How I wish ......

[lulu]

How I wish ...... (Original Poem)

How I wish I was a cloud,
let the wind take away my longing;

How I wish I had supernatural magic,
let a beautiful palace spring up;

How I wish I became a bird,
fly across mountains and rivers, come to his side;

How I wish I was a rainbow,
braid lustrous colours to the happy life......
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒

[William Zhou周道模]

英语流畅，情感美好。只是诗的“意象”不够“新”。
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模

[lulu]

[kino]

谢谢分享。但是我想如果英文不是你第一语言的话，你可以先用母语写，锻炼出诗的感觉之后，如果驾驭外语的能力也足够强，也可以用外语写。写诗是为了抒情，应该选自己最精通的语言。

[lulu]

[Lake]

Hello, lulu. Welcome on board.

I think what William meant is that the imagery in your poem is a bit overused.

"How much I expect" - it doesn't sound quite right to my ear. Would " How I wish..." sound better?

Just my two cents.

Cheers,
Lake
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[lulu]

[Lake]

Well, I didn't question your emotion.

What I read from your poem is that you are using imagery to express your emotion - How much I expect I was a cloud..., How much I expect I became a bird...

Not that the imagery cannot be used, it is how to use it in a new way. I have hard time with that myself.

If what I said didn't make any sense, feel free to ignore.

Cheers
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins

[lulu]