lulu
秀才
注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集 |
 发表于: 2009-02-06 10:02:14 发表主题: How I wish ...... |
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How I wish ...... (Original Poem)
How I wish I was a cloud,
let the wind take away my longing;
How I wish I had supernatural magic,
let a beautiful palace spring up;
How I wish I became a bird,
fly across mountains and rivers, come to his side;
How I wish I was a rainbow,
braid lustrous colours to the happy life......
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
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William Zhou周道模
探花
注册时间: 2007-06-10
帖子: 3950
来自: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-07 14:37:17 发表主题: |
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英语流畅，情感美好。只是诗的“意象”不够“新”。
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诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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lulu
秀才
注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-07 23:28:47 发表主题: |
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| William Zhou周道模 写到: |
| 英语流畅，情感美好。只是诗的“意象”不够“新”。 |
Welcome! Thanks for your praise!
How do we understand the word “imagery”?
Please give me more advice! Thanks!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
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kino
秀才
注册时间: 2006-12-23
帖子: 411
来自: beijing
kino北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-09 04:18:50 发表主题: |
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| 谢谢分享。但是我想如果英文不是你第一语言的话，你可以先用母语写，锻炼出诗的感觉之后，如果驾驭外语的能力也足够强，也可以用外语写。写诗是为了抒情，应该选自己最精通的语言。 |
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lulu
秀才
注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-09 06:24:10 发表主题: |
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| kino 写到: |
| 谢谢分享。但是我想如果英文不是你第一语言的话，你可以先用母语写，锻炼出诗的感觉之后，如果驾驭外语的能力也足够强，也可以用外语写。写诗是为了抒情，应该选自己最精通的语言。 |
Hello, Thanks for your coming!
Of course writing a poem is to express one's emotion, but I think more practice is important whether in English writing or Chinese writing, right?
And I also think if he(she) likes, he(she) can write poems in any language he(she) understands, don't you think so? Thanks!
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
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Lake
举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-09 12:35:56 发表主题: |
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Hello, lulu. Welcome on board.
I think what William meant is that the imagery in your poem is a bit overused.
"How much I expect" - it doesn't sound quite right to my ear. Would " How I wish..." sound better?
Just my two cents.
Cheers,
Lake
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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lulu
秀才
注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-10 00:56:33 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
Hello, lulu. Welcome on board.
I think what William meant is that the imagery in your poem is a bit overused.
"How much I expect" - it doesn't sound quite right to my ear. Would " How I wish..." sound better?
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Hello, Lake! Thank you for reading my poem!
Yes, I think “How I wish” sounds better, thanks!
But how do we understand the word “imagery”?
I described in this poem is a kind of emotion, not imagery, I think.
Can we say a person’s emotion new or overused? Emotion comes from one's heart, emotion is not subject to time limits.
Do you agree with me?
Ok, thanks for your coming! Please give me more opinions, suggestions and ideas! Thank you!
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
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Lake
举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09
帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-10 10:44:20 发表主题: |
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Well, I didn't question your emotion.
What I read from your poem is that you are using imagery to express your emotion - How much I expect I was a cloud..., How much I expect I became a bird...
Not that the imagery cannot be used, it is how to use it in a new way. I have hard time with that myself.
If what I said didn't make any sense, feel free to ignore.
Cheers 
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the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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lulu
秀才
注册时间: 2009-01-25
帖子: 264
来自: dream home
lulu北美枫文集 |
| 发表于: 2009-02-28 18:18:02 发表主题: |
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| Lake 写到: |
Well, I didn't question your emotion.
What I read from your poem is that you are using imagery to express your emotion - How much I expect I was a cloud..., How much I expect I became a bird...
Not that the imagery cannot be used, it is how to use it in a new way. I have hard time with that myself.
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Thanks for your reading and opinions, good luck for you!
Cheers!
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荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
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