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Lake

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?????09 Jan 2007

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???the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

胡礼忠2010-11-15 05:21:45

拜访老师、颂冬祺!

Lake2010-01-16 09:05:12

Thank you.

我家三儿2010-01-07 05:21:39

我叫太阳每天把幸福的阳光洒在你身上,我叫月亮每天给你一个甜美的梦境,祝愿你事事如意! 

Lake2008-11-04 11:04:13

Thanks.

hepingdao2008-11-04 10:52:29

congratulations!
and you can configure to show or not to show those articles from bbs

西方文学 Western Literature
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Autumn Road

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
Showers of tree leaves
spin pirouettes on it,
until a car drives past.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
until a car drives into it.

2011-12-02 13:21:59
Reply with quote
William Zhou周道模 ?2011-12-03 16:16:42?? Reply with quote


eyesight and mind follow the driving

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非马 ?2011-12-04 07:26:18?? Reply with quote


Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!

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Lake ?2011-12-04 09:01:04?? Reply with quote


Thanks William for your take.

Best,

Lake

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Lake ?2011-12-04 09:12:24?? Reply with quote


非马 wrote:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!


Thanks Mr Fei Ma for your suggestion. Do you mean this,

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
as a car drives into it.


A minimal?

Happy holiday season to you, too.

Lake

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非马 ?2011-12-04 14:21:16?? Reply with quote


Lake wrote:
非马 wrote:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as" and leave out lines 3 to 5. Have a happy holiday season!


Thanks Mr Fei Ma for your suggestion. Do you mean this,

The undulating road
leads to an unseen distance.
The technicolor leaves,
the sky and earth converge
as a car drives into it.


A minimal?

Happy holiday season to you, too.
...

Yes. I think it would read much better. Somehow I don't quite like the use of the word "until" here.

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博弈 ?2011-12-05 07:53:55?? Reply with quote


非马 wrote:
Hi Lake, how does it sound if you change the "until" in the last line to "when" or "as"


I concur.

A poem with good imagery, a great potential!

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Lake ?2011-12-08 07:30:29?? Reply with quote


Thanks again Mr. Fei Ma and Mark!

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SLIU ?2011-12-20 20:17:12?? Reply with quote


the winding road
takes me to
where the sky and earth converge
and
beyond

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Lake ?2012-01-02 05:55:18?? Reply with quote


谢谢sliu 瘦身。

Some say it is too skinny to their taste.

Happy new year!

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View user's profile     LakeCollection
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