| lulu 秀才
 
  
 Joined: 25 Jan 2009
 Posts: 264
 Location: dream home
 luluCollection
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				|  Posted: 2009-04-08 03:39:43    Post subject: Where are you? |   |  
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				| Where are you? 
 (Original Poem)
 
 Thousand hills outside
 The common walking sound with you
 Even if loneliness
 Not lonely
 You can hear her breathing
 Touch her heartbeat
 
 Along with the air of the fragrant rose
 Wine, coffee, candle light in the shadow
 And romantic music
 But
 Where are you
 _________________
 荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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		| Lake 举人
 
  
 Joined: 09 Jan 2007
 Posts: 1286
 
 LakeCollection
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				|  Posted: 2009-04-08 07:10:31    Post subject: |   |  
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				| Sorry, Lulu. This sounds like a machine translation. _________________
 the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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		| lulu 秀才
 
  
 Joined: 25 Jan 2009
 Posts: 264
 Location: dream home
 luluCollection
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				|  Posted: 2009-04-19 23:35:58    Post subject: |   |  
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				| Hi,Lake,thanks for your reading! 
 So sad...,sorry,but how can I translate it in very pure English?
 Can you give me a hand? Any opinions? Thank you so much!
 _________________
 荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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		| Lake 举人
 
  
 Joined: 09 Jan 2007
 Posts: 1286
 
 LakeCollection
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				|  Posted: 2009-04-24 17:02:05    Post subject: |   |  
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				| lulu, 
 I don't correct others' works, I only make suggestions which I can't guarantee are all valid.
 And I don't know what pure English is either. All I'd like to say is put away the machine translation for now, do it yourself.  For example the first line
 
 "Thousand hills outside"
 
 I take it as the speaker sits inside and watches the mountains outside. Is this what you really want to say?
 
 The second line
 
 "The common walking sound with you"
 
 I hate to say this, but it doesn't make any sense to me.
 
 Hope it helps a bit. Good luck with you revision.
 
 Lake
 _________________
 the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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		| lulu 秀才
 
  
 Joined: 25 Jan 2009
 Posts: 264
 Location: dream home
 luluCollection
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				|  Posted: 2009-05-23 05:20:52    Post subject: |   |  
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				| Lake, thanks for your suggestions! I think I should learn from you!
 _________________
 荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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