| 现代诗歌 |
| 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
|
 猫
猫
在暗夜里
跳上座钟，晃动钟摆
之后，卧在一旁佯装睡眠
直到我实在无法忍受
时间崩裂的惨叫
起身去停止它的时候
突然跳起来咬住我的手
The cat
The cat jumps onto the clock
and puts it on in the dark.
Then she lies down pretending to sleep.
As I can’t bare
the whimpering of time cracked
and rise to stop it,
she springs up and bites into my hand.
（2008-8-6）
2008-08-05 17:39:02 |
| Lake ?2008-08-06 15:23:03?? |  |
Kino,
Glad to read your bilingual poem. It's a nice little poem re a disturbing night.
Here is my thought:
| Quote: |
在暗夜里
跳上座钟，晃动钟摆
The cat jumps onto the bell
and puts it on in the dark. |
Are you sure you want to use 'bell' for "座钟"?
'puts it on ', does it refer to 'bell'? Then how can a cat put on "座钟"? Oh yeah, you can hang a bell on its neck. Is it the reason why you used 'bell'?
| Quote: |
| springs up and bites into my hand |
I read this line a couple of times, but still think there's something missing, a subject, maybe?
Let's see what other people think.
|
| kino ?2008-08-06 16:28:53?? | |
Thank you very much, Lake.
I am not satisfied with the English as well. Sorry, "座钟" should be the "desk clock". I made a mistake there. The clock is placed on the cabinet. When the cat jumps onto it, the vibration drives the pendulum to swing.
And the subject of the last line should be the cat. I revised the sentence. See if it makes sense this time?
|
| Lake ?2008-08-07 11:35:11?? | |
Hm, makes more sense now except 'puts it on'. I still could not picture what you explained - 'the vibration drives the pendulum to swing. ' And that maybe just me.
|
| William Zhou周道模 ?2008-08-09 04:14:06?? | |
我读第一次的感觉是“猫就是钟，就是时间”，是时间像猫一样咬痛了我的手。
|
| 白水 ?2008-08-09 05:36:49?? | |
怎么有点象我家的猫 
|
| kino ?2008-08-13 17:08:27?? | |
thank you all for reading. that cat is really cheeky~~
|
| 非马 ?2008-08-25 17:14:31?? | |
其实把中文老老实实翻译成口语的英文, 如:
在暗夜里
跳上座钟，晃动钟摆
In the dark (night 也许没必要)
the cat jumps on to the clock, shaking its pendulum
直到我实在无法忍受
时间崩裂的惨叫
Until I can no longer bear （bare 拼错了）
the whimper of time
不是更直截了当吗?
又，根据英文版，中文诗倒数第二行的“它”应指“惨叫”，那么最后一行便需要一个主词“她”（如果是只母猫）
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| kino ?2008-10-18 01:34:10?? | |
谢谢飞马先生指教。
猫
在暗夜里
跳上座钟，晃动钟摆
之后，卧在一旁佯装睡眠
直到我实在无法忍受
时间崩裂的声音
起身去停止它的时候
突然跳起来咬住我的手
The cat
In the dark
the cat jumps onto the clock,
shaking its pendulum.
Then she lies down pretending to sleep.
Until I can no longer bear
the whimpering of time
and rise to stop it,
she springs up and bites into my hand.
（2008-8-6写，10.19改）
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