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Whole <> 全部 - Ms Slavick
kokho
进士出身


Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
kokhoCollection
PostPosted: 2007-01-08 22:12:24    Post subject: Whole <> 全部 - Ms Slavick Reply with quote

。 Whole
<> Madeleine Marie Slavick

Cut some green out
for a little fresh shirt
or frilly kitchen curtains
and you’ve orphaned a shrub
Green lives the need to express
wraps hills with respect
makes grassland honest
seduces moss
affirms trees
and vines decide its maze

全部
翻译 <> 郑单衣

剪掉一些綠色
為一小件新襯衫
或帶花邊的廚房窗簾
你使一株灌木成了孤兒
綠色為表達意願而活著
充滿敬畏纏繞山丘
用誠實生出草地
誘導苔蘚
攀上樹梢
藤蔓們設計著自己的迷宮

A resident of Hong Kong for more than a decade, Madeleine Marie Slavick's work has been published and exhibited in Hong Kong, Japan, Singapore and the United States. She is a leading member of Outloud, Hong Kong's highly successful society of English-language poets, and her work is included in the Outloud anthology. In addition to Round, co-authored with Barbara Baker, she has co-authored two books on China: Children in China (also with Barbara Baker) and China, The Dragon Awakes.
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和平岛
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Joined: 25 May 2006
Posts: 1277
Location: Victoria, Canada
和平岛Collection
PostPosted: 2007-01-09 00:21:28    Post subject: Reply with quote

英文的句子结构清晰,使理解比较容易

而中文,更灵活和多解性

。。。
綠色——
為表達意願而活著
。。。

如果这样排一下,就不会让读者误读
Very Happy
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Lake
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Joined: 09 Jan 2007
Posts: 1286

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PostPosted: 2007-01-22 21:57:03    Post subject: Reply with quote

短小精悍,清新雅致。诗人以简洁生动的语言称颂绿,亦即大自然。
诗的前四行讲了绿如何变得残缺,后六行绿的完整。
人类难道不应该敬畏大自然,善待大自然吗?
人和自然是一个整体,Oneness, Wholeness.
诗将绿拟人化。几个动词的连用, lives, wraps, makes,seduces affirms,使得节奏感强,语气肯定 affirmative tone, 赋予绿人格特征。

译文也很精炼。其中
Quote:

剪掉一些綠色
為一小件新襯衫
或帶花邊的廚房窗簾


"為", 是不是“做”的意思? “花邊”,“鑲褶边”?

现在明白了和平岛为何建议调整下列诗行

和平岛 wrote:
英文的句子结构清晰,使理解比较容易

而中文,更灵活和多解性

。。。
綠色——
為表達意願而活著
。。。

如果这样排一下,就不会让读者误读
Very Happy


误读会出现在这两句上

Quote:
誘導苔蘚
攀上樹梢


可误读为"苔蘚 攀上樹梢", 但其实是“绿色 攀上樹梢".

觉得 affirms 不好译, 译为"攀上樹梢", 很别致。

The poet used minimal words to speak a lot.

.
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kokho
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Joined: 30 Nov 2006
Posts: 2642
Location: Singapore
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PostPosted: 2007-01-29 01:25:58    Post subject: Reply with quote

热情的讨论。。。

我去请她来  Laughing Cool


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