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风度飘飘

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?????28 May 2008

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现代诗歌
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《对面》

《对面》
  
  我看着他的时候,仿佛
  在照镜子一样,那些枝干
  和树叶,都在和我一起
  摇晃
  
  唯一不同的是,我困倦了
  他还清醒着,风
  没有停

2008-06-16 16:06:04
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hepingdao ?2008-06-16 16:15:05?? Reply with quote



  没有停

这结尾
似乎还不够新和生动

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风度飘飘 ?2008-06-16 18:06:52?? Reply with quote


恩,谢谢!

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张世明 ?2008-06-16 23:04:38?? Reply with quote


有味道/问好/

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View user's profile     张世明Collection
鹿向亮 ?2008-06-17 00:40:52?? Reply with quote


短诗应该更有力量

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View user's profile     鹿向亮Collection
杯中冲浪 ?2008-06-17 01:20:04?? Reply with quote


欣赏

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View user's profile     杯中冲浪Collection
风度飘飘 ?2008-06-17 15:26:40?? Reply with quote


谢谢几位!

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View user's profile     风度飘飘Collection