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notcoffee

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?????27 Feb 2008

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???云入虚怀无上下 水逢雅境自方圆
古韵新音
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点绛唇

雁字云天
乱红渐欲遮青案
秋蝉续叹
片句秋风拣

牵挂情肠
婉若千迴转
枫笺换
此般思念
泪洒桃花扇

2008-02-28 13:34:27
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莹雪 ?2008-02-28 16:19:11?? Reply with quote


韵律流畅。

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是有缘 ?2008-02-28 20:22:49?? Reply with quote


写得挺好。恐怕“语”“蝉”二字不合词律。

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莹雪 ?2008-03-03 00:37:18?? Reply with quote


若是改成“秋蝉语叹”是否会更好？个人浅见，仅供参考！

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莹雪