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běiměifēng shǒuyè -> 西方文学 Western Literature fābiǎoxīntiè   huífùtièzǐ
Where are you?
lulu
秀才


zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2009-04-08 03:39:43    fābiǎozhùtí: Where are you? yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

Where are you?

(Original Poem)

Thousand hills outside
The common walking sound with you
Even if loneliness
Not lonely
You can hear her breathing
Touch her heartbeat

Along with the air of the fragrant rose
Wine, coffee, candle light in the shadow
And romantic music
But
Where are you
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán fāsòngdiànzǐyóujiàn
Lake
举人


zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286

Lakeběiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2009-04-08 07:10:31    fābiǎozhùtí: yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

Sorry, Lulu. This sounds like a machine translation.
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán 博客
lulu
秀才


zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2009-04-19 23:35:58    fābiǎozhùtí: yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

Hi,Lake,thanks for your reading!

So sad...,sorry,but how can I translate it in very pure English?
Can you give me a hand? Any opinions? Thank you so much!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán fāsòngdiànzǐyóujiàn
Lake
举人


zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286

Lakeběiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2009-04-24 17:02:05    fābiǎozhùtí: yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

lulu,

I don't correct others' works, I only make suggestions which I can't guarantee are all valid.
And I don't know what pure English is either. All I'd like to say is put away the machine translation for now, do it yourself. For example the first line

"Thousand hills outside"

I take it as the speaker sits inside and watches the mountains outside. Is this what you really want to say?

The second line

"The common walking sound with you"

I hate to say this, but it doesn't make any sense to me.

Hope it helps a bit. Good luck with you revision.

Lake
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán 博客
lulu
秀才


zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí
tièzǐfābiǎoyú: 2009-05-23 05:20:52    fābiǎozhùtí: yǐnyòngbìnghuífù

Lake xièdào:
lulu,
...

Lake, thanks for your suggestions! I think I should learn from you!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
fǎnyèshǒu
yuèlǎnchéngyuánzīliào fāsòngsīrénliúyán fāsòngdiànzǐyóujiàn
cóngyǐqiándetièzǐkāishǐxiǎnshì:   
biǎoqíngtúàn
Very Happy Smile Sad Surprised
Shocked Confused Cool Laughing
Mad Razz Embarassed Crying or Very sad
Evil or Very Mad Twisted Evil Rolling Eyes Wink
Exclamation Question Idea Arrow
gèngduōbiǎoqíngtúàn
1yè/gòng1yè           yuèdúshàngyīgèzhùtí yuèdúxiàyīgèzhùtí    
běiměifēng shǒuyè -> 西方文学 Western Literature    fābiǎoxīntiè   huífùtièzǐ
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