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		| kokho 进士出身
 
  
 Joined: 30 Nov 2006
 Posts: 2642
 Location: Singapore
 kokhoCollection
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				|  Posted: 2007-01-08 22:12:24    Post subject: Whole <> 全部 - Ms Slavick |   |  
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				| 。 Whole <> Madeleine Marie Slavick
 
 Cut some green out
 for a little fresh shirt
 or frilly kitchen curtains
 and you’ve orphaned a shrub
 Green lives the need to express
 wraps hills with respect
 makes grassland honest
 seduces moss
 affirms trees
 and vines decide its maze
 
 全部
 翻译 <> 郑单衣
 
 剪掉一些綠色
 為一小件新襯衫
 或帶花邊的廚房窗簾
 你使一株灌木成了孤兒
 綠色為表達意願而活著
 充滿敬畏纏繞山丘
 用誠實生出草地
 誘導苔蘚
 攀上樹梢
 藤蔓們設計著自己的迷宮
 
 A resident of Hong Kong for more than a decade, Madeleine Marie Slavick's work has been published and exhibited in Hong Kong, Japan, Singapore and the United States. She is a leading member of Outloud, Hong Kong's highly successful society of English-language poets, and her work is included in the Outloud anthology. In addition to Round, co-authored with Barbara Baker, she has co-authored two books on China: Children in China (also with Barbara Baker) and China, The Dragon Awakes.
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 乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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		| 和平岛 举人
 
  
 Joined: 25 May 2006
 Posts: 1277
 Location: Victoria, Canada
 和平岛Collection
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				|  Posted: 2007-01-09 00:21:28    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 英文的句子结构清晰,使理解比较容易 
 而中文,更灵活和多解性
 
 。。。
 綠色——
 為表達意願而活著
 。。。
 
 如果这样排一下,就不会让读者误读
 
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 写诗是为了写更好的诗
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		| Lake 举人
 
  
 Joined: 09 Jan 2007
 Posts: 1286
 
 LakeCollection
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				|  Posted: 2007-01-22 21:57:03    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 短小精悍,清新雅致。诗人以简洁生动的语言称颂绿,亦即大自然。 诗的前四行讲了绿如何变得残缺,后六行绿的完整。
 人类难道不应该敬畏大自然,善待大自然吗?
 人和自然是一个整体,Oneness, Wholeness.
 诗将绿拟人化。几个动词的连用, lives, wraps, makes,seduces affirms,使得节奏感强,语气肯定 affirmative tone, 赋予绿人格特征。
 
 译文也很精炼。其中
 
 
 
	  | Quote: |  
	  | 剪掉一些綠色
 為一小件新襯衫
 或帶花邊的廚房窗簾
 |  
 "為", 是不是“做”的意思? “花邊”,“鑲褶边”?
 
 现在明白了和平岛为何建议调整下列诗行
 
 
 
 
	  | 和平岛 wrote: |  
	  | 英文的句子结构清晰,使理解比较容易 
 而中文,更灵活和多解性
 
 。。。
 綠色——
 為表達意願而活著
 。。。
 
 如果这样排一下,就不会让读者误读
 
  |  
 误读会出现在这两句上
 
 
 
 可误读为"苔蘚 攀上樹梢", 但其实是“绿色 攀上樹梢".
 
 觉得 affirms 不好译, 译为"攀上樹梢", 很别致。
 
 The poet used minimal words to speak a lot.
 
 .
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 the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins
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		| kokho 进士出身
 
  
 Joined: 30 Nov 2006
 Posts: 2642
 Location: Singapore
 kokhoCollection
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				|  Posted: 2007-01-29 01:25:58    Post subject: |   |  
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				| 热情的讨论。。。 
 我去请她来
     
 。
 _________________
 乒乓、摄影、诗歌
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