lulu
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí |
 fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-06 10:02:14 fābiǎozhùtí: How I wish ...... |
 |
|
How I wish ...... (Original Poem)
How I wish I was a cloud,
let the wind take away my longing;
How I wish I had supernatural magic,
let a beautiful palace spring up;
How I wish I became a bird,
fly across mountains and rivers, come to his side;
How I wish I was a rainbow,
braid lustrous colours to the happy life......
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
 |
|
|
William Zhou周道模
探花
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-06-10
tièzǐ: 3950
láizì: 中国四川广汉
William Zhou周道模běiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-07 14:37:17 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
英语流畅，情感美好。只是诗的“意象”不够“新”。
_________________
诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
周道模 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
lulu
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-07 23:28:47 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| William Zhou周道模 xièdào: |
| 英语流畅，情感美好。只是诗的“意象”不够“新”。 |
Welcome! Thanks for your praise!
How do we understand the word “imagery”?
Please give me more advice! Thanks!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
kino
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2006-12-23
tièzǐ: 411
láizì: beijing
kinoběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-09 04:18:50 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| 谢谢分享。但是我想如果英文不是你第一语言的话，你可以先用母语写，锻炼出诗的感觉之后，如果驾驭外语的能力也足够强，也可以用外语写。写诗是为了抒情，应该选自己最精通的语言。 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
lulu
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-09 06:24:10 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| kino xièdào: |
| 谢谢分享。但是我想如果英文不是你第一语言的话，你可以先用母语写，锻炼出诗的感觉之后，如果驾驭外语的能力也足够强，也可以用外语写。写诗是为了抒情，应该选自己最精通的语言。 |
Hello, Thanks for your coming!
Of course writing a poem is to express one's emotion, but I think more practice is important whether in English writing or Chinese writing, right?
And I also think if he(she) likes, he(she) can write poems in any language he(she) understands, don't you think so? Thanks!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-09 12:35:56 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
Hello, lulu. Welcome on board.
I think what William meant is that the imagery in your poem is a bit overused.
"How much I expect" - it doesn't sound quite right to my ear. Would " How I wish..." sound better?
Just my two cents.
Cheers,
Lake
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
lulu
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-10 00:56:33 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| Lake xièdào: |
Hello, lulu. Welcome on board.
I think what William meant is that the imagery in your poem is a bit overused.
"How much I expect" - it doesn't sound quite right to my ear. Would " How I wish..." sound better?
... |
Hello, Lake! Thank you for reading my poem!
Yes, I think “How I wish” sounds better, thanks!
But how do we understand the word “imagery”?
I described in this poem is a kind of emotion, not imagery, I think.
Can we say a person’s emotion new or overused? Emotion comes from one's heart, emotion is not subject to time limits.
Do you agree with me?
Ok, thanks for your coming! Please give me more opinions, suggestions and ideas! Thank you!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
Lake
举人
zhùcèshíjiān: 2007-01-09
tièzǐ: 1286
Lakeběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-10 10:44:20 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
Well, I didn't question your emotion.
What I read from your poem is that you are using imagery to express your emotion - How much I expect I was a cloud..., How much I expect I became a bird...
Not that the imagery cannot be used, it is how to use it in a new way. I have hard time with that myself.
If what I said didn't make any sense, feel free to ignore.
Cheers 
_________________
the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
lulu
秀才
zhùcèshíjiān: 2009-01-25
tièzǐ: 264
láizì: dream home
luluběiměifēngwénjí |
| fābiǎoyú: 2009-02-28 18:18:02 fābiǎozhùtí: |
|
|
| Lake xièdào: |
Well, I didn't question your emotion.
What I read from your poem is that you are using imagery to express your emotion - How much I expect I was a cloud..., How much I expect I became a bird...
Not that the imagery cannot be used, it is how to use it in a new way. I have hard time with that myself.
... |
Thanks for your reading and opinions, good luck for you!
Cheers!
_________________
荣辱不惊, 闲看亭前花开花落; 去留无意, 漫随天外云卷云舒 |
|
| fǎnyèshǒu |
|
|
|
|
|