| 西方文学 Western Literature |
| English Poetry |
 
|
| kokho ?2007-04-02 13:30:33?? |  |
| Lake wrote: |
| kokho wrote: |
With a standing ovation
her heart vibrates.
With = AFTER ???
. |
I meant at the same time, because of it, not after. |
IN RESPONSE TO A STANDING OVATION, HER HEART VIBRATES ??
.. SOMEHOW I FELT THE "WITH" IS OUT OF PLACE ....
.
|
| kokho ?2007-04-02 13:32:33?? | |
| Lake wrote: |
| kokho wrote: |
Her head slightly throws back and forth.
Her body moves with the bow
HER HEAD GYRATES IN UNISON WITH THE BOW (MELODY) ?? |
I was trying to describe how her body moves while playing.
But definitely not "Gyrate", that is going to make her dizzy.
Thanks for your scrutiny. I'll mull it over.  |
I BELIEVE YOU CAN FIND A BETTER WORD THAN GYRATES ...
DO TRY TO VISIT WWW.DICTIONARY.COM ... YOU WILL FIND THE RIGHT WORD THERE...
..
|
| Lake ?2007-04-03 05:44:41?? | |
| kokho wrote: |
Seeking for Nirvana is a quest, not a search for most buddish  ) |
Ignorant of buddhism, I thought seek, search and quest are synonyms. If not, then a nirvana searched cannot be attained.
Did you suggest "search" be replaced by quest?
|
| Lake ?2007-04-03 05:46:34?? | |
| kokho wrote: |
IN RESPONSE TO A STANDING OVATION, HER HEART VIBRATES ??
.. SOMEHOW I FELT THE "WITH" IS OUT OF PLACE ....
. |
"Her heart vibrates to the standing ovation", sounds in place?
|
| Lake ?2007-04-03 05:54:24?? | |
| kokho wrote: |
I BELIEVE YOU CAN FIND A BETTER WORD THAN GYRATES ...
DO TRY TO VISIT WWW.DICTIONARY.COM ... YOU WILL FIND THE RIGHT WORD THERE...
.. |
Thanks for the link. Still looking. It is not a circular movement.
"Toss"?
That you raised many questions about this poem really made me happy. Thank you!
Much appreciation,
Lake
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| kokho ?2007-04-03 10:12:29?? | |
Discussion make me paying more attention to this second language of ours...
 
..
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| Lake ?2007-04-04 17:26:40?? | |
(A revision is made based on an English friend's suggestion "my only tentative suggestion is to have a more defined tone of restraint (avoiding the directness of exclamations and questions). " Now all questions and exclamations are eliminated.)
As Sakura plunges
into deep water
Sayuri plunges, too
in an affair with a man—
a mere stranger. Petals
discolored, mind entombed.
Inevitably, cherry blossoms
drowned as doomed,
while Sayuri incarnated
as Mistress of Chairman—
her new Danna.
In an ecstasy of joy
tears streaming down
her eyes, grey and misty.
As years drift by...
Sayuri and Chairman
now reside in New York City.
Chairman grows weaker and weaker
and not long, leaves Sayuri behind.
Like a kite with a broken string,
she's more puzzled and scared than sad.
Blown off the branches
Sakura falls and cries.
Grass turns green and brown.
At a concert, a slender
short-haired woman
in an altered black kimono
plays a violin with her
once-Samisen-playing-hands.
Simple grace and delicacy.
Her eyes half closed.
Her head slightly throws back and forth.
Her body moves with the bow
that sings on her heart-strings.
“Memoirs of a Geisha”.
With a standing ovation
her heart vibrates.
Sakura blooms…
.
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| kokho ?2007-04-09 00:19:02?? | |
需要时间 ；））
。。
|
| Lake ?2007-04-16 12:07:57?? | |
Yes, Sir.
以后什么时候吧。现在没心情。好像有点迷糊，想去研读一下 zen.
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