白水北美枫文集

北美楓文集

白水

???TORONTO

?????543?

?????2006-10-02

???Dancing, Swimming, Writing, Reading

?????

?????月光泉

查找白水發錶的所有帖子

冷雨2011-10-06 02:16:37

问好临屏！
我想看到的就是古韵袅袅，其他的对我并不重要。

冷雨2010-12-24 06:15:09

问候白水，圣诞节快乐！！
清源留字

飞翔2010-10-23 18:06:10

问好! thanks byebye byebye byebye

亿七维2010-05-29 13:43:04

问好白水！

李盈枝2009-12-17 01:10:58

过来拜读先生的新诗佳作，希望能从中汲取营养，以提高自己旧体诗词的习作水平。顺便向先生问好并致意。

君山楚女2009-11-22 15:55:12

问候白水忘年兄。读您的作品，主我眼前一亮，慧心灵动。一篇好作品，一个好老师，确实能点破愚顽。

梦之2009-08-19 14:44:54

向姐姐问好！很欣赏你的作品。

梦之

zmj1662009-08-17 02:34:36

问好白水！

万春来2009-06-13 16:49:42

问候白水兄，前来问候！

莹雪2009-06-07 16:35:14

问好姐姐 thanks

西方文学　Western Literature

和平岛 ?2006-10-16 19:17:19??

stretches like a golden bow
with arrows of sunlight
...

or use
beams...

_________________

和平岛北美楓文集

白水 ?2006-10-16 19:25:28??

peace, maybe i can try this way. thanks Wink

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白水北美楓文集

白水 ?2006-10-18 17:02:09??

The fog is disappearing slowly
to nowhere
when you rise up

Oh, my unearthly fox of the desert
when your red body
stretches like a golden bow
with arrows of sunlight
I have no choice
but to put on my sunglasses

非马老师, PEACE, 按你们的意见改了后贴回哪个网站, 大家觉的好多了. 谢谢你们的指导.

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白水北美楓文集

非马 ?2006-10-18 18:33:42??

读起来是感觉好多了。这当然是PEACE的功劳。首节的

The fog is disappearing slowly
to nowhere
when you rise up

读起来似乎仍不怎么顺畅。How about:

The fog is disappearing slowly
when you arise

至少改末句。

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非马北美楓文集

和平岛 ?2006-10-18 18:38:52??

nice suggestion

the simpler a sentence the better!

_________________

和平岛北美楓文集

白水 ?2006-10-18 19:29:36??

THAKNS, I LEARNED MORE FROM YOURS

MAYBE THIS ONE IS OK

The fog is disappearing slowly
when you arise

Oh, my desert fox
when your red body
stretches like a golden bow
with arrows of sunlight
I have no choice
but to put on my sunglasses

_________________

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