William Zhou周道模 探花
注册时间: 2007-06-10 帖子: 3950 来自: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-12-18 14:40:19 发表主题: [汉英微型诗] 三片树叶 |
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三片树叶
黄叶说落叶:完了
青叶说黄叶:你也快了
说着,青叶开始发黄了
Three Leaves of the Tree
Yellow leaf tells the falling one, going down so low
Green leaf tells the yellow one, soon you will follow
While saying that, the green one is turning yellow _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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Lake 举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-12-18 19:05:17 发表主题: |
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Good one.
Two minor points:
Three Leaves of the Tree - Would "Three Leaves" be enough?
the green one is getting yellow - is "turning yellow" better? _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
注册时间: 2007-06-10 帖子: 3950 来自: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-12-19 05:02:01 发表主题: |
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THanks!
What's the diffrence between the grass leaf and the tree leaf? _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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Lake 举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-12-19 11:46:04 发表主题: |
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These are just my thoughts, they may not fit in your poem. So take it or leave it.
But I see you have changed your poem again.
When you read "falling leaves", would you think of grass leaves? I wouldn't. _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
注册时间: 2007-06-10 帖子: 3950 来自: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-12-19 14:55:46 发表主题: |
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the falling leaf from the tree _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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Lake 举人
注册时间: 2007-01-09 帖子: 1286
Lake北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-12-20 15:56:12 发表主题: |
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See, that's what I meant. _________________ the trouble with poetry is that it encourages the writing of more poetry -- Billy Collins |
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jemmy 秀才
注册时间: 2007-06-06 帖子: 414 来自: china jemmy北美枫文集 |
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jemmy 秀才
注册时间: 2007-06-06 帖子: 414 来自: china jemmy北美枫文集 |
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William Zhou周道模 探花
注册时间: 2007-06-10 帖子: 3950 来自: 中国四川广汉 William Zhou周道模北美枫文集 |
发表于: 2008-12-21 02:57:10 发表主题: |
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谢 jemmy 的鼓励! _________________ 诗歌是灵魂的歌唱.
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