| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
|
 The Moon
我先起了个头， 两位诗友紧跟了上来 --
L
a water lily pad
sways like a cradle for
the mid autumn moon
S
the mid autumn moon
is stuck in the willow tree --
disfigured moonlight.
T
disfigured moonlight
from behind her veil
la luna flirts
。
2007-09-25 10:20:10 |
| 戴玨 ?2007-09-25 15:02:15?? |  |
這個頭起得不錯！ 
|
| kokho ?2007-09-26 12:16:06?? | |
L
a water lily pad ［５］ waterlily
sways like a cradle for ［６］
the mid autumn moon ［５］
S
the mid autumn moon ［５］
is stuck in the willow tree -- ［７］
disfigured moonlight. ［５］ moonshine
T
disfigured moonlight ［５］
from behind her veil ［５］
la luna flirts ［４］
.
.
Not 5-7-5 don't know how to play  )
..
|
| Lake ?2007-09-26 15:45:09?? | |
| 戴玨 wrote: |
| 這個頭起得不錯！ |
谢谢戴玨。也跟一个有升华的结尾？
|
| Lake ?2007-09-26 15:55:31?? | |
| kokho wrote: |
L
a water lily pad ［５］ waterlily
sways like a cradle for ［６］
the mid autumn moon ［５］
S
the mid autumn moon ［５］
is stuck in the willow tree -- ［７］
disfigured moonlight. ［５］ moonshine
T
disfigured moonlight ［５］
from behind her veil ［５］
la luna flirts ［４］
.
.
Not 5-7-5 don't know how to play )
.. |
谢谢挑剔。
》Did I say it's haiku?——〉No.
》Does it have a sort of kaiku spirit?——〉We tried.
》Is it less than 17 syllables? ——〉 Yes, a trend of English haiku. Mark even suggested 4/6/4.
》How to play it? ——〉 Easy. Pick up the last line of the previous as your first line and jump on the train...
Here is one more, not that good, example only:
la luna flirts
to break a man down
all stars close their eyes
|
| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-09-26 18:06:13?? | |
all stars close their eyes
only the moon is crying
for the dying time
|
| Lake ?2007-09-27 09:46:11?? | |
isn't it easy, William?
for the dying time
cicadas sing their last song
a squirrel listens
|
| kokho ?2007-09-27 13:28:02?? | |
| Lake wrote: |
isn't it easy, William?
for the dying time
cicadas sing their last song
a squirrel listens |
。。 很好呀 ：）
。。
|
| 博弈 ?2007-09-28 19:14:31?? | |
for a squirrel time
cicadas' dyeing last trunk&
straws-listen the ground
how does it look and sound?
in this way, a new breed of poetry in English , I think.
one could create (a) missing part(s) in a sentence to 'Zen' it
time (adv. clause)
noun (phase)
verb (+subject reversed or object)
subject is present and missing, up to you.
of course, I attempt to create two new words here
trunk& (rhyme relative to drunken), also give more meaning to it
straws-listen (a plural listen or hear, as if ears stand like straws) by subject(s)
just for fun
|
| Lake ?2007-09-28 19:56:27?? | |
| 博弈 wrote: |
for a squirrel time
cicadas' dyeing last trunk&
straws-listen the ground
how does it look and sound?
|
for a squirrel time?
you can’t do that, you're cheating.
back to listen, please.
|
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