白水北美枫文集

北美楓文集

白水

???TORONTO

?????543?

?????2006-10-02

???Dancing, Swimming, Writing, Reading

?????

?????月光泉

查找白水發錶的所有帖子

冷雨2011-10-06 02:16:37

问好临屏！
我想看到的就是古韵袅袅，其他的对我并不重要。

冷雨2010-12-24 06:15:09

问候白水，圣诞节快乐！！
清源留字

飞翔2010-10-23 18:06:10

问好! thanks byebye byebye byebye

亿七维2010-05-29 13:43:04

问好白水！

李盈枝2009-12-17 01:10:58

过来拜读先生的新诗佳作，希望能从中汲取营养，以提高自己旧体诗词的习作水平。顺便向先生问好并致意。

君山楚女2009-11-22 15:55:12

问候白水忘年兄。读您的作品，主我眼前一亮，慧心灵动。一篇好作品，一个好老师，确实能点破愚顽。

梦之2009-08-19 14:44:54

向姐姐问好！很欣赏你的作品。

梦之

zmj1662009-08-17 02:34:36

问好白水！

万春来2009-06-13 16:49:42

问候白水兄，前来问候！

莹雪2009-06-07 16:35:14

问好姐姐 thanks

西方文学　Western Literature

白水 ?2010-03-18 21:51:43??

Lake 寫到:

白水 Moonlight 寫到:

""those white papers gather clouds
falling, slowly"
你没的说错，是clouds在falling。My Dear Lake, pls展开你的想象的翅膀（套磁，酸一个wink:），那些白纸（或纸灰）飘在天上（像鸟，蝴蝶）去捕捉，采集云彩并和其滚成一团的景象，然后Falling，，，，，，这么美的景象居然没反应，伤心
打字好麻烦呵。。。。。。。。。 : ...

我也伤心啊，你的话怎么没把我说明白呀？怎么有歧义呢，是纸在落还是云在落还是两者搀杂在一起落？我最近在学习critique，还请多成全，包含。这是作业！

明天早晨喝咖啡时加点牛奶进去瞧瞧 Wink

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白水北美楓文集

Lake ?2010-03-19 07:20:12??

白水 Moonlight 寫到:

我们还是直接问身边的美国鬼子吧。 Wink

好，你信鬼。last night 去了一趟墓地，今早“诗鬼发来一封伊妹”：

Hi again, Lake

As it stands , the title "Last Night" can mean both and I think maybe that is the poet's intention? (Is this your intention?)

I read "Last Night - it's over" as one phrase.

If you want it to mean only "final" then you would perhaps say "The Last Night" or "Our Last Night" .
If you really wanted it to suggest only "Yesterday evening/early hours etc" then maybe "Last Night is over".

-From Poets' Graves

PS:"as a soft quilt covers on an exhausted body" -would it be better to say "covers up" or no prepositions? It's your call, of course. Just my thought. And let me know you are annoyed, then I'll stop. Shocked

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Lake北美楓文集

白水 ?2010-03-19 09:05:16??

Hi, lake
It seems the Americans say is not exactly the same, this is my worry. I'm going to ask other friends and then confirm, only because the interest in. Wink

But "the title 'Last Night' can mean both" is good enough to answer my question,he's right, that is the my intention. Thanks a lot and pls say "Hi" to your friend.

By the way, do you think this one better?

Last Night

It's over
I know, all is done
like white paper gathering cloud
floatting, falling
slowly and slowly
as a soft quilt over an exhausted body

it is a dream
I know, it's a sweet dream with bitter

who is in the cloud swirling in shiny skirt
flying with breeze
and then fading into the sky

"where are you?"
I cry: " where are you?!"
and I can not see
I cry, again
and again

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白水北美楓文集

Lake ?2010-03-19 09:36:19??

People don't say exactly the same thing, believe me. So 跟着感觉走。

Ambiguity is not necessarily a bad thing. In conversation, last night can only mean yesterday evening/early hours. If you want it to mean the final night, it's better to say my last night, the last night.

My only concern is "而Last Night 则用于现在时或将来时，意思是“最后的夜晚/最后一夜". That's not true, I don't care who said it. It can still mean both. Last night - it's over, I'm so glad (bad experience).

Since you want it both ways, you can leave it the way it is.

I feel less confident to give my opinions on others' works now, but I think

"and then fading in to the sky " - " in to" can be one word "into".

"like white paper gathering cloud " -" cloud "can take its plural form "clouds"

Sorry to make you work hard, but looking forward to its final version.

Best,

Lake

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Lake北美楓文集

白水 ?2010-03-19 10:53:20??