘雨萍 寫到: |
| Lake 寫到: |
粗粗读了一遍，有几个地方和译者理解得不大一样，提出来，请指正。
| 引用: |
Masses of young flesh
will chirp and yip on the whitewater where,
年青的欲望
在浪花中喧哗着, 尖叫着, |
young flesh, 我想就是指那些年轻人吧？flesh, 肉体,身体.
| 引用: |
He can’t help it,
他帮不了它, |
译文“它”，指代不清楚。He can't help it (he can't help not putting his hands on her thighs).
| 引用: |
We sit up, caught, momentarily, in our own
harsh light.
我们坐起身, 发现, 瞬间, 刺眼的光
笼罩着我们 |
We sit up, (are) caught,...
Just my thought. I might be wrong. |
我个人觉得白水还是译的很好的.对以上朋友们的磋商,提出自己的看法
Masses of young flesh
will chirp and yip on the whitewater where,
年青的欲望
在浪花中喧哗着, 尖叫着, |
young flesh, 我想就是指那些年轻人吧？flesh, 肉体,身体.
LAKE 觉得翻译为"年轻人", 字面意义如此.但我觉得取意翻"年青的欲望 "更好.
对于"He can't help it", 我觉得KOKHO说的"情不自禁"对.
| 引用: |
We sit up, caught, momentarily, in our own
harsh light.
我们坐起身, 发现, 瞬间, 刺眼的光
笼罩着我们 |
我更愿意把这几个单词的顺序打散了来根据上下文意译
"我们坐起身 瞬间
被我们自己慌乱的光抓住"
在此探讨.[/quote]
谢谢雨萍, 很灵动的思绪. 先借用了, 还有小枪的.  还盼多听到朋友们的意见.
噢,对了. FLESH本身也有人性, 情欲, 肉欲的字面直译. 为了文明点, 我用了欲望.
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