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| 现代诗歌 | | 古韵新音 | | 西方文学 Western Literature |
 
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| 白水 ?2007-12-06 18:19:11?? |  |
你们还忽视了一个地方, 梅花诗歌赛, 晓媛的古韵也很棒.
真诚的希望多交流. 问好晓媛.
http://oson.ca/viewtopic.php?t=9944
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| yinxiaoyuan ?2007-12-06 19:01:47?? | |
| 博弈 wrote: |
This is but a species scatters over the shelters. /* E.g., Immigrants Will Scatter Over the Land Instead of Congregating, as Now, at the Centres. [The New York Times]
Or what you meant could be "This is but a species that scattered over the shelters." It would not be nice if you meant a species was scattered over the shelters, right? */ |
I meant ‘a species that was scattered over the shelters’ by ‘this is but a species scattered…’, the words ‘that was’ was omitted.
| 博弈 wrote: |
The wild starry sky, crimpled and then smoothed out by silky luster, only several inches above their heads, appeared to be a divine matrix visible to nobody but them. (nobody 兄也来看看，只有你看得到啊 ）
/* crimpled is good, I think, crimp-le, -le to a verb implies repetitiveness in original verb semantics; “The wild starry sky” is the subject, its verb is missing, so I suppose like is to mean “appear to be” and "with silky luster" should be by silky luster? "their head?", two heads are better than one, heads up, the singular 'head' after 'their' may imply common mind or psyche*/
To make tenses consistent in the paragraph, maybe "This is a species..." should be "This was a species..." |
I got the word ‘crimple’ (it was supposed to be a single word) from http://dict.iciba.com/crimple/, it meant ‘wrinkle’ according to this dictionary. But it might be wrong because sometimes words found there are not frequently-used ones…
As for the sentence ‘The wild starry sky crimpled and smoothed out with silky luster’, I used ‘crimpled’ and ‘smoothed’ as the past tense of the two transitive verbs. So I used ‘with silky luster’.
‘Head’ was a grammatical mistake. It should have been ‘heads’. Sorry for that.
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| yinxiaoyuan ?2007-12-06 19:09:31?? | |
问好白水，博弈，nobody等各位师兄，
谢谢大家对拙作的欣赏。过奖了，不敢当。
多切磋，多交流。
我相信诗友是朋友种类中最高尚的几种之一。
我们一起为诗而奋斗吧。
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| William Zhou周道模 ?2007-12-06 19:20:04?? | |
I can only read and learn from all of you!
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| 博弈 ?2007-12-06 23:44:28?? | |
啊,我过读了,这样解释吧
crimple 源自中古英语crimp, 这个动词加了 suffix –le 后,仍是一字, 动词 (verb)
加了 le 与原字的小区别在于 原意上又加上了隐含重复的动作与力量. 用这字是可以的（我反倒较喜欢其中蕴含的动象）.下面的字同样源理:
dazzle; twinkle, wrinkle, sizzle
这些自都可用为tr. (used with object) 及 intr. (used without object).
回到”….. The wild starry sky
crimpled and smoothed out with silky luster, only several inches above their head
like a divine matrix visible to nobody but them…”
smooth out 只能是 tr. , 以and 接连
crimple (对应当取tr. 用法)
(and, used to connect words, phrases, or clauses that have the same grammatical function in a construction.)
那么, 就缺了 object, 这种情形, 就是被动式形容字句来形容 “The wild starry sky”.
所以,我第一印象就读成
The wild starry sky, crimpled and then smoothed out by silky luster, only several inches above their heads, appeared to be a divine matrix visible to nobody but them.
如果不把smooth out 当一个集合的片语用法, 把它用成类似 run away (v. + adv.) with, 则采取主动句式以 both verbs 取 intr. Verb 用法也是可以的,但两者的意思有些不同了.
第一句, 你那样解释也可以,但我觉得 a species (like a human race)scatters 比较好;
被 scattered 通常指无自主权的, 无生命的 的类别.
写得多了,交流.
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| Lake ?2007-12-07 18:08:28?? | |
Wow, multilingual!
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| yinxiaoyuan ?2007-12-09 16:44:29?? | |
受教了！
英文博大精深，各位师兄不吝赐教，真诚的表示感谢！
我修改本诗时，会郑重参考两位版主的意见和建议。
另：Lake诗兄，久违了！多切磋，多指教！
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