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北美枫 首页 -> 西方文学 Western Literature 发表新帖   回复帖子
Where are you?
lulu
秀才


注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2009-04-08 03:39:43    发表主题: Where are you? 引用并回复

Where are you?

(Original Poem)

Thousand hills outside
The common walking sound with you
Even if loneliness
Not lonely
You can hear her breathing
Touch her heartbeat

Along with the air of the fragrant rose
Wine, coffee, candle light in the shadow
And romantic music
But
Where are you
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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Lake
举人


注册时间: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286

Lake北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2009-04-08 07:10:31    发表主题: 引用并回复

Sorry, Lulu. This sounds like a machine translation.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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lulu
秀才


注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2009-04-19 23:35:58    发表主题: 引用并回复

Hi,Lake,thanks for your reading!

So sad...,sorry,but how can I translate it in very pure English?
Can you give me a hand? Any opinions? Thank you so much!
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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Lake
举人


注册时间: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286

Lake北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2009-04-24 17:02:05    发表主题: 引用并回复

lulu,

I don't correct others' works, I only make suggestions which I can't guarantee are all valid.
And I don't know what pure English is either. All I'd like to say is put away the machine translation for now, do it yourself. For example the first line

"Thousand hills outside"

I take it as the speaker sits inside and watches the mountains outside. Is this what you really want to say?

The second line

"The common walking sound with you"

I hate to say this, but it doesn't make any sense to me.

Hope it helps a bit. Good luck with you revision.

Lake
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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lulu
秀才


注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集
帖子发表于: 2009-05-23 05:20:52    发表主题: 引用并回复

Lake 写到:
lulu,
...

Lake, thanks for your suggestions! I think I should learn from you!
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