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Where are you?
lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection
PostPosted: 2009-04-08 03:39:43    Post subject: Where are you? Reply with quote

Where are you?

(Original Poem)

Thousand hills outside
The common walking sound with you
Even if loneliness
Not lonely
You can hear her breathing
Touch her heartbeat

Along with the air of the fragrant rose
Wine, coffee, candle light in the shadow
And romantic music
But
Where are you
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

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PostPosted: 2009-04-08 07:10:31    Post subject: Reply with quote

Sorry, Lulu. This sounds like a machine translation.
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection
PostPosted: 2009-04-19 23:35:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

Hi,Lake,thanks for your reading!

So sad...,sorry,but how can I translate it in very pure English?
Can you give me a hand? Any opinions? Thank you so much!
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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Lake
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PostPosted: 2009-04-24 17:02:05    Post subject: Reply with quote

lulu,

I don't correct others' works, I only make suggestions which I can't guarantee are all valid.
And I don't know what pure English is either. All I'd like to say is put away the machine translation for now, do it yourself. For example the first line

"Thousand hills outside"

I take it as the speaker sits inside and watches the mountains outside. Is this what you really want to say?

The second line

"The common walking sound with you"

I hate to say this, but it doesn't make any sense to me.

Hope it helps a bit. Good luck with you revision.

Lake
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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lulu
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Joined: 25 Jan 2009
Posts: 264
Location: dream home
luluCollection
PostPosted: 2009-05-23 05:20:52    Post subject: Reply with quote

Lake wrote:
lulu,
...

Lake, thanks for your suggestions! I think I should learn from you!
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒
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